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Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 1:10:48 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Spice or No Spice?

One of the things I have noticed in many profiles is the stark difference in attitudes about kink/fetish. I have even seen it here in the forums. On one hand I see a group of people who enjoy BDSM but tend to enjoy it without all the fancy fillings. By fancy fillings I mean, the toys, the outfits, gadgets, etc. On the other hand I see a group of people who enjoy all BDSM with all the fancy fillings and thrive on it. That is the toys, the outfits, etc. Here I will call it Spice.

For me, I am your Variety if the Spice of Life person. I love all the toys, gadgets, outfits, and trying new things etc. So I was sort of wondering what drives this in me. I even noticed this in my vanilla life also. A good analogy in my vanilla life is my love for outdoors and camping. While I enjoy the outdoors and can easily just sit at a mountain stream’s edge in the woods and watch the water flow and be happy. I also thoroughly enjoy having all the neat camping gadgets. The Leatherman multi-tool, compact propane stove, LED flashlight, compass, glow sticks, the instant tent, night vision monocular, etc.

I think one of the things that drive this in me is the desire for stimulation/sensorial input. I thrive on stimulation. I am not just talking sexual stimulation. I am talking multiple source stimulation. Visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory (smell), gustatory (taste). This combined with the fact I am a mechanical engineer. I am very mechanically oriented with a strong desire to understand how things work. Now take the 2, desire for stimulation and mechanical background, and combine them. What you have is a mechanical system. You have you inputs as stimulation driving an output. As an engineer I am going to pay attention to detail. The layout of the room. The tone of the Domme’s voice. The way she moves. Has the toy bag been moved? What is she wearing today? As a mechanical engineer I want to process all the inputs and anticipate the output/end result. As with any system , the more inputs/variables you have, the harder the output/outcome is to predict.

Bringing this back into a BDSM context. I want the Spice. I want all the toys, outfits, gadgets etc. This is additional stimulation over the norm. This stimulation requires more processing by the brain. There are more variables to consider. More possible outcomes that can occur. Now throw sexual stimulation into the mix and you approach sensory overload. Can the mind continue to process everything and not miss something? Can the outcome be predicted?

At this point for me is where the fun and the struggle begin. I am a person who does not like to give up control easily. What I mean by control is, my mental control of my thoughts and actions as well as control over my body. I do not mean submission. I am willingly submitting at this point. But can I do as my Domme commands without messing up? Not forgetting some small detail, control my heart rate? Control my breathing? Control my excitement, focusing my eyes on the task at hand and not focus on her body? Can I control my sexual desire? Can I stay in control of my body? IE not being ticklish, not yelling when being whipped? Not flinching as the whip lands a blow? Still being able to anticipate what my Domme wants next?

The Spice ( the outfits, the toys, the gadgets, her mannerisms etc) all feed into the sensory overload whether they are actually used or not. At this point the last item is the mind fuck ( pardon my French). What is going to happen next? Will it be a quiet evening of serving? Will it be enduring night of torment? Will it be sensory deprivation? The mind is going full tilt trying to process all the sensory inputs.

Just to recap, I like BDSM with all the Spices (toys, gadgets, outfits,). It drives sensory stimulation which leads to sensory overload. Combine that with mental play (what is going to happen next?). This drives the internal struggle of who has control over my body and my mind, me or the Domme? While I willingly submit to her wishes, my body and mind are still under my control and not hers. I do not easily give up my mental or bodily control. The sensory and mental overload can push my limits and cause me to give up that control.

To put this in a little context. I am not a 24/7 person. BDSM is reserved in my case to weekends or nights, mainly behind closed doors. So the Spice question is more focused on when you are in the mood to play versus a 24/7 context. While I have written this in a female Domme/male sub POV. It can be any Dom(me)/sub POV.

So my question to you now is this: Do you enjoy Spice or No Spice? And more importantly do you know why?

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 1:29:54 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I can totally live without all the gadgets and crap cluttering up my life.

I would much rather use my imagination and utilize what is at hand.


