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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 10:32:07 PM   
Morgaine289


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		I would really love to have only one time vanilla sex again! Let me explain. My husband is a dominant and started with BDSM really early. He is unable to let control go, unable to stop to control the situation. As i am a Switch i have had and would think  i am still able to have vanilla sex, in the sense of: no pain involved and the control is flowing, one is being caressed, the other is being caressed, on is on top, the other is on top.
I had a lot of this sex in my life, so i know it is possible to let the control SWITCH. So when you look from the outside at us having vanilla sex it is in fact, my beloved restraining hisself to control the situation out of his love to me. As you can maybe guess, this feels not very relaxed for me!

I used to be very irritated with it, till i asked a good male Master about it. And he said: I have no problem to let my slave caress me or be on top, as long as her attitude is right. I asked: Right? He said: Slavelike! And than i understood, in a  vanilla sex situation, when i am going on top, i do it as a top and that is the reason, it is not possible. My beloved feels that i take control and this is going against his core. He can not let somebody else direct his lust. This is for me very difficult, because i am able to give myself to him and he is  not.

I hope i was able to explain the problem as i see it. For me vanilla sex is tender sex, where the control is switching. I am sure i could have had still, but not with Michael.

(in reply to TigerLily23)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/11/2006 12:30:55 AM   
subslavedrea


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		After my first D/s experience..it was very hard for me to have "vanilla sex".  i would find myself into more agressive men as a result, trying to "turn" then into Doms..or make it more of a D/s sort of situation for me.  i tried to go back..to walk away from this..but..i wasn't able to.  i think i can still enjoy it..but the same sort of passion isn't there like before.  i am like a lot of you though..and didn't really enjoy it that much in a "vanilla" type of a relationship..i was always trying to "kink" things up..so to speak.  i think i could make love to my Master, and it would be wonderful..because of O/our connection anyway..but to just have regular, plain vanilla..i don't really see it ever being able to "take me there" again.
 
        

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"my mind need not know..for my body does..all He must do to know He conquered..is to look for the slight color of the cloth..that clings to me so tightly"

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/11/2006 2:01:06 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		If I'm going to go to all the trouble of getting ready - washing, shaving the right bits, getting the room nice, and all of that - I want a LOT more than vanilla.

(in reply to subslavedrea)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/11/2006 3:13:15 AM   
MsMacComb


Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

If I'm going to go to all the trouble of getting ready - washing, shaving the right bits, getting the room nice, and all of that - I want a LOT more than vanilla.
 

Especially the two minute "hump-pump-come-roll-over" variety, lol.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/11/2006 3:21:52 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Of course it is. While the M/M/s aspect is ever present my Master and i engage in vanilla sex almost daily(did not include Mistress in this as i do not think lesbian sex is considered vanilla). After 31 years in the lifestyle vanilla sex is still great, ok any sex is great, but that might just be me.

But having tried vanilla sex in the past with a strictly vanilla partner i can say that without that dynamic in the back of my head nothing really happened for me. So vanilla style with my M/s partner is wonderful, but without just does not get it.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/12/2006 7:09:17 AM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigerLily23

Greetings A/all...I have a question for the experienced and inexperienced alike...Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex? 


Oh yes it is possible, though various perceptions could be altered. there are times when my sub and I desire to have vanilla sex. then there are times when i happen to mix lil bits of BDSM play into vanilla. so it is possible, one just has to set their minds to it

(in reply to TigerLily23)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/12/2006 7:40:25 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Curiosity -

Why does there have to be a distinction between 'nilla sex and bdsm sex?  If you have 'nilla sex as part of a scene, is it still 'nilla sex?  What if the opposite happened?  What if I run out of really oddball questions to ask?  Watch next week as these questions, and many more, are answered on the next episode of 'Soap' (really showing my age here) LOL

- Dustyn


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/23/2006 10:46:02 PM   
gunship


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hello There,
You ask if vanilla sex is possible for me after my awakening. My answer is yes & no. I am a submissive natured person. When I awoke I realized I've always been submissive with my lovers. That I can't change, but is that a non-vanilla trait? I'm not sure.

