RE: about jeaulousy..

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ownedgirlie -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 9:16:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie It has been my experience that it takes an excellent dominant, intelligent in the ways of the mind, to teach his submissive to resolve and move past her jealousy issues. As one who was once very insecure and felt twinges of pain at the thought of Master with another, I now freely accept and welcome other submissives in his life, and would assist him in the training of a girl he might find appropriate. This took energy and effort on both our parts, to work beyond what the mind has fathomed and march directly into truth. The result has been phenominal - a bond as strong as ever, and submission to the depths of me. It is unfortunate that others would rather discard a human than aquire the wisdom to know what to do in a situation. In this throw-away society, I suppose those lacking in knowledge throw away humans in exchange for another to come along. I guess it's just easier that way. I am glad I belong to someone who is strong enough to not choose the easy route simply because it is easy. Actually, it takes a Dominant who is a wuss to sit there and deal with a bunch of destructive jealousy from a sub on an ongoing basis. Ok, if there are some minor issues at first, fine, talk them through. I have no problem with that at all. However, beyond that I think they do it because they do not know when the next one will come along, so they would rather take their chances and put up with the nonsense. It is kind of like making your sex the greatest ever because you have no idea when you are going to get it again. If they are hard up and they want to deal with the rubbish, let them. I have no problem with that. But I believe it takes more strength to draw your line in the sand, stand on your own two feet and saying "I am not going to put up with your shit". If that is not enough to smarten them up then the door is the best place for them. There are plenty of women out there. No end to the lineup. Draw up the courage, tell them to shape up or ship out and find someone who is not going to put you through the ringer. I am finding more and more that the only reason men put up with some women's crap is because they believe they can not find anything better somewhere else. I am not sure if the opposite is true or not, as I can not speak from a woman's perspective. I tried to do it once out of love, but like I said she was a waste of My time. As you can tell, I have a zero tolerance policy. There is no place for jealousy in a good relationship. No one said anything about sitting there and dealing with it. What I did say (or at least tried to say), is that when one takes the time to understand the human mind and to know where typical emotions stem from, one can invest time and effort into redirecting negative emotions in a person who clearly has great potential. It's called not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I did not intend to imply that my Master sat there and took crap from me. Had I behaved one fraction of how the girl you spoke of behaved and didn't turn it around, I would be out on my ass also. It would mean he had no control, power or authority over me, so what would be the point? However, in my case (my feelings were not extreme at all, but if not addressed could have been damaging), he saw my efforts to overcome the issue. Meanwhile, he removed me from situations that would feed my negative thinking, until he was confident that I could handle them. I received quite the day of "corporal punishment" for behaving out of line due to jealousy, trust me. The lesson there was that while he understood where those feelings came from, he would not tolerate inappropriate behavior as a result of them. So yes, maybe those who sit there and take it are weak and hard pressed and settling. Fortunately my Master is not that, either. With the attention he receives from others, he could have his pick. I am glad for this thread because it reminds me of how much I admire him, and how honored I am that he thought enough of me to get me through the hump. [sm=dance.gif] Happy Happy day!

ownedgirlie -> RE: about jealousy.. (5/13/2006 9:23:37 AM)
quote: quote: This is an op ed written by a woman who died 65 years ago. *What does the age of the document have to do with anything?* I see the age of it as significant when talking about "mental issues" because SO much information about disorders, where they stem from and how to treat them, has been discovered in recent years. If the Op Ed was actually an article of "fact," it could very well be viewed as out dated material now. Add to that, it was an Op Ed. A statement of opinion. Opinions about human behavior have greatly changed in the last century, wouldn't you agree? We used to think homosexuality was a disorder. We used to think women, or minorities, who wanted equal rights were a problem. We used to think various emotional issues classified a person as "insane" and needed to be institutionalized . I'd say the age of an opinion had a lot to do with the discussion, since it being used as factual evidence to back up an argument.

