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Full Control - 6/9/2011 7:44:56 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		There was a post some time ago by ResidentSadist regarding the large number of well...what amounts to swingers attracted to this lifestyle. Mind you, I have nothing against swinging. It's just that the emphasis is more upon having sex with other people as opposed to actually Serving somebody. Perhaps, I'm venturing into an area to which I'm going to take heat over.

Today, I saw a profile by a submissive that is looking for somebody to accept who and what she is. That she's a three hole slut that's into gang bangs and more. That she's looking for somebody that's accepting of this, unlike her EX husband which could not deal with it.

So perhaps, I'm being a judgemental bastard here, but what I was reading on the profile really did not sound all that submissive in nature. Sure she knows what she wants and likes. I don't find fault with that. But clearly, it does not resonate with submitting to somebody rather more like finding somebody that's accepting of her kink/sexual desires.

I'm sitting here at the moment, sipping on my cup of coffee, reflecting upon some things. For me personally, if I'm in a D/s relationship one that I have full control over or I'm boss. Clearly, one such as Slut Gangbang girl would not like me shutting down her party fun anymore than she could stand her EX having issues over it. (Can you see the Barrier or rather Brick wall?). I might intially not have an issue with it, it might be something I could be okay about for a few years. But what if I woke up one morning and said, enough is enough. This crap ain't pleasing me anymore.

Keywords being "Pleasing to me", which is something I believe is important in one actually serving another human being. That they strive to please and serve and do everything humanly possible in this role on the 's' side of the D/s coin.

This is the very reason, why I'm not into Puppies, Ponies, Adult Babies and etc.. because they simply lack the flexibility. If anything they are more focused upon their own fetish/kink to the point it can screw things up.

Now on the other hand, I'm very interested in cultivating and nuturing intelligence, hobbies and skills. In fact, owning somebody that is into having a career or interests outside of BDSM or D/s relationship itself I find very appealing. Still I enjoy playing my hand and role in these matters. It's always nice to know that they are willing to set these things aside should I ever request it. (knowing that the full control is in place, and what they are willing to do).

I don't know what to make of myself at times when I compare myself to others involved in this same Madness. Perhaps, I'm too extreme in the level of contol or power exchange I seek. Perhaps I'm too vanilla, by the fact I enourage personal growth, hobbies and even a career. I love creative and intelligent sub/slave types. I'll take pleasure in the things they are doing. I'll take pleasure in nurturing it too. This is who I am as a human being.

Somebody wanting to live chained to my basement wall 24/7 or out of a cage, I really have a hard time trying to figure out just how this is serving me. The service just seems and is rather limited. Some submissive types don't even want to leave the house or where ever they are kept. Again, I'm thinking okay. I'm seeing Walls and Barriers in how far they want or are willing to go.

Sure everybody has their thing, thier kinks and wants. It's basically BDSM without a focus upon serving. Rather limited in nature without what I call "Full Control".

It's one thing for me to express, I want Full Control or TPE. It's another thing for somebody to grasp the full concept, that it's not about keeping the locked up behind closed doors and chained to a bed 24/7.

My expectations at times seem rather extreme, but they ain't really. So I'm rather much at a loss at times. I keep thinking perhaps I am chasing down that Platium Unicorn, in the face of so many fixations that abound.

I sincerely see and understand why some Doms/Masters/Owners resort to going Poly or get bored after awhile and move onto somebody new. Perhaps this sounds rather harsh, there is a certain reality that life itself is rather dynamic.

Some of these things that submissive/slave profile express, I tend to look at like owning a Ball and chain as opposed to giving me the freedom I want in a D/s, M/s relationship. Clearly these ball and chains don't ultimately make life or my life should I say, any easier. Oh yeah, like somebody kept in a cage 24/7 ain't going to add to my work load while their lazy ass sits inside escaping reality of the world at my expense.

God, I'm sounding like such a mean hard-ass judgemental bastard today.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0
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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 7:58:03 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		The whole idea that you will ever have full and total control is fully and totally flawed... the reality is that nobody really has very much control at any given time at all... still if you go with the flow and you imagine that this is just exactly what you want everything might be extremely enjoyable

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 7:59:22 AM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline 		So...you're saying that there are a lot of people on CM who aren't a good match for you?

