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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:11:40 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		I seems like we continue to read about the lack of success in finding someone ... but get the same critique and advice again, and again, and again. Now, I don't do the online dating thing, but do think the same theories apply online and off ... so here goes. Keep in mind that these thought may only apply to girls around my age.
 
1. Not all women have a problem with horny men that are looking for sex. They seem to get bashed around here quite a bit, and I've never quite understood that. If I go out with or even hang out with a guy and he isn't interested in throwing me down and fucking my brains out ... hell, I'm a lot more than a little offended. What bugs me is when guys act all cool and aloof, but at the same time you could pitch a tent on that bulge in their pants.
 
2. This may be a younger girl thing ... but I have a ton of friends my age, and not a single one can tell a guy all the naughty little things she wants to do. I know I can't. To even ask me to explain it is an instant turn off. My understanding is that with age, this becomes easier ... but the line that kills me every time is "What are you into?". On the dating scenario, men that ask if they can do something ... "Is it ok to open your top ... do you like it when I touch you here?" ... is like pouring ice cold water on me. Simple rule (may not apply to everyone): If you even get a second date, I've already decided that if you shut the fuck up and press the issue, you are going to score. If you ask permission at that point, the answer will always be no. It makes me feel dirty to talk about all he dirty things I think about. I can't say it any more clear than that.
 
3. The advice that men shouldn't discuss their sexual desires and make them known, is very bad advice in my opinion. I may act bashfull ... I may even change the subject ... but trust me, when I'm laying alone in my bed at night thinking about our date (or translate that into an email, for the purposes of this forum), I'm not thinking about what type of music you like or college you attended.
 
So ... all that said ... here is my real advice to guys.
 
Be a real person that has all those interests like music and hobbies and all that stuff. I want to hear all about that ... but don't be afraid to let a girl know exactly what you have in store for her from a physical standpoint. I think you have a much better chance of finding a good match that way. Dont dwell on sexual topics, but don't run from them either ... but if she doesn't bring her own interest up, for the love of God, don't try to drag them out of her. I wouldn't send a penis picture (you may find this strange, but a huge penis scares the shit out of me anyway), but I don't think it's out of line that if you discuss something with her that interest you, and she doesn't run away screaming ... it might be nice to bolster that with tasteful images that reflect that interest.
 
Anyway ... just a few points for discussion ... and sorry for writing a book.

< Message edited by caitlyn -- 5/11/2006 8:30:02 AM >

(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:12:55 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
I'd suggest you get a dog, they're less judgemental.
You know Becca333 an uncle of mine gave a younger guy this very same advice once.
quote:

I'm the first to allow that there is a strong genetic motivator at work in human relations, but at the same time that's not all that we are as human beings. To my knowledge I have never fucked to create a child. So since I am so busy thwarting nature's procreative scheme let me also state that I might want to relate to a woman purely as a person.
Bravo Chaingang.
quote:

Can't you distinguish the part from the whole?
Apparently he cannot, but I wonder why??  M

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(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:19:25 AM   
meatcleaver


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
Pray tell me why a man would invest time and effort in romancing a woman if it is not to get into her pants and/or procreate?


To my knowledge I have never fucked to create a child. So since I am so busy thwarting nature's procreative scheme let me also state that I might want to relate to a woman purely as a person. I have a way I wish to do that, but it's not strictly motivated by genetic impulses.

Can't you distinguish the part from the whole?



I relate to many women without the need to romance them.

Nature came first and our intellect is part of that nature. If sex and romancing was really anything other than inate desire, sex would be an intellectual decision we make on practical considerations. That is not the case. I think Schoppenhauer is right, desire comes before will. Claiming that wanting to relate intimately with a woman as opposed to relating to a woman socially as a fellow human being, is in and of it self a rationalisation.

(in reply to Chaingang)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:21:56 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

Yes, it's amazing what they can do with inflatables these days, isn't it.


Back to being serious.

Pray tell me why a man would invest time and effort in romancing a woman if it is not to get into her pants and/or procreate?