kittensmailbox -> RE: about jealousy.. (5/13/2006 9:31:03 AM)
i use to be a very jealous person, and it caused a lot of damage... Now i have the attitude, if you can find something better, please feel free...

bandit25 -> RE: about jealousy.. (5/13/2006 9:35:57 AM)
I feel the same way kitten. Now, I'm not a jealous person, never have been; however, I know that some are. I think that it should be talked over and resolved if possible.

feastie -> RE: about jealousy.. (5/13/2006 9:36:10 AM)
Jealousy is a basic emotion. Some people tend to be more jealous than others, just like some people tend to be more angry than others, etc. If your partner tends to be extreme in their jealous behavior, then you need to decide if you can live with it. If you are extreme in your jealous behavior, you need to examine why. Most of the time, jealousy stems from feelings of inadequacy, ie; the fear of not being able to hold on to what is mine. You know, if I find out my guy is out with other women, I drop him. I don't throw a jealous fit, I don't rage at him, I just drop him. Ok, well I let him know why I'm cutting him loose. Obviously, I wasn't what he wanted or needed so why keep myself in a position that makes me feel bad?

ownedgirlie -> RE: about jealousy.. (5/13/2006 9:44:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Jealousy is a basic emotion. Some people tend to be more jealous than others, just like some people tend to be more angry than others, etc. If your partner tends to be extreme in their jealous behavior, then you need to decide if you can live with it. If you are extreme in your jealous behavior, you need to examine why. Most of the time, jealousy stems from feelings of inadequacy, ie; the fear of not being able to hold on to what is mine. Totally agree with you there. quote: You know, if I find out my guy is out with other women, I drop him. I don't throw a jealous fit, I don't rage at him, I just drop him. Ok, well I let him know why I'm cutting him loose. Obviously, I wasn't what he wanted or needed so why keep myself in a position that makes me feel bad? In a case where you were assured you were the only one to begin with, I can understand this sentiment, because that would mean you were lied to. For many of us, however, it is what we knowingly and agree to enter into. That doesn't mean it is always easy, as many facets of slavery are not at all easy. I had lots of fears when growing in my slavery. Jealousy was just one of them. But, as has been suggested here, it is all in how it is handled. Talk talk talk...do not turn into a raging lunatic. Energies can indeed be channeled to better places, if both parties are strong enough to do so.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 11:04:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin See, this proves My point. No, actually it doesn't. If you'd like me to believe that, you need to back it up. quote: You did not need jealousy to come to those conclusions. I believe I did. As you were not living my life at the time, it would be impossible for you to make that judgement. We have very different lives and experience very different things, so the range of healthy emotions needed in any given circumstance would be very different for each of us. quote: You took something and internalized it, letting it eat you alive. No, I didn't. I've experienced the kind of deep, all-consuming jealousy that you're so afraid of. The instances that I listed in my last post were not of that type. It was more of a mild, passing jealousy. quote: The proper way to learn is to be intuitive. Use intuition and wisdom to question the integrity of the relationship. You're right. Intuition is one of the proper ways to learn. Couldn't jealousy be a type or expression of intuition? quote: If you had simply used your head you would have come up to the same conclusions. That was very rude, and you know it. There's no reason for you to turn this debate ugly. I understand that you have had some very negative experiences with your own jealousy. I've had some very negative experiences with mine as well, yet I have also had positive ones. Just because you claim not to be able to see the positive side of any type of jealousy does not mean that others don't. Remember, what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. Tolerance is an important virtue. quote: As it was you wasted time, effort and energy for nothing. I most certainly did not. However, you are entitled to your opinions (and that is all they are), much as I am entitled to mine.

