unfair punishment

unfair punishment (Full Version)

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ranja -> unfair punishment (5/22/2011 6:22:58 AM)
when you are being ignored and excluded as a punishment and you are convinced the treatment you are getting is unfair do you give in and keep a low profile and sit it out all meakly? or do you make an effort to try and get your point across to the 'authority' and witnesses and try to find justice for yourself? or do you pretend to be all submissive and take your punishment untill you see an opportunity to take 'revenge' and then hit back? do you think it makes a difference in attitude towards this dilemma as to whether you are sub of Dom?

littlewonder -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 7:52:25 AM)
I tell him how I feel in a respectful manner and then I deal with my punishment. I apologize to him for whatever I did and then thank him for the punishment, listening to me and being with me. Sure sometimes I feel it's unfair but ya know, I'm his slave. We don't have an equal relationship. If I wanted equal wouldn't have agreed to be his slave. The idea of revenge just seems childish and immature to me and those who feel they have to make a huge drama over it makes me wonder just why they signed up to be a slave if that's what they label themselves.

sirsholly -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 7:53:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja when you are being ignored and excluded as a punishment and you are convinced the treatment you are getting is unfair do you give in and keep a low profile and sit it out all meakly? or do you make an effort to try and get your point across to the 'authority' and witnesses and try to find justice for yourself? or do you pretend to be all submissive and take your punishment untill you see an opportunity to take 'revenge' and then hit back? do you think it makes a difference in attitude towards this dilemma as to whether you are sub of Dom? I am a wee bit confused as to what aspect you are referring to. Is this an employer/employee dispute? An issue with your significant other, a family member or someone in your social circle? It is difficult to answer you without more information. Another thing that would affect my answer to you is the respect given to the authority figure by others. If you are the only one that is having a conflict it might be a wise move to examine your understanding of the situation and reflect on the part you played.

myotherself -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 7:57:21 AM)
I will talk with him and explain why I think the punishment is unfair. If he disagrees, then I will take the punishment and move on. If I wanted to get pissy and argue the toss, or walk out and refuse the punishment, then I would be making a mockery of our relationship. He promised to lead me to the best of his ability, and I promised to follow. Also, revenge is a pretty unpleasant thing. It festers and eats away at you. Best to let it go.

UberBrat -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 7:57:50 AM)
I am very new to this, and, so far, have never done anything deserving of a punishment. Should the time come, which i expect probably will in due course, I really hope he doesn't ignore me. I definitely think that would be by far the most upsetting punishment he could ever give me. As for any punishment, should i think it is unfair, I will probably take it reluctantly, and protest - but ultimitately, i think i would realise that he is the dom, and I am the sub, and so, really, at the end of the day, it is his decision.

ranja -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 8:24:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly I am a wee bit confused as to what aspect you are referring to. Is this an employer/employee dispute? An issue with your significant other, a family member or someone in your social circle? It is difficult to answer you without more information. Another thing that would affect my answer to you is the respect given to the authority figure by others. If you are the only one that is having a conflict it might be a wise move to examine your understanding of the situation and reflect on the part you played. sort of employer/employee more like footballers/referee as in the dispute was between the ball players (quite equally capable of fighting their corner) and the referee stepping in and punishing one but not the other. There might well be others with conflicts with the referee, i do not know... and i don't know how to find out either

Kana -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 8:43:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja when you are being ignored and excluded as a punishment and you are convinced the treatment you are getting is unfair do you give in and keep a low profile and sit it out all meakly? or do you make an effort to try and get your point across to the 'authority' and witnesses and try to find justice for yourself? or do you pretend to be all submissive and take your punishment untill you see an opportunity to take 'revenge' and then hit back? do you think it makes a difference in attitude towards this dilemma as to whether you are sub of Dom? We have lots of conversations that go somewhat like this: Kana-Do X,Y,Z Lilone-That's not fair Kana-WTF. This is slavery. There's nothing fair about it.

