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Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:19:52 PM   
allspicey


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		Okay, this one is for the fellas.  Doesn't matter if your sub or dom, I see the same mistakes made over and over again.

First, remember you are one of literally thousands of men out there hitting on the women. 

Second, remember there are only hundreds of women profiles for you to be hitting on.  The ratio of women exploring bdsm to men wanting to explore bdsm is way out of kilter.

Okay, keeping that in mind, here are my top "drop him in the X basket, he's a waste of my time" profile writings:

1. Sex - keep any wordage about sex to a minimum.  Sex is EASY for women.  All she has to do is whisper the word in a high wind in the middle of a rain forest in some remote unknown corner of the earth...and she will have at least a dozen men lined up for it in the next 5 minutes. (I have tested this theory out, under slightly different conditions...trust me, it's true). The man who writes "I have a high sex drive.  I am looking to broaden my sexual horizons with a like minded woman." is just plain stuffed.  Fat chance!  Like minded women who just want sex on the same basis as a man are as rare as a blue moon.  Women are rarely driven into BDSM exploration for the sex.  It just happens to be BETTER with BDSM...but sex is still easy, even here. What OTHER things do you have to offer her than your cock, which she can generally have her pick of?  

2. Cock pictures - "Yawn"  What's that phrase? See one, seen em all?  I still haven't figured out this love affair men have with their cocks.  Do you really see that as your most attractive feature??  Maybe seeing one isn't seeing them all (I AM aware they come in different sizes and colours) but really, after the 20th or 30th picture, they do tend to start to blur.  I could wallpaper my house with the number of cock pictures I've seen.  But since a picture of a cock just doesn't really do anything for me, I think I'll leave it the way it is.

3.  Two line profiles - You know the type.  "Hi, I'm new, I want to learn things.  Message me."  Very appealing. So much intellectual challenge there I'm starting to feel my brain cells rot.  How many submissives do you think enjoy training newbie doms?? And just what are they getting out of it while they do?  Oh, I forgot....his cock.  And...even if you DO take one on (and I have), most the time they come to realise they just want kinky sex (what a surprise) and aren't interested in the deeper aspects of dominance and submission.  There should be a rule that you can't write a profile until you actually have something to put in it.  I have never understood how anyone could expect a response to a profile like that.

4.  Two line emails - Even worse than the profile.  You have taken the time to actually pull up an email to write to me...but then have nothing to say.  I think my favorite is "Tell me something about yourself."  Meaning really, "Tell me all about your dirty sex life so I can get off on it and I"ll tell you mine."  That even tops the one I got that said..."I want to marry you."  I simply wrote back to that one and said Master might object.  You want to know something about me, take the time to peak my interest in YOU.  Why are you writing me?  Who are you?  Why are you here?  Why are you of any interest to me at all???  Why should I take time out of my busy day to write to you?

5.  Boring profiles - Okay.  You need to capture someone's attention.  Be creative boys!  This is your big sales pitch.  And you have a hell of a lot of competition out there.  BDSM is full of people looking for inventive and creative ways to enjoy life.  If you write a boring profile, what does that say about your ability to be inventive in other areas?  Trust me, she is looking for your personality in there.  Sometimes I run across a particularly good profile and I will write to the guy telling him so.  I think that much effort should be appreciated and applauded.

6. On offer - What the heck have you got to offer her besides great sex?  How do you know she isn't already getting great sex? (We know you aren't...or you wouldn't be writing).  Don't tell me about your great tongue, your big stiffy and your ability to bring the most frigid of women to her knees with your great sexual technique.  Most girls are looking for the OTHER stuff.  YES THERE IS OTHER STUFF!  They want to know if you're honest, trustworthy, caring, committed, knowledgable, dominant, if there is something special about you (everyone has something special about them) and what you are looking for in BDSM aside from sex.  Are you looking for service?  What kind?  Are you looking for play? Impact, bondage, temperature, medical?  Sex is, after all, a given for a girl.  She already knows you're going to want sex unless you've specifically stated you are looking for a non sexual relationship (and she won't believe that anyway until you prove it).  She has already, by putting up her own profile, basically said she was also looking for interesting and/or great sex.  It's a given.  It's a moot point.  Why do you spend so much effort and time talking about it?  Move on and get to the stuff that interests HER.  After all, it's her attention you are trying to get. 

