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RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 9:19:23 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

How representative of the people who you've come across in your experience of BDSM do you think the CM boards are?



Not even close.

Echoing Jeff......despite being UK..

We aren't part of any bdsm *scene* and to be frank , our RL encounters read nothing like CM.

CM is a little pod of people, mostly way away from anything we're likely to encounter...or would want to.

There are still lots of people here that have bits and bobs that touch on things that matter greatly to us.....such as Jeff and Carol, RS, Fuckin'Troll, Focus, Roch, mottertail, Peon, LadyPact, Lady Hibiscus, NV, Juliaoceana, DesFip, Arpig, MasterFire and even Domi.......

In rl there's a LOT less waxing lyrical....:)

agirl









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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 9:42:11 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Another Excellent Topic from Ms. VC!  

Differences I see:
In the real life scene, people are sitting right across from you - you will not get the entirety of their thoughts, opinions, or biases on any subject...

Here on the internets, people will unload all that stuff for general perusal...
I also see just a giant difference in the overall "experience" of being online vs. being active in your local scene:
Looking solely online has been shown to be a long-hard-soul-biting-experience...especially for the submissive male

Incorporating RL into that experience can almost completely remove the soul-biting part and all a person to create at the very least friendships, if not active allies in their search for someone.
Being "other gendered":
Thus far, my experience being transgendered in the BDSM scene has only ever been positive with people receiving me in a friendly, respectful and accepting way.  May it ever be so.

While other gendered folk are not by any means "common" at events here in the U.S., they are being seen more and more and as far as I can see, accepted much as I have been.  And may it ever be so. 

Online, you get all sorts of people, and as I said above, biases come out to play that perhaps they would never express to someone's face.

What is important to me, is to show people a balanced, well rounded person for whom being other gendered is only one part of a whole.
Heteronormative:
Here in N. Colorado, we find a mix of Hetero and Bisexual orientations seems to be sort of the most common persuasion for males and females alike on both sides of the kneel.  We know one lesbian couple, and know that there are more gay males in Denver proper than are up here north.
Anti-Pro:
One of the most beloved and respected people in the Denver area scene is a female dominant (Ms. Saskia).  She is pro, she is lifestyle, and she is totally supportive of the community in the whole Denver Metro area.  She sponsors events, comes to private parties, has many many friends, and is just an all round fabu person.

I think the anti-pro bias here on CM mostly comes from the clueless male population...they provide a lot of "noise" around the issue of money and that can often cause other people to cough up their own biases in a messy pile for perusal.






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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 10:04:11 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
2. Cm is USA based. That alone explains the lack of comprehension of gender fluidity.

Does it?

Thinking about it, I've picked up my 'keep calm, it's nothing to worry about or even particularly pay attention to' attitude from the people around me, but most of the information and learning resources on the subject that I've come across have been American. So I don't know.

CollarMe and CollarChat have different visitor profiles.  73% of CollarChat visitors are from the US.  That means 27% of us are international visitors with non US perspectives.  

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 11:12:29 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Some of the women are bisexual, but most are either involved with or seeking men. And some of the downright unpleasant things I've seen said about bisexual men here are...not worth bringing up again. And doesn't the fact that they're around but not willing to come forward speak volumes?

This is something that I mention pretty frequently.  I don't base it on a scene thing or a kink thing.  The genders aren't dealt with or seen the same way when it comes to the issue of bi-sexuality.  Males just aren't at the same point of freedom on the issue that females are.  I wouldn't even want to make a stab in the dark about how long it will take for there to be the same kind of acceptance. 

quote:

But even with the ones who are respected (who tend to be ex- rather than current, with the exception of LNT) they tend to be respected by the women, sure, but there's still this...undercurrent, maybe? Like the men are still thinking 'prostitute prostitute prostitute' while they type.

I don't know if this is especially related to the kink scene at all.  It might have everything to do with the different cultures between us and the way prostitution itself is seen between the two countries.

quote:

I'm with you on that one! Although I have seen some monumentally stupid behaviour in person....