sirsholly -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 8:47:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly I am a wee bit confused as to what aspect you are referring to. Is this an employer/employee dispute? An issue with your significant other, a family member or someone in your social circle? It is difficult to answer you without more information. Another thing that would affect my answer to you is the respect given to the authority figure by others. If you are the only one that is having a conflict it might be a wise move to examine your understanding of the situation and reflect on the part you played. sort of employer/employee more like footballers/referee as in the dispute was between the ball players (quite equally capable of fighting their corner) and the referee stepping in and punishing one but not the other. There might well be others with conflicts with the referee, i do not know... and i don't know how to find out either I had a feeling your OP was not about a relationship with your Dom. It is impossible not to notice you are on the Awaiting Approval list and i thought perhaps that was the issue. My feeling though is not something you will like. Life is short. Conflicts happen. You, as the ball player, feel the referee was one-sided. The ref probably feels he made a good call. The referee has the final word, and you knew that when you started to play hardball. Handle the decision with grace and dignity or you might find yourself having a good brisk sit in the penalty box. Perhaps you will feel better if you simply send the referee a brief message to put the conflict to rest and asking that you both simply agree to disagree. Then move on. As i said, life is just too short.

DesFIP -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 8:47:20 AM)
Any time he could have punished me, we've first talked it out. And every damn time it's come down to miscommunication. Once we clear up what was meant versus what was said and what was heard, there's never been a need for it. However, I'm not willing to be punished for making a mistake. If I have to be perfect, then he has to be also, to set the example. Accidents, misunderstandings, conflicts that I have to solve - none of those are grounds for punishment here. Only willful disobedience, and if I'm doing that, it won't be on a whim but because the relationship has already broken down irreparably.

ranja -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 8:47:29 AM)
yes... well i suppose life isn't fair what about Lilone being in a dispute with Liltwo and you as referee having to sort it out?

juliaoceania -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 8:50:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja when you are being ignored and excluded as a punishment and you are convinced the treatment you are getting is unfair do you give in and keep a low profile and sit it out all meakly? or do you make an effort to try and get your point across to the 'authority' and witnesses and try to find justice for yourself? or do you pretend to be all submissive and take your punishment untill you see an opportunity to take 'revenge' and then hit back? do you think it makes a difference in attitude towards this dilemma as to whether you are sub of Dom? I do none of the above. I will not become involved with someone who thinks ignoring a partner is a good way to sustain a relationship. I have bought and wore and burned that tshirt, so I know how destructive it is. My first D/s relationship had this form of "punishment" as a major mechanism of control. We had a very long distance relationship for over a year, and his way of getting me to do what he wanted was to ignore me, even though it hurt me greatly and played into my issues. The last time he did it I made the choice to end it. By the time he contacted me a couple of weeks later I had moved on and was talking to several dominants, one of which I ended up with for about 5 yrs[:)]... and he never ignored me as a punishment. He may have walked away when he was upset, but he didn't do it to punish me. It is a hard limit now, it doesn't work for me, and it would basically cause me to emotionally withdraw and move on.

ranja -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 8:57:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly I had a feeling your OP was not about a relationship with your Dom. It is impossible not to notice you are on the Awaiting Approval list and i thought perhaps that was the issue. My feeling though is not something you will like. Life is short. Conflicts happen. You, as the ball player, feel the referee was one-sided. The ref probably feels he made a good call. The referee has the final word, and you knew that when you started to play hardball. Handle the decision with grace and dignity or you might find yourself having a good brisk sit in the penalty box. Perhaps you will feel better if you simply send the referee a brief message to put the conflict to rest and asking that you both simply agree to disagree. Then move on. As i said, life is just too short. Life is short indeed and a bit of fun is to be had, the referee had gone on holiday. i think if a wrong decision is made - and pointed out, then it should be corrected i think were 2 fight, 2 may be at fault and then 2 should be punished... or none at all. or be allowed to finish the fight... especially if it is entertaining

sirsholly -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:04:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja yes... well i suppose life isn't fair what about Lilone being in a dispute with Liltwo and you as referee having to sort it out? As the referee i have the responsibility to be as fair as i can be, and the fact that i hold the referee position says my superiors feel i am doing so. Personal integrity also becomes an issue, when i am wrong i will admit to it and offer an apology. The fact that LilOne remains upset about this issue tells me the referee feels he was correct in his decision and comfortable that he made the best call within his power.

