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ORIGINAL: Kaliko

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

There are approximatively 4 million ppl within a 45 min drive of where I live I'd much rather exhaust the local supply of bitches before I went to plan z. Sit on the computer and type endlessly to someone I can't touch. I dare say most of these ppl that did the whole LDR thang were just to lazy to get out from behind the CPU and do the whole real life thing.

It's far easier to sit on your fat ass and type to ppl than to actually go out be active, do fun stuff and gasp meet ppl. It comes as no surprise that something like 70 percent of good ole USA are fat. So you keep sitting round the puter eating chips while watching yourself get to be Good Year blimp size and let me know how the LDR thing works out for ya.

BadOne

Though this isn't...um...quite how I would put it, I agree. I wonder if people (myself included) are sometimes in a long-distance relationship because in some ways, it's easier. I can only speak for myself, of course, but going from a fairly long-term, long-distance relationship to meeting and dating men in my area, I can say that it is a daunting experience and I sometimes feel like I want to run back to my computer, slip on a pair of sweats and have a nice online Scrabble date to feel whole again. Just like any breakup, I suppose, but with long-distance, there is a whole lifestyle change in addition to losing a whole person who was part of your life. It's a different thing to not be "dating" in slippers and comfy pants in my living room.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian


As an aside, you're quite the exemplar of how not only a long distance, but international relationship, can work. I'd say you stand more as an exception to the likely reality that an LDR based on two different continents, more often than not, is headed for doomed crossroads.

I have to add a disclaimer, it didn't start out over 2 continents, it started out over 2 European countries and then work took me to the US, at this stage of the game, it made little difference if you fly 2 hours or 7 hours to see your partner.

Due to studying in quite a few different places and countries, and then working all over the globe, I had experiences in LDR, because unfortunately you don't just fall out of love because life, university or work takes you to a different place or country. Most of the relationships weren't strong enough to survive the distance, I can't say how they would have turned out if I would have stayed in the same place, but my guess is that they would have also ended. Successful relationships, no matter if local or LD, just don't happen, they require quite a bit of effort from both parties.

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ORIGINAL: coookie

Aww aren't you jusr a little ray of sunshine =)

Tbh i do somewhat agree with you. I have never gone out looking for a relationship other than friendship but they sometimes
sneak up and bite me on the ass in the most awkward of situations. Part of my day is spent on my ass in front of my computer just like most of western civilization
and the rest of it is spent doing the rest of the things that satisfy my life: school,N, friendships, family.

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ORIGINAL: coookie

Ahh perhaps you lot do it more than up here then cause I am not from the US. I do find that there are people that post from Canada, Aus, Eng. Scotland, Wales, and surely some that i have forgotten. I know that sometimes Americans tend to think that they are the only ones in the world though.

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Wonders will you ever learn to stop the madness 3 strikes yer OUT

BadOne

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian


As an aside, you're quite the exemplar of how not only a long distance, but international relationship, can work. I'd say you stand more as an exception to the likely reality that an LDR based on two different continents, more often than not, is headed for doomed crossroads.

I have to add a disclaimer, it didn't start out over 2 continents, it started out over 2 European countries and then work took me to the US, at this stage of the game, it made little difference if you fly 2 hours or 7 hours to see your partner.

Due to studying in quite a few different places and countries, and then working all over the globe, I had experiences in LDR, because unfortunately you don't just fall out of love because life, university or work takes you to a different place or country. Most of the relationships weren't strong enough to survive the distance, I can't say how they would have turned out if I would have stayed in the same place, but my guess is that they would have also ended. Successful relationships, no matter if local or LD, just don't happen, they require quite a bit of effort from both parties.

Im not sure how you arrived at that conclusion. She clearly states all of her relationships have failed for whatever reason. Had they been a success clearly she and whomever would not be separated by LDR. Unless of course it's a temporary situation.

From my point of view had I found the "one" job school, or family wouldnt stand in my way.

BadOne

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian


As an aside, you're quite the exemplar of how not only a long distance, but international relationship, can work. I'd say you stand more as an exception to the likely reality that an LDR based on two different continents, more often than not, is headed for doomed crossroads.