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 8:02:45 AM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		It sounds like your searches are strictly internet-based. What about going to munches and clubs? The qualities you describe are a lot easier to find face-to-face rather than online.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 8:08:31 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4


God, I'm sounding like such a mean hard-ass judgemental bastard today.


Really can't disagree with you on this one.


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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 8:12:17 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire
So...you're saying that there are a lot of people on CM who aren't a good match for you?

Oh Hell yeah!!
Not to mention there's a hell of a lot of people on CM that I'm not a good match for either!
LOL Hell yeah!!
But I'm also trying to express a little more besides this and this fact alone.


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 8:12:30 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Fuck what they want. I'm the Dominant. They do what I want, or their ass is gone. Now hopefully that somewhat coincides with what she wants, in which case, happy synergies can occur and maybe, just maybe, even a relationship or a series of prolonged interactions follow.
JMHO and all...


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HST

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 8:19:32 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

But I'm also trying to express a little more besides this and this fact alone.



OK, trying to address the gist of what you wrote - most submissive women have profiles that domly-types say "That doesn't look very submissive" about.  The reason being that unowned submissive people are their own people, who have every right to look for what works for them.  Some domly-types think the profile side should contain all these submissive "Please pick me" type profiles - not sure if that's your thinking, but I've seen that by a lot of folks.

Everyone should just seek what they want.  Maybe these people you're mentioning are seeking fun relationships in which they can be topped - not necessarily mastered.  And maybe some toppy-type is looking for just that.

Also, you mentioned puppies, babies, etc., is limiting and I'd agree, ONLY if that's the ONLY element you're engaging in.  But such things don't have to be limited - what if someone wants to explore a variety of options together?  Then there's nothing limiting at all.

And your "resort to going poly or get bored" is ridiculous.  If a master gets bored, that's his/her own making.  And "resorting" to poly is potentially quite offensive to those who are wired to enjoying poly, as well as to those who are not.

I think the reason you find such ideas "limiting" is because your thinking is limiting.


_____________________________

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 8:42:23 AM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

But I'm also trying to express a little more besides this and this fact alone.



This is what I'm hearing:

1) Lots of submissive-identified people seem to want their kinks fulfilled, as opposed to TPE with service.

2) This is not what you want from a submissive.

3) ????

4) Because they are not what you want, they aren't real submissives.

5) Some weird thing about poly being a cure for boredom.

What am I missing?


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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 8:59:54 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4
But I'm also trying to express a little more besides this and this fact alone.


OK, trying to address the gist of what you wrote - most submissive women have profiles that domly-types say "That doesn't look very submissive" about.  The reason being that unowned submissive people are their own people, who have every right to look for what works for them.  Some domly-types think the profile side should contain all these submissive "Please pick me" type profiles - not sure if that's your thinking, but I've seen that by a lot of folks.

Everyone should just seek what they want.  Maybe these people you're mentioning are seeking fun relationships in which they can be topped - not necessarily mastered.  And maybe some toppy-type is looking for just that.

Also, you mentioned puppies, babies, etc., is limiting and I'd agree, ONLY if that's the ONLY element you're engaging in.  But such things don't have to be limited - what if someone wants to explore a variety of options together?  Then there's nothing limiting at all.

And your "resort to going poly or get bored" is ridiculous.  If a master gets bored, that's his/her own making.  And "resorting" to poly is potentially quite offensive to those who are wired to enjoying poly, as well as to those who are not.

I think the reason you find such ideas "limiting" is because your thinking is limiting.


Quick response here. The comment I made about going poly was sarcastic in nature. Was more directed at those expecting mono yet having things turn poly instead. Personally, I have nothing against poly nor do I have anything negative thoughts about it. I have nothing against it. It's all good. So my sarcastic nature can be rather misleading, if you don't realize it's just that Sarcasism. Not a problem some people want to take things literally, I understand.

Yes, I'm basically expressing that certain things don't come off as being very submissive when applied to TPE or Full Control. This is a bit of a fact Jack. This is not saying however they are not submissive, just rather the focus is not upon Serving so much as it is other things.