JstAnotherSub -> the mods were mean to me, and I am mad (5/22/2011 9:05:39 AM)
Fixed the thread title for you....I really have no idea what this has to do with general BDSM though.

ranja -> RE: the mods were mean to me, and I am mad (5/22/2011 9:10:08 AM)
you changed the title...can you do that?? i suspect if i would have posted it like that in the first place it would have been pulled. and if this thread needs to be moved i suppose the mods will take care of that?

TreasureKY -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:14:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja i think were 2 fight, 2 may be at fault and then 2 should be punished... or none at all. or be allowed to finish the fight... especially if it is entertaining I'll be the first to admit that I have no clue as to what this thread is really about, however, I will say that as a parent I've had to be the referee. On more than one occasion my decisions resulted in what might have been seen as unfair punishment. I'd often hold my oldest to a higher standard because he should have known better than his younger brother. Often my middle son would be punished more severely because he needed to learn that bad behavior on the part of one of his siblings did not give him the excuse to behave in an even worse manner. In the end, it boils down to a few simple things: People are not perfectly equal; Behavior is not perfectly equal; and Life isn't always fair.

Kana -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:15:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja yes... well i suppose life isn't fair what about Lilone being in a dispute with Liltwo and you as referee having to sort it out? Grins. I spent some time doing mediation so I have no problems sorting things out. Course, grins, if the kids get to the point where Dad's gotta get involved, I don't thing either is gonna care for the results.

juliaoceania -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:20:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ranja when you are being ignored and excluded as a punishment and you are convinced the treatment you are getting is unfair do you give in and keep a low profile and sit it out all meakly? or do you make an effort to try and get your point across to the 'authority' and witnesses and try to find justice for yourself? or do you pretend to be all submissive and take your punishment untill you see an opportunity to take 'revenge' and then hit back? do you think it makes a difference in attitude towards this dilemma as to whether you are sub of Dom? Is this about being put on moderation? There are many more important things in life to worry about than whether the moderation on this site is fair or unfair. I accept their authority to moderate me just by my presence posting here. If I did not I would not be posting right now. I do not expect these people to be completely fair, it isn't like a court of law where the "punishment" is my loss of personal freedom and liberty... it is just a website. Therefore the need to argue my case in the event of a moderation seems somewhat silly to me. As far as refereeing between posters, I am sure there is some unfairness and some partiality in decisions that get made. There is no blind lady liberty moderating here, these are human beings with feelings and biases... we all have them.

ranja -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:26:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana if the kids get to the point where Dad's gotta get involved, I don't thing either is gonna care for the results. And that is exactly my point if you referee in bias to one it stinks in my opinion

Lockit -> RE: unfair punishment (5/22/2011 9:34:18 AM)
Self accountability would dictate and guarantee that I wouldn't cross a line and I would expect my submissive to be the same. In any other situation in life, I would expect this to be the way of it as well. People know... when they are crossing lines. Even little people. It all starts with you and if you are crossing a line, even if others are guilty or unfair... what matters is what you are doing and how you conduct yourself. If you feel you haven't crossed any lines and bear no guilt, go forth and stand up for yourself as long as you aren't crossing any of those lines. If at that point things are still unfair, you might have some decisions to make. I think of picking my battles and in gambling... know when to hold them or fold them. Only you can make that decision. Bottom line... you are an adult, you decide. Be with someone you feel is unfair... or whatever or remove yourself in some manner whether that is distancing yourself or removing yourself. It all comes back to you and what you decide to do in handling something.

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