I have to add a disclaimer, it didn't start out over 2 continents, it started out over 2 European countries and then work took me to the US, at this stage of the game, it made little difference if you fly 2 hours or 7 hours to see your partner.

Due to studying in quite a few different places and countries, and then working all over the globe, I had experiences in LDR, because unfortunately you don't just fall out of love because life, university or work takes you to a different place or country. Most of the relationships weren't strong enough to survive the distance, I can't say how they would have turned out if I would have stayed in the same place, but my guess is that they would have also ended. Successful relationships, no matter if local or LD, just don't happen, they require quite a bit of effort from both parties.

Im not sure how you arrived at that conclusion. She clearly states all of her relationships have failed for whatever reason. Had they been a success clearly she and whomever would not be separated by LDR. Unless of course it's a temporary situation.

From my point of view had I found the "one" job school, or family wouldnt stand in my way.

BadOne

For me the "one" has to have enough respect for me to be able to cope that I pursue my career goals and that I don't want to screw up career goals for a guy. For a me a real man has to be able to deal with an independent woman.

If my relationship wouldn't have been a success, we now wouldn't have been together for rougtly 8 years, about 4 of them we live together, we wouldn't have bought 2 houses together... I don't know if you were ever in a situation where you applied to a university that's one of the leading ones in the field, if you get accepted and a scholarship, you don't just throw that away, just as you don't throw away a job that will make a massive difference in your career. Too many women did that and end up the losers because the relationships don't work out, but it's expected of them, well a guy who'd expect that of me just isn't the right guy.

We're currently at a stage where he has a job offer that would take him to another country for several months, possibly years, it's important for his career and I won't stand in his way, just like he didn't stand in my way. I'll go and visit him and fly, big deal and will try to get a job in the same area, but I won't just quit my job, pack up and come with him to play housewife - our careers are equally important, and our relationship is strong enough to deal with temporary separation, as it has in the past.

The fact that we both take our careers seriously has made us into strong individuals that are happy together, we're not together because we need each other as a crutch and can't exist as single units, we're together because we love each other, and we don't need to be joined at the hip for the relationship to survive.

Seriously, the first 4 years were spend mainly apart in different countries with frequent visits, lots of phone calls, texts, Skype, etc. Then the last 4 years living together, both working a lot from offices at home with frequent business trips, so there were weeks and months were we were together 24/7, just in 2 different offices but in the same house - both works for us. Sure it's nicer if you just walk across the hallway to get a hug and you can have breakfast together, but to tell him that he shouldn't take a job that will be a major step in his career because we'd be separated for a while would be incredibly selfish, I wouldn't want to be with such a person and nor would he.

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We my girl and I just operate with a much different dynamic We don't want thousands of miles separating us for long periods of time. My girl and I are both highly successful. She has a MBA and a senior VP. Well me just the fact that I own a 50' sailboat should give you a indication. A new set of just 3 racing sails cost over 100 grand.

We have both turned down offers for jobs that would have required us to be separated for long periods of time. Our priorities are just different than yours. Family always comes first the rest of the stuff will sort itself out. I purposely sought out someone with my same values.

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You can talk from today til tomorrow about how your job comes first and you will never convince me of it. I want to go home to a good girl go for a walk. sailing, hit a concert not just with her but friends and family. You can have both a high powered career and be with the ppl you care about. You just choose not to for whatever reasons.

I don't want to have to rush back to a hotel so I can skype, email, or txt the ppl Id much rather be "live" with. I have a friend who is a pro racer traveled to every exotic port you can think of living what some ppl view the high life. Staying in 5 star hotels on someone else's dime. I saw him this spring at a cocktail party he told me he quit cuz the previous year race schedule he was home a total of 34 days. He was tired of not being able to be with his buds.

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Personally I consider Al Einstein a failure cuz he never spent any time with his family. His kids lived in Europe, him in the States Basically his children disowned him that speaks volumes n my book.

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I hope I'm wrong but you may regret putting your job first. Cuz life ain't about who dies with the biggest stack it's about the ppl lives you have touched. I truly wish you well.

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ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Welcome to collarme.

I have not had good luck with them.  The extra dimension of touch and being in the presence of another is just too intoxicating to do without.

I have had a couple of relationships that began LDR and then she relocated here.  But a relationship without a chance of being RL... I couldn't.