SirKenin -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 11:52:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain However, you are entitled to your opinions (and that is all they are), much as I am entitled to mine. Of course you are. [;)] By the way, I did not have real problems with My former jealousy like you alluded to. In fact, it only really flared up when she was cheating on Me and writing "have sex with me" letters to My friends. It is everyone else's jealousy that was the problem. I do not have the patience for that nonsense. If that works for you, and you can excuse it and justify it and get away with it, feel free. That is your perogative. I can safely say you would not last under My roof. Not that you would want to of course. lol.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 12:50:43 PM)
You're right. I wouldn't want to. LOL. I don't think that most of the times I've been jealous have been nonsense though. You might be surprised to know that I'm not really a jealous person at all. That's why I typically take it pretty seriously when I find myself getting into that mind frame. I'm definitely not one to throw a tantrum about it, though. I prefer calm and collected discussion every time. I've been on the receiving end of that kind of crippling jealousy as well. Fortunately, I was able to work through it with the person involved, though the relationship did not ultimately work out. I suppose you and I see simply see it different ways. When I see someone with that extreme level of jealousy, I know they must be hurting, so I try to work through it with them. Doing my bit for society, and such. Of course, after a while if I realize they've simply gone off the deep end, that's usually a good time to throw in the towel. Ultimately, I don't think there is anything for me to excuse, justify, or get away with. I'm not your ex, and hopefully I'm not much like her. The kind of jealousy I get, which is pretty much nonexistent now, isn't nearly as psychotic as hers sounds. I talk it out if it happens, and I'm not in the habit of throwing myself on the neighbor's lawn in a jealous rage. [;)]

SirKenin -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 1:05:20 PM)
Well I have to hand it to you. You are cute. I will grant you that much. Jealousy stems from irrational insecurity. That is how I view it, that is how most of the research on the web views it. This is the background for My premise. I give My partner nothing to be jealous about. I devote Myself to them and only them. Period. Therefore they have no right to that "emotion". If they have it, is their own mental issues that are at fault. If it flares up, the only cure is within themselves. There is absolutely bugger all you as an outsider can do about it, as you have figured out. Your "doing it for the country" thinking is deeply flawed and a complete waste of time, as you came around to figure out when you told them to beat it. And rightly so. The exact same thing I am telling you I would do. As you can see, then, there is no just cause for jealousy. Being rational, intuitive, inquisitive and wise trumps jealousy every single time. Anything short is making excuses for a shortcoming, that being jealousy and irrational insecurities. That ex of Mine, by the way, was an extreme case. She was a nutcase. Geez I do not know what the hell I was thinking when I picked her up. Somebody slap Me. I have had another ex who was jealous too, but not to that extreme. You will note that she is an ex. My wife is great though, but I think I have already said that.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 1:18:35 PM)
I was joking about the "doing my bit for society" thing. My sense of humor's weird and hard to express without being able to see my facial expressions. I forget that sometimes. I meant that if jealousy crops up in my relationships from a partner, I try to be understanding and help them through it. If that doesn't work, it's quittin' time. It has worked for me before though. Some people just need firm-handed love to get over their baggage. I've had people be very patient with me before, and I'm a better person for it. I try to extend others the same courtesy. I can, however, understand why you wouldn't want to. LOL. Either way what we're arguing is a moot point. We're both happily married and trust our spouses implicitly. I don't think jealousy is a real issue for either of us.

SirKenin -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 1:30:20 PM)
Well, I must hand it to you once more. You have more patience than I. As I am about 13 years older than you are, perhaps that extra time has jaded My perceptions and caused a certain amount more intolerance to develop. I have nothing against people with baggage, really. There are plenty of them it seems and for a whole host of different reasons. I just see no reason that I should have to put up with it when tomorrow another woman will knock at the door. Women with baggage are just a burden, nothing more. A giant pain in the ass. I know that there are patient people like yourself that will deal with it. However, I have had My share, I tried My best with them, it never worked out, I learned My lesson. A schwing and a boot. Take yourself, your baggage, your 30 exes, your sob stories and your half a dozen children somewhere else. lol chuckle Jealousy is no issue, no... Except when she kisses our lady friend.. Damn.. I want kisses like that... sigh. haha Yes I am happily married. Common Law actually. The plan is to get engaged later this year and have an official ceremony at the end of next year, just to make our relatives happy if nothing else. lol

