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how to say no - 6/5/2011 2:19:26 AM   
sylorkitten


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/3/2011
Status: offline 		I am looking for some one a bit more agressive than me to play with while I figure myself out but I'm picky and what's a good way to decline offers face to face and online I don't have a Dom and I would just love to be able to say so with out them geting more agressive
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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 2:29:44 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		um...just say no? it's not that hard

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 2:34:47 AM   
DomThoughts


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, it so often occurs that in attempting to be easy on someone's ego (us men do have fragile ones!) does end up giving mixed signals. "you're being really nice to me, and saying no, surely you're just playing"

"thank you, but you're not what I'm looking for" or its ilk is often the best way forward. Be honest and polite. make sure you're somewhere public so they can't do anything aggressive, but just be firm and unwaivering about it.

failing that, something along the lines of - "can we have sex once my herpes has cleared up, 'cause I can't wait to do you bareback" (though that one does run the risk of "that's ok, I'm a carrier too")


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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 2:34:51 AM   
sylorkitten


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/3/2011
Status: offline 		its supposed to be :/ I say no firmly
they go psssh and try to drag me into things I'm not into
I'm just trying to see if there are different words or something that does not end up with me joint locking some guy 20years older then me

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 2:46:10 AM   
sylorkitten


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/3/2011
Status: offline 		thanks that might work
I don't meet guys in private though I was at a party and he just stalked me and tried to pull me no matter what I said. after he put his hands on my hand I had to pin him

I just want to avoid it as much as possible

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 2:46:27 AM   
DomThoughts


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline 		If a guy is going to not listen to the extent where that is needed, I doubt there is *anything* you could say that they would listen to.

When 'thanks but no thanks doesn't work' go with 'quit being pathetic, and fuck off' if you're capable of handling what that might bring.

Though I would question the sort of guys you are meeting, if you're getting into situations like that on a regular basis. Maybe a touch more due diligence before meeting would be useful

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 6:30:50 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, there's no chemistry. Good luck with your search.

And then don't continue talking to them. Don't respond to more emails. If at a party, walk to the other side of the room and start talking to someone else.


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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 7:09:15 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what Des said.  If the guy continues to hound you, call the cops.  at that point, it becomes stalking/harrassment.

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 7:29:22 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		syl, you handled it just fine. 


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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 3:55:07 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sylorkitten

I am looking for some one a bit more agressive than me to play with while I figure myself out but I'm picky and what's a good way to decline offers face to face and online I don't have a Dom and I would just love to be able to say so with out them geting more agressive

I have found that just saying no, thanks works quite well. After all....YOU ARE an adult who can think independently, correct?

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 4:42:56 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sylorkitten

I am looking for some one a bit more agressive than me to play with while I figure myself out but I'm picky and what's a good way to decline offers face to face and online I don't have a Dom and I would just love to be able to say so with out them geting more agressive



Jesus, sorry about the hijack, but don't they teach using punctuation in school anymore??? Even periods at the ends of sentences???

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 5:44:43 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		I usually decline online by saying "No thank you. I've looked at your profile and we wouldn't be a match. Good luck in your search."  I have had a few men come back and insist that they were perfect for me, but at that point I don't answer their emails anymore. For in person situations I guess I would say something like what Des proposed....something polite and to the effect that there isn't any chemistry.

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 6:51:58 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		Online is really easy. You just close the window and block them if they don't accept a no from you.

In person, I don't usually have that problem, I usually hang on Hanners' arm at parties or when we go out. One time though I was circulating and there was a guy who kept pestering me. I told him "No thanks, I'm in a relationship", I told him "Sorry, I'm a lesbian". None of it mattered to him, he was one of those guys who thinks his cock is magical and if I tried it just once I would be cured and be hetero.

Anyway, I scurried to Hanners and stood next to her, figuring that would do the trick. It didn't. He kept pestering me. Hanners paid no attention to him for a bit and kept on talking to the couple she was chatting with. Then out of the blue she stopped in the middle of a sentence and turned to the guy and said in a very quiet but intense voice (as best I can remember): "Listen you fucking little shit of a cocksucker, if you so much as even look at my girl again I'm going to gouge your fucking eyes out with my thumbs and shove them down your motherfucking throat. Do I make myself clear shit for brains?" And then smiled an evil little smile and went back to her conversation.

That did the trick. :)

So my recommendation? get yourself a tough talking foul mouthed girlfriend who people think just might be crazy enough to do that sort of thing.


< Message edited by HeatherMcLeather -- 6/5/2011 6:54:50 PM >

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 7:04:24 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sylorkitten

I am looking for some one a bit more agressive than me to play with while I figure myself out but I'm picky and what's a good way to decline offers face to face and online I don't have a Dom and I would just love to be able to say so with out them geting more agressive



No, thank you.

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RE: how to say no - 6/5/2011 9:52:34 PM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sylorkitten

thanks that might work
I don't meet guys in private though I was at a party and he just stalked me and tried to pull me no matter what I said. after he put his hands on my hand I had to pin him

I just want to avoid it as much as possible


maybe carry some mace or something in case someone does shit like that


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RE: how to say no - 6/6/2011 2:31:04 PM   
fallon0627


Posts: 42
Joined: 1/22/2011
Status: offline 		There should be someone in charge at the party that you can bring this up with. If he won't take no for an answer then I would report it. My group doesn't tolerate that and sounds like he needs to grow up.

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RE: how to say no - 6/9/2011 8:14:54 AM   
mynxkat


Posts: 240
Joined: 5/7/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fallon0627

There should be someone in charge at the party that you can bring this up with. If he won't take no for an answer then I would report it. My group doesn't tolerate that and sounds like he needs to grow up.


This. If you're at a party and some douchebag won't take 'No' for an answer, find the host or hostess of the party and tell them you're being harassed by another guest and point out the person to them. If they don't or won't take steps to stop the harassment, then... well, I'm not usually a violent person, but if the creep lays a hand on you, it's your option whether he gets the hand back still attached to his arm or not.

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RE: how to say no - 6/9/2011 8:27:32 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Tell em you unfortunately have to say no because you just got the blood work back...

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RE: how to say no - 6/10/2011 9:49:13 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Just say no i am not inteested.  Leave me alone.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: how to say no - 6/10/2011 5:36:14 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Tell em you unfortunately have to say no because you just got the blood work back...



I've always wanted to use "Unhand me, you cad!' but yours is scarier by far (and funnier!)

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