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RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/15/2006 6:28:19 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

quote:

ORIGINAL:feastie
Tiger,

I have to tell you, I did not find anything of value in receiving the multitude of pictures you sent with your email.  I don't care what you've done with another person and I've no need to see photos to prove that you're "real".  You will indicate that to me with what you have to say, far more than what you have to show.




ok I think that might have been better served in a private fashion like e-mail.... but *shrugs* whatever floats your boat....


He mentioned the photos in this very thread, which is the only reason I mentioned it here.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/15/2006 6:28:23 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

believe it all began when I came back on this site. 

I was asked if I was real, I sent a few pics, and it went from there. We are now friends/play partners, she said it all started for her with the pics of past girls, then the im's and phone.
What I should have understood was each person has unique and different ways to be approached. Because of my success in sending pics and meeting  girls was good before and now again, I continued this practice.  Positive results sometimes can be misleading. 
I do these threads to better my ability to seek out the one I want. Your reply has offered me additional insite. I am here to meet, and even though I do so, I must modify my tact to achieve my desires results.   



I'm just going to shut up and go back to my wonderful little world of reading other stuff cause that just did not help my impression at all.... not at all and yeah uhhhhh anyhow have fun all
 
*slips out the door just biting the hell outta muh lips praying not to trip an be stuck in here *

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/15/2006 6:30:04 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		didnt mean to offend feastie.... was just saying maybe it could have been in e-mail since not everyone needs to know who he speaks with in e-mail but that was more for your privacy than his.
 
I do however see your point.....
 
Have a good one....
 
~RS~

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/15/2006 6:50:41 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		My post was to aquire info on why people fall for the cyber dom, when looking for a face to face one.
It was not to imply weakness, stupidity, lack of knowledge or ability. It was to help me and perhaps others gain knowledge. 
Successful people constantly ASK QUESTIONS, and utilize the intel to better their lives.
Those who do not see that are not wrong, even when attempting to offer negitive replies. They and I will always be right. The difference is I will laugh at my mistakes and learn from them and GROW will they ?    

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/15/2006 7:26:34 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

BUT why is it you girls, MOSTLY the new ones fall for the cyberdoms, or flat out liars.


quote:

No I do not need a "fresh slave", only one with no baggage, hence they tend to be younger.


quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

YES perfect doms do exist, and you are blessed to have the ability to see through all the polutants.........now can you share your DNA to others?


You know, you're not really helping your case in that, when someone disagrees with you and states what seems to be a pretty rational stance, your response is sarcasm.


quote:

<snip> when will you ever learn...............<snip>


quote:

The difficulty is in the fact that the girl WANTS TO BELIEVE, after he did spell BDSM correctly, and he did barrow his mommies belt or whip. LOL I see girls constantly make their dom the best ever......with no frame of refference...and he will say you are correct......please call me grand puba......



you're not trying to say people are stupid? hmmmm not what I percieve..... and hello submissives are SUPPOSED to make their Dominant out to be the bestest and biggest cheese on the block. Thats one of the wonderful things about owning a little one, ego building, they will always let you know you are the best for them because in all rights the Dominant is the best for them, key word THEM. Another Dominant does NOT need someone elses approval or to be told he or she is a Dominant.
 
Also I bore of the arrogance. Who the hell are you to tell anyone else what is their prefered Dominant? Just because you feel you are a Dom and cant get one? But you sure do make a point of saying you have this one or that one to play with but she just isnt right..... how do you think that makes a little one feel? Like ok I'm just going to run and jump to be with this guy who is with her, her, her,her etc and who doesnt have the common decency to ask before bombarding their e-mails with a bunch of unnecessary pics.
 
I am a Dominant Switch, I do NOT advertise. If people choose to contact me then that is their right, I sure as hell dont need to repeat over and over and over again I am better than you or lookie I'm a Dom and ooo I have a whip that means I'm QUALIFIED TO BEAT ANYONES ASS.
 
*shakes head and just shuts up*



_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/15/2006 10:25:55 PM   
mayapple


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/1/2006
Status: offline 		Okay, I have read 6 pages of this thread and I have not seen anyone answer the question the OP keeps asking about why some subs go for a cyberDom.  (If this was answered I probably missed it when I glazed over a few pages back.)
 