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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 1:59:17 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I can totally live without all the gadgets and crap cluttering up my life.

I would much rather use my imagination and utilize what is at hand.


I understand your point of view and it is one I have heard before. I am curious though if you are equating Spice to lack of imagination?

I think 2 people in an plain empty room can have fun whether it be BDSM or vanilla. But now add lit candles to that room. Now you have added visual and olfactory stimulation to moment. Those trigger synaptic responses in the brain your imagination cannot trigger. They simply add to the moment and what is already there. I would hope that you do not see Spice as lack of imagination.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 2:08:37 PM   
sirssubk2008


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

The Spice ( the outfits, the toys, the gadgets, her mannerisms etc) all feed into the sensory overload whether they are actually used or not. At this point the last item is the mind fuck ( pardon my French). What is going to happen next? Will it be a quiet evening of serving? Will it be enduring night of torment? Will it be sensory deprivation? The mind is going full tilt trying to process all the sensory inputs.


Definitely this!! I think the Spice adds so much more to the equation than just two people, and it definitely puts my imagination into overload by thinking what possibilities there are for each particular item.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 2:08:48 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Kind of like everything else, I resist the simple binary split. Generally I'm a "no spice" guy and largely that's due to past history I suspect... just how my sensibilities developed. There is also the element of not wanting to spend hours tying Carol into some elaborate bondage frame when I could've been fucking her all that time. In the end, it's a simple preference thing. As we explore though BDSM-land, some of that spice turns out to be appealing and gets added into the mix. Some other bits of spice are less appealing so they get passed on. I don't have any big moral stand on it. It's just what I run into that either myself or Carol happens to like.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 2:09:56 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Oh no! Definitely not. I am simply a minimalist in many ways. And........I dislike clutter.

A lot of my mindset comes from the way I grew up. As an example......I love to cook, more than most people I know. But, I do not have many of the gadgets that most people associate with a person that cooks as much as I do, or the variety of foods that I do. I tend to do a whole inner conversation about things. How badly do I want it? How badly do I need it? What is the cost/value ratio? How often will I use it? Can I get by without it? Can I improvise?

None of that is a judgement call on anyone else or how they do things. It's just the way I am.



_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 2:19:34 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Kind of like everything else, I resist the simple binary split. Generally I'm a "no spice" guy and largely that's due to past history I suspect... just how my sensibilities developed. There is also the element of not wanting to spend hours tying Carol into some elaborate bondage frame when I could've been fucking her all that time. In the end, it's a simple preference thing. As we explore though BDSM-land, some of that spice turns out to be appealing and gets added into the mix. Some other bits of spice are less appealing so they get passed on. I don't have any big moral stand on it. It's just what I run into that either myself or Carol happens to like.


I left the middle of the road option out and I guess I should have added that option in. I suspect the majority of the people are just that, in the middle of the road with this. They like some Spice and add a little here and there to add that extra something to the moment. I know I am more on the extreme end of things. I suspect its due to how my brain is wired. For me its not just a BDSM thing. It very much a part of who I am. In my work life it spills over into how many problems can I solve at once and remain in control of the project. In my BDSM life its how much information can I process before losing control.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 2:27:10 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Oh no! Definitely not. I am simply a minimalist in many ways. And........I dislike clutter.

A lot of my mindset comes from the way I grew up. As an example......I love to cook, more than most people I know. But, I do not have many of the gadgets that most people associate with a person that cooks as much as I do, or the variety of foods that I do. I tend to do a whole inner conversation about things. How badly do I want it? How badly do I need it? What is the cost/value ratio? How often will I use it? Can I get by without it? Can I improvise?

None of that is a judgement call on anyone else or how they do things. It's just the way I am.


