RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies)

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RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/9/2006 10:19:19 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

great replies everyone....to be contiued.......off to play......

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 61

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/9/2006 10:20:16 PM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I can appreciate that...but say you take a newbie from online who says they want to be a submissive, even if you dont have to combat a system of online beliefs they have taken on...you still have to deal with the fact that up to this point the whole concept of what it is to be a submissive or a slave is in their head, perhaps in their feelings...but can they ever walk it? Are they really prepared to live it? A cane really friggen hurts hey *grin*..and really submitting to someone even when you dont feel like it...takes a special kinda someone...there are heaps of reasons if I was a dominant I would never look for a submissive online....so thats my reasoning behind saying...why even worry yourself over these issues of people being *brainwashed* by online Doms....

You have a lot of good points but for many people that live in small remote areas, their only hope is to meet someone (relatively close) online that they may eventually meet. In redneck/bible belt rural America you can't just openly discuss these kinds of things. As to the rest, well its really a one-to-one case by case basis. Some may know what they want and who they are, others not so much. And I may have missed the "online" part, as I've known some subs that were traumatized and abused by clueless Doms/Dommes in real life. I kind of meant my first reply as being applibale to both online and R/T.

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 62

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 4:34:54 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

It bothers me for two reasons.
First, I am here again to complete what I started years ago. I am not perfect , however even one with skills is no match against a cyber uber god........
Second, I meet too many girls who are poluted and NEED not to have been.

This is so sadly true; there is the same issue with the Doms/Dommes. The truth is after my previous owner of many years passed away i spent 6 years wading through the cyber gods myself. Out of hundreds of emails and perhaps 6 meetings 90% were married and cheating, 6% were cyber only looking for a one handed typing partner the 3% had no real clue or were just morons. Out of that last one percent i made 2 good riding buddies, one occasional riding buddy/play partner, and my pair. Not great odds by any standard.

My current Master was so fed up with the BS that when i first emailed him he slammed me in a return email that normally i would have ignored going "ass" to myself but it irritated me to the point of biting back. Lol, good thing, he realized i was real and apologized and here i am.

quote:

YES perfect doms do exist, and you are blessed to have the ability to see through all the polutants.........now can you share your DNA to others?

Smiles........I will if my owners allow, but it really was just patience.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 63

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 4:51:11 AM

TigerLily23

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline

BUT why is it you girls, MOSTLY the new ones fall for the cyberdoms, or flat out liars. Especially IF you seek out a real face to face experience.

YES, the internet allows all of us to meet. However it has poluted this great lifestyle with male and female cyber fantasy players! I see the internet as a tool NOT life.Okay with the expolsion of the internet it has brought more people into it. BUT I BET their are more new guys simply seeking easy sex, than real doms with true experience.

I can only speak for myself...being quite new to the scene, but there are many who are seduced by the lifestyle and want to 'play' rather than 'learn'. BDSM, for those who it is more than just a 'lifestyle', is an intricate dynamic that takes time, effort and energy to cultivate, grow and blossom....had I realized 10 years ago, that this is who I am, I would probably want to 'play' all the time...but alas, there is wisdom that comes with age (for most) and for me, learning what I can about me...and all that the lifestyle offers enables me to grow with my Master, and form strong realtionships with true Doms...not the elusive 'perfect' Dom....

_____________________________

Lily

Nosce te ipsum...Know Thyself

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 64

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 6:13:37 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I can't imagine anybody not being internet savvy nowadays but when I first met someone online the internet was completely new to me, I was totally naive and had never even heard of online relationships. I met someone online by chance and I was totally sucked in and she introduced me to BDSM online. I had had BDSM style relationships before but I never had the language. From the first month I said to her, give me the word and I'll fly out on the next plane but she always had some excuse not to meet, her student debt, her Masters or some personal decisions she wanted me to make that would have cost me a lot of money with no guarantee she would meet me. All the warning signs were there when I look back but I had tunnel vision because I was totally into this woman. Once I eventually made all the decisions she wanted me to make she told me basically to fuck off. Now I realise she was just a malicious player and it was a game to her. If I had known about all the nightmares people had experienced on the internet I might have been wiser and more aware and recognised the warning signs. The whole affair is rather embarrassing but I'm quite willing to tell people about it as a warning about the internet and if I stop one person from being a big a fool as I was I think my embarrassment would be worth it.