I have had cyberrelationships and now I have a real-life Dom.  I am very glad to have a real-life Dom now, but I will share a few things that I gained from having cyberrelationships in the past.
 
People who write well can become (to me) almost bigger than life online.  It is fairly easy to believe the boasts of someone who stirs me online.  Sometimes I don't want them to become demystified.  Sometimes it's easier for me to feel submissive when I can imagine an online Dom to be a bigger man (in character) than he perhaps actually is.  Sometimes I feel wittier online, when I have time to choose my words well. 
 
An online relationship makes it easier for me to choose the when and where of my submission.  Before I came online, all of my submission had been in my own private fantasies, so online submission felt like an exciting step up from that.  I was not ready for a real-life relationship.  It was exciting and rewarding just to find people online who reveled in similar fantasies but from the Dom/Master end of things.  I had some great times role-playing online.  I had some good and great times doing assignments that I was given by online Doms.  I got tons of strokes and started to feel a lot better about myself as a person, as if I had awakened from a long slumber.  Also, the cyberDoms were willing to let me communicate with several Doms at once, in a way that most likely would not have been possible during a real-time D/s relationship.
 
You say cyberDomming pollutes and ruins a lot of subs, but for me, cyberspace prepared me for the real thing.
 
A couple of cyberrelationships started to deflate like leaking balloons after we finally met in person.  I had suspected that might happen.  I found out it was harder for me to feel submissive in person than in cyberspace, because in the presence of some Doms in real life, I felt superior instead of submissive.  After months of online submissive stirrings, on the first real-life meeting I felt, "I could never ever submit for real to THIS guy."
 
One guy had painted wonderful word portraits of what our scenes would be like when we met in person.  The real thing was almost a joke, if it weren't sort of sad.  He just seemed in person like a slightly pathetic aging little boy man with a big toybag.   Ssssssssssssssssss went the air out of our balloon.
 
Another guy I developed loving feelings for even though we had agreed it would be cyber only and I never even saw a photo of him.  His messages were the highlight of each day.  I could never regard him as my Dom but we still had a rewarding relationship in other ways, laying ourselves bare to each other.  It was wonderful to feel so well Known and appreciated by someone completely invisible to me.
 
It was easier to overlook his flaws online than I suspect it would be to overlook them in person.  When I asked myself if the love I felt was real, I had to admit that I loved a person who was actually a hybrid of who he really was and who I had created in my mind.  But I was glad that reality didn't need to intervene... until eventually we toppled from our pedestals without any assistance from real life.
 
Another online Dom is still a very important person in my life, sort of a mentor and protector and patient Dom-in-waiting.  Even though I have never met him, I almost feel as if I have, through webcamming.  I've heard his voice, seen his mannerisms... though I don't know his smell or his touch.  But he feels very very real to me.
 
It took a long time before I said one day, "I would like to meet someone closer to home.  Much as I treasure the bonds we've forged unmet across cyberspace, I would really like to feel the bonds of well-tied rope."  And by then I was ready for the intensity and commitment of a real-life relationship. 
 
I truly think the experiences I gained online helped me to learn and grow more rapidly and profoundly than I could have in person, at that point in time.
 
Along the way I've talked with lots of other subs who've had totally-online or largely-online relationships with their Doms.  Among their reasons:
 
* geography (living somewhere where real-life Doms are scarce or nonexistent)
 
* ongoing real-life commitments (to a signficant other, spouse, and/or children, and a cyber-relationship felt more feasible and less of a betrayal than a real-life relationship would be)
 
* They found themselves claimed or beginning to fall for a Dom without seeking or expecting it online, but once claimed, they found the relationship satisfying and compelling even though it was only in cyberspace.
 
Even in my real-time relationship now, some of the most meaningful aspects of my growth as a sub and our growth together have occurred through cybersharing.  Sometimes it is easier for me to analyze my feelings and be more transparent to him through the online journal I keep for him than during our in-person times when he controls the dynamics.  A few email exchanges throughout each day help me feel well-connected even when life keeps us apart.
 
You've said you hate cyber-interactions and aren't good at them, but that is where some people become almost better versions of themselves and where some relationships soar.
 
mayapple

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 2:56:56 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		First of all, Mayapple just gave us an excellent post. Now for my view.