Thank you for the clarification. And I would never make judgement or tell someone how to do something (except at work!) LOL! I do understand the frugel approach to things. I am also aware that many of the BDSM stuff/toys tend to be expensive and sometime one must choose what is really needed versus what is wanted.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 2:40:25 PM   
subsong


Posts: 77
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
   I like play, like I enjoy my food .  Sometimes tongue-burning, teary eyed, spicy as all get out , and other times , just basic, pure flavors !   However, the main ingredient is always imagination ,  or none of it works  !            :   )

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 3:05:12 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		Chalk me up in the spice column. I love the props (my euphemism for spice) of BDSM. I have little use for all of the protocol and other pomp and circumstance that others seem to thrive on. That's fine if you dig it - it's just not my cup of tea. 

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 3:47:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		toys, gadgets are kinda fun from time to time but I really find them just distracting and just too much most times. I really could do without them all. This is a 24/7 thing for me, my everyday life so that could be why they're not that big a deal to me. I'm this way about pretty much everything in my life. Master and my realtor and my friends all have given me the title of a  minimalist. I don't like clutter, I don't really like a lot of stuff sitting around me. For me my senses go into overload from emotions and mental play more than anything else and the only things I need for those are him and our minds.


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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 4:10:50 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
toys, gadgets are kinda fun from time to time but I really find them just distracting and just too much most times. I really could do without them all. This is a 24/7 thing for me, my everyday life so that could be why they're not that big a deal to me. I'm this way about pretty much everything in my life. Master and my realtor and my friends all have given me the title of a  minimalist. I don't like clutter, I don't really like a lot of stuff sitting around me. For me my senses go into overload from emotions and mental play more than anything else and the only things I need for those are him and our minds.


Interesting. I really had not considered it from a 24/7 POV. I could certainly see how it would become a burden under that circumstance. I cannot imagine my senses going into overload from emotions and mental play alone so it is interesting to hear your point of view.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 5:22:30 PM   
EclipseAbove


Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		I'm firmly in the spice camp and for many of the same reasons you stated for yourself. Actually it was a little creepy to read your post and basically see written what's going on internally with me (more or less), but then I think you and I have similar talents/interests. I'm a software engineer, detail-oriented and have that same kind of fascination with systems. I have plenty of spice in many other areas of my life too. Being on the other side of the flogger (so-to-speak), instead of trying to predict what's going to happen, I'm always trying to influence the system. But it is really the same thing you were describing just taken one step further (or maybe from a different angle). Instead of anxiously anticipating what will happen next, I'm anxiously anticipating how my most recent change to an input will affect my sub. Instead of wondering if can I control myself given the overload of input, I'm instead wondering if I have properly predicted the outcome and if I can control all the inputs I've taken control of with minimal or no risk to my sub, myself or anyone else. I think it is just the flip side of the same rush.

I'm 24/7 as well and I have to agree that spice is not for every time or every situation. In most situations trying to add spice is just not practical. But then many things are impractical in 24/7 a large percentage of the time.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 5:23:08 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I want him getting off on me. I don't want to have to have all sorts of things, looks or game on, all the time. I like them sometimes, but if he isn't getting off to me... then he surely isn't going to get the gadgets or spice. I better be his spice. There is a time and a place for most things in my life, but if I had to perform... and that is what it would become... a performance... no thank you.

I love just laying around watching a movie at the end of a day... not thinking anything will happen and then... let's do this! Or waking up and thinking a bit... and going to it. With toys, no toys... whatever. Someone that needs the everything else all the time wouldn't fit my 24/7 life.


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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 5:32:58 PM   
jewelsthepoet


Posts: 132
Joined: 12/28/2010
Status: offline 		i personally like a little spice. i can't do the pain stuff, but i like the idea of the skimpy outfits my Dom/Daddy may make me wear, the blindfolds, the restraints.... i am more into the role-play than anything else, and the little details can matter a lot. All those little things that help build up that scene can make a huge difference for me.

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 6:27:13 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I want him getting off on me. I don't want to have to have all sorts of things, looks or game on, all the time. I like them sometimes, but if he isn't getting off to me... then he surely isn't going to get the gadgets or spice. I better be his spice. There is a time and a place for most things in my life, but if I had to perform... and that is what it would become... a performance... no thank you.