Getting to the question of the OP. Anyone can be perfect on the internet, as long as one has had a modicum of education. One doesn't have to expose ones flaws so that helps with the fantasy and that is all online is, pure fantasy. People usually fantasize because they are scared of the real thing. The whole point of fantasy is to go where you really don't want to go. Now I realise this and with my previous experience, I don't have the time nor inclination for online. It's for suckers and while I sympathise with people who have been disappointed online, if they have been disappointed twice, they are stupid. There is only one way to indulge in BDSM and that is for real. Everything else is fluff.

The internet can be great to meet people and exchange information but that is as far as it goes. If you are indulging online, it ain't real but the problem is the feelings are very real and that is where people should beware. It's an eletronic game and the person on the other end is probably completely different to what you imagine. That perfect Dom who is so cool and chic is probably being bitched at by his wife because he is late for work. He doesn't want to go to work because he's probably servicing a conveyor belt rather than managing a staff of sixty like he told you. The internet is his only chance to be perfect and his only chance to impress foolish young women.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 65

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 6:29:43 AM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Hello fello BDSM friends/play partners/and new friends to meet! Hello Dallas and Ft. Worth, have rope,crop will travel...here I come!!
Please read sasshay's profile and her BOOK journal, she is a friend (well we email and have been on phone , but not meet yet to become the friends I know we will). She is a MUST read for all.

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 66

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 6:56:09 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I've read it and yes and she presents herself very well. I did note she isn't interested in cybering or phone sex which means she is interested in a platonic relationship with the possibility of a r/l relationship. She also mentions 'indefintitely. So everything taken into account, she is not holding out some juicy carrot and her sober style is only going to attract genuine people I would imagine. I don't think she is offering a fantasy to anyone but wants serious friendships. If she was on my flight path and I was completely unattached, she would certainly be on my radar for friendship.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 67

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 7:04:34 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

Before there was an internet, the pool of "good-ol' offline, realtime lifestylers" would be x(insert number).

Even if every single person that came to this lifestyle via the internet is a complete player and loser, isn't the pool of "good-ol offline, realtime lifestylers" exactly the same relative to the population, as it would be if there was no internet?

I really don't understand the point. If someone doesn't like the sort of people they meet on the internet, they should find people that way they found them before.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 68

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 7:15:56 AM

Ceyx

Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

Yet another rant about how the online world is full of liars, fakers, and irresponsible, malicious abusers. (I'm assuming mental abuse, here. Physical abuse would require some face-to-face contact.)

The internet does make it easier to lie. (For the record, people can also lie to your face. Some of them quite well.) The internet makes it easier to do a lot of things, such as meeting and getting to know people, or sharing information. Some people want to indulge in their fantasies together, and that's wonderful. Some people have no interest in "cyber" and only want to play face-to-face. Also wonderful.

If you're looking for women in the latter category, then the dreaded "cyber-dom" shouldn't be an issue for you. They want to meet, you want to meet; the cyber-dom doesn't want to meet. He's out of the equation. If you hit it off, then get together as soon as possible and have at it. If a girl wants to "cyber" or play over the phone, then she clearly isn't for you. Move on.

I'm trying to think of the circumstances in which a young submissive who wants a R/T relationship would be 'polluted' by online contact. If a fellow tells her that he wants to play online, she walks away, yes? She uses the internet solely as a tool to gather information (and as with all sources of information, evaluates its reliability); she visits local events and meets local players, if possible, as is endlessly recommended; the evil cyber-dom has no power over her.

The only case of "pollution" I can imagine would be that in which an evil cyber-dom pretends to want to meet a new submissive, then somehow lures her into playing online or over the phone, all while putting off that meeting. And if she's clear that only face-to-face play is real for her, and refuses to give up the kinky goods unless the relationship moves swiftly to R/T, then this fellow isn't getting what he wants and goes away, right?

Sad to say, but no one is going to make the internet a bastion of truth, just as no one can take lying and pretense out of the day-to-day world. You have to decide whether the benefits it brings are worth the dangers. If you conclude that the internet is mainly a cesspool of fakery, you always have the option of hitting that 'LOGOUT' button and not coming back. Seek your partners at a local munch, or even through a newsletter or e-mail list with a more limited circulation, managed by someone or some organization that you accept and trust as 'real.'

