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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/27/2011 1:31:56 PM

CelticPrince

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quote:

I would be very interested in hearing what everyone thinks about long distance relationships which go on for a long time texting, or on phone?

Who has had them where it has turned out successful?

Thank you,

Snappingfingers.

SF,

Very good right up until a real time meet....... then it can all go out the window.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/27/2011 5:26:16 PM

akisha

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Personally, short term long distance, can work for me, but really soon it becames out of sight out of mind. I could never do online only. Nope Nope

I need someone there atleast once in a while, and it has to be leading towards an eventuality of being together in person full time.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/28/2011 6:22:00 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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we were ldr for aobut 10 months i went to visit him twice then moved to live with master. we hae been together for nearly 3 years rl now. while ldr we lived all free time in second life it was a way to be closer and more visual then IM's. we talked on phone at least twice a day and texted a lot each day on other occasions we would use skype video. (warnign here it can be expensive as we were in different countries so these things cost. For us it worked

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/28/2011 6:51:37 AM

popularDemand

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If they (the relationships) are ONLINE, and long distance, does it really make any diference?

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/28/2011 7:06:50 AM

tj444

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Well, lets see. The first one was when I was splitting with my ex (we were just platonic friends by then). Our emails to each other were very hot, passionate, etc but then one day he met someone local and that was the end of that.

The next guy, we chatted online everyday, and I eventually met him several times. He was another mistake. He was evasive when I asked questions, and also lied to me. He also said he wasnt extreme but since he was my first bdsm relationship, I found that he was extreme. I couldnt take the pain, like crawling on bare knees on a tile floor for an hour, etc. I tried really hard for him and dont think he appreciated me. I also dont think he had the experience he claimed he did. I found out he was still meeting other women, what he did with them I dont know for sure. So there was always a trust issue. So really, it depends on if both people are actually on the same page or not, if both are honest, if both are faithful to each other (assuming both are expecting that).

And now, there is a guy... that I have been chatting with who lives 2000 miles away. We seem very compatible. Time will tell tho, when we do meet, only then do you know if the attraction is real. I need a guy that is honest, someone that isnt telling other women the same things he is telling me. With a long distance thing, how do you really know? I need a guy that is only seeing and fucking me, with a long distance thing, how do you really know? So... while I live in hope, my feet are planted on the ground and I will wait until we do meet to go all gushy and fall in real love.

To me, there is no point to a long distance thing if you dont ever meet, that is just a fantasy and too frustrating, imo.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/28/2011 8:32:37 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Snappingfingers

I would be very interested in hearing what everyone thinks about long distance relationships which go on for a long time texting, or on phone?

Who has had them where it has turned out successful?

Long distance is fine, so long as the formula remains length=distance, not + excessive time spent never meeting. Baring special circumstances, three months is my usual cut-off. My take is you should have at least met by then. Duration of subsequent visits aside, a live-in situation should be explored within a year, if so desired. Multiple photos should be exchanged shortly after meeting online, as should phone numbers if the dialog is promising.

Anyone I encounter who isn't happy with the above standards is circular-filed without mercy. The end.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/28/2011 1:35:41 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

a live-in situation should be explored within a year, if so desired....

Crickey, even with relationships in the same town I didn't ever think about moving in together within a year, much too early and I need my own space...

Seriously, having had a LDR first worked for us, we got to know each other a lot better, we had to set time aside to be able to talk, we both have quirks and talked about them upfront, being in a LDR for a few years before moving together and buying property together actually showed us how much we wanted to be together. It also gave me time to get used to the thought of actually living with a partner, and even now that we have been living together for a few years, we give each other space and privacy...

As I said, 8 years or so possibly count for something... LDR aren't easy and require possibly more work, but yes, they can work out or they can't work out, pretty much like normal relationships... No difference, no guarantees...

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/28/2011 11:03:56 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Crickey, even with relationships in the same town I didn't ever think about moving in together within a year, much too early and I need my own space...

Believe me, I know what you mean about space, though time tolerances are of course entirely subjective. For me, I feel one should know where his or her relationship is heading within approximately a year, and there should be somewhat of a plan in mind to consummate it in the real world, but again—that's my take. Above all, I do strongly support an environment in which you have time and place for yourself, too. That shouldn't ever go away.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/28/2011 11:40:32 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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Snappingfingers,

The long distance part has been good, it's when moving it the real time when the truth and reality bites ass. It's a shame that people use or take advantage of the fact things are LD. Everybody is not like this, I realize. However, it more times than not.

I'm rather cynical in being optimistic about LD.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/29/2011 1:37:00 AM

Hawkwindblues

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"In in a 2000's midsummer night, i met Michael. GeminiTop was his name in the
sm chat where we met and with lightspeed we moved to the telephone.
After 8 hours in the morning dawn i said: "I never thought, that you exist
on this world, so please, if you decide for whatever reason, that our paths
shall not longer cross, let it be known to me." And he answered: "From
this moment on, i will forever be reachable for you."