7.  Familiar terms - This one puts my back right up.  Darling, love, sweetheart, babycakes, pet, etc.  I don't know you from adam.  I am none of those things to you and you aren't hitting any of my softy buttons using them.  Treat me like a person first, later I might be your pet and you can call me what you please.  But this one goes to the X bin faster than any other.  The lack of respect is palpable and respect is the underpinning of everything I live.  You don't respect me, we don't need to talk.

So...there you go fellas.  Seven things NOT to do with your profile.  Girls, feel free to add things I've missed that make you X bin someones profile or email...aside from obvious rudity that is.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:30:47 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		My profile is about me. It tells everything about me that I could think of at the time, and I've updated it from time to time to make sure that it doesn't miss anything I find to be important. I created my profile based on the belief that if a woman is going to read it, I would like to anticipate and answer any questions before she decides to contact me. You see, I rarely, if ever, will EVER contact a woman here as an initiator of communication. I believe that the women here get way too many wannas from horny guys that I'm going to get lost in the wind of email barrages, so I'll leave myself with the hope that the right woman will contact me. If not, I'll live.

The feedback I get from my profile has mainly been pretty positive. The only problem I have with my current profile is my picture, because I'm in a lot better physical shape today than I was when I took the photo (not that I was in any real bad shape when the photo was taken either), but I just haven't gotten around to taking a new photo.

As for the complaints in the OP, I understand a number of those, and I sometimes laugh at those when I see them, such as attention to sexual prowess. I guess I'm just getting older, but I don't even talk about sex anymore these days. A friend of mine asked how come I don't have a current girlfriend, and she was surprised that my reason was because I couldn't find someone to engage intellectually whereas she was so used to hearing our mutual guy friends talk about looks, sexual contact and the other types of "dating" things that really turn me off of the search for a partner in the first place. I joked that if I was ever going to find someone, it would probably be someone with whom I entered a relationship as if we'd been together forever, because what I seek these days is a companion to share life with much more than a sexual partner. It often surprises me that so few people understand, accept or respond favorably to that.

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:32:37 PM   
FirmhandKY


Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline 		Excellent .. absolutely excellent post.

FHky


_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:37:03 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		littlesarbon:  Nice profile!  If you were a local I'd say let's have coffee and intelligent conversation, since it looks like you'd be fully capable of the latter (but I don't know whether or not you drink coffee).  Articulate writers are very, very cool.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:38:27 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		My fav. profiles are the ones saying that they want subs or slaves for fuckmeat....Now, isn't that enticing?

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to FirmhandKY)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:40:40 PM   
Jaynight


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Okay, this one is for the fellas. Doesn't matter if your sub or dom, I see the same mistakes made over and over again.

First, remember you are one of literally thousands of men out there hitting on the women.

Second, remember there are only hundreds of women profiles for you to be hitting on. The ratio of women exploring bdsm to men wanting to explore bdsm is way out of kilter.

Okay, keeping that in mind, here are my top "drop him in the X basket, he's a waste of my time" profile writings:

1. Sex - keep any wordage about sex to a minimum. Sex is EASY for women. All she has to do is whisper the word in a high wind in the middle of a rain forest in some remote unknown corner of the earth...and she will have at least a dozen men lined up for it in the next 5 minutes. (I have tested this theory out, under slightly different conditions...trust me, it's true). The man who writes "I have a high sex drive. I am looking to broaden my sexual horizons with a like minded woman." is just plain stuffed. Fat chance! Like minded women who just want sex on the same basis as a man are as rare as a blue moon. Women are rarely driven into BDSM exploration for the sex. It just happens to be BETTER with BDSM...but sex is still easy, even here. What OTHER things do you have to offer her than your cock, which she can generally have her pick of?