I still live with someone who was my Master for about a year that released me on 3/15. I am no longer his slave & not even his submissive, but rather just his girlfriend now. So I guess without using the title of submissive or my guy having the authority of Master or Dom that you could consider our sex vanilla now. 
Knowing what our alone intimate time could be vs what it is now makes me feel our endevours are pretty mundane & vanilla. Others may find we're still wild in their eyes.
I know I will not intentionally try to have vanilla relationships in the future as the BDSM ones are way deeper and more fulfilling for me.
Vanilla is possible, but it's like eating a hot dog bun vs a hot dog in a bun to me. It's 1/2 of what I want, but leaves me wanting more than is there to have.
Suzanne


(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/23/2006 11:01:41 PM   
gunship


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		I must say that this is true on both our accounts. I dont do vanilla
relationships either so I guess its only a matter of time till we come to the fork of decision. either Suzanne decides to submit and try to trust in me again......or she must leave. this will be for her betterment because she isnt happy in her present state. as shown here it leaves her wanting. I never want it said that I got in the way of happiness. even though she loves me greatly......as she has stated in the past. I see us going our own ways and in doing so
we are in each others way. I as a Dom must take full responsibility
for losing her trust and I am saying now publicly that if it cant be built up again we must part. for the past few months I have remained silent on her displeasure, dealing with other concerns.
in my absence I see that she has become bitter. for that I must
say to her forgive me, now I see it all and will end this pain for good. to sleep in the same bed and know your love for someone is dying a slow death must be painful for her......I know it is for me.
I heard that its time for change........your right Suzanne. we must
move on to what ever must come.
quote:

ORIGINAL: gunship

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hello There,
You ask if vanilla sex is possible for me after my awakening. My answer is yes & no. I am a submissive natured person. When I awoke I realized I've always been submissive with my lovers. That I can't change, but is that a non-vanilla trait? I'm not sure.

I still live with someone who was my Master for about a year that released me on 3/15. I am no longer his slave & not even his submissive, but rather just his girlfriend now. So I guess without using the title of submissive or my guy having the authority of Master or Dom that you could consider our sex vanilla now. 
Knowing what our alone intimate time could be vs what it is now makes me feel our endevours are pretty mundane & vanilla. Others may find we're still wild in their eyes.
I know I will not intentionally try to have vanilla relationships in the future as the BDSM ones are way deeper and more fulfilling for me.
Vanilla is possible, but it's like eating a hot dog bun vs a hot dog in a bun to me. It's 1/2 of what I want, but leaves me wanting more than is there to have.
Suzanne



(in reply to gunship)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/23/2006 11:09:40 PM   
LdyS


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline 		Being a dominant, I tend to get what I want. It is just so seldom to never that I want vanilla sex. As was mentioned by other posters...vanilla is but one of many delicious flavors ... choice is one of my favorite things... it has been a long time since I have chosen vanilla. deep dark chocolate with a mango green tea twist is more my style. LdyS

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/23/2006 11:10:41 PM   
jezabelKH


Posts: 663
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigerLily23

Greetings A/all...I have a question for the experienced and inexperienced alike...Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex? 


it is but why have vanilla when you can have chunky monkey swirl with nuts?

jezabelKH

(in reply to TigerLily23)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 12:55:04 AM   
ladyseekinglord


Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline 		I would think that this would be far easier for a sub than for a Dom.  I can freely express my true nature as a submissive when having sex with a Dom or a vanilla partner, because my main desire is to please.  A Dom, on the other hand, may or may not be able to freely express his dominant nature with a vanilla partner.

Of course, with a vanilla partner, I often do not get that need to be controlled filled, but I can still enjoy pleasing him in every way possible.

lady


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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 2:49:54 AM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Its possible, but not near as fun.

