quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

In life, all people have a truth that we struggle with. That truth is different for each person, but still the struggle for authenticity, of individuation, is part and parcel of being adults. In the midst of that struggle, every ugly, inflammatory, hateful, prejudice, fear-laden thing that can come up will. This is the part in which people say - When you are going through Hell, keep on going. Some people choose to sit their behinds down in Hell and wonder why their asses get burned.

People can choose to move and get to the other side, or they an choose to stay where they are. It's sad to see people who choose to sit down on their behinds in Hell.

sunshine

*edited to clarify

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello Phil,

Perhaps this will help - or it may make things more unclear... Everyone struggles with something in order to become more truly themselves. It is the process of individuation as a child and separation as a teenager. Beyond that people struggle to "go against the grain" about something. As a part of that struggle, very ugly things come up. "If this is true about me (and I think it is), then I'm not a good person" is what they all pretty much boil down to.

For some people that is coming out as a gay person or a kinky person. Inter-racial / inter-religious relationships area also pretty big ones. Those are fairly dramatic things that one has to learn to accept if one wants to let go of self-loathing that has been inflicted by society. There are other things though that people "come out" about. Sometimes it is as simple as "I don't like the ties you buy me." It is about being more honest in the face of disagreement / adversity.

Your questions seem to be of the "this is bad" variety. Regardless of how you couch them, they are woven through with disdain. You an say what you wish about that, try to convince yourself that it is all very "honest questioning" but the consistent negative nature of your questions gives away your mindset (If this is true for me, then I'm not a good person). You are in that process of learning to accept who you truly are (or maybe you are lying to us and pretending to be in process).

The next step, if a person has the courage to take it, is to ackowledge that X is true (in your case - you dig BDSM on some level). This is a huge hurdle for many people. Who wants to be weird or different or ostracized? Not many people. But once this hurdle is overcome, the next one (acceptance) can begin. It is in this place that people find healing, people let go of the ugliness and stereotypes and realize "This is true for me AND I'm a good person." There is catharsis and peace at this point.

It is sad for me to see you in the midst of the struggle, trying so hard to continue believing ugly things. And frankly if you are lying to us, if this is all nonsense to you, that's ok. There are other people who are actually in this mindset. For people who know what is on the other side, it can be sad to watch the desperate need to hang onto old beliefs, to not accept oneself.

I leave you with this 2 minute video clip from the West Wing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQJ6yqQRAQs

Best wishes,
sunshine

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhilSlave


My questions are generally just that questions. The answers tend to be defensive rather than the other rarer responses which engender discussion.

Thank you for your best wishes btw,

Kind Regards,

Phil

quote:


Your questions seem to be of the "this is bad" variety. Regardless of how you couch them, they are woven through with disdain. You an say what you wish about that, try to convince yourself that it is all very "honest questioning" but the consistent negative nature of your questions gives away your mindset (If this is true for me, then I'm not a good person). You are in that process of learning to accept who you truly are (or maybe you are lying to us and pretending to be in process).

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ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Phil,

The way your questions are worded lends to itself, to implying a specific level of inference in a negative manner (Context is everything).

There is a certain pattern in the construct of your sentences which tends to provoke people in a manner not in favor of engaging in constructive conversation.

It's not so much the questions are you asking that is causing the problem, it's how you are wording them. You are not scoring points with people on a personal social level.

Your questions are rather alienating to other people in their tone.

I'm trying to think of another way to describe it to.

You need to word your questions in a different more neutral tone which is less offensive to other people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

I'm trying to think of another way to describe it to.

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ORIGINAL: PhilSlave

I still don't see how someone can see an open ended question as an attack. The questions have answers that need not be negative whilst disagreeing. Perhaps they feel attacked because down deep they feel wrong? Who knows?

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ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Phil,

I just have to say if you were really looking for honest and true answers you would take note of all the serious answers you go rather than just provoking the people who are already inflamed by your antagonistic posts.  For the record, if you check I answered the  question.

Kali

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I still don't see how someone can see an open ended question as an attack. The questions have answers that need not be negative whilst disagreeing. Perhaps they feel attacked because down deep they feel wrong? Who knows?

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Somehow I missed that in all the overt and passive/aggressive aggression from other posters. My apologies.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

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Somehow I missed that in all the overt and passive/aggressive aggression from other posters. My apologies.

Hmmm.... what other kind of posts are there, phil? They are either straight forward (overt) or snarky (passive aggressive)

Somehow I think you lable any post that does not agree completely with yours as overt or passive aggressive.