True, but when the stupid stuff happens in real life, it gets cut so much faster.  Just about anybody who frequents munches here, for example, has that one good story about some twit who came to the group thinking the fantasy crap that's online is how this stuff works in real life.  Mr Never-Really-Been-A-Dom Domly Dom (aka the "kneel bitch" attitude) is lucky if all he gets is laughed at. 




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 11:19:54 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		At most large BDSM conventions or events, I am in accord with the majority's view of BDSM.   
In local BDSM society groups like Detroit, Chicago, NYC and Tampa/Sarasota, I am accord with their view of BDSM.
But there are just a minority handful of people here at CollarChat that see the world of BDSM as I do.

Inversely, I went to visit Orlando in 2002 and found a very strange slice of life.  There was a group of ERA flag waving, SSC bible thumping, man hating anti-sexual pro Dommes that professed BDSM encounters did NOT include such disgusting things as sex.  They were somehow intrenched in the management of the free local BDSM societies and professed their beliefs in discussions and demos to the masses. . . which is bullshit.  That's like having hookers teach motivational romance and sex ed.  In all my years up north, I had never seen anything like that in a free membership group.

Further east in Florida I moved to Daytona in 2007 which supposedly had a local BDSM society and munch.  At the munch I was informed that they didn't have a play party afterwards.  They just talked about stuff for mutual education.  At first I thought the play party was a secret they were keeping from the noobee out of paranoia . . . but I was a figure head in the west coast BDSM scene and a few people knew me.  They told me that leather parties or anything else good in life simply was not part of what they did.  If I wanted to get with "a crowd like the one I had in Saratota" I'd have to go north to St. Augustine where Big Daddy V holds some great parties (yes he does).  I attended a few more local munches anyway. 

The next Daytona munch I went to was completely dedicated to talking about the the munch itself, which recently just got new leadership.  Not a word about BDSM was spoken.  That was fucking dumbass shit.  I was the sole sponsor and helped run a munch and play party for years . . . we had management meetings separate from the munches so as not to kill the membership with boredom. 

Nonetheless - I attend another of the prude's no-leather-no-sex-no-party-afterwards munch again a few months later.  I was kinda excited, there was a keynote speaker with a calendar outlining all the summer's BDSM events, with maps and pamphlets to pass out. . .  oh boy!  I swear to god . . . they ended up shutting the keynote speaker's presentation down so they could talk about being an educational group with a surprise guest . . . and yes, (wait for it) . . . that guest was one of the Orlando fucktards that let the pro-Dommes ruin their society.  What did they talk about?  They talked about how munches could be educational.  Not one word spoken about BDSM perspectives, leather, rope, scenes or techniques.

I was so freaked out that I had nothing in common with what these people thought BDSM was, I stopped participating in east coast Florida groups and events. I had never learned less from an "educational group" or avoided talking about BDSM more than I did with the whack-jobs at the Daytona BDSM munches.  You can't even drag me to a semi decent place like the Woodshed in Orlando.  I miss the west coast BDSM crowd . . . every weekend I used to visit one or two munches & parties in a 200 mile stretch from Naples through Cape Coral, Ft. Meyers, Venice, Sarasota, Tampa, Clearwater, St Petersburg and New Port Richey . . .   there were whips-a-cracking, asses slappin' and the smell of leather in the air. 

So are CM members more representative of my experience with BDSM?  Well, they are more representative than the nut jobs in Orlando or prudes in Daytona but less less representative than all my other experiences.  CM is like my real world experiences . . . it's hit and miss.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 5/29/2011 11:37:53 AM >

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 11:24:24 AM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline 		I'll preface this by saying that I consider myself a part of the local community, but not the scene. Also, many of my main contacts are from a women-and-transfolk group that I'm involved with, so there may be much more homophobia and transphobia than I see.

