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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 6:08:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't disagree that some people delve heavily into religion however it's his statement that he wants to give it up (the relationship) entirely that makes me suspect his motives.

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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 6:11:13 PM   
gothikbutterfly


Posts: 484
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From: the deepest darkest recesses of your mind
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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 6:56:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I read it as him wanting to give up the M/s relationship, not the entire relationship.

It seems as though he as found God and wishes to devote his entire life to God but that he still wants to keep his normal relationship with her as her boyfriend.

I personally don't see what all the hoopla is about. Maybe it was my upbringing as a Brethren but this was not that uncommon where I'm from. Men stay with their wives but are chaste for God but the wife still devotes her life to her husband because he is the Godhead of the family/community.

My advice is to talk to him and see where he thinks this is leading. Does he want to devote himself to religious studies or does he want to get out of your relationship alltogether?

After that then you need to decide what you can and cannot tolerate. What does devotion and love mean to you.


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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 7:31:09 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Hi Chibiwolf,

First I should make a disclaimer. I personally am sure of only three things 1) There is an order to the universe. 2) That order has a source. 3) I am not that source. Consequently, I don't have enough dogma to get run over by anyones kharma.

On the other hand I don't have enough kharma to run over anyones dogma either. Consequently, I am not offering advice (You might take it and then hate me). I am not going to preach (no dogma and no kharma remember?). I do have some questions. They may help clarify the situation.

Are you familiar with the concept of being "Equally Yoked?" (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Can you make a dedication to your faith equal (more or less) to your boyfriends?

Do YOU believe that D/s as a lifestyle is incompatible with your Christian faith within the confines of your possible marriage?

Do You believe that D/s play is incompatible with your Christian faith as a way to spice up and further enjoy your possible marriage?

If you had to, could you give up D/s with out resenting your boyfriend?

I hope that God blesses you with all of the things you're willing to earn.
Mike
SnowRanger

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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 8:23:44 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Some folks are going to 'poo-poo' this response, but I do know folks who have found religion and gave up kink and/or the power dynamic aspect of their relationships.  They didn't feel that the two lifestyles could mix without a conflict of interests.  It was the right decision for them at that time.
I don't disagree at all, LadyPact. I dated a born again person, that I met here, because he pursued me, knowing he was conflicted. He was very intense, and very ambivalent about his/our existence, I came to find out, after our first date. He was white, so that's something he questioned in his mind about us; and every other moment in our conversation, it was Jesus said this, the bible says that, and we could do anything, except intercourse before marriage.

I could live with no intercourse for a long time; but the Jesus/Bible, and other assorted unloving words I began to read about Leviticus (which he mentioned at times), etc., ended the relationship abruptly, and and not in a good way. http://biblebabble.curbjaw.com/laws.htm In fact, it ended with one of us uttering "phuck the bible."
I didn't want to break up with him. He was a gentleman, tall, dark, and hawt for days! Alas, it was not meant to be.

I try not to be disrespectful to someone's faith, unless/untill I begin learning inhumane positions are held by the religion, towards anyone. Especially me! He told me something about, they're not supposed to date/marry interracially, but he would explain it was okay to himself, and me. I didn't take it personally, until I noticed it was "all consuming," and he seemed too brainwashed to carry on a relationship, without questing us, every step of the way.

The reason I the OP's boyfriend, may be trying to get rid of her, is that she is willing to submit to him, and give up whatever he needs given up. I would think, someone who cared, would give her a chance. M

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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 8:28:59 PM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gothikbutterfly


quote:

ORIGINAL: chibiwolf

My Master and me are both dedicated to the christian religion. Two days ago he told me he wanted to give himself to God and be a better person. This includes not having sex anymore since we aren't married. He also thinks that he shouldn't possibly be my Master anymore. Seeing as it may cause problems in his efforts. In my opinion theres no reason we can't remain in our M/S relationship as long as there isn't sex involved or anything else that the Bible forbids. He feels that giving it up all together may be better so that he can change himself for the better. But thats the last thing i want. I still want to serve him very much. I don't care about not having sex. As long as I can serve my Master i'm happy. I support him 100% in what he's doing and i think it may be good for the both of us. I just wish I can stll serve him. What does anyone think about this all? =/



its posts like this that make me glad i am a pagan.

Me too. But I know that the old testament in the Bible does condone slavery.

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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 8:37:41 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather
babe, you're pretty much fucked. walk away.
hannah lynn
...I'm inclined to agree with what she said, but if he has become born again, it's not likely she'll be phucked anytime soon. M

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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 8:38:19 PM   
sunshinemiss


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Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't disagree that some people delve heavily into religion however it's his statement that he wants to give it up (the relationship) entirely that makes me suspect his motives.


I didn't see that in her posts, Celeste - I saw that he wants to give up sex and M/s. She says he wants THEM to do better spiritually, he IS her boyfriend.