I'm not quite sure what complaining about the evils of the internet, on the internet, is going to accomplish.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 69

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 7:17:12 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

If someone doesn't like the sort of people they meet on the internet, they should find people that way they found them before.

I would 100% agree with that sentiment. Not because of the 'sort' of people you meet on the internet. I've met some wonderful people through the internet but I wouldn't recommend searching for a relationship because the players far out number the people who are genuinely looking. I know there are some great success stories but I would imagine there are far more with tales of woe who are too embarrassed to tell anyone about their experience.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 70

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 10:58:56 AM

Dustee

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: texasbutterfly

Do you really want to hook up with someone who has no real life experience though? They are going to be the ones most susceptable to the online crap stuff and all the issues that are going to surround that.

slavejali, i agree that i am more suseptible than more experienced real lifers. but does that mean i should be ostracized for something i cannot help at this time. i will be getting into real life as soon as i am able, but right now, online is all i have.

i am seeking knowledge and experience. if every real dom looks only to those subs/slaves with experience that is going to leave me out in the cold or stuck with some online nutjob who has no idea what he is doing.

i am sorry for coming off so angry, but i am getting really tired of people telling me that if i have no real life experience then i cannot possibly know what i am getting into or what i am doing.

In my experience, the doms boasting of the most knowledge and experience in their profiles are often also the once most experienced with... lying. So be careful what you wish for as you just might get it!

As for the "you don't know shit because you're a newbie" line, is just that, a line to hook you and make you want him or see him as discriminating and desirable. The truth of the matter is usually that many of the men calling themselves experienced doms are utterly delighted to take on fresh meat, er newbies, because they know such subs won't notice that Mr. Masteful Experience can't tell bdsm shit from shinola. Do a profile search some time on the phrase "novices" and see how many male dom profiles you turn up that say "novices welcome" and how many more say, "only want novices that I can train to my own standards" (as if somehow a woman who has served another dominant cannot mentally master the difficult concept of serving him, lol).

One of the biggest myths in the bdsm social community is that novice submissive females are not desired. Honey, those dirty old men are dying to get their paws on your innocent (and far more accepting of their bs, they hope) sweet meat. Never forget that.

(in reply to texasbutterfly)

Post #: 71

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 11:22:51 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have read half this thread, so if someone else made this point I am sorry for repeating it. I just have to ask isn't this a double standard? I read that these subs are polluted by "perfect cyber doms" yes there are "perfect cyber doms", but there are "perfect cyber subs"too aren't there? I have hung out in different venues to learn more about BDSM for a couple of years and I have seen just as many broken hearted and polluted doms as subs. One time I talked to one poor guy who gave an online sub 1000s of dollars to pay bills so she could be free to live with him and then she up and split. I have heard other tales of subs taking doms for cash....But I hear you ragging only on cyber doms and not cyber subs.... I think your reasoning for this is understandable seeing that subs are very vunerable, but on both sides of power exchange can we be taken.

There are just as many subs that aren't real as doms that aren't real. I think you believe you would have better luck finding a sub if the less experienced doms moved out of the way perhaps? That may or may not be true... Personally I would go for a novice dom if I thought his head space was right and we connected in the most important of ways. Everyone has to start somewhere... Experience is of great value, but so is attitude. I think that if we separated all those who had experience from all those that do not on the internet it would be the same ratio of novice subs to novice doms, but there is no way to prove this. I know deceitful subs are just as bad as deceitful doms.

Just my opinion and we all have one of those.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/10/2006 11:28:17 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 72

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 11:35:55 AM

Lionesse

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

Didn't you know that every week of experience in an online chat room is actually the equivalent of a year of real life BDSM experience? Typing "ON UR KNEES 2 UR MASTERS BIG HARD ROD OF LORDLY MIGHT BIOTCH" a couple times in the lesbian-only chat room is plenty of experience for anyone. Really.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 73

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 11:43:12 AM

lilbitnella

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

BUT why is it you girls, MOSTLY the new ones fall for the cyberdoms, or flat out liars. Especially IF you seek out a real face to face experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience
Good question and you are correct because as a sub, I've seen this happen. I believe that many are simply looking for a Dom and have no idea how tricky the Internet can be. Also, if they are 'new' to the scene, then they can really fall prey to a WannaBe Dom.