I was shocked and stayed this way. I was never one to exchange
promises and make demands in the first night.

February 2001 was the evening of our first meeting, in Berlin at the main
station. In the time between we decided about our lives and the way we
wanted to live, we tried to come to terms with our feelings, our guilt and
our responsibilities.

On the fourth of August 2001 we met in Hamburg, main station (we seem
to have a thing with trains) and moved in together.

2 divorces, 3 moves and 1 cancer later we are in Berlin, again. "

Quoted out of the thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_730298/mpage_1/tm.htm

I wrote the text above 12/17/2006, we are still going strong. We saw each other 9 days before we started to live together. It is all question of love and courage. For 9 monthe we did not exchange photos or saw each other in any way, we exchanged clothes to smell each other and with only 500 km between us, we did not meet before we were sure how to proceed, but phoned and wrote a lot, our respective partners were informed from the start we had open marriages both.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/29/2011 3:44:05 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Crickey, even with relationships in the same town I didn't ever think about moving in together within a year, much too early and I need my own space...

Believe me, I know what you mean about space, though time tolerances are of course entirely subjective. For me, I feel one should know where his or her relationship is heading within approximately a year, and there should be somewhat of a plan in mind to consummate it in the real world, but again—that's my take. Above all, I do strongly support an environment in which you have time and place for yourself, too. That shouldn't ever go away.

It does depend how you define "where it's going", I actually never entered a relationship with having marriage and kids in mind, but maybe I'm not wired that way, when I entered relationships it was more the question if I would still be happy with the person in a forseeable time, LDR aren't easy but when we met we were both at stages in our careers where we simply wouldn't have had all that much time for a relationship anyway. Even if we would have been in the same country or the same town, one or both of us would have been traveling a lot due to work commitments, so it simply didn't make a difference. The fact that we had to make a real effort to spend time together made the time precious, and you don't really give up precious spare time and spend time on planes to see somebody if that person isn't terribly important to you.

What I would agree on would be, if after a year with a person you think you aren't very happy and it's not going to change, get out of it, that's actually my whole "formula" for relationships, if you'd be happier without somebody long term, it's a no go. Not talking about a rocky patch in the road, we all hit those from time to time, but staying with somebody despite not being happy because you "ought to" just never worked for me.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/29/2011 9:51:59 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It does depend how you define "where it's going", I actually never entered a relationship with having marriage and kids in mind, but maybe I'm not wired that way...

Goodness, "marriage and kids" is the last motive I'd ever have in mind, so I definitely share your wiring. For me, marriage is rather passé, and children, even if I could tolerate the drain of time, energy and worry spent upon them, are difficult to lawfully keep alongside M/s without living a double-life of enormous compromises and constraints. Better to just leave it alone and forgo the personal and social hassle that is children, or buy your own island.

Though it's probably obvious now, I should disclaim that when I speak of a "relationship", it's one based upon Master/Mistress and slave, not the mores and customs of traditional relationship boundaries.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze]
...if you'd be happier without somebody long term, it's a no go.

I think that's particularly key in its simplicity, though it requires one needing to know how to find one's own happiness on his or her own first (a valuable trait and life lesson). The partial illusions of the security and convenience of a relationship in general is difficult to differentiate from happiness for some, and I've seen more than one miserable couple infected with that problem in ordinary life.

As an aside, you're quite the exemplar of how not only a long distance, but international relationship, can work. I'd say you stand more as an exception to the likely reality that an LDR based on two different continents, more often than not, is headed for doomed crossroads.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/29/2011 10:06:59 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Well, lets see. The first one was when I was splitting with my ex (we were just platonic friends by then). Our emails to each other were very hot, passionate, etc but then one day he met someone local and that was the end of that.

The next guy, we chatted online everyday, and I eventually met him several times. He was another mistake. He was evasive when I asked questions, and also lied to me. He also said he wasnt extreme but since he was my first bdsm relationship, I found that he was extreme. I couldnt take the pain, like crawling on bare knees on a tile floor for an hour, etc. I tried really hard for him and dont think he appreciated me. I also dont think he had the experience he claimed he did. I found out he was still meeting other women, what he did with them I dont know for sure. So there was always a trust issue. So really, it depends on if both people are actually on the same page or not, if both are honest, if both are faithful to each other (assuming both are expecting that).

And now, there is a guy... that I have been chatting with who lives 2000 miles away. We seem very compatible. Time will tell tho, when we do meet, only then do you know if the attraction is real. I need a guy that is honest, someone that isnt telling other women the same things he is telling me. With a long distance thing, how do you really know? I need a guy that is only seeing and fucking me, with a long distance thing, how do you really know? So... while I live in hope, my feet are planted on the ground and I will wait until we do meet to go all gushy and fall in real love.

