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Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 2:54:33 AM

bhamliving

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/8/2011
Status: offline

Hello!

First off, I am relitivly new to the D/s relationship dynamic. I do not claim to be a master, but since my enterance into the kinky world, I have come in contact, both directly and indirectly, with those who classify themselves as masters. For that reason, I have a question

1) What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master?
Please include:
- some unwritten rules that get assumed
- some reasoning behind it (just informative, not to prove that your viewpoints are correct)

As I said, I am new to this side, and don't want to step on anyone's toes or cross any lines that I do not know about. I appreciate everyone's on topic responses.

Post #: 1

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 3:08:34 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bhamliving

Hello!

First off, I am relitivly new to the D/s relationship dynamic. I do not claim to be a master, but since my enterance into the kinky world, I have come in contact, both directly and indirectly, with those who classify themselves as masters. For that reason, I have a question

Spelling “etiquette” correctly might be a good starting point.

Secondly, why would you be wanting to contact someone who already has a Master? Assuming you're not trying to rub another man’s rhubarb, I’d suggest just being polite and respectful and contacting the Master first, if indicated so to do by the sub/slave’s profile.

“Master” is a largely self-imposed term. Anyone claiming it comes with a series of hard and fast “rules” that apply to all "Masters" (or indeed, anyone else) is probably an idiot.

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 2

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 3:14:27 AM

BendingGender

Posts: 176
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline

I'd say that to some extent it depends on why you're interested in contacting a person who already has a Master. That aside, I would suggest checking their profile thoroughly. A lot of people who are in a relationship of some kind, and have noted it in their profile, will usually state if they have any restrictions in place regarding their emails, chatting, etc. If they don't have anything that states something along the lines of "my Master does not want me to talk with other Doms" it might be safe to send them a message.

If you're aiming to snipe another man's submissive, which I'm not saying that it's your goal, I would suggest simply not doing it. Chances are anyone who mentions their owner/dom/Master/etc. in their profile is not going to be talked into jumping ship. However, if you've honorable intentions... and they don't have any restrictions... simply keep in mind that the person you're trying to contact is in a relationship with another individual. Some will happily talk with you. Some will ignore your messages. Some may reply, stating that they cannot communicate with you for whatever reason.

_____________________________

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide
The future influences the present just as much as the past. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ~George Carlin (RIP)

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 3

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 4:10:01 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Usually if someone wants their master to be written first for permission to talk to them, they'll mention it in their profile. So read the profile fully. Secondly, assuming you aren't getting off on cheating with someone, and have honorable intentions in making contact, there shouldn't be a problem. Don't just contact people saying hello and you would like to know them. If something sparked your interest in them, say what it is. I get lots of email sparked by my cookie pictures. And by forum posts. If someone writes asking me to explain more what I meant in a post, I have no problem doing so. Just as I have no problem giving a recipe to someone who asks for it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to BendingGender)

Post #: 4

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 6:11:48 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bhamliving

Hello!

First off, I am relitivly new to the D/s relationship dynamic. I do not claim to be a master, but since my enterance into the kinky world, I have come in contact, both directly and indirectly, with those who classify themselves as masters. For that reason, I have a question

1) What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master?
Please include:
- some unwritten rules that get assumed
- some reasoning behind it (just informative, not to prove that your viewpoints are correct)

As I said, I am new to this side, and don't want to step on anyone's toes or cross any lines that I do not know about. I appreciate everyone's on topic responses.

Other than a personal msg regarding a Forum discussion topic, my only (unwritten) rule is that I don't bother with subs/slaves who are already taken.

Reasoning is simple. I predominantly come to CM for the discussion boards, but I'm also open to meeting a potential fem/sub partner.... If she's already got someone, then she ain't got my kind of potential.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 5

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 8:12:59 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Other than a personal msg regarding a Forum discussion topic, my only (unwritten) rule is that I don't bother with subs/slaves who are already taken.