Regardless, all of us can pick a terrible partner, whether it's on line or in real life.

_____________________________

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love"
~Rod McKuen~

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 74

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 12:16:46 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL
everyting...tang, walla walla bing bang...ooooh , eeeee, ooooh eeeee aaaaah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.

Lol....I heard a song playing in my head as I read this thread also...but mine went something more like this.....

Well the motorcycle club had a party,
And all the young virgins were there.
And I found a blonde with little bitty titties
And a pretty yellow ribbon in her hair.
Then I told her the three biggest lies in the world,
The ones my Daddy first told me,
And that was the beginning of my sexual life
And the end of my fantasy.

I said, "This'll only hurt for a little while,
I'll only put the head of it in.
I promise that I'll never try to cum in your mouth."

Which offers proof that taking advantage of the young and naive isn't something new seeing as David Allan Coe wrote this song in the 70's....and I would have to think that it wasn't exactly a new concept even then.

Edited to add that the title of the song also tells us that the idea was not a new one as it is called "The Three Biggest Lies in the World".

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 5/10/2006 12:25:32 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 75

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 12:54:07 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Julia,

I wholeheartedly agree. I know plenty of dominants who have years of experience who I wouldn't leave a partner of mine alone with for two minutes and newbies I would let take them to a party. Same goes for submissives, it isn't experience to me but heart and how grounded they are, things that one learns in vanilla life just as well as in WIIWD.

Experience is only good if you take the right lessons from it and have the right intentions from the beginning.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 76

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 1:39:48 PM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

hear hear

< Message edited by cillydom -- 5/10/2006 1:41:39 PM >

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 77

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 3:48:35 PM

texasbutterfly

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

so are you saying that my inexperience is not the hindrance that i have been seeing it as? i feel like everyone is looking for someone who has experience and knowledge of their limits, likes and dislikes and of how to serve their master.

i have been searching for a dom that is willing to take on someone with no experience...if i am reading this right, i should just be looking for someone compatible with me...not my submissive side. is that the way i should be looking at this? i know this probably sounds like a stupid question but it is one that i have struggled with. i look forward to your opinion.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 78

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 3:57:41 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: texasbutterfly

so are you saying that my inexperience is not the hindrance that i have been seeing it as? i feel like everyone is looking for someone who has experience and knowledge of their limits, likes and dislikes and of how to serve their master.

i have been searching for a dom that is willing to take on someone with no experience...if i am reading this right, i should just be looking for someone compatible with me...not my submissive side. is that the way i should be looking at this? i know this probably sounds like a stupid question but it is one that i have struggled with. i look forward to your opinion.

My experience is that a submissive has an easier time as a novice than a dom has in finding experienced people to play with them (and I mean female submissives) or even have a LTR. That being said it is not universally true, some doms want experienced subs. If you read through most dominant profile they state they are willing to train a girl they think has a good attitude. Many are also partial to novices (although I would make sure they were not novices themselves if I responded to one of these, for I think some have this preference because a fellow novice will not see their inexperience, and it is dangerous to mess with someone that is dishonest about their experience level).

Im not a dom, so I can't say what they are looking for, but doms are people too...lol. Most PEOPLE are looking for a fellow PERSON and not just a play partner to spank on the weekends when it comes to a long term relationship. You have plenty experience in being a person right?...lol. Well that is just my opinion, the usual, it may not be right or it could be wrong.

I know you asked crappydom, but I thought I would butt in...lol.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to texasbutterfly)

Post #: 79

RE: the "PERFECT DOM" (and other cyber lies) - 5/10/2006 4:58:38 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: texasbutterfly

so are you saying that my inexperience is not the hindrance that i have been seeing it as? i feel like everyone is looking for someone who has experience and knowledge of their limits, likes and dislikes and of how to serve their master.

i have been searching for a dom that is willing to take on someone with no experience...if i am reading this right, i should just be looking for someone compatible with me...not my submissive side. is that the way i should be looking at this? i know this probably sounds like a stupid question but it is one that i have struggled with. i look forward to your opinion.

Your inexperience is not a hindrance in the way you think. You will meet plenty of dominants. Just be wise, as there are many who love the challenge of the new and untried, but only till the new has worn off.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to texasbutterfly)

Post #: 80

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