I could be reading it wrong - wouldn't be the first time.

As the Pagan folks:

Come now... have you not experienced someone who wanted to be more spiritual and ended a relationship / a portion of a relationship because of their beliefs? I certainly have seen this. There was a couple I knew in which one of the people decided that eating animals was not in line with where she was going spiritually. She couldn't have meat in the house. Her partner had to decide which was more important - a hunk of beef in the house or their relationship. Also, some people do feel led to a time of being alone. I've seen that in many religions. It is deeply ingrained in many religions and cultures. What could be more individual than one's relationship with a Higher Power?

Ah well.. this is not really a religious debate...
best,
sunshine

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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 10:31:41 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chibiwolf

My Master and me are both dedicated to the christian religion. Two days ago he told me he wanted to give himself to God and be a better person. This includes not having sex anymore since we aren't married. He also thinks that he shouldn't possibly be my Master anymore. Seeing as it may cause problems in his efforts.


Greetings,

In my opinion if he's going to attempt to adhere to the precepts of your beliefs and abstain from sexual contact, it would make sense that he'd eliminate the M/s component since it is a likely byline into the rest. i think you're able to rationalize this on some level especially if you weren't on the receiving in. It's akin to playing hokey pokey with one foot in and the other out. Perhaps he feels that the manner of relating that you once engaged in would lead him to exercise his carnal desires so he's trying to do everything he can to prohibit that. It makes logical sense.

quote:

But thats the last thing i want. I still want to serve him very much. I don't care about not having sex. As long as I can serve my Master i'm happy. I support him 100% in what he's doing and i think it may be good for the both of us. I just wish I can stll serve him. What does anyone think about this all? =/


i think you have the whole concept twisted since the decision has very little to do with you but his desire to foster a closer relationship with G-d. Would you honestly deny him the path he believed were best suited for him to do that for selfish purposes? Are you truly unable to see the hypocrisy (albeit understandable) in what you've written? In short, you're willing to support him as long as the alterations don't infringe upon you in a manner you can't accept. How on earth is that serving him? i think you've placed your desires ahead of his.

And to be honest, if this were a one-sided affair where one party was finding religion i could completely understand your remarks. But you claim to believe the same! Now, i don't know if you're simply not seeing the handwriting on the wall or suspect this is a phase of sorts. Nonetheless i'm going to shoot straight with you because i've seen and lived this myself. Your protestations (if they're persistent) will be viewed as an impediment. And if he feels that you're leading him astray he will eventually pull back. From my vantage point the real issue is that you're not on the same page on this subject and one person is becoming (or seeking to be) more spiritually devout. It's the proverbial spiritual mismatch.

Lee Strobel wrote an excellent book on the subject that you may wish to explore. i think it will shed some much needed light on what you're experiencing and some of the emotional things that will come up. i wanted to give you another book that i've read but i can't recall the title. Perhaps it isn't what you need.

But i would recommend that you settle yourself and go in prayer about the subject. Stormie Omartian has some excellent titles for women and one that you can pass along to him for men. This is one area that you can engage together. Use that to your advantage. And due to your age seek older counsel. If you attend a church look to the women's group for prayer support if nothing more. Sometimes knowing you're not alone makes a world of difference. You'll encounter more than a few that have undergone the same.

Lastly, this is a bit of guidance that you are free to take or elect to dispatch. It has been my experience that change is never one dimensional. Especially in matters of spirit. There's usually a lesson for both. Though in most instances the other (supposedly unaffected) party is oblivious to this and can only see the effect the alteration is having on them. In other words, what's the message in all of this for you? Are your protestations spiritually motivated or flesh driven postulations that you haven't reconciled? If you truly believe in the words you've echoed in your secret place, then you know that all things work together...

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/19/2011 11:21:56 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chibiwolf

My Master and me are both dedicated to the christian religion. Two days ago he told me he wanted to give himself to God and be a better person. This includes not having sex anymore since we aren't married. He also thinks that he shouldn't possibly be my Master anymore. Seeing as it may cause problems in his efforts. In my opinion theres no reason we can't remain in our M/S relationship as long as there isn't sex involved or anything else that the Bible forbids. He feels that giving it up all together may be better so that he can change himself for the better. But thats the last thing i want. I still want to serve him very much. I don't care about not having sex. As long as I can serve my Master i'm happy. I support him 100% in what he's doing and i think it may be good for the both of us. I just wish I can stll serve him. What does anyone think about this all? =/


First let's take God out of the story for the sake of this discussion and use mom. Now does the story make sense? Either way you are getting dumped. Everyone has their own personal view of God I'd like to think if there is one that they are more like my dad, follow the golden rule and enjoi your life.

The point being is that you can be a great person without religion and the BS that goes along with it as a lot of ppl cloak themselves behind religion to enrich themselves. So forget about his God "story" and read between the lines.