valeca -> RE: about jealousy.. (5/13/2006 1:31:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth "Honestly", I have never experienced jealousy, especially regarding beth. I don't know if it's the opposite emotion, but I feel nothing but pride when anyone expresses interest in her. ...and if she's the one expressing the interest (beyond the passing, "Oh, he's attractive." type)? Would that change the perspective at all? I quite enjoy reading your posts, and more often than not I walk away with a little more insight into the thread topic as it relates to you and yours, or at the very least, new information to mull over. I'm sure I already know the answer, but I thought I'd ask anyway.

Mercnbeth -> RE: about jealousy.. (5/13/2006 1:39:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: valeca quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth "Honestly", I have never experienced jealousy, especially regarding beth. I don't know if it's the opposite emotion, but I feel nothing but pride when anyone expresses interest in her. ...and if she's the one expressing the interest (beyond the passing, "Oh, he's attractive." type)? Would that change the perspective at all? valeca, Not at all. Most likely I'd ask him to come over and join us where we'd find out if there was any chemistry and compatibility. Who knows how the day would end? I love having dress beth provocatively just to enjoy watching other men, and some women, watch her. The results of that can never generate jealousy.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 2:10:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin Yes I am happily married. Common Law actually. The plan is to get engaged later this year and have an official ceremony at the end of next year, just to make our relatives happy if nothing else. lol Congrats! A good marriage is a hard thing to find anymore. Good luck with the official ceremony as well. If I'd had my way, my wedding would have been very casual, and outdoors. I didn't get my way, though. My Mom got hers. We had my big fat Roman Catholic wedding at the cathedral here in town, with an enormous upscale reception afterwards (250 people). It was worth it I suppose, as it made my whole family very happy, even though they know I'm not Catholic anymore. LOL. My Dad's head of the parish council, so I couldn't not get married in the Catholic church without an uproar. If you're having a wedding just to make the relatives happy, though (which I completely understand), make sure you get as much of the day done your way as possible. It's still your day. You have to make sure that you enjoy it. That's my only good advice, really. Edited to add: That was very off topic. Sorry.

wouldlike2 -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 2:22:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin There are plenty of them it seems and for a whole host of different reasons. I just see no reason that I should have to put up with it when tomorrow another woman will knock at the door. with all respect SirKenin, these sentence appear to me like women are just a number in the line - waiting until they will gladly be picked up.[8\|] what does make the One for You then?? the One who submitt to You and share herself completely? we are unique - aren't we? is it not the difference - the unique - we have , even as humans we have a lot in common what does create a feeling, a need, a want, a desire in U/us? this sentence seems to me like its a business. and being honest if i am in business i do apply for a job - nothing more. i do not wanna sound impolite with my view on here.... but i think we choose somone cause we are involved emotional.. and then we will be not exchangeable from one moment to the next... if so we would choose based on an intellectuel reason, just coming from O/our brain.. and then Your sentence would be make sense to me... but as a human - living in a world of humans - i know and i deny the fact emotions would be not involved... including baggage, past, memories - experience..... etc.... pet

BitaTruble -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 2:38:58 PM)
quote: This is not the first forum I have debated this topic. Curious. I made an observation, you posted an attack to drag me into a debate when all I did was ask a question, so I countered with a researched rebuttal and didn't get a single response. The debate teams and competitions I've been in would call that a forfeit on your part. Nice um.. debating (?) with you. [8\|] Celeste

SirKenin -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 2:54:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble quote: This is not the first forum I have debated this topic. Curious. I made an observation, you posted an attack to drag me into a debate when all I did was ask a question, so I countered with a researched rebuttal and didn't get a single response. The debate teams and competitions I've been in would call that a forfeit on your part. Nice um.. debating (?) with you. [8\|] Celeste Sorry Celeste... To be honest I am not debating with you on purpose. I gave the exact Google search to back up everything I said. It is up to the individual to do their homework now. I am not going to do it for you. Just type in that search and you will see thousands of pages explaining exactly what jealousy is. No point in Me reiterating it ad infinitum, would you not agree?

