LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
The comment you quoted has nothing to do with being young, and also kink was not new to me at that time, my entire sexual life (16-22) up until meeting my now ex-husband did not qualify as new.
The red flag I mentioned is still a red flag for me today.
If my 40 year old friend who was really into poetry met a guy, and he was perfect except for the fact that he didn't like poetry, ignored her work, didn't support her efforts, didn't attend her readings, and didn't want to hear any of it, I'd have the same comment.
I don't care what it is, parts of us deserve respect, the woman he loves identifies/identified as a slave, it is a part of who she is.
My ex didn't like poetry, interrupted me while I was reading all the time, thought the whole thing was silly.
My current partner isn't a fan, but loves to read what I write because it is mine.
Big difference.
Like it or not, being young has much to do with it, and it WAS new. The most interesting thing about the age from 16-22 is that you THINK you know everything while biologically and psychologically you are still developing and learning who you are in many ways. That isn't meant as an insult, simply as a fact.
As far as the analogy, that is another mistake of youth. Granted, it sounds like your ex completely lacked respect for you, but many couples have separate interests that they don't share and it doesn't destroy the relationship. In fact, these separate interests can strengthen their love for each other. The difference between what I am saying and what you describe is that the individuals RESPECT each other's interests. If your partner was really into camping and you weren't, that doesn't mean you should go camping and be miserable just because it is what he loves. You should, however, have enough respect for him to allow him to enjoy his hobby while you take that time to enjoy yours (and yes, unless you are getting paid to write poetry, it is a hobby).
Identifying as dom/master/sub/slave is NOT simply an interest for many. Now, obviously, your poetry means a great deal to you. After the disrespectful way your ex responded to your interest, which is very dear to you, when you met someone and were in the "getting to know you" stage, if he showed disinterest, your interest in him would have diminished and you would have discontinued the relationship LONG before it reached a point of being "in love." That's how it works as we mature, which you obviously have, no longer believing that you have to sacrifice who you are or change to be in a relationship.
When YOU are in your 40s' you will look back on this time in your life and go "wow, look how much I've learned about myself and life since then." Of course, for those who are only discovering their BDSM desires in their 40s or after already being in a loving, committed relationship, it is a bit different. Hence my point with the OP. She says nothing to indicate that identifying as slave is something she just discovered, after already being in a relationship with this man and now wondering what to do. The fact that she admits she intentionally left out pertinent information in her original post tells me that she is looking for people to give her reasons to dump him. THAT is the red flag to me.
Think about it this way, if your current partner, who I am assuming you are very much in love with, suddenly lost interest in your poetry, would you dump him? I don't mean he started demeaning you about it as you say your ex did. I mean he simply wasn't as interested as he is now. Is being with someone who wants to read your poetry more important than the love you feel for him?
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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 
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, so to speak. And yet, you are going to pass him by because in your eyes, he does not measure up to what you consider 'being a Master to your slave'? 
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