2. Cock pictures - "Yawn" What's that phrase? See one, seen em all? I still haven't figured out this love affair men have with their cocks. Do you really see that as your most attractive feature?? Maybe seeing one isn't seeing them all (I AM aware they come in different sizes and colours) but really, after the 20th or 30th picture, they do tend to start to blur. I could wallpaper my house with the number of cock pictures I've seen. But since a picture of a cock just doesn't really do anything for me, I think I'll leave it the way it is.

3. Two line profiles - You know the type. "Hi, I'm new, I want to learn things. Message me." Very appealing. So much intellectual challenge there I'm starting to feel my brain cells rot. How many submissives do you think enjoy training newbie doms?? And just what are they getting out of it while they do? Oh, I forgot....his cock. And...even if you DO take one on (and I have), most the time they come to realise they just want kinky sex (what a surprise) and aren't interested in the deeper aspects of dominance and submission. There should be a rule that you can't write a profile until you actually have something to put in it. I have never understood how anyone could expect a response to a profile like that.

4. Two line emails - Even worse than the profile. You have taken the time to actually pull up an email to write to me...but then have nothing to say. I think my favorite is "Tell me something about yourself." Meaning really, "Tell me all about your dirty sex life so I can get off on it and I"ll tell you mine." That even tops the one I got that said..."I want to marry you." I simply wrote back to that one and said Master might object. You want to know something about me, take the time to peak my interest in YOU. Why are you writing me? Who are you? Why are you here? Why are you of any interest to me at all??? Why should I take time out of my busy day to write to you?

5. Boring profiles - Okay. You need to capture someone's attention. Be creative boys! This is your big sales pitch. And you have a hell of a lot of competition out there. BDSM is full of people looking for inventive and creative ways to enjoy life. If you write a boring profile, what does that say about your ability to be inventive in other areas? Trust me, she is looking for your personality in there. Sometimes I run across a particularly good profile and I will write to the guy telling him so. I think that much effort should be appreciated and applauded.

6. On offer - What the heck have you got to offer her besides great sex? How do you know she isn't already getting great sex? (We know you aren't...or you wouldn't be writing). Don't tell me about your great tongue, your big stiffy and your ability to bring the most frigid of women to her knees with your great sexual technique. Most girls are looking for the OTHER stuff. YES THERE IS OTHER STUFF! They want to know if you're honest, trustworthy, caring, committed, knowledgable, dominant, if there is something special about you (everyone has something special about them) and what you are looking for in BDSM aside from sex. Are you looking for service? What kind? Are you looking for play? Impact, bondage, temperature, medical? Sex is, after all, a given for a girl. She already knows you're going to want sex unless you've specifically stated you are looking for a non sexual relationship (and she won't believe that anyway until you prove it). She has already, by putting up her own profile, basically said she was also looking for interesting and/or great sex. It's a given. It's a moot point. Why do you spend so much effort and time talking about it? Move on and get to the stuff that interests HER. After all, it's her attention you are trying to get.

7. Familiar terms - This one puts my back right up. Darling, love, sweetheart, babycakes, pet, etc. I don't know you from adam. I am none of those things to you and you aren't hitting any of my softy buttons using them. Treat me like a person first, later I might be your pet and you can call me what you please. But this one goes to the X bin faster than any other. The lack of respect is palpable and respect is the underpinning of everything I live. You don't respect me, we don't need to talk.

So...there you go fellas. Seven things NOT to do with your profile. Girls, feel free to add things I've missed that make you X bin someones profile or email...aside from obvious rudity that is.



Excellent post  well written. 

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:48:46 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		All great points...

I want to respond to emails that show someone has read my profile and comments on what I wrote. It shows that someone has more interest in me than my pic (which I removed). It also opens the door for me to ask them questions if I am interested

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Jaynight)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:53:08 PM   
FirmhandKY


Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

All great points...

I want to respond to emails that show someone has read my profile and comments on what I wrote. It shows that someone has more interest in me than my pic (which I removed). It also opens the door for me to ask them questions if I am interested


Should I send you a copy? 

FHky


_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:53:17 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I have always found if you appeal to my mind..my body and emotions will always follow....be well...Tempting

(in reply to Jaynight)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:55:04 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		.....I so agree....the most creative guys really stand out for me, e-flowers, e-cards: always a winner, jokes and/or poetry are awesome, but I mostly appreciate warmth depth and respect why is that so darn hard?
 
Training newbe subs is not much fun either, but I get your point,  a newbe dom? That would be a hard limit.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to FirmhandKY)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 7:56:47 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I don't agree with this at all.  There are THOUSANDS of women exploring BDSM.  Probably MILLIONS.

quote:

ORIGINAL: allspicey

Second, remember there are only hundreds of women profiles for you to be hitting on.  The ratio of women exploring bdsm to men wanting to explore bdsm is way out of kilter.

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:00:07 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		May I ask a favor then? because I think i've followed most rules...can someone look at my profile and tell me if i'm doing something wrong?

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:04:02 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

All great points...

I want to respond to emails that show someone has read my profile and comments on what I wrote. It shows that someone has more interest in me than my pic (which I removed). It also opens the door for me to ask them questions if I am interested


Should I send you a copy? 

FHky



You flatter me...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to FirmhandKY)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:09:33 PM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe in your world but in mine there are females, girls, subs and Dommes all exploring and playing and meeting and having a great time. The thousands of guys  thing is such a fallacy. there are plenty of submissive females who are intelligent and going to Munches, groups and Lifestyle events.

the 7 you mention are very good and make an awful lot of sense except i do not see it as a competition or a hard sell but a joyous event to be savored and shared.

_____________________________

Kink Forever
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Docents_of_Museum/

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:11:03 PM   
subtlesubie


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		It is always nice to read, and we never fucking get tired of hearing it - males out number females here a billion to 1.  Alright already!!!  It's hard enough out here for a dude.

(in reply to allspicey)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:29:09 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rumtiger

May I ask a favor then? because I think i've followed most rules...can someone look at my profile and tell me if i'm doing something wrong?


Heh, I was going to ask the same thing! I keep thinking that the only reaspon someone wouldn't respond to me would either be because my profile is boring or they don't like my picture. Maybe we need a "rate my profile" function.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to Rumtiger)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:34:40 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Hi Tiger, I will be brief as to not hi-jack the thread. You seem to think your profile is just fine but I think it is too sparse.Yes it is more then 2 lines, but it is only four lines and it really tells nothing about you.

Reread the OPs post, really hear what she is saying that women want, she is very clear and could easily be speaking for me and every one of my girlfriends, Domme or sub alike.

We dont as much care about your body parts, arms, cock, butt, those are just the wrapping paper on the present. What is in side you, what experiences do you have, that sort of thing...

Also as you are probably starting to understand, as either the Domme or the sub you as the male are expected to be the pursuer, we get a lot of mail, us women, and it is a very rare for me to go looking at profiles...

I wish you luck and peace...

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 5/10/2006 8:38:13 PM >

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Rumtiger)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:38:36 PM   
Rumtiger


Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline 		Tigers stick together huh? lol Thanks, i'll see what changes I can make.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:45:24 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Your profile is awesome, well written articulate and honest...but the picture is sort of mug-shotish...may I sugest one sitting and looking up from reading, or out in a garden, or perhaps on a nature hike?
 
As the Op says " Be creative boys!  This is your big sales pitch.  And you have a hell of a lot of competition out there.  BDSM is full of people looking for inventive and creative ways to enjoy life.  If you write a boring profile, what does that say about your ability to be inventive in other areas? "

I could not say it better myself



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why Male Profiles Fail to Achieve Results - 5/10/2006 8:48:48 PM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		My profile tends to attract the attention of the type that I am looking for, as well as a few that make me feel vanilla, and scared.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 20
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