I love just laying around watching a movie at the end of a day... not thinking anything will happen and then... let's do this! Or waking up and thinking a bit... and going to it. With toys, no toys... whatever. Someone that needs the everything else all the time wouldn't fit my 24/7 life.


I am certainly not a 24/7 person when it comes to the lifestyle meaning that I have no desire to be in cuff and chains every day and be in a dungeon type setting 24/7. So in no way would I want the "Spice" 24/7. I think that would become old and boring very quickly. Though a long weekend might be fun :)

I would hope the Domme would always be my center of attention, toys or no toys, spice or no spice. I was looking at this from the point of view that my submission comes willingly. While I submit willingly, my body and mind does not necessarily submit willingly. For example, if you where going to whip me, my muscles would tense up in anticipation. My mind would prepare for the shock of the blow and would tell me not to yell out when hit. Some Dommes enjoy driving the sub past the point of where the sub can control their mind and body. There are various ways to do this but sensory overload is one of them. The Spice is merely an avenue to sensory overload.

I hope that make sense. There is so much in my mind on this subject and I have no idea how to put it all into words!

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 6:38:03 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EclipseAbove
I'm firmly in the spice camp and for many of the same reasons you stated for yourself. Actually it was a little creepy to read your post and basically see written what's going on internally with me (more or less), but then I think you and I have similar talents/interests. I'm a software engineer, detail-oriented and have that same kind of fascination with systems. I have plenty of spice in many other areas of my life too. Being on the other side of the flogger (so-to-speak), instead of trying to predict what's going to happen, I'm always trying to influence the system. But it is really the same thing you were describing just taken one step further (or maybe from a different angle). Instead of anxiously anticipating what will happen next, I'm anxiously anticipating how my most recent change to an input will affect my sub. Instead of wondering if can I control myself given the overload of input, I'm instead wondering if I have properly predicted the outcome and if I can control all the inputs I've taken control of with minimal or no risk to my sub, myself or anyone else. I think it is just the flip side of the same rush.

I'm 24/7 as well and I have to agree that spice is not for every time or every situation. In most situations trying to add spice is just not practical. But then many things are impractical in 24/7 a large percentage of the time.


I was trying to wrap my head around this from the Dom point of view and was having trouble seeing it. I can now see how by changing sensory input to get a different reaction would be a Dom's way to play. Thanks

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 6:42:33 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

i personally like a little spice. i can't do the pain stuff, but i like the idea of the skimpy outfits my Dom/Daddy may make me wear, the blindfolds, the restraints.... i am more into the role-play than anything else, and the little details can matter a lot. All those little things that help build up that scene can make a huge difference for me.


I can honestly say I was not into the pain part either when I first got involved. But see what 20 years in the lifestyle will do! I do now have a high tolerance for pain but I do not consider myself a pain slut. Its those little things that distract your mind from feeling the pain. Getting it to the point where I actually cannot tell the difference between pain and pleasure. What I like to call ultimate sub space

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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 6:56:32 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
Do you enjoy Spice or No Spice? And more importantly do you know why?


The spice must flow.  I controlz teh spice, I controlz teh universe.  (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
 
When I play, I like the toys and clothes.  But I don't need them to be fancy.  I love pervertables so I'm just as happy going on a scavenger hunt in the garage as I am with the expensive stuff.  I'm also big on comfort, so I'm more likely to wear jeans and a t-shirt than glossy fetish wear. 
 
For me, it's all very mental.  Picture the mad scientist running experiments - if I do X what reaction will I get?  Or, I want reaction Y, what do I need to do to get it?  It less about the toys and the clothes and more about the reactions I get.  If the spice is the most expedient method for getting what I want, then I'll use it.  If not, I won't.



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RE: Spice or No Spice??? - 5/9/2011 6:56:40 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsong


  I like play, like I enjoy my food .  Sometimes tongue-burning, teary eyed, spicy as all get out , and other times , just basic, pure flavors !   However, the main ingredient is always imagination ,  or none of it works  !            :   )



I very much like this response, and I agree.


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