BitaTruble -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 3:06:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble quote: This is not the first forum I have debated this topic. Curious. I made an observation, you posted an attack to drag me into a debate when all I did was ask a question, so I countered with a researched rebuttal and didn't get a single response. The debate teams and competitions I've been in would call that a forfeit on your part. Nice um.. debating (?) with you. [8\|] Celeste Sorry Celeste... To be honest I am not debating with you on purpose. I gave the exact Google search to back up everything I said. It is up to the individual to do their homework now. I am not going to do it for you. Just type in that search and you will see thousands of pages explaining exactly what jealousy is. No point in Me reiterating it ad infinitum, would you not agree? I can only surmise you didn't actually read my rebuttal and that you are simply refusing to answer my questions. Fair enough. I don't call that debate however and I don't know of any debate team I've ever been on that would. I'm not the one who brought up 'debating' either, but, enough. People can read for themselves what took place if they so desire. Celeste

SirKenin -> RE: about jeaulousy.. (5/13/2006 3:09:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wouldlike2 quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin There are plenty of them it seems and for a whole host of different reasons. I just see no reason that I should have to put up with it when tomorrow another woman will knock at the door. with all respect SirKenin, these sentence appear to me like women are just a number in the line - waiting until they will gladly be picked up.[8\|] what does make the One for You then?? the One who submitt to You and share herself completely? we are unique - aren't we? is it not the difference - the unique - we have , even as humans we have a lot in common what does create a feeling, a need, a want, a desire in U/us? this sentence seems to me like its a business. and being honest if i am in business i do apply for a job - nothing more. i do not wanna sound impolite with my view on here.... but i think we choose somone cause we are involved emotional.. and then we will be not exchangeable from one moment to the next... if so we would choose based on an intellectuel reason, just coming from O/our brain.. and then Your sentence would be make sense to me... but as a human - living in a world of humans - i know and i deny the fact emotions would be not involved... including baggage, past, memories - experience..... etc.... pet Well, the way I see it is this. I have not been single for 17 years, save for intermissions. I have had one relationship after the other, unfortunately falling apart (the longest lasted 10 years) because I had not come to terms with who I was as a Dom, they were full of baggage, the nutcase, whatever. Women are literally a dime a dozen. Do not think you can not be replaced, because you can. Any woman can (and likewise so can any man for that matter). I have several more of them waiting (they have expressed their interest) should I ever split with My wife, which is not going to happen hopefully. Several more want sex. She knows it too. She even said as much. She said that she knew damn well that if we split up today I would have another girlfriend tomorrow, and it is true, if that is what I wanted. She does not want to give Me up because she knows what she has, and if she turns her back on it someone else will gladly step up to take her place. That is probably one of the main reasons I do not search on here. I do not have to, and I have no patience for nonsense. I guess it does sound a bit egotistical for Me to say all this, but I really am not. I just know the way it is and has been. I truly believe I have found the one for Me, and I cherish her and love her with all My heart. I do not think about any other woman because I believe she is a gift to Me, so I spoil her rotten and treat her like My princess. However, if that fails, after I took some time to get over it and sort out any issues and deal with the emotional pain, I would move on in My search for Mrs. Right. Which brings up the last point. For some reason I am able to bounce back quite quickly, more than likely because I was consistently exposed to sometimes severe trauma in My earlier years. It is like flicking a switch, although not quite. I have developed a method that I use to deal with things like this, and not just for girlfriends. It is very effective. So yeah. If you are going to be My girlfriend, do not drag your baggage with you, do not be jealous, do not be a mental case (and there are more of them than not filling out personals on the internet) and be My equal. Do not treat Me like crap, do not choke the life out of Me and we will get along fine. I will put My all into the relationship and we will work to be as happy as possible. If you can not do that, you will be replaced. Just. Like. That.

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