The internet is a mechanical tool as certainly as the telephone or a lawn mower. It is what you make of it. I have no doubt that people misrepresent themselves on here, but I also think that happens in life. Personally, I view the internet as a giant sifter that allows me to find those few intelligent and responsive to me, my views, intellect and expressed standards. It works both ways with the right person.

CE and I met on here and match perfectly in real life. You can tell from our posts how similar we are. I tend to see frustration about those on the internet voiced often by those who cannot express themselves well in writing. This is not a criticism of anyone (not intended anyway), but an observation. I am sure the most competent Doms can fall into this category.


_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to mayapple)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 3:33:56 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

My post was to aquire info on why people fall for the cyber dom, when looking for a face to face one.
It was not to imply weakness, stupidity, lack of knowledge or ability. It was to help me and perhaps others gain knowledge. 
Successful people constantly ASK QUESTIONS, and utilize the intel to better their lives.
Those who do not see that are not wrong, even when attempting to offer negitive replies. They and I will always be right. The difference is I will laugh at my mistakes and learn from them and GROW will they ?    


Everyone on here with a profile is a cyber dom until there are face to face meetings.  The internet is a tool and it certainly doesn't hurt to get to know something about someone using it before you decide whether to meet the person.

For some, online is all they want or will want, from both sides of the table.  Perhaps they're married or what have you...but that's really up to them and no one else.   It doesn't mean they are polluted, they are just different from you.


_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 5:29:41 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Why do subs fall for online 'perfect' doms? Same reason doms fall for the seemingly 'perfect' sub, same reason one person falls for another person on the net.  The internet is a wonderful medium for getting to connect at some level with others, however what can also happen is that emotions and parts of a person's personality can get magnified and other aspects of the person get significantly minimised.  This can result in us getting a skewed picture of what the other person is like and vice versa.  We also may see what we want to see or are ready to see in others, they may seem perfect to us because we know the chances of it becoming 'real' are non-existent and that is 'safe' to us for now.  Others may feel we are being taken for a ride but speaking for myself, I know that my friends gave me advice about someone but I ignored what they said till I was ready to accept that they were right damnit.

Whats important in my opinion - expect the best of someone rather than the worst (unless they send photos of genitals in their first contact with you!!! shudders), give people a chance to earn your trust, be polite - yes, even the wankers (are you allowed to say that on here?) receive  a polite email from me thanking them for writing and wishing them the best - far far away from me! grins  In both online and real life you get good and bad, people you like and others you won't like, people that are real and those that are fake. 

regards

wanders

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 9:41:52 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		mayapple, thanks

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 1:42:07 PM   
bondagemastertj


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		the tragic thing is, of course, should one of the 'cyber Doms' hurt a helpless young girl physically. It makes it hard on us who are not posers to break thru--so you go ahead and speak out on this--this Master in Ms. isbehind you 100 per
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I guess I understand what you're saying, its hard to pierce through wrong beliefs of *how it is* that have been instilled into someone. Do you really want to hook up with someone who has no real life experience though? They are going to be the ones most susceptable to the online crap stuff and all the issues that are going to surround that.




(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 1:48:52 PM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bondagemastertj:

the tragic thing is, of course, should one of the 'cyber Doms' hurt a helpless young girl physically. It makes it hard on us who are not posers to break thru--so you go ahead and speak out on this--this Master in Ms. isbehind you 100 per


Well. If a Dom is in the position to 'hurt a helpless young girl physically,' then he isn't really a cyber Dom, is he? He's just an abuser beating up on a girl. If he uses the internet to find girls whom he will subsequently beat up, then he's just a predator abusing a new technology rather than stalking the local park.

But I agree wholeheartedly that sexual predators are bad news. As are Doms who cause harm because they don't know what they're doing, whether they meet their unfortunate submissives online or at a local party.


(in reply to bondagemastertj)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 3:22:37 PM   
LadyJezOfTheLake


Posts: 108
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

As I have stated here and at a__, and b______, the perfect dom only exists in cyberspace. For those who can only live their lives in it (married, work, location, etc.).......well cyber is fantastic. Simply be honest and say so, this is MY fantasy and nothing more.
.
BUT why is it you girls, MOSTLY the new ones fall for the cyberdoms, or flat out liars. Especially IF you seek out a real face to face experience.