You betcha you ass!! If a Master Gets Bored they are the ones responsible for doing something about it! Hence my sarcastic remarks about wanting to Go Poly or Move onto somebody else, if the need be. I Tell you what, If somebody has the Personality of Dryer Lint and it bores me... It's not my fault I'm bored other than the fact, I have to acept responsibily I got hooked up with a Boring sub/slave to get my Kink on with, then I'm faced with the harsh reality of my own stupid choice. I should have known better in the first place is how I would rate that one. LOL However, It's not about BEING BORED... It's about SOMEBODY INTO SERVING and PLEASING! If somebody is into that compared to be hung up on their own fixations, then Things should Never be boring to begin with.








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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 9:07:16 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

But I'm also trying to express a little more besides this and this fact alone.



This is what I'm hearing:

1) Lots of submissive-identified people seem to want their kinks fulfilled, as opposed to TPE with service.

2) This is not what you want from a submissive.

3) ????

4) Because they are not what you want, they aren't real submissives.

5) Some weird thing about poly being a cure for boredom.

What am I missing?



5). Was a scarcastic Remark, which was not to be taken so seriously. However, it expresses this! A Dominant will seek others or go elseware to get their Needs/Wanst Met! If a submissive is so stuck or hung up upon themselves to not give of themselves, and it won't kill them. They might have to be prepared for the possibility their Dom/Master/Owner will turn elseware after time. GOD, this is on par with Desparate Housewives that resort to cheating on their Husbands because they don't get Sex, Love and Attention! I not understand why it's so difficult to apply here? Or is it that Dom/Master/Owner need to suck this crap up?

4). On a personal note - Why the hell would I want to be involved with somebody not submissive enough to do what I wanted? LOL

3). I'm uncertain what the ?? is about.

2). I'm ???

1). Within reason provided it does not control the relationship itself. If that makes sense to you.



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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 9:15:00 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, Anybody that wants to live out the basement chained to the Walls 24/7 not wanting to go out to public places. Ain't Submissive to me. Not saying they ain't submissive at all. Just that they ain't submissive enough for my liking! If you consider that submissive and find it submissive then cool. Personally that shit would be a battle of the wills with me and won't cut it. So hence we can enter into what is or is not a true submissive debate. If it's somebody that's not focused upon what the Dom/Master/Owner wants desires or needs, in my book it ain't very submissive at all. It's clearly anything remote from TPE or full control. LOL. I mean come on here.

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Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 9:23:30 AM   
OwnedFemaleFlesh


Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline 		Let's turn it round a bit and imagine that all you want is a submissive who will let you whore her out, take her swinging, get her gang-banged, you decide how and when she is fucked and by who. But every submissive you meet complains that they don't want to be whored out and that they're a 'one-Dom sub'. Exactly the same limit on your control, but in the opposite direction. Now let's imagine you come across this profile you've seen - are you going to feel that it's a limit on your control, or are you going to feel that you've found the perfect submissive for you?

The fact is, that *everything* a submissive wants or doesn't want is a limit on your control. The trick is to find one that wants what you want, and then you get to explore everything that makes you happy, and they get to not have their basic human desires violated or ignored.

If it was as simple as submissives being empty open vessels and Doms getting to decide exactly what to do with them, then there wouldn't be any single, dissatisfied Doms, or picky subs. But there are lots of them, and there always will be. If the submissives were that featureless, they wouldn't have decided that BDSM was what they wanted, and to look for a Dom in the first place!

owned xxx

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 9:33:40 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh
Let's turn it round a bit and imagine that all you want is a submissive who will let you whore her out, take her swinging, get her gang-banged, you decide how and when she is fucked and by who. But every submissive you meet complains that they don't want to be whored out and that they're a 'one-Dom sub'. Exactly the same limit on your control, but in the opposite direction. Now let's imagine you come across this profile you've seen - are you going to feel that it's a limit on your control, or are you going to feel that you've found the perfect submissive for you?

The fact is, that *everything* a submissive wants or doesn't want is a limit on your control. The trick is to find one that wants what you want, and then you get to explore everything that makes you happy, and they get to not have their basic human desires violated or ignored.

