RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ - 6/4/2011 8:59:01 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Treasure, it would be a pleasure to waltz around the dance floor with Firm! YAY! I gotta get to bed, but I'll read your thread in the morning. I did check out the OP there. You and I darling, great minds!

Lady Pact - I posted my list actually in response to you because the "I need a candy bar" is exactly what I'm NOT talking about. I wanted to clarify, and clear examples of what I consider needs was how I chose to do that.

ML - I can't imagine needing to study for an exam and choosing to go to the picture show instead. That boggles my mind (of course I tend toward the "ambitious" side of things and have been called an overacheiver more than once!)

LaT - Coffee... yum. That's all.

Bad One - oh so appropriately named!

best, (and g'night),
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to SailingBum)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ - 6/4/2011 9:46:17 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

The Needs of a Submissive to Thrive -
(well this one anyway)

I need attention - given and received
I need to feel safe
I need to be able to laugh and enjoy life
I need art
I need relationships with people
I need to show love as an action
I need to enjoy the world around me
I need to feel successful
I need to be visible and heard and be able to see and hear the one I am with
I need to write and be creative
I need to move my body - dance, riding a bike, etc.
I need work that gives me fulfillment
I need to interact with the people I love
I need time alone
I need intellectual stimulation
I need to touch and be touched
I need to learn

What I want but don't need
Plants
Pets
Music most of the time
Yummy smells
(this is a hard list - things that really make me happy but that I don't NEED to THRIVE but they do help me to thrive)

I see nothing even slightly unreasonable in this list, and would be happy to engage in any and all of these activities with any girl of mine...with the possible exception of the art one. if that involved repeated visits to galleries you might have to go on your own now and then...unless it was those funky little avant-garde galleries with works by crazy unknown artistes...I freaking love those places! Oh yeah, and the plants; they'd be your responsibility. I kill plants, not on purpose, they just die when in my care.

I bolded the items on your list that would also be on my list, which bringa an interesting idea to mind. Everybody has heard of having a BDSM checklist...what about a vanilla needs list. Having such a list would be a very interesting tool to judge compatibility.

You see, with Sunny's list, I can very easily picture many a very pleasant Sunday afternoon spent with her writing her stuff, me writing another of my cheesy poems, while the cats are curled up next to us. The music playing while something is baking and something else is simmering on the stove top.

Such a list is not a guarantee of compatibility, but it sure is a good way to see if there is any hope of it to begin with.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ - 6/6/2011 12:30:57 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Oh Treasure - you are indeed a treasure.... but we knew that, eh?

Ok, lemme get this part out of the way - dang... Mad Rabbit and Padriag - I used to have such crushessssssssssssssss on them! I mean damn. Fine, smart, interesting, sexy men. Now that the lust part is out of the way...

Lucky Albatross made a point about submissive folks equating sacrifice with deeper submission. While I think it was a good point, it's kind of the flip of what I'm talking about - domlies who think that if the submissive person is enjoying, they are not sufficiently suffering to show submission.

**************

At the end of the day, perhaps we are talking again about maturity, self-awareness, personal authority. I see it as my responsiblity (much the same way you, Treasure spoke of), to make sure I thrive. When I've been in situations where I was doing reasonably well within a relationship but it didn't allow me to thrive, I've had to leave. Not because I'm not submissive, but because I'm HUMAN. Perhaps this is the salient part. Does one need to submit to thrive or does one need a whole host of other things?

I know this thread is fizzling out, but I'd like to thank you all for such a great thread. A great honor to banter back and forth with all y'all.

best,
sunshine

I'd like to find someone I can 100% entrust to lead a relationship, to be the dominant one, to whom I can entrust a good deal of this and that. But honestly, I don't know if I have it in me. I suppose with the right person, anything is possible. I don't want to sit around waiting and waiting. Heck I remember being told that good girls don't have pre-marital sex. Well, hell who wants to be a 40-year old virgin? (Hey that would be an interesting idea for a movie. ). Same here. I can wait and wait and look for a relationship in which the other person can be trusted, or I can have some fun bottoming and running my own life until the right one comes along. In that way, I know that I am thriving, I know that I will definitely get my needs met, and I don't have to worry that someone is going to leave me hanging.

So ok, fellows step up to the plate here!

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ - 6/6/2011 2:14:16 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

i wouldnt be with master now if our likes and dislikes werent similar, the same with any relationship . there are the odd tv program i love and he doesn't like i jsut watch it when hes at work if i dont like a tv program i alwasy have things to do the pc books or i jsut sit and snuggle if he wishes. if i want to do anythink i ask and he will decide if he wants to do it then we will if not we wont but he may tell me to go do it when hes busy. i would realy like to study again and he sees the benifit and is encouraging me to do this but he will also make sure i do it if i find what i want there will be no slacking on it.

att he end of the day he loves to see me happy and he loves to feel his dominace over me and i love to feel his control and protection as someone said its a symbiotic relationship.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ - 6/6/2011 4:31:03 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

besides the food and shelter and clothes mantra about needs... i mainly need sex
it is not a want... it is a need! and i'll be dammed if i go without it (for too long)

if you think too much about the 'topping from the bottom' crap and the 'who is really in charge?' you might end up not 'believing' in the Dom/sub thing anymore...
in my book it is a game, a bit of magic, and it should be enjoyed...
TPE is just that; an exchange... tit for tat... to and fro... give and take
all these people who take themselves too serious, who are insecure and needy and hanging on their precious labels and accusing people of being fake and topping from the bottom and other shit, well, they just spoil the fun

i need laughter aswell, i have not much time for pompous folk

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ - 6/6/2011 6:02:52 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
not that he understands me

"Damnit Jim, I'm a Dominant, not a miracle worker."

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ - 6/6/2011 10:13:42 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

At the end of the day, perhaps we are talking again about maturity, self-awareness, personal authority. I see it as my responsiblity (much the same way you, Treasure spoke of), to make sure I thrive. When I've been in situations where I was doing reasonably well within a relationship but it didn't allow me to thrive, I've had to leave. Not because I'm not submissive, but because I'm HUMAN. Perhaps this is the salient part. Does one need to submit to thrive or does one need a whole host of other things?

For me it's submission in the right context and that context includes a bunch of other things, otherwise it wouldn't matter *who* I submitted to, and it does.

As owner of me, he says he sees my overall wellbeing as his responsibility. And that means, if he wants me to thrive (which he does), to provide an environment in which I can. This is not "catering" to me - I am still living under his authority - but it does mean he manages our world so that pain, suffering, joy, pleasures, etc are balanced so that we both can thrive. Since everyones level of balance will be different, it is no surprise to me to see various types of responses to questions like this.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Kana)

Profile

Post #: 67