Is that all there is?  'I've said something nice to you, now lie naked and spreadeagled on the bed and let me jump on top of you.'

No caring?  No emotional attachment?  No mutual goals and satisfaction in living a good life together?  No 'us against the world, safe place to fall' bonding?  No sharing mutual pleasure?

(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:24:50 AM   
moon69


Posts: 59
Joined: 4/16/2006
Status: offline 		I think that it is a combination of the two:  the profile AND the individual.....
The profiles here often times reflect the person in general...sometimes they are obscure, sometimes they are blatanly descriptive, and sometimes they just arent there.  After contacting someone, you can get a further idea of what they are about when making the initial conversations........and how it relates to what they have posted.  I know I have at times contacted someone for further information about themselves, and have received replies such as,"Shouldnt YOU be telling ME about YOURSELF more, instead?"..... (Yes this was from a Domme) Depending on how I take this initial WRITTEN wording, I might respond if it peaks my interest....or I might not respond at all (as I did in this case) due to the fact that whether I am a sub or dom has little relevance, in that I am not IN SERVICE to that person yet, just trying to find out more ABOUT them.  If you think your profile (subs AND dom(mes)) fully incorporate ALL that is you, and rely on it solely as a means to meet someone....THAT will prove to be the hurdle or boundary inhibiting it from happening.
The profiles here are meant to be one thing, a small description or outline of interests and such to INITIALLY let someone have an idea of yourself.  It takes further investigation or contacting to see if there profile pans out or exceeds that person. 
Its sort of like the idea of mistakes (ie so-called wasted time), if you make a mistake or are incorrect about something 1- you (should) learn from it and be aware to not repeat it     2- be aware of THAT particular 'mistake/waste' knowing now that it is incorrect.  So the time is not actually 'wasted' when, the things that are dealbreakers, disliked attitudes, lying, etc etc etc (the list goes on), are indeed discovered.
With profiles and individuals and such its sorta like this:
If Ya Don't Know, Now Ya Know!       
But how will you know unless you seek the answers that concern you?  "Waste" of time or not?

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:27:17 AM   
meatcleaver


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Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

No caring?  No emotional attachment?  No mutual goals and satisfaction in living a good life together?  No 'us against the world, safe place to fall' bonding?  No sharing mutual pleasure?


It's all about sex and procreation, that is the bare bones of the matter.

50-70% infidelity in the western world where one is free to choose ones destiny, shows how strong a desire 'us against the world' really is. Sexual desire seems too strong for those romantic perceptions.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:30:45 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		So, according to your statistics, up to 50% of people do manage to create stable, loving relationships then?

I'm going for the glass-half-full view.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:32:29 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
Nature came first and our intellect is part of that nature. If sex and romancing was really anything other than inate desire, sex would be an intellectual decision we make on practical considerations. That is not the case. I think Schoppenhauer is right, desire comes before will. Claiming that wanting to relate intimately with a woman as opposed to relating to a woman socially as a fellow human being, is in and of it self a rationalisation.


I disagree, or rather I think that desire has nothing to do with procreative sex. You're playing at bait and switch, Meatcleaver.

I will distinguish three discreet motives:
1. genetic impulses, or sex for procreation
2. desire
3. will, or choice (contextually as it relates to the other two)

What do you want to talk about?



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"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:35:28 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

So, according to your statistics, up to 50% of people do manage to create stable, loving relationships then?

I'm going for the glass-half-full view.


30-50% don't separate. I think we can safely say that there is a % of unsatisfactory and unhappy marriages in the % of couples that remain together.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 5/11/2006 8:36:03 AM >

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 8:39:08 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

I will distinguish three discreet motives:
1. genetic impulses, or sex for procreation
2. desire
3. will, or choice (contextually as it relates to the other two)

What do you want to talk about?



I would argue that genetic impulse and desire are the same thing. If you didn't desire someone (even if it's a quickie round the back of the bar), would you intellectually make the choice to pursue them? I doubt it.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 9:06:15 AM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		That’s like saying he’s a great husband because he’s had a lot of wives.