If it was as simple as submissives being empty open vessels and Doms getting to decide exactly what to do with them, then there wouldn't be any single, dissatisfied Doms, or picky subs. But there are lots of them, and there always will be. If the submissives were that featureless, they wouldn't have decided that BDSM was what they wanted, and to look for a Dom in the first place!

owned xxx

Thank you for the truly wonderful reply. What I find a little frustrating is that I've had women that were willing to be whored if I so desired, or anything else. Mind you, I never went there and did that. However, I could have if I so wanted. I'm not certain how to fully describe this in words, but it's a completely different mindset. Where somebody is offering themselves in this way, offering and willing to do whatever you want to please you. As opposed to being caught up in their own thang. Which is a bit different. It's rather different type of mindset altogether between the two and a little hard to describe. Thank you for the post.

You are right about like minded people pairing up, still that's not guarantee it's going to last. The ones that are more accomadating for change I tend to think last longer.




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Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 9:41:02 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4


You are right about like minded people pairing up, still that's not guarantee it's going to last. The ones that are more accomadating for change I tend to think last longer.





I tend to agree with you there.

I'm in my current relationship because a very good friend of me told me to take the single-minded blinders off and be prepared to change or compromise to find the person for me. I totally disagreed with her initially, and stuck with what I 'knew' I needed.

But as that was getting me precisely nowhere, I started to talk to this guy whose profile was pretty bare and who appeared to be looking for a slave, not a masochist. I wasn't a slave.

Fast forward 6 months and now I want more than anything to serve him. I am becoming his slave. Not through conscious choice on either of our parts, but because that's what works with us. He's also an amazing sadist, much to my delight, lol

We want to make each other happy. Being served by an obedient woman is what makes him happy, so I do it joyfully. Having a nurturing Master who supports my learning and career makes me happy, so he does it joyfully.

We both changed within the relationship. We both compromised, I think. But it doesn't feel like it. It just feels right. For us. If he demanded change from me in the future, I'm sure that he would only do so if it was to benefit 'us' as a relationship, not just him. And I would gladly do it because we're a team, with him in charge.




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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 9:48:45 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

but it's a completely different mindset. Where somebody is offering themselves in this way, offering and willing to do whatever you want to please you. As opposed to being caught up in their own thang. Which is a bit different. It's rather different type of mindset altogether between the two and a little hard to describe. Thank you for the post.


I see a couple of different types of dominants on the other side... those who want to explore the dark fantasies we each have, and those who only care about their own. Which do you want to be?

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 9:56:44 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

So perhaps, I'm being a judgemental bastard here, but what I was reading on the profile really did not sound all that submissive in nature. Sure she knows what she wants and likes. I don't find fault with that. But clearly, it does not resonate with submitting to somebody rather more like finding somebody that's accepting of her kink/sexual desires.


It is completely possible to get one's gang bang needs fulfilled within a BDSM relationship.

My ex Dom liked seeing me with other women. He liked picking them out, telling me how to approach them, and choreographing every step of the way. We were very D/s; in fact too much so for me.

I had a boyfriend with whom I enjoyed threesomes with other men. He, too, liked to choreograph.

quote:

I sincerely see and understand why some Doms/Masters/Owners resort to going Poly or get bored after awhile and move onto somebody new.


I don't see what this has to do with the rest of your post? With so many facets of BDSM to explore, creative people can stay happily monogamous. I had a partner who was into pony play. I'm not especially - what turned me on was doing it for him/his enjoyment in the roles. (And the anticipation of the beating to come.)

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 10:10:08 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

but it's a completely different mindset. Where somebody is offering themselves in this way, offering and willing to do whatever you want to please you. As opposed to being caught up in their own thang. Which is a bit different. It's rather different type of mindset altogether between the two and a little hard to describe. Thank you for the post.


I see a couple of different types of dominants on the other side... those who want to explore the dark fantasies we each have, and those who only care about their own. Which do you want to be?


While this might strike you as odd, I've had more opportunities in my life time to explore those dark sides. Where I myself did not go there even. Now, however it did mean very much to me for those that offered to go there for me. That in itself is Priceless. However, they clearly were along for the ride where ever it went. Meaning they took an interest in things I was interested in, and it had thought or felt it odd that they themselves did not have their own interests. Yet, I was younger a little less.. how to say.. fully appreciative of this aspect to their submissive nature. In some regards, I was rather narrow minded myself back then. Thinking.. Ummm.. this is bit like having a creepy dopleganger on my hands. Hope this makes sense to you.

Actually in regards to BDSM activities, I'm rather flexible in many many many ways. There are certain basics or must haves for me. However these are fairly typical or common activities not often on anