Awareness
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ORIGINAL: aromanholiday
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ORIGINAL: Awareness
Some of the biggest ball-busting bitches in the world are total submissives. In my experience, they challenge each and every man they encounter, desperately looking for the one who'll take them on and conquer them. They have total contempt for the ones who try and fail. I'm no longer surprised when I hear such a woman tell me she's looking for a 1950's household.
I agree. This has been my personal experience and that of others close to me in regards to the female dominants we have known. It's not true for all female dominants, though. And yes, I've also seen (through my female dominant friends' eyes) that something like the converse happens: a good number of publicly male dominants approach a few dominant women secretly with a desire to sub while advertising themselves to everyone else as purely dominant. My conclusion is that there are a lot more switches out there than openly admit to it and that most of them have decided that, whatever their inner impulses, it is far easier to present to the world as only a dominant than as only submissive or as a switch. They tend to get addicted to the prestige and respect accorded the first role and become ashamed to show the kinky public their submissive sides. I understand that, although I think the issue is more that there's a difference between a dominant and a simple kinkster. The classic example of this is when someone jumps onto a thread and asks questions about "learning" to become a Dom or a Master. Both the question itself and the responses which advise people on the various things they should "learn" indicate a mindset which thinks being a Dom consists of learning the right codewords, associating with the right people and undergoing the right training.
On the contrary, being Dominant is purely about character attributes, not learning how to wield a whip. That is, if someone wishes to become a Dom or Master, the only route is to despise weakness and develop your internal strength. To become utterly self-reliant and insistent upon seeing reality as clearly as possible.
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A classic case of this was a well-known dom-dom couple whom I knew intimately, and, because I knew them intimately, I knew they were both switches, each with a slight preference for the bottom side (which caused considerable trouble in their relationship, have no doubt!), but they presented themselves (and even convinced themselves, I'm afraid: that's the danger of false personas, we tend to become them) that they are both purely dominant. I don't get the Dom/Dom couple thing at all, I'm afraid. It's completely counter-intuitive. Relationships are not democracies. Someone always leads. And given that sexual attraction is founded in polarity, the difference between the couple should ideally be as great as possible.
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Basically most women are submissive - some of them just don't realise it yet. But just observing things as they are right here and now, I'd say that the majority of women (and men) are not dominant or submissive, they're more "I could care less." Increasingly, I'm finding women who say "I want an actual MAN goddamit". There's a strong movement afoot to diminish the differences between the sexes as much as possible and the resulting emasculation of men has turned out a generation of whiny milksops who are taught to be ashamed of their masculinity. These men are not attractive to many of the women I encounter.
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They're relatively clueless about power's role in personal relationships, and, in their dealings with each other, grope about as if blind, each seeking advantages, each trying to get needs met, each willing to concede *this* but not *that*, each consulting the augurs of the times for help (women's magazines like Cosmo for females and pickup-advice books like the Mystery Method for males), and doing all of the above in quite confused ways. Transactions and exchanges (I'll do this if you do that) are a way of life in such arrangements. So is trickery. So is tension and its release (you could say this one is so in dominant-submissive relationships, too, but the terms have a very different reality behind them than when used in the vanilla context). Sometimes such people find a compatible partner and reach a peaceful harmony, but their lack of knowledge about power, their blind spot, places this peaceful coexistent, however long-lasting, in jeopardy. Something as trivial as a shakeup in their lifestyles or even daily routines could be enough to shatter their faith in the other person. Agreed. Power has long been considered a dirty word, especially in some of the more conservative arenas, even while the use and abuse of it by those who vilify it has shattering consequences. The reality is that it's a fundamental tenet of our existence as a species and our psychology makes the acquisition of it necessary to achieve goals. As a consequence, we never stop playing that game, no matter how much we might fool ourselves otherwise.
That power is a fundamental element in intimate relationships is a reality that some seem unable to confront.
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RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? - 
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