These are pretty much the only messages from domly males that I respond to. Most other men who message me who I don't know, have never heard of, and have no interest in engaging in one-on-one conversation with. I've had interesting dialogue, however, with people from these boards who have messaged me about something I wrote.

Otherwise, a polite, "Would your owner mind if I messaged you for the purpose of asking....." would be better received.

I also have in my profile that my owner reads my messages. Not everyone has this, but it's safe to assume this is a practice that takes place quite often.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 6

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 8:21:01 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bhamliving

Hello!
1) What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master?
Please include:
- some unwritten rules that get assumed
- some reasoning behind it (just informative, not to prove that your viewpoints are correct)

Simple-Don't.

Unless it's to make a witty comment or some such thing, I almost never contact women who serve another. For many reasons, it's just not cool, starting with the obvious in that poaching and poachers suck, then there is the fact that a whole lot of folks get territorial about their possessions (That is, if one is not poaching) and don't react well when they are talking to strange guys.
.
Hell, even in nilla, I tend to spend less time with gals I'm friends with once they get involved in serious relationships. It just feels kinda disrespectful somehow.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 7

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 8:32:45 AM

mynxkat

Posts: 240
Joined: 5/7/2011
Status: offline

Hello to you bhamliving.

1) A lot of the subs and slaves here that have Doms/Owners/Masters/etc. are here to chat with other folks. Some of them enjoy chatting with anyone about a whole slew of subjects. Read their profile first, to see what restrictions they have about communicating with other people.
Respect those restrictions.
Introduce yourself politely and have something to hang a possible conversation on beyond 'can we chat?' Take it for granted that whatever sorts of titles or capitalizations used in any reply are correct, don't try to impose your own notions. You haven't got the right to try to tell someone else's property what to do or how to address you.
Assume that your messages will likely be read by the sub's Master. My own Master sometimes reads my messages, especially those from clueless people who do the whole 'Kneel to your Twue Master bitch' sorts. We both get a giggle out of them, then I block the idiot that sent it.
Don't be an idiot.
If (not saying this is the case, just if) you've got the idea of luring someone's sub or slave away from them- forget it. Don't even try. If it DID happen to work, do you really want to get involved with someone who messed around with you behind her owner's back? How long will it be before she does it to YOU? A little common sense there will save you tons of grief.

You'll probably find a lot more conversation going on here in the forums than on the other side. There are some fascinating threads here, and some very entertaining ones, and some of the regular posters are... colorful....

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 8

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 8:37:48 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bhamliving

1) What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master?
Please include:
- some unwritten rules that get assumed
- some reasoning behind it (just informative, not to prove that your viewpoints are correct)

As I said, I am new to this side, and don't want to step on anyone's toes or cross any lines that I do not know about. I appreciate everyone's on topic responses.

you could say "hello how are you"
it is normally the rule to be sort of polite
the reason behind it is that when you are rude and say things like "hi twat i hate you" you probably will not get a response

and what was question 2) ?

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 9

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 9:04:38 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I'm pretty much going to echo what the others have said, but from my own perspective, as someone with a Master, I usually question why a stranger is contacting me in the first place.

Often it's about my profile pics or my rather silly profile, and I will enjoy a bit of banter with them for a short while. Some other Doms and subs I chat with because they're genuinely nice people who are fun to chat with - the kind of people I'd spend nilla time with. But I will never meet them, and they are fully aware of that.

I did look at your profile, and to be honest I wouldn't want to get into a long conversation with you, simply because your profile appears to say that you're just looking for sex, and your secondary pic had me running to find the eye bleach.

It's possible that a Master/Dom looking at your profile would assume that you're looking for a shag with their sub/slave, not a conversation. I'm sure that my Master (who is fully aware that I talk to others of all genders, and who those people are) would tell me to hide and block anyone with a profile like yours.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 10

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 9:22:05 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

Based on the great length of time I have served the many Dommes in my life <Shush! It's my post I'll tell it my way

>, I'd say I don't have a clue how you should approach any submissive other than me. As far as our relationship goes (and I'd suggest this as a good rule of thumb for any involved submissive), approach me the same way you would any girl with a lover.