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Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 4:23:40 AM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have a vanilla lover who is just a sweetie, we have nice tender intimate fun. He knows  what _else_  I like, he has even been to a event(when my kinky partners were unavilable) and we still have amazing fun togeather...its just not bdsm flavoured

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 4:37:38 AM   
Strangelove


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ceyx

From my experience, sure.

I can enjoy a physical romp with no S&M and little power exchange. Sex is a deeper and more fulfilling experience for me when there's a D/s dynamic strongly in play, and it is often more exciting when S&M elements are involved. (That said, I'm not always in the mood for them.)

Most 'vanilla' sex has a more or less subtle power dynamic in any case; there's usually a more assertive partner(s) and more passive partner(s). If the presence of that means that one is no longer having vanilla sex, then I guess I can't have it, but then no one else is really having vanilla sex either.


Spot on. If "vanilla" sex is merely missionary, which I believe may differ country to country, then I have never had vanilla sex.

That aside, what prat decide vanilla was the ?bland?/normal flavour. We've a brand of vanilla ice cream here that is in no way bland or normal. Point in fact, our ice cream ever tastes better. Which begs the question what flavour(s) is kinked? My votes are for mint chocolate chip, lemon & lime sorbet, or tequila lime sorbet. Mmmmm.
Cheers.




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Before mastering another, master yourself.

(in reply to Ceyx)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 4:40:10 AM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Hokey Pokey!!!!!!!!!
Just ask a Kiwi :P

(in reply to Strangelove)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 4:59:59 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, so I guess the next question is...

How do you define vanilla sex?

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 5:03:22 AM   
piscess


Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigerLily23

Greetings A/all...I have a question for the experienced and inexperienced alike...Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex? 


Possible yes, desired?  not really.

(in reply to TigerLily23)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 5:38:12 AM   
Strangelove


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dollbecky

Hokey Pokey!!!!!!!!!
Just ask a Kiwi :P



<Turns slowly, raises arm point at Dollbecky and unleashes a sustained ear-piercing screech>
;)



_____________________________

Before mastering another, master yourself.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/24/2006 11:14:51 AM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigerLily23

Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex? 


In answer to the question posed, I would have to say that if one had a healthy sex life before BDSM and D/S, then they probably would want to continue to have sexual intercourse.  After reading all of the posts on this subject, the vast majority of individuals here are still engaging in it.


This thought-provoking topic brings to mind several questions of my own.

1, Is BDSM and/or D/S a replacement sexual intercourse (i.e., mutually exclusive of one another)?

2. Can BDSM and/or D/S be satisfying (either emotionally, physically or both) without having sexual intercourse?

3. Does BDSM and/or D/S satisfy the need to connect intimately with others, and if so, what level of satisfaction does it provide?

4. Are BDSM and/or D/S is a sexually motivated practice, or is it a substitute for sexual intercourse for some?

5. Are BDSM and/or D/S a precursor and an enhancement to sexual intercourse for some?

There seem to be at least two schools of thought as to whether or not BDSM and D/S are predicated upon sexual desire.  Some say that it they have nothing whatsoever to do with each other, while others insist that they are all products of our libido. 

I don't mean to be stereotyping here, but I think that men are more likely to view it as sexual, while some woman do not.  Moreover, it may be true that women and men view sex differently (i.e., emotional vs. physical, not a combination of the two).  However, and in my own mind and totally speaking for myself, I cannot separate the emotional from the physical.

Is it possible that some people, when discovering BDSM and/or D/S, say to themselves, "Ah-ha!  Here's something I can really get into without having it be sexual!"?  After all, there are people who have no desire to engage in sexual activity.  But aren't those people who view it as a non-sexual activity just fooling themselves?  And maybe to some it is just performance art.


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Dating sucks!

(in reply to TigerLily23)
Profile   Post #: 60
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