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RE: sub being needy - 5/27/2011 2:52:49 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ravensnake

I speak from experience. When I was pro domming, I had a sub visit who insisted he had 'no limits' It didn't take me long to find them and for him to learn a valuable lesson. If I had been a sadist, his 'moron detector' wouldn't have been of much use as he was restrained at the time. Thats my point.



That's not much of a point, because as a responsible domme, especially a pro, you should have realized that anybody who claims "no limits" is un-experienced and hasn't got a clue what he's talking about, or mentally unsound.

I'm a sadist but I'm not an abuser, as a pro you're also in a vulnerable position and a guy comes to you because he knows he'll have a safe experience, in fact you'd have to be a complete moron to be a pro and damage somebody...

You know what happened to pre-session negotiation? How about asking a guy who claims "no limits" how he feels about being skinned alive, castrated, killed, sex with animals... If he'd say "No problem, none of them are limits for me", about anybody with half a brain would have him out of the door in a New York minute, because he's clearly not sane.


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Ravensnake)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: sub being needy - 5/27/2011 4:16:14 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aromanholiday


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ravensnake

A needy sub can be his/her own worst enemy.

Firstly because it can put pressure on or scare off a Master/Mistress


Scaring off the incompatible? (amused) That's a needy submissive being his/her own best friend, IME (in my experience).

quote:


Secondly because the sub can disregard safe limits in their eagerness to please.


Your point?

Seriously, it's only unsafe if the person they're pleasing is a moron or (cough) "abusive." Some of us needy types come equipped with moron detectors in excellent working order, I'll have you know!



And some of 'you needy types' toss an outright hissy fit when, after only a few emails, you begin proclaiming your undying devotion and love, ready to move right in...........and the person they are communicating with won't give the home address for them to move to.

I hate to be the one to clue you in but some of you 'needy types' are outright lunatics with no thought for safety, either your own or that of others. And many of us M or D types, have other people in our lives we care deeply about. People we do not want to expose to lunatic 'needy types'. It's called being responsible and thinking with the big head. Respecting others.....I am sure these are not invaluable qualities in a M or D type and I am sure, as an s type, you can appreciate that in the M or D type you submit/belong to. As you would also be one of those that are benefitting from those qualities.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to aromanholiday)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: sub being needy - 5/27/2011 4:37:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
There are more than a few lunatic D types also.

If your partner says that you're needy, it means you're incompatible. That he/she doesn't want to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Which says that neither of you bothered to talk about how much togetherness you need before you got together. And the blame for that is shared.

Of course if he/she says they want it, and then change their mind, then I'd suspect they're having an affair.

And a client is not your sub. He's someone who pays you to receive a specific service and whom you service in order to get that money. Pro-topping isn't the same as a relationship. Relationships involve mutuality, and such mundane things as calling each other for help when you lock your keys in the car and need the extra set brought to you. It involves going to dinner or the movies just for fun and for the pleasure you take in each other's company. The married guy who sees you every three weeks and gives you money to scratch his itch in exactly the way he wants it scratched isn't a friend or a lover, he's a customer without whom you would not have a business.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: sub being needy - 5/27/2011 8:14:12 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

There are more than a few lunatic D types also.



Ya think!?!?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: sub being needy - 5/27/2011 8:27:24 AM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

There are more than a few lunatic D types also.



Ya think!?!?



Say it isn't so!

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: sub being needy - 5/27/2011 9:37:49 AM   
aromanholiday


Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


quote:

ORIGINAL: aromanholiday


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ravensnake

A needy sub can be his/her own worst enemy.

Firstly because it can put pressure on or scare off a Master/Mistress


Scaring off the incompatible? (amused) That's a needy submissive being his/her own best friend, IME (in my experience).

quote:


Secondly because the sub can disregard safe limits in their eagerness to please.


Your point?

Seriously, it's only unsafe if the person they're pleasing is a moron or (cough) "abusive." Some of us needy types come equipped with moron detectors in excellent working order, I'll have you know!



And some of 'you needy types' toss an outright hissy fit when, after only a few emails, you begin proclaiming your undying devotion and love, ready to move right in...........and the person they are communicating with won't give the home address for them to move to.

I hate to be the one to clue you in but some of you 'needy types' are outright lunatics with no thought for safety, either your own or that of others. And many of us M or D types, have other people in our lives we care deeply about. People we do not want to expose to lunatic 'needy types'. It's called being responsible and thinking with the big head. Respecting others.....I am sure these are not invaluable qualities in a M or D type and I am sure, as an s type, you can appreciate that in the M or D type you submit/belong to. As you would also be one of those that are benefitting from those qualities.


Well, not to worry. You don't have to hate yourself as you offer absolutely no clues in this area that I didn't already know. My former owner liked to assist people and he specialized in the hardest cases out there, the sub female "lunatics." (Perfect word for them, btw.) He did not avoid them: he took them under his wing, where they frequently tried to peck him (and occasionally me) to death. Life was quite "interesting" for many years. We could probably trade "war stories." I wonder whose would top whose? I suspect my own, because you claim not to deal with such people beyond a certain point of "discovery." My master, however, did, and therefore so did I.

Of course, the people you describe exist. That is obvious to anybody who's been around this scene for very long. Perhaps my past experience biases me, but I would have absolutely nothing to do with them were I dominant. But I fail to see how anything you say contradicts what I've said. You claim you want to inform me of something, but it sounds like we've both been on the same page--for years (well, decades in my case). Just like you, I steer utterly clear of those who are incompatible with me, those luke-warm dominants who cannot abide my intensity to serve and be enslaved or who do recognize what I am best for. I am quite skilled at sniffing them out and also quite skilled at quietly making them think that it was their idea not to pursue me. :) It sounds as if you do the same: you steer clear of immature types that are incompatible with what you want. Perhaps the difference here might be that we are defining the term "need" in radically different ways?

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"Isn't it odd how we misunderstand the hidden unity of kindness and cruelty?"

My profile is not turned off. It is broken and I am too lazy to make a new one.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: sub being needy - 5/28/2011 4:29:31 PM   
scarletsubbie


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

Surely subs are supposed to be needy. :/


are surly subs needy? :-)

Ok, to the post:
if the impulse to be of service does not interfere with getting the rest of life done, then what is the concern?

Does it interfere?
Does your Dom wish for you to be less so?
Are you simply overwhelmed with the emotion?

(might you be bragging? not that that is always a bad thing)




(in reply to PhilSlave)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: sub being needy - 5/28/2011 5:14:33 PM   
babygirl4daddie


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline
maybe she just enjoys servicing him and maybe he likes the attention too. Some Dominants like needy subs/slaves. Its all individual and per the people involved.
Caroline

(in reply to highhopes4us)
Profile   Post #: 88
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