sunshinemiss
Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007 Status: offline
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FR~ to no one in particular. The part that I've not seen a lot of in this particular discussion (or perhaps I didn't read it well enough and missed this) is the reality that CULTURE does play a part in an individual's development, outlook on the world, understanding of gender and gender roles, heck how one does the dishes and what a toilet is supposed to look like and what kind of bed people sleep on. Every aspect of our lives is touched by culture. To pretend that people of a certain group (any group) do not have similarities based on their upbringing and their culture is just blindness by choice. There are absolute truths about certain people. DNA, genes, biology. There are ALSO cultural similarities that are generally true about large swaths of people. To say that one person is very extended-family focused is THE EXACT SAME THING as saying they are momma's boys. It's just saying the same thing through one's own filter. It does not change the fact that culturally speaking, the people of that group (whatever the group is) tend to be family-centered rather than individual-centered. Depending on one's perspective, different traits will be seen in positive or negative ways. This is also not racism in my mind, but it is understanding the world through one's own cultural lens. For example, here in Korea it is perfectly acceptable for older people to push and shove younger people - even if it makes the younger person fall down and get hurt. It is considered respectful to allow them that, and the younger person will apologize for being in the wrong place. The older person has after all earned that level of patience from the younger people. This is a cultural norm that the people follow. I have never seen anyone act as if anything is amiss. A waygook, on the other hand, (that's "foreigner") from a more individual-focused society will not have that same perspective because of cultural norms which they have integrated WITHOUT the age hierarchy. In that case, the older person will be seen as an asshole / jerk / bitch and the waygook may find themselves yelling at the older person, putting them "in their place" so to speak. Exact same experience with completely different consequences based on culturally based norms. Which person is right? Neither? Both? It is merely experiencing something with different attitude and lens. We can not ignore the impact that culture plays upon people. That ladies are arguing in public (even if it is online) is a product of culture. Perhaps trying to pretend to be who you are not in another culture by honoring their culture might be quite a learning experience. I've certainly found it to be so. I hold to the quote from Anna and the King - While I may respect your culture, I have not forgotten my own. Most expats that live this kind of lifestyle tend to have a similar attitude. There are some things we do not compromise on, but most things we do. For me, safety is not something I'm willing to compromise even if it violates the cultural norms of the place I'm living in. And that, of course, is an individual-focused, self-reliant cultural norm from my own upbringing. Personally, I choose to not date Korean men - as a general practice. However, there have been a few that I've met that I would gladly date PROVIDED they were removed from this culture or it was not a serious relationship. It is the culture that puts tremendous pressure on people to behave in certain ways. I would find it unacceptable that my man would be required to go out and drink to oblivion with his work colleagues and that he would have to be with a prostitute just because his boss said so. I would not put myself in the position to be with a man who was forced into that position because of the cultural norms. The culture is what it is, and most people are not able to fight that level of pressure. The morality of it does not mesh with my own. You may call me racist if you'd like. I call myself a realist. best, sunshine
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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14
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