YES, the internet allows all of us to meet. However it has poluted this great lifestyle with male and female cyber fantasy players! I see the internet as a tool NOT life.Okay with the expolsion of the internet it has brought more people into it. BUT I BET their are more new guys simply seeking easy sex, than real doms with true experience. 

If all the internet sites were to be seperated into REAL FACE TO FACE, and cyber , I bet that it would be 10%/90% split, real life experience/cyber fantasy.

When all the dust settles........you find that EXPERIENCED dom's are the VAST minority. However if you look at most sites you see a totally different picture, one that looks as if slaves can pick and choose.........LOL LOL LOL!!! . Simply put, a real dom knows thet the odds are in his favor If he can overcome the "perfect one"..........after the girl is ripped of one,two, three times with a poser.They become jaded, a preacher, teacher, and usually forever unowned......what a pity.....for everyone!!!  
.
We all start somewhere, nobody is born with a slave, but the best dom's find a way to learn and become good if not great through practice and more practice in a real face to face, hands on way. NEVER can you properly own on line. IT is like eating food online vs going to a resturant...online will make you hungry BUT never will it fill you up! 

My favorite line EVER said to me was...........OH that is what a real master feels like!!!!!!!!. That was after meeting and training a girl with "years of experience".......yea right, online !

Peolple, we all constantly read about posers polutimg the lifestyle, when will you ever learn...............ASK QUESTIONS, MORE QUESTIONS, THEN SEEK REFFERENCES!!!!!  

HI Sasshay, you help many before they fail........ty


My rule, before you get all hot and bothered on the internet........MEET. You either click or you don't! After meeting then start on the relationship skills, learning each other and also see if you have any simular vanilla likes or dislikes. Remember the old saying long after the candle burns out, the beauty fades, if you have freindship your relationship will last forever.

Master Ken I Am Forever Yours!

Lady Jezabel Of The Lake

_____________________________

Lady Jezabel Of The Lake
Free Companion To Master Ken
Warrior, Wordsmith & Scribe

(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 4:14:50 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		texasbutterfly: 

Even after 10 years in the life, i still make a lot of mistakes when choosing a partner, and appreciate what you wrote.  It was like looking into a mirror -- kinda scary yet comforting, as well, knowing i'm not alone in "always" picking the wrong type.

What i've noticed over the years is that often it's those potential partners who are most vocal in "trust me" or "i'm not like that other guy, i would never hurt you" yada. yada -- are the very ones who either bale out or just don't work out, much more quickly than those who tend to be about who they are quietly and confidentially. 

i also suspect (strongly) that this isn't limited to the ladies but also for a good portion of the men who are honest and sincere, yet can't find the right partner, be they straight, gay, lez, bi, etc.

Heaven knows i don' t have any solutions to this problem.  Lots of times it would be so much easier if i just said to hell with it and but an stopped the little kernel of hope that hides away in the shadow of my heart. 

As always, ymmv -- cheers..

jimini

quote:

ORIGINAL: texasbutterfly

i am probably opening myself up for alot of criticism but as a woman who is new to this lifestyle it is very easy to fall for the wrong type.  i am learning, as fast as i can, but it was not fast enough to protect me from making the wrong decision. i made that decision based on what little i knew and paid the price with what i consider one of my greatest assets...my open honesty and sincere heart. 

because of that bad decision, i find myself holding back a vital part of who i am, questioning my decision making skills and my judgement.

i yearn for the true experience and now find myself doubting i will ever find it.  i am a gullible person anyway, i tend to take people at face value until it is too late and they have already shown their true colors.

i myself waited a long time to open myself up to this lifestyle and was not patient enough with my learning.  that is how i fell for the wrong dom. 

i don't know if that answered anything that you wanted to know or if you were just venting some frustration.  believe me, the girls that fall for the wrong sort are just as frustrated.


_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to texasbutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 5:58:12 PM   
texasbutterfly


Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		jimini,

it really does help to know i am not alone in all of this. thanks for the great words.  i feel better about myself and my decision making skills everyday...well almost everyday...lol.

i just keep reminding myself life is good and about to get better.

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/16/2006 9:19:49 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the continued thoughts, it helps myself and I hope others!