From a regional standpoint, Boston is very queer-friendly as a whole, but the city tends to segregate easily. (We are the most racially segregated city of our size in the country, if I recall.) Also, S&M is illegal in Massachusetts, and so there are no public play events. Everything happens in private homes. It can be nice, but it does lead to further segregation along kinky lines.

Final though: I'd be really wary of looking at "the US" as a unified group, especially when it comes to views on queer issues. We have states with legal gay marriage, states where gay marriage is specifically forbidden in state constitutions, and states that haven't gone either way.

quote:


- CM is light on casual players. Right now I'm pretty heavily involved in my local scene, with all the vaguely incestuous everyone's-played-with-everyone vibes that come with that - but even before that I was very much a 'little black book' kind of a girl, and I had the loose, casual connections that went with that. CM's much more geared to closed relationships and commitment.


For me, CM has been a fairly terrible place to find casual players. I don't really enjoy being treated like an unpaid prostitute - even people from Craigslist, when I was hunting there, treated me more like a person.

CM is polarized in a way that I haven't seen in the "real world." There are people who want NSA flings (and robo-dommes to meet their kinks) but no emotional connection, and people who want serious lifetime relationships. I'm not quite sure why this is.

quote:


- CM is seriously heteronormative. Oh sure, us queers are dotted about () but the majority of you guys are straight. All the women (obviously) and most of the men I've been involved with have been at least bisexual, and my corner of the London scene's pretty bi-normative; monosexuals of either gender are the exception rather than the rule.


There are literally zero female prospects for me in my area on CM. This isn't true on Fetlife, and it certainly isn't true in the real world. There are, however, quite a few bisexual-identified women who say that they are only looking for men. (On CM.) I'm not quite sure what to make of it.

A month ago, I attended a large queer-focused play party. I'm not certain there were any straight people in attendance. A few acquaintances a large, transnational conference that they called QueerPlayCon. I hear that it was very well-attended.

A major play space in Connecticut, The Society, is apparently very hetero-dominated most of the time. People in the area organize "Queer Invasions" a few times a year, however, and they seem to attract quite a few people. Another data point for you.

quote:


- I'm probably going to regret saying this one, but: y'all ain't that keen on people with gender issues. In the UK scene there's a biiiiiiiiiiiig crossover in subcultures - events are teeming with T-girls (so to speak!) But the crowd here definitely goes all conservative whenever a thread about gender issues comes up. I'm often shocked at some of the things people I thought I knew better come out with that are just considered...impolitic, maybe, on my scene. Political correctness on the issue of self-determination; we are big on it in ways you just don't seem to be.


The basic orientation for my ladies-and-trans group included a segment on how to as people what pronouns they prefer. We get a lot of people who are trans, genderqueer, or otherwise gender-variant. Even outside of trans-safe spaces, people are generally polite about it in a way that the bottom feeders of CM are not. Boston does have a pretty lively genderqueer scene, though, outside of the BDSM community.

A trans friend of mine has said that trans women are looked down on even in our little group, but I suspect that she may be running into as many interpersonal problems as often as transphobia.

quote:


- People think about titles a lot on CM. With most people I've first come across IRL rather than on the internet I could give you an inclination of top/bottom/switch. Beyond that? No idea - I think of them in terms of how they react to me, not what they call themselves. Here people distinguish between Top/Dom/me/Mistress/Master/Sadist/LordHighPoobah/&c&c. And then they get cross if you get it wrong. I've never seen that in real life (although I do wonder if that's partly because the UK doesn't have a leather scene).


I've never seen it in real life, although I have seen people ostensibly involved in the local seen get hung up on that kind of thing online.

quote:


- CM can be kind of anti-pro. I'm pretty fond of most of the ones I know. So are lots of people. They're often articulate and funny, and they take irritating men off my case. I call that a win.


Many figureheads and leaders in the community are pros. I have mixed feelings about this, but I've never seen much real-life animosity towards pros.


