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lizi -> RE: -=Happy weekend – what are you doing?=- (6/8/2011 8:06:08 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis
I am impressed. Seriously. You are my newest hero. I have lived in fear in the past & it was quite awful. One day I was talking to my Auntie June who suffers from debilitating anxiety. I was telling her something that I had been doing, probably involving driving the semi all over the country & she said to me, "I wish I was more like you; you're never afraid." I told her, "Oh Auntie June, I am afraid every day of my life!!" She said, "But you just do things anyway!" I said, "Yes I certainly do."
So even if you can't make the whole ride, you have taken a step toward not allowing your fears to control you. You go, girl!!!!!
Thank you Linnaea for your good opinion. I'm very flattered, but I certainly am no hero. I have tended to be pretty fearless in my life, which is why carrying the fear from the bike accident feels wrong. Lol, I keep telling myself I'd be perfectly justified in never getting on a bike again. My arms will never be exactly as they were before, I have lasting nerve damage from the accident, it was months before I could sleep longer than 2.5 hours because of the pain, I had to have people feed me and put drinks to my mouth, bathe/dress me, cook/clean for me, clean me after using the bathroom (ugh), drive me, fix my hair, brush my teeth, etc, but I don't want to live being ruled by this fear.
I'm just not sure if it's a smart thing to do or not, but shoot, it's only 8 miles. I've already ridden that around my neighborhood. The big thing is going to a new place for this ride, I won't know the route. Hills tend to make me panic, I was going very fast when I crashed and ended up flying over the handlebars. If there are any steep hills I might lose my mind.
Sigh, I don't know what to do. I've already told my man that there will certainly be some tears, but if he's not afraid of being stared at then neither am I. I often get brave by thinking of my oldest son, he is a Green Beret. I figure if he can do whatever it is that he's doing and calling it work like it's an everyday thing, then I can certainly man it up to do whatever it is that I'm scared about.
Argh, I didn't sleep at all last night. I tossed and turned all night. I'm going to have to face this though...
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