To me, there is no point to a long distance thing if you dont ever meet, that is just a fantasy and too frustrating, imo.

Wonders will you ever learn to stop the madness 3 strikes yer OUT

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/29/2011 9:28:58 PM

LPslittleclip

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ldr can work i got to be with my Mistress for a year before i had to be deployed having the ability to chat during that time helped me allot. coming back my Mistress moved to another state and i was able to visit a few times. now another move and i will visit again soon. i hope to be able to stay close to my Mistress for all times and difficulties. with love all things can be overcome miles, hours or anything else
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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/29/2011 9:50:09 PM

SissyGrant

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I had a ldr it was tough but it worked out in the long run alot of calling and also alot txt messages

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/30/2011 1:28:00 AM

Kaliko

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Such a hard topic for me. I fell in love - long distance. Seeing him only once every few months - 2,000 miles away. Further, while he was deployed overseas. Closer, while he was finishing up an assignment that was a six-hour drive from me....that actually seemed close.

I can't do it. It's been too long, and it's too long into the future of more of the same. We've been broken up for a little bit, now.

It can work, I suppose. Just the fact that we lasted as long as we did must mean something.

On the other hand...heartbreaking. I can't type this without worrying that tears will damage my keyboard.

Summary....I will never do that to myself again. Lesson learned. I don't even want to put myself in the position to fall in serious like with someone that I can't drive to for dinner.

In the meantime, the damage is done. If we were to stay together, I can't go a day without missing him. And now that we're broken up, I can't go a day without missing him.

There are exceptions, and Lucylastic's post hit me in the gut because up until that, mine was the longest prospective long-distance relationship I had known of (another 9 years to be faced). But from my own experience, I can't support it. Texting and emailing and phone calls can do a lot to bring two people together throughout the day, but when all is said and done, I feel I'm teaching my daughter only how to have a relationship with a computer, and ultimately, even if he and I are "together", I'm still alone.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/30/2011 1:42:18 AM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

There are approximatively 4 million ppl within a 45 min drive of where I live I'd much rather exhaust the local supply of bitches before I went to plan z. Sit on the computer and type endlessly to someone I can't touch. I dare say most of these ppl that did the whole LDR thang were just to lazy to get out from behind the CPU and do the whole real life thing.

It's far easier to sit on your fat ass and type to ppl than to actually go out be active, do fun stuff and gasp meet ppl. It comes as no surprise that something like 70 percent of good ole USA are fat. So you keep sitting round the puter eating chips while watching yourself get to be Good Year blimp size and let me know how the LDR thing works out for ya.

BadOne

Though this isn't...um...quite how I would put it, I agree. I wonder if people (myself included) are sometimes in a long-distance relationship because in some ways, it's easier. I can only speak for myself, of course, but going from a fairly long-term, long-distance relationship to meeting and dating men in my area, I can say that it is a daunting experience and I sometimes feel like I want to run back to my computer, slip on a pair of sweats and have a nice online Scrabble date to feel whole again. Just like any breakup, I suppose, but with long-distance, there is a whole lifestyle change in addition to losing a whole person who was part of your life. It's a different thing to not be "dating" in slippers and comfy pants in my living room.

Another thing about long-distance relationships is...I wonder if it's easy to feel good about yourself in that kind of relationship, even if you're not quite at your best. If two people who are very much in love only see each other once every few months, well....I might look fantastic to him because there is a lot of emotion and intensity to be filled in such a short amount of time during each visit. (Those who have these kind of relationships know what I mean - and yes, those are some wonderful times.) Though I might not be so blunt as to call it getting fat behind a CPU, I do understand the sentiment.

Or...perhaps his thinking I look fantastic is simply because he loves me and I would look fantastic to him no matter what.

Or...perhaps I just plain old look fantastic.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/30/2011 4:51:31 AM

Manawyddan

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It pretty much is my 'Plan Z,' but given my time constraints and utter lack of personal appeal, better than nothing.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/30/2011 4:54:07 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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Either it moves into real time or crashes and burns.

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RE: Online relationships - Long Distance - 5/30/2011 6:26:13 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

As an aside, you're quite the exemplar of how not only a long distance, but international relationship, can work. I'd say you stand more as an exception to the likely reality that an LDR based on two different continents, more often than not, is headed for doomed crossroads.

I have to add a disclaimer, it didn't start out over 2 continents, it started out over 2 European countries and then work took me to the US, at this stage of the game, it made little difference if you fly 2 hours or 7 hours to see your partner.

Due to studying in quite a few different places and countries, and then working all over the globe, I had experiences in LDR, because unfortunately you don't just fall out of love because life, university or work takes you to a different place or country. Most of the relationships weren't strong enough to survive the distance, I can't say how they would have turned out if I would have stayed in the same place, but my guess is that they would have also ended. Successful relationships, no matter if local or LD, just don't happen, they require quite a bit of effort from both parties.

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