_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 11:52:30 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
That echoes what mummyman said - but now I'm thinking about what DesFIP said; the site's called CollarMe, not TieMeUpForKicks, so I wonder if maybe that's fair enough.

I think there's that. There may also be some component of complexity involved. There's a lot more detail to write about on the relationship topics than there is on the "tie me up with a rope" topics. I suspect that's why you see so many tops/bottoms over on the dating side (independent of what they call themselves) but here... where we all like to talk endlessly about stuff... we see more relationship topics.

quote:

OFF said:
But then some of this has always been representative of the American scene. I remember years ago being told that American Doms were 'stricter' than UK Doms, so this has been a known difference for at least 10 years.

Having just moved to Canada I have to admit that the local "scene" is certainly different. There seems to be a WAY, WAY stronger focus on fetish. M/s is virtually non-existent. I don't think it has anything to do with "strictness". I think it has to do with a tighter focus on sexuality. It IS the kink scene after all. But I find it telling that only Alberta and Ontario even have a provincial MAST group.

quote:

I also reckon you've got something with the differing tendencies to sociobiology/social constructionism across the pond. We definitely give constructs like 'alpha male' less weight over here. I've never heard a Brit resort to 'but that's how the seahorses do it!' to shore up their argument...

Well, to be fair, I've never actually heard this in real life. I've only ever heard the ever-popular (and invariably incorrect) wolf pack analogies online. Insofar as the interest in social and biological issues, that would make some sense to me. I look at the local scene here in Canada and I can't imagine why any of them would be wondering about such topics. They just want to go down to the local club, hit each other a few times, then maybe go home for some hot sex. That's a different viewpoint with different issues and questions than trying to understand and manage a M/s relationship.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 12:29:49 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ General Fast Reply ~

I think people flock to what they relate to.  The message boards on CM have a much different attitude and purpose than some of the message boards on Fet that I frequent, so comparing online to online to real-time "scene", I find much different focuses. 

Admittedly, my experience with the local scene is very limited - intentionally so.  I found I just don't relate well to the general "BDSM philosophies" that I've encountered in the local scene.  I recall sitting through a dinner/discussion group and getting practically lambasted for daring to say I think it's really important for a person to know and accept who they are, rather than trying to fit a group agreed upon definition.  It was eye opening, to say the least.

Nice people, just different than me.  I find that I get the most enlightening "bits and bobs" (as agirl put it) here and the two groups I most often frequent on Fet than from the local folks. Maybe because of such varying philosophies I'm exposed to here - there are more letters in the alphabet soup, so to speak, which I can weigh against my own thoughts and expand my mind a bit. 

I also found labels are much more prevalent in the local scene, but minds seem more open to transgenders than online.

Just my own 5 cents on the topic.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 12:45:44 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		FR

Woah. That's a lot of in-depth responses. Thank you, everyone (and I'm not going to start quoting everyone because this will get insanely long and nobody wants to read me yammering for that long).

I think strangedesire has something when she says that we can't look at America (North America if we include Jeff's experiences) as one homogeneous thing - that's backed up by RS' and Jeff's experiences of moving. So I'm not looking for one easy answer that we can all agree on - just a sort of a poll of how this place tallies with people's actual life experiences. And the (really, really generalised) answer seems to be 'more socially conservative, more relationship-focused, more prone to endless yammering ' - that last one something I'd not even considered before agirl and Otters mentioned it.

And Chatte and NV are right that CM definitely provides a valuable resource with a wide range of views (if you'll both forgive me for paraphrasing). It's just that sometimes I know I have to remember that it's a bunch of people on the internet, and the conclusions you end up drawing from it are conclusions about a bunch of people on the internet, and nothing more.

I'm not even gonna touch LaT's theory about any of the above having to do with America's puritanical roots though, no sir!

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 12:57:49 PM   
OwnedFemaleFlesh


Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh
But then some of this has always been representative of the American scene. I remember years ago being told that American Doms were 'stricter' than UK Doms, so this has been a known difference for at least 10 years.

