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The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 3:17:31 AM

falccon

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
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After finding a Domme, you're collared, sign a slave contract, and a chastity devise is installed. You make the necessary arrangements to hand over access all possessions to her including bank account and wages into her account. Life as a slave has begun and you are truly where you've always wanted to be. However, after a few months, the Domme refuses to play and doesn't enforce the rules anymore. She doesn't want to be in control and seems uninterested in such play. She likes control of the slave's money and that's all. What can you do to prevent this from happening?

Post #: 1

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 4:17:50 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

However, after a few months, the Domme refuses to play and doesn't enforce the rules anymore. She doesn't want to be in control and seems uninterested in such play. She likes control of the slave's money and that's all. What can you do to prevent this from happening?

Uhhh maybe she expects a slave to follow her rules and orders without having to "enforce" them, since play is so important for you, I would suggest that you do pay for play, in that case you can always take your business elsewhere, if it is not up to your expectations.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 2

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 7:32:29 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Then you will have done the equivalent of lowering your submarine into the water with all the hatches open.

You have allowed her to capture your person, your resources, and your sexuality....but you will have missed what I believe is the most crucial step - it is for you to capture her heart FIRST! And hopefully, for her to also capture yours!

Sure all that other stuff is fine and very fantasy-ish if both folk are in to it, then cool. But all that is something to be done in combination with D/s or M/s as a core foundational element - of a larger rounded LOVE relationship.

What you are saying you want in your message is terribly risky with someone with whom you do not have a very strong loving dynamic.

Your scenario is almost like reading a recipe....seems to preclude Love...and is thereby, IMO, a recipe for disaster.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 3

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 8:32:07 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

However, after a few months, the Domme refuses to play and doesn't enforce the rules anymore. She doesn't want to be in control and seems uninterested in such play.

If you were a woman, people would be telling you that "He's just not that into you". Well in your case, the same seems to apply. SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Slave contracts, signing over bank accounts, chastity devices, and all of that stuff has very little to do with a day-to-day relationship. It sounds like you are so focused on the fantasy stuff that you failed to keep her interest on a purely vanilla level. And if a woman isn't into you, she isn't likely to want to spend much time playing with you (unless you're a paying customer).

I'd suggest that you stop talking about play. Show interest in HER. Take her to dinner. Talk to her. Ask her how her day was. Offer to do some of the chores that she hates. Instead of just giving her your bank account, try buying her something that she'll really like. Be creative. Show her how important she is to you.

Slaves sometimes forget that dominant women are still women. How would you treat her if she were a vanilla date, rather than your Mistress/Owner? Mix some of that stuff into your relationship, and stop focusing on your fantasy.

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 4

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 8:48:38 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

OP, take all of the D/s words out of your post. Look at it as a vanilla relationship and ask yourself what went wrong.

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Dark Muse
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"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 5

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 9:20:07 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OP, before I go through the effort to answer this question, is this what really happened in your life or just another hypothetical that's been dreamed up?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 6

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 10:44:17 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OP, before I go through the effort to answer this question, is this what really happened in your life or just another hypothetical that's been dreamed up?

Hmmmmmm, I didn't realize that he had a history of asking hypothetical questions. I assumed this was a real problem that he was facing. Thanks for the warning (I wish I had read it before I typed my reply to him).

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 10:58:47 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

OP, If you signed over your bank account and wages to a Domme, I'd say you're a FOOL!!!

Diane

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 8

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 10:59:14 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

His entire history here is wild hair fantasy questions.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 9

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 11:48:25 AM

falccon

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline

so many generalizations. it's not hypothetical.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 11:49:43 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Really? Look back at your posting history and show us how you have had ANY real life experience. If you had, you would see how incredibly absurd your original post is.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 11

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 11:58:10 AM

falccon

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Really? Look back at your posting history and show us how you have had ANY real life experience. If you had, you would see how incredibly absurd your original post is.

i do have real life experience, and i don't care if you believe me. absurb in your eyes only without knowing all the fine details.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 12:28:22 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Watch how this works:

After finding a Domme (woman), you're collared (become involved in a relationship), sign a slave contract (get a marriage license), and a chastity devise is installed (have a certain kind of sex life). You make the necessary arrangements to hand over access all possessions to her including bank account and wages into her account (You decide that she is better at money, so she controls the household finances). Life as a slave (husband) has begun and you are truly where you've always wanted to be (you feel for the first time that someone really loves you and you've always wanted that). However, after a few months, the Domme (woman) refuses to play (no longer shows you affection) and doesn't enforce the rules anymore (no longer has any interest in you). She doesn't want to be in control (she got tired of playing the loving spouse) and seems uninterested in such play (no longer wants sex). She likes control of the slave's money and that's all (She was a gold digger). What can you do to prevent this from happening? (How do you chose a partner more carefully?)

