DifferentSubGirl
Posts: 21
Joined: 3/24/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cheshirelife
I think you should give up now
Goodness, what a sweeping opinion. What makes you say that, cheshirelife? Your opinion intrigues me, since I hold an opinion that's about 180' from yours. I don't think 'giving up' on what you want is ever a viable option. Taking breaks, re-defining, trying new things, setting different goals, focusing on the future instead of the past, re-inventing, those are all valid and viable things to do instead of giving up.
I tried to give up on my passion in life, my career, my first love -- theatre -- a while back, when it seemed like it wasn't going anywhere and the passion was lost. I wound up taking a break, even though I thought I was renouncing my passion forever, because a break was all I needed. I just didn't know it at the time. I went through the grieving process, I was angry, the whole nine yards. But when I finally rediscovered my joy, I discovered that somehow, I'd become an entirely different person in the process. Wierd how that happens!
I also tried giving up on finding a romantic partner. After my marriage ended at the age of 22, I spent the next 7 years figuring out who I was and discovering, for the first time, my own sexuality, which included (to nobody's suprise but my own!) kink. It took that long to discover and reclaim my own personal, sexual, passion -- and I didn't have a date that entire time. I don't mean, 'I didn't sleep with anybody/have a scene with anybody/have one-night stands' I mean . . . not one /date/. I wasn't ready, and somehow, the guys (I'm very straight) knew that.
Up until a year ago last April, I *still* wasn't ready. Over the last two-three years I've had a few dates, but I didn't find a real realtionship until last April. Unfortunately, it got too complicated and ended after four months, but it began well, continued well, and ended well. I ended it last July, and it took almost another year before I was ready to face the whole 'searching for a partner' thing again. I joined collarme in late April of this year, and now, the stars are aligned and 've been talking via email with a local gent whom I think may work out, if we ever wind up meeting. It's still very early. I am tired of being alone, but it took that 8 months (and of course, all of the prior years) for me to come to some hard truths and new realizations about what I needed to change in order to have a successful relationship. See, it wasn't that I couldn't find anybody -- or that it just wasn't working out for some obscure reason -- it was that the only thing standing in the way was me. The gents weren't the issue :)
I am a firm believer in introspection, journaling, talking, actively thinking and analyzing, learning, taking breaks, and being painfully honest with yourself. I'm also a firm believer in the something -- whatever it is -- that guides our steps and leads us, if we pay attention, to where we need to be. I call it God, but there are lots of definitions out there, like intution and inner guides and such.
In short, don't give up, but be willing to admit that there might just be a problem somewhere in your life that needs to get fixed so that you can get what you want. I hope sharing my experiences help, and don't harm.
DSG
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