Ooooooh, I smell a comparative study coming on! I wonder how the person who told you came to that conclusion, and if some hapless volunteer could replicate it - any takers?


Well, to give some more detail. I had just got into BDSM and all I knew was Doms and subs, whereas American Doms were talking more about Master / slave and many of them were into Gor, or something very similar. All of the extreme examples I heard of slavery were always from the US - sleeping on the floor, eating out of a dog bowl, being treated like an animal / pet. Basically, total dehumanisation. I still notice this today that when I talk to American Doms, they are more likely to expect that I speak to them respectfully, defer to them etc., on the basis of our respective roles, whereas that is less common in the UK.

owned xxx

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Representative? - 5/29/2011 3:04:52 PM   
CreepyStalker


Posts: 265
Joined: 2/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

- I'm probably going to regret saying this one, but: y'all ain't that keen on people with gender issues. In the UK scene there's a biiiiiiiiiiiig crossover in subcultures - events are teeming with T-girls (so to speak!) But the crowd here definitely goes all conservative whenever a thread about gender issues comes up. I'm often shocked at some of the things people I thought I knew better come out with that are just considered...impolitic, maybe, on my scene. Political correctness on the issue of self-determination; we are big on it in ways you just don't seem to be.



I'm pretty much with you on all thing things you mentioned, seeing as we're comparing the same two groups. The gender thing really sticks out for me though, especially with the recent genderless child thread. Some of the bullshit people have posted on there is utterly vile and would never ever be expressed and certainly never allowed to slide in social groups I inhabit. Even just the overwhelming prevalence of people disagreeing and supporting gender binary is a bit of a culture shock for me. Perhaps my view is skewed by a great deal of my life being based in LGBT circles and in subsections of kink and general alternative ones that overlap. I think perhaps CM reflects more the subsections of kink that overlap mostly with mainstream folks. I often forget how shite the rest of the world is with gender, I've grown so used to expecting better of people :-/

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RE: Representative? - 5/30/2011 5:28:42 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		very little to me. the people i meet and know, think very low of CM, and most people on here seem to NOT be the people i meet at dungeon parties, leather events, and community functions. i find people on here very argumentative. even for people who are from different orientations, and different scenes, most situations i have found CM to be something to laugh at rather than something to cherish, i have gotten this from many people within the lifestyle.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Representative? - 5/30/2011 9:22:50 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
So I'm not looking for one easy answer that we can all agree on - just a sort of a poll of how this place tallies with people's actual life experiences. And the (really, really generalised) answer seems to be 'more socially conservative, more relationship-focused, more prone to endless yammering

I think it goes well beyond that VC. I'd say what i see online is just plain more ridiculous every way I look at it. There are just so many really, really, stupid things I've read here and I have never heard people saying similar things in California, Washington, or now British Columbia. People just seem more in touch with reality when they are in reality.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Representative? - 5/31/2011 8:46:08 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I cannot really say whether people here are representative of anything simply because I have always had my own opinions and interests in this since I was a very young girl.

Most of my experiences, I would say 99% were between me and another person; we learned with and from each other. We did not focus on any type of lifestyle or community or what others do or call themselves.

There was one year, after my divorce, back in the day, when I decided I needed to try out the public scene and I spent a year in NYC doing just that. It was fun for a bit, and I found it very eye opening and interesting, but lacking in the type of intimacy that I associate with anything involving BDSM.

It sort of left me cold since I am not and have never been, a casual player. Any time I was at a public event, I wished I was home with my own guy and when I have a man, I have no need to go to a club with him.

As far as Collarme goes, it really is just a two fold thing: the other side is a profile in case someone fabulous decides to write me and the boards is just fun and informative. I don't analyze it too strongly since for me, it is not that serious.

Oh, as as for being pro-straight or anti-gay, etc. I think this place does tend to be less open minded than real life people that I interact with. I have been friends with and known every type of person out there and never once was concerned over their orientation.