All I did in the above was take the kink terms away and replaced them with vanilla ones. Many of the threads that come up around here have pretty basic common sense answers if you do that. The answer to your question is avoid people who seem like they are putting on an act just to get a hold of your money.

There's a term out there that just about every person who has any knowledge about these kind of things is aware of. That term is "bait and switch". It gets used for a lot of situations, but here's a really common one:

"A person who plays a role or leads someone to believe they are a Dom/me, sub, kinky person, etc, until the point they have secured what they want (a partner, situation, etc) who then 'switches' back to the person they really are."

The "bait" is what the other person wants. The "switch" is when the role playing fades because they don't need the act to get what they wanted after it was secured.

How do you avoid it? Well, one thing I'd suggest is that you really *know* the person you are getting involved with. What were their other relationships like before you came along? Do they have other kinky friends who they spend time with or other signs that contribute to your thinking that what they have presented to you is who they really are? Books, movies, art, knick knacks, gag gifts, etc, etc, etc?

Some people are better at bait and switch than others. The rest, if you spend the time getting to know the person over any length of time, it's pretty transparent.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 13

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 12:33:15 PM

falccon

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline

^^ inaccuracies. i'm not going to disclose personal info. you still don't get it.i'll leave it at that. whatever......

< Message edited by falccon -- 5/23/2011 12:38:18 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 12:42:55 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

^^ inaccuracies. i'm not going to disclose personal info. you still don't get it.i'll leave it at that. whatever......

Well, if you don't tell us the truth or the real problem, how can anybody give advice?

Do you go to the doc and refuse to tell him what hurts because you don't want to disclose something so personal? Nobody asked for names and addresses btw.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 15

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 12:51:49 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

^^ inaccuracies. i'm not going to disclose personal info. you still don't get it.i'll leave it at that. whatever......

Well, without knowing the details, bait and switch sounds like what might have happened. If it wasn't, I'm happy for you.

At the same time, the bit about starting threads constantly and then putting up the attitude of 'oh, it's too personal' is getting rather old. If it's too personal, ask some friends who know the situation that care about you, rather than strangers on the internet.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 16

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 12:56:58 PM

falccon

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline

LadyPact, with due respect,i don't want to get into a pissing match with you.

< Message edited by falccon -- 5/23/2011 1:03:23 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 1:03:47 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

No worries. I think our respective messages are loud and clear. You wanted advice, you got some. Feel free to blame those who tried because of having to shoot in the dark.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 18

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 3:58:51 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

^^ inaccuracies. i'm not going to disclose personal info. you still don't get it.i'll leave it at that. whatever......

If readers repeatedly misunderstand you then you might want to consider the possibility that the problem's not with the readers.

If you present a general problem, you're going to get a general answer. If you don't include information relevant to your situation the answer may not be relevant to your situation. And if you can't present the facts in a clear and accurate way then...well, you get the picture. None of those things are the fault of the reader - what's at fault is you, and your presentation of information.

Based on the threads of yours that I've seen, anonymous message boards where you don't feel comfortable explaining yourself are *always* going to suck for you. Maybe this just isn't your medium of communication.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 19

RE: The temp Domme - 5/23/2011 5:32:19 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: falccon

After finding a Domme, you're collared, sign a slave contract, and a chastity devise is installed. You make the necessary arrangements to hand over access all possessions to her including bank account and wages into her account. Life as a slave has begun and you are truly where you've always wanted to be. However, after a few months, the Domme refuses to play and doesn't enforce the rules anymore. She doesn't want to be in control and seems uninterested in such play. She likes control of the slave's money and that's all. What can you do to prevent this from happening?

Falcon,

This is a lot of hairbrained lunacy.

No sub can afford to switch off his intuition just because a woman describes herself as 'a Domme'. Newsflash: a lot of women are full of bollocks. It doesn't matter that you, they, or various websites, maintain that women just aren't like this - some of them are. They're as much likely to be nutty, scheming, money-grabbing bullshitters as men are. I mean, really, if you'd heard this story from a woman, about a male Dom, what would your instincts tell you?

Apologies to the stuffed-up, female supremacist pro-Dommes with plastic faces, arses and tits, and chronic femdom tops' disease, who look in occasionally on this forum . . . but this really is ludicrous horseshit. Women are just ordinary people, just as men are, and that's that.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to falccon)

Post #: 20

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