Maybe it’s quality of relationships and not the quantity of relationships that should count.

And how is experienced gauged? Technical mastery of play techniques or being able to form a lasting relationships?

And limits are a whole nother discussion. After all how can a newbe understand her limits, don’t they change with circumstances and partner? My limits have certainly changed over the years. Some say they want a master/slave relationship then list a long list of limits, where’s the slave in that?

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 9:06:24 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		You need to read some Georges Bataille. I reject the notion that genetic impulses are the same as desire (Bataille's nomenclature is different than my own).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georges_Bataille
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eroticism



_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 9:17:23 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

You need to read some Georges Bataille. I reject the notion that genetic impulses are the same as desire (Bataille's nomenclature is different than my own).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georges_Bataille
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eroticism




I am well aware of George Bataille and while I enjoy his work, I don't think it answers the question at hand.

I think Sartre says it all - “If I became a philosopher, if I have so keenly sought this fame for which I'm still waiting, it's all been to seduce women basically”

If people pursued people they don't desire but through an intellectual decision I might agree with you but they don't. We make intellectual decisions not to pursiue someone we desire, usually but not exclusively because of the social consequences.

People need the veneer there is more meaning than genetic drive so we rationalise, in the same way man invented god, to give meaning.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 9:22:43 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
I say leave the profiles as they are. It makes it much easier for me to weed out the unrealistic fantasy-laden wankers. The last thing I want is a wanker putting on this great mask of sincerity, coming across as intellectual and well-thought-out, when deep down inside, he's still.... just a wanker.

As for the numbers thing, billions of guys, thousands of gals... whatever the ratio. For a lot of people it's not some big numbers game. It's usually a matter of local availability. Once I set my search perimeters, I can count the local submissives on one hand. The other 3,945,326,121 profiles don't mean jack shit to me. I'm not taking a flight to Egypt anytime soon just because someone's profile is nicely worded.

< Message edited by Proprietrix -- 5/11/2006 9:23:22 AM >

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 9:35:54 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Meatcleaver:

Your ideas about this presuppose that the only purpose for your whole being is the transfer of genetic information. I am not saying that there is some far deeper meaning, I am just saying that's not the whole deal. Actually, I think what I reject is the idea that there is a purpose in the first place. Within each of us we have competing motives and we then make choices - that's what it is.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to Proprietrix)
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RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 10:26:09 AM   
mylittlesub


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		Caitlyn, I think that's by far the best and most honest advice I've ever heard from a young woman to men wanting to get into their pants.  Well said! 

Too often women (even submissives) wish to play coy or know no other method of interacting with a potential Dom/date.  If only we all could be simply honest and forthright, it would make things a lot easier on everyone.  That being said, it's also assuming that someone has a good knowledge of themselves... which frankly is again another strength many lack.

As I always say - to know thyself first is the first step in finding a good match.  How can you share what you don't really know?

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 10:36:26 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Which is what I've been saying Caitlyn. You have to lie to get a result and it's a lie laundered by both men and women.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 12:21:45 PM   
composer83


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/14/2006
From: Oklahoma City
Status: offline 		thanks for the tips.....

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www.myspace.com/iamthediminished

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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 12:33:41 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I certainly didn't think I was advocating lying, ha-ha!
 
I sort of thought I was advocating telling the truth ... you know, not every girl has a problem with guys just being horny, etc ...

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/11/2006 12:54:48 PM   
Kedikat


Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix


I say leave the profiles as they are. It makes it much easier for me to weed out the unrealistic fantasy-laden wankers. The last thing I want is a wanker putting on this great mask of sincerity, coming across as intellectual and well-thought-out, when deep down inside, he's still.... just a wanker.

As for the numbers thing, billions of guys, thousands of gals... whatever the ratio. For a lot of people it's not some big numbers game. It's usually a matter of local availability. Once I set my search perimeters, I can count the local submissives on one hand. The other 3,945,326,121 profiles don't mean jack shit to me. I'm not taking a flight to Egypt anytime soon just because someone's profile is nicely worded.


Right!

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 100
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