I do find, however, on the boards here, many, many stupid people, which I suppose is representative of the world at large, just not confined to a kink site.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 5/31/2011 8:49:06 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Representative? - 5/31/2011 8:50:17 AM   
DavidLee44UK


Posts: 436
Joined: 5/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I cannot really say whether people here are representative of anything simply because I have always had my own opinions and interests in this since I was a very young girl.

Most of my experiences, I would say 99% were between me and another person; we learned with and from each other. We did not focus on any type of lifestyle or community or what others do or call themselves.

There was one year, after my divorce, back in the day, when I decided I needed to try out the public scene and I spent a year in NYC doing just that. It was fun for a bit, and I found it very eye opening and interesting, but lacking in the type of intimacy that I associate with anything involving BDSM.

It sort of left me cold since I am not and have never been, a casual player. Any time I was at a public event, I wished I was home with my own guy and when I have a man, I have no need to go to a club with him.

As far as Collarme goes, it really is just a two fold thing: the other side is a profile in case someone fabulous decides to write me and the boards is just fun and informative. I don't analyze it too strongly since for me, it is not that serious.

quote:

As far as Collarme goes, it really is just a two fold thing: the other side is a profile in case someone fabulous decides to write me and the boards is just fun and informative. I don't analyze it too strongly since for me, it is not that serious.


its life and death lol

don't fit in and your a social parriah(not sure on Spelling)

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Representative? - 6/2/2011 12:42:27 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I'm not really involved in the local "scene" - the local munches and parties just don't work with my schedule - but the kinky folks I know IRL are for the most part liberal, relatively feminist, GLBT and poly-friendly, 20-30s, and into low-protocol or bedroom-only D/s dynamics with a regular play partner or significant other.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Representative? - 6/9/2011 12:42:17 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
At most large BDSM conventions or events, I am in accord with the majority's view of BDSM.   
In local BDSM society groups like Detroit, Chicago, NYC and Tampa/Sarasota, I am accord with their view of BDSM.
But there are just a minority handful of people here at CollarChat that see the world of BDSM as I do.
I feel at home with differences in views and practices I've learned here, or through here.

quote:

Inversely, I went to visit Orlando in 2002 and found a very strange slice of life.  There was a group of ERA flag waving, SSC bible thumping, man hating anti-sexual pro Dommes that professed BDSM encounters did NOT include such disgusting things as sex.  They were somehow intrenched in the management of the free local BDSM societies and professed their beliefs in discussions and demos to the masses. . . which is bullshit.  That's like having hookers teach motivational romance and sex ed.  In all my years up north, I had never seen anything like that in a free membership group.

Further east in Florida I moved to Daytona in 2007 which supposedly had a local BDSM society and munch.  At the munch I was informed that they didn't have a play party afterwards.  They just talked about stuff for mutual education.  At first I thought the play party was a secret they were keeping from the noobee out of paranoia . . . but I was a figure head in the west coast BDSM scene and a few people knew me.  They told me that leather parties or anything else good in life simply was not part of what they did.  If I wanted to get with "a crowd like the one I had in Saratota" I'd have to go north to St. Augustine where Big Daddy V holds some great parties (yes he does).  I attended a few more local munches anyway. 

The next Daytona munch I went to was completely dedicated to talking about the the munch itself, which recently just got new leadership.  Not a word about BDSM was spoken.  That was fucking dumbass shit.  I was the sole sponsor and helped run a munch and play party for years . . . we had management meetings separate from the munches so as not to kill the membership with boredom.
Sounds a lot like people wanting to find a cohesive place to fit. The problem with this, is becoming the only true way type of thiking. 

quote:

I attend another of the prude's no-leather-no-sex-no-party-afterwards munch again a few months later.
That is frequently a problem, one has to deal directly with, and dispose of, if it isn't the way you live/command. 

quote:

