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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 5:01:36 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4
Ironic, we are just had a conversation that we should have had 17 years ago.
  That's one of the more painful secrets which life teaches us.  We all have a capacity for stupidity which stuns our future selves.

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 5:17:22 AM   
ranja


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Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Yes, it came up over 3 years ago and it was started by you...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1610052/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1610052

But you never came back to discuss it. Now 3 years later you are still having the same problems?


Three years is nothing
same old problems often rear their ugly head over and over

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 5:22:41 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: elizabethVI

I know this subject has come up before on the message boards. I just haven't found it yet.

After 6 years in what I thought was a bdsm D/s relationship (which of course gradually depleted through the years), it has turned vanilla. I can't survive in a vanilla lifestyle. I just can't. He's asked me to marry him....The thought of living vanilla just horrifies me. I do love him and he's an incredible man. How do I get us back on track or find out if that is truly who he is...vanilla? <cringe> I constantly give control wrapped up in a pretty package but he just doesn't want it maybe or doesn't have time for it or more likely feel secure in himself to take it......I'm just so sick about it.


Why do you assume that it would deplete?

That isn't the usual state for relationships if communication is good and the necessary relationship work is done.
And you are in basically the same state you were in 3 years ago.

If nothing changes... then nothing changes.

Why has this gone on for this long and you haven't addressed it?
Isn't it kind of crowded to have an elephant in the room?

And most importantly: what did he say when you told him you miss his dominance?

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 8:18:46 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Yes, it came up over 3 years ago and it was started by you...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1610052/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1610052

But you never came back to discuss it. Now 3 years later you are still having the same problems?



I light of her past postings... I doubt she is ever coming back.

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 10:20:23 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Yes, it came up over 3 years ago and it was started by you...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1610052/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1610052

But you never came back to discuss it. Now 3 years later you are still having the same problems?



I light of her past postings... I doubt she is ever coming back.



Sure she will. Of course that won't be for another 3 years and we will have a new president, people will still be pissing and moaning over in the politic forum and she will still be clueless. Ain't life grand

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 11:14:29 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Of course that won't be for another 3 years and we will have a new president


If you said in 5 yrs, I would buy this, but not in three... incumbents are very hard to get rid of.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 12:08:51 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: elizabethVI

...it has turned vanilla.



Can you define exactly how "it has turned vanilla"???




< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 5/28/2011 12:09:31 PM >

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 12:44:24 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		She would if she came back again, but last time it took 3 yrs. 

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 5/28/2011 6:14:07 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear

She would if she came back again, but last time it took 3 yrs. 


PFHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH... (just stopped holding my breath for an answer)  



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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 7:25:23 AM   
slaveluna


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/12/2004
From: slaveluna
Status: offline 		I don't understand people who are into BDSM but will get together or marry a vanilla person, never have....If he switched to vanilla he obviously did it for fun and can live without it.  If you truly cannot live without it, then why marry him or continue to be with him.  I have many people tell me it's because they love them and that is ridiculous.  I could never be with a vanilla person and if they suddenly changed who they were, I would have no problem discussing it with my partner. 

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RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 7:39:42 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Luna, welcome to the boards.  And I think you're right.  Glad to see you posting chica.  

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 7:47:32 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Talk to him about it, we don't know a thing about him and very little about you...

talk to him... openly and be clear...
This.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 8:20:51 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I know this subject has come up before on the message boards. I just haven't found it yet.

After 6 years in what I thought was a bdsm D/s relationship (which of course gradually depleted through the years), it has turned vanilla. I can't survive in a vanilla lifestyle. I just can't. He's asked me to marry him....The thought of living vanilla just horrifies me. I do love him and he's an incredible man. How do I get us back on track or find out if that is truly who he is...vanilla? <cringe> I constantly give control wrapped up in a pretty package but he just doesn't want it maybe or doesn't have time for it or more likely feel secure in himself to take it......I'm just so sick about it.


elizabeth,

I do understand the problem..I call it dynamic decay. Generally caused by jointly facing the problems of the vanilla world. the concise answer is either he accepts your need for his Dom character or you move on. I believe a honest frank discussion preceeded with your getting back to the indices of submission may help.

CP

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 8:52:04 AM   
slaveluna


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/12/2004
From: slaveluna
Status: offline 		I'm giving it a try :)
But I do not like having my name then the word vanilla below it LOL
How many posts do I have to do in order to get the paddles LOL

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 9:19:23 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Once you reach 26 posts then it changes. I promise, and I know you're not vanilla ya silly goose!

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"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 9:27:01 AM   
slaveluna


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/12/2004
From: slaveluna
Status: offline 		Ok I am working on it...but it seems like if you post your opinion you get slammed if you don't agree with the majority of what people say...too much!

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 9:50:22 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		It's not like that most of the time.  The posters are usually more polite, it's the internet, you have to have a thick skin.  Ignore the posters who disagree with you and are rude about it.  Use the hide feature just below they're name and you won't have to see their answer anymore.  Don't get discouraged, you get to know the good people from the goblins pretty fast.  And your opinion is yours, don't let anyone deter you.  I've learned to do that.  Good luck sweetie pie.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/1/2011 9:57:56 AM   
slaveluna


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/12/2004
From: slaveluna
Status: offline 		Hey I didn't know about the hide feature...discouraged?  I may be new to the forums but certainly not new to everything else..:)

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Profile   Post #: 38
Can't go vanilla again! - 6/5/2011 5:10:29 PM   
servilecat


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I understand....

< Message edited by servilecat -- 6/5/2011 5:13:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Can't go vanilla again! - 6/5/2011 5:21:25 PM   
elizabethVI


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline 		I really need to stop borrowing other people's accounts.... There was no way I ever wanted him to find this post from my ID. I couldnt bear to hurt Him like that..I've been on collarme for several years and the lifestyle 15. I wasn't terribly concerned with the name/ID/profile, just the issue. Liz is a young drama queen...and just a meany but i luv her.

An update to the situation which by the way I have discussed several times with Him....We began couples/premarriage counseling last week. I don't really care to call it pre marriage since there are obviously so many other issues to deal with long before He puts a gold band on my hand. The counselor has asked to see him regularly to deal with aspects of depression, memory loss, headaches, and paranoia among other things. Therefore I think the lifestyle right now is the least of our issues. The counselor is a coworker, friend, as well as a criminal pathologist and we are comfortable with him...and his collection of autopsy photos. Not sure just yet how comfortable we will be discussing the lifestyle just yet.


However the course runs, I will support him and be by his side. As I said, He is a good man with a high level of integrity. He just has some emotional issues to deal with. You are correct though, vanilla doesn't work..I gave Him ample opportunity to 'take his frustrations out on me' I was eventually told that due to His being in Love with me, He didn't feel He could do so any longer. I mean really, women deal with and stand by men with cancer, lost limbs, ptsd, in-laws from hell, etc etc. Surely I can deal with this.


THANK YOU for all the wonderful incite, knowledge and .....a few laughs.

< Message edited by elizabethVI -- 6/5/2011 5:22:17 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 40
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