BadOne


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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/20/2011 12:58:10 AM   
Ariane23


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gothikbutterfly

its posts like this that make me glad i am a pagan.


*Looks for the 'Like' button*

Without going into my own views on religion, the answer to the OP's problem is simple. He can marry you. Then sex and slavery are both supported by the Bible.

If he's not willing to do that, he's either not in love with you, or not really dedicated to the letter of the law in his religion. Either way, your best bet is to cry your tears and move on.


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RE: I need some help =/ - 4/20/2011 6:20:08 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I don't disagree that some people delve heavily into religion however it's his statement that he wants to give it up (the relationship) entirely that makes me suspect his motives.


I didn't see that in her posts, Celeste - I saw that he wants to give up sex and M/s. She says he wants THEM to do better spiritually, he IS her boyfriend.

I could be reading it wrong - wouldn't be the first time.


I could have misread it. It wasn't very clear. If the op would clarify, we might be able to offer more help. I will say that at 18, relationships tend not to be long lived anyway. And although she sincerely cares about him, she doesn't seem to be going the same direction he is. I hope she won't feel it necessary to try to make herself into someone she isn't, for the sake of the guy. That will cause bitterness and resentment down the line.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I need some help =/ - 4/20/2011 6:39:27 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i am interested to know how you are serving him...
i take it you are not living together, and if you won't have sex anymore
what will you still be doing?

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RE: I need some help =/ - 5/16/2011 12:49:41 AM   
DeanAmsterdam


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/15/2011
From: Netherlands, Amsterdam
Status: offline
I 100% agree with Focus50 on this one

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RE: I need some help =/ - 5/16/2011 1:19:38 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Perhaps, chibiwolf, you two would find a bit of comfort from the Taken In Hand website.  Good luck to the both of you.


edit: i advise against attempting to maintain a completely un-reciprocated power exchange mode of operation on your part. This usually leads to a great deal of heartache and regret.


< Message edited by petmonkey -- 5/16/2011 1:25:01 AM >

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RE: I need some help =/ - 5/22/2011 9:26:08 AM   
txurinal


Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Ok - i too consider myself a Christian. In fact, i actually met my MASTERS at church (although this is not where we discussed MASTER/slave relationships)

A they were a gay couple, and not married and not legally allowed to get married, should they have given up sex? Should our relationship which brought in a 3rd person, not have happed because we were Christian? The Bible can be used to justify almost any viewpoint you wish to take. Being a Christian comes from inside

Now does he want to marry you and thus be able to have sex with you as a "good" Christian? Willsex then only be done in the missionary position with no variations? i really think God has more important things to worry about than whether a husband ties up and spanks his wife and they enjoy it. But these decisions have to be made by each of us and what being a Christian means to us and how we act based on those beliefs.

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RE: I need some help =/ - 5/22/2011 10:03:39 AM   
falccon


Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline 		it takes a lot more than giving up sex to become a better person.

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RE: I need some help =/ - 5/22/2011 10:42:32 AM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		you are caught in a dynamic. People have personal decisions to make in their lives for whatever reason. But, as many have stated, you are VERY young. I know you feel you are deeply in love and there's nothing any of us can say to change that. But, give it a bit of time and keep your eyes open. You'll be tempted to make excuses.

On the flip side, if this is a genuine thing, you're only dating. Be a good girlfriend. If you aren't allowed to be a good girlfriend - sex aside, then the relationship is over and you'll have to realize that.

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RE: I need some help =/ - 5/22/2011 3:58:43 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		Ok, just saying: Is anyone actually reading the first post? I did. And all I saw was that she was asking for advice, not bawwww and tantrums against religion. I really don't see how 'OMG! U SED GOD?? BAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!' is helping this lady at all. Or even relevant to what she is asking.
Do you know them?
I didn't see anything in the first post abusing your beliefs. How is being disrespectful to their beliefs even answering the questions in the first post? Is it up to you to decide what they believe and do? I don't remember anything in this post mentioning that you were their dom. So your 'answers' are really confusing.

To the OP: I agree with those that actually gave advice. I think what happens next is up to you and your man (and not some of the bigots in this thread). And I agree that there is no point in serving someone who doesn't want to be served any more. Is he just planning to take the dynamic out of the relationship? Or further?
It is good that you respect his decision to not have sex any more.
But I can't tell you what to do now (mostly because I don't know anything about masters and slaves). Just don't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do any more. That would not be fair on either of you.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I need some help =/ - 5/22/2011 5:47:39 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chibiwolf

He isn't just my Master. He's also my bf. So...im not willing to throw away my entire relationship with him for this.
In relationship counseling religion is considered a core issue. It goes along with if you're having children, how they will be raise, life goals and views on family. This isn't something little, this is something core to being.

Personally, at this point, I would say the two of you are no longer compatible.


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