I was kinda excited, there was a keynote speaker with a calendar outlining all the summer's BDSM events, with maps and pamphlets to pass out. . .  oh boy!  I swear to god . . . they ended up shutting the keynote speaker's presentation down so they could talk about being an educational group with a surprise guest . . . that guest was one of the Orlando fucktards that let the pro-Dommes ruin their society.  What did they talk about?  They talked about how munches could be educational.
I don't see how this was exporsure newbies/fetishists should be exposed to, and opposed to the endless frustration, of wanting to carry on a self limiting relationship. M

quote:

So are CM members more representative of my experience with BDSM?  Well, they are more representative than the nut jobs in Orlando or prudes in Daytona but less less representative than all my other experiences.  CM is like my real world experiences . . . it's hit and miss.
Sounds like it was eye opening. I hope it was fun. I've never been in a situation like that, but sounds all emcompassing, and fun. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Representative? - 6/9/2011 1:32:24 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Some of the women are bisexual, but most are either involved with or seeking men. And some of the downright unpleasant things I've seen said about bisexual men here are...not worth bringing up again. And doesn't the fact that they're around but not willing to come forward speak volumes?



I still vividly remember some of that 'unpleasantness'. Some of those threads made me sad. Where I live it's also much more trendy to claim you're bisexual.

What I remember about these boards is that Female Dommes will usually react enthusiastically to mentionings of male-male sex. And that some Female submissives get really upset at the idea of their Dom being near anyone else's penis.

Has anyone else noticed how a lot of times conversations here will end up being about a Dom's manliness (or lack thereof)? Wheras, in person, no one ever accuses the sensitive, creative, piano-playing guy of being too girly.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 6/9/2011 1:33:13 AM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Representative? - 6/9/2011 2:38:27 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		VaguelyCurious,

The one thing the postings Represent on here is "A Slice of Life". I'll openly admit that I'm not into "the BDSM scene" per se by going to Dungeons and playing with others. I have thought about it on/off over the years. I just see myself taking this part of my life and turning it into Entertainment for others. Perhaps that sounds rather off colored of me. But for me this facet of my life is rather personal.

I started doing twisted BDSM activities around the time when I was 13 years old, keep in mind I did this for a good number of years before I lost my virginity. I knew nothing about "the lifestyle" or this as being a complete "sub-culture".

I try to keep an open mind about things people do, however I roll true to a human being that I am. The nasty business of labels can become rather taxing. There are some stereotype conflicts that I myself have had to deal with. So I'm more than happy to Tear off my Dominant Label for anybody, if it's hang up in dealing with them one-on-one on a personal level.

Service and serving in my book extend to far greater places, compared to BDSM Kink activities. There's a bit of a difference in my mind between a Full Service Well Rounded Slave VS. A Sex/Kink Slave. This is just the way I personally view it. Because If I'm in a 24/7 relationship with somebody, I want and desire a hell of a lot more out of them.

There's a lot of things I love and enjoy doing, however It's best for me that it's with somebody that I trust and is close to me. Plus some of the things I love to do, from my understanding would not be acceptable to do out in a Public Dungeon. Which is another facet, I don't want somebody standing over my shoulder or a group of people conducting my personal business or pleasure. If that makes sense to you?

I'm certain that what goes down in the Public Dungeons are very real, the scenes played out. I've thought some about exploring this avenue a little. It's just all completely different compared to what I'm used to. In some regards it feels or seems a little.. how to put it... a little lacking in some regards.

In terms of Bi-sexuality, I don't have thoughts or fantasies about men. So yeah, while I understand it...again it's not my cup of tea. I don't try to be an asshole about it either. I just have to roll with what and how I truly am.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Representative? - 6/9/2011 3:47:36 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm sort of confused about the way you wrote the op, VC. You changed it from people in the scene to people you know who are into this. Is it that common in the UK for next door neighbors or office mates to discuss details of their sex lives? Because those of us who don't join the public scene usually don't know anyone else into this.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 60
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