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to texasbutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/17/2006 3:51:03 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		This thread has me contemplating why some people click on the internet and others don’t. I propose that cyber communication is a form of an e-harmony.com, fitting together those with common traits. If you are communicating, with all that means about writing and reasoning ability, at similar levels, you are far more likely to get along better in real life. It is exactly the reason those with similar educational levels and careers of similar importance tend to find companionship with each other.

The added dimension of instant messaging gives feedback on humor, creativity and passion in a casual environment. I look at those who put me on their lists to follow my journal or what have you and I read their writing and find they are similar in so many ways to me. How do I know they are? By their words. Words draw anonymous people to each other on deep levels.

< Message edited by ExistentialSteel -- 5/17/2006 4:09:56 AM >

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/17/2006 6:25:41 AM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

This thread has me contemplating why some people click on the internet and others don’t. I propose that cyber communication is a form of an e-harmony.com, fitting together those with common traits. If you are communicating, with all that means about writing and reasoning ability, at similar levels, you are far more likely to get along better in real life. It is exactly the reason those with similar educational levels and careers of similar importance tend to find companionship with each other.

The added dimension of instant messaging gives feedback on humor, creativity and passion in a casual environment. I look at those who put me on their lists to follow my journal or what have you and I read their writing and find they are similar in so many ways to me. How do I know they are? By their words. Words draw anonymous people to each other on deep levels.


This has certainly been the case for miss and I. There are important things that you can't learn very well from online communication-- physical bearing, personal nuances, habits and traits of character that are more easily downplayed in this medium. But there's quite a bit that you can learn, about someone's intelligence, their thoughts and interests, their feelings, their capacity for self-expression. I would venture to say that some of these things shine more brightly when they're distilled from the physical and the distractions of the moment.

I'm attracted by Halcyone's intelligence, expressiveness and creativity as much as I am by her appearance. For all the frustrations of long-distance, I'm thankful that interacting this way has allowed me to connect with a genuinely like-minded individual.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/17/2006 11:13:39 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		Towards the end of this threads lifecycle  I see some great replies............thanks all.....and thank you collarme!

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to Ceyx)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/17/2006 11:52:50 AM   
Soquili


Posts: 21
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texasbutterfly
so are you saying that my inexperience is not the hindrance that i have been seeing it as?  i feel like everyone is looking for someone who has experience and knowledge of their limits, likes and dislikes and of how to serve their master.

If you've not had much/any experience how are you to know what you like/dislike/etc? I like my little one to know or at least have an idea of what sounds like fun, then we can explore that and see how well it works for us. There are folks (both dom and sub) who can help you with this, it just takes time to find a compatible person who respects that you aren't yet sure what you want, much less what you consider a limit, whether soft or hard.
quote:


i have been searching for a dom that is willing to take on someone with no experience...if i am reading this right, i should just be looking for someone compatible with  me...not my submissive side. is that the way i should be looking at this? i know this probably sounds like a stupid question but it is one that i have struggled with. i look forward to your opinion.


You should look for someone you click with, someone who understands both you as a person and you as your kink, whatever that may turn out to be. You have to be honest about what you think you may want and communicate that to your partner, so you don't have the lesser/bad experiences many new folks do. If they only are interesting to you because they are a dom, or you are only interesting to them as a sub, rather than as interesting people, then you will have less than you can. If you just want to play without it mattering how you feel about each other then this is all moot of course. I'm not stating I think you want that, you sound as if you want to learn what works for you, you just have a problem finding someone to help you explore that side of yourself. I ran into the same thing when I got past thinking "weird people..-I'd- never do -that-. Well never say never as they say, if I hadn't been willing to communicate honestly with my little girl I'd be looking for what I missed with her, and not getting it since I am completely happy with -her-.I tried all sorts of things wiht all sorts of people, from those who cared about -me- to those who just wanted someone to use or be used by. It took some time but I eventually found out what works for me and am now working on finding those things that work for my little one. I'd offer to help but what I am is probably not going to help as much as someone who knows more about being a dom rather than what I do, still if you just want to talk to someone you (or anyone) can msg me anytime. That said, for those who have comprehension problems only: I have -no- interest at all in cybering/playing/owning/being owned/etc. If you want more than a friend then keep looking.

_____________________________

Just an old farmboy hillbilly

Still learning after all these years.

(in reply to texasbutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 120
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