If you're going to be dumb and try talk me into being hetero or into leaving Hanners, well you're wasting your time and will get a polite refusal or just deleted. And if you persist you'll be politely asked to use the couple's profile from now on and blocked on mine. And from there you can deal with Hanners <evil grin>.

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 11

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 10:06:32 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

And you try to convince us that Hannah is the evil one??

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 12

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 10:32:16 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

I have no idea what you mean by that...

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 13

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 1:33:11 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

yeah...right....<insert rolly-eye emoticon-thingy here>

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 14

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 3:29:40 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

If you're going to be dumb and try talk me into being hetero or into leaving Hanners, well you're wasting your time and will get a polite refusal or just deleted. And if you persist you'll be politely asked to use the couple's profile from now on and blocked on mine. And from there you can deal with Hanners <evil grin>.

*wants to be a fly on the wall* (not literally)

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 15

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/9/2011 11:53:39 PM

Palliata

Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline

The respectful thing to do, to my eye, is to contact the person's owner and introduce yourself, develop a basic working rapport with them, and then say 'I wanted to ask your persmission to contact your slave regarding xyz.' Really anything which shows basic respect for their dynamic and puts everything on the table would work fine.

_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 16

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/10/2011 7:28:13 AM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bhamliving
1) What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master?

Don't. There is no profit in it.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 17

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/10/2011 8:06:40 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bhamliving

1) What do you feel is the proper way to contact someone who has a master?
Please include:
- some unwritten rules that get assumed
- some reasoning behind it (just informative, not to prove that your viewpoints are correct)

I tend to assume anyone who doesn't want to talk to me wants to steal my woman. I don't know how many times I have been at an event and someone makes a big show of speaking to me first and then quite litterly slides between myself and my woman so that he can get her alone. I just laugh, best of luck buddy!

Also, many men honesty think they just want to "talk" totally unaware of their motives. Here is food for thought. If she is willing to talk behind his back and you are able to steal her, what have you achieved? He finds out he had a crappy partner and you get a woman who cheats!

I have a great way of picking up women in the scene. I tell them not to bother me, go play around in the scene, talk and play with other men, THEN come talk to me. Most don't come back and I am happier because of it. The ones who do, know who rocks their world, know that no other man will ever make them as happy as I can and I can turn my back on her while she talks to anyone and know that the moment I make that sign, she will be there at my feet even if the guy's mouth is open with a half formed word on his lips.

My women tend to be the ones other men and woman lust for and so I am used to all the games and could care less if people talk to them. Some love the attention and it makes for less work for me if other men serve me by lavishing attention on them. However, many dominants do not see the world that way and if you contact their women directly, will get pissy.

At events, if someone has a hot partner who tends to get that same attention, I tend to not even notice he has a woman at his side, all my attention and body language is on him unless he introduces her and even then, till I get to know them as people, I don't tend to interact with their submissive. Its subtle as a newbie dominant, it is a way to gain respect from others by showing them respect but if it is the cheesy kind, meant only as a fig leaf, you probably aren't good enough to hide it.

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 18

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/10/2011 9:42:47 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Two questions:

#1 You have to ask yourself, "WHY am I wanting to contact someone who has a Master?" What would you do if it were the same person but a vanilla situation?

#2 That second picture in your profile is photo shopped, isn't it?

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 19

RE: Proper Equitte? - 6/10/2011 11:13:08 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

What is the "proper" way?

The way which is normally defined in society for such interactions. That is to say, I don't think there IS any proper M/s way. A given couple may have protocols in place for them. If so, it is their job to make you aware of them politely. Then it becomes your job to decide if you want to follow those protocols.

For Carol, the way would be...

Hey, I saw/read/heard/whatever something you wrote/said/did and I thought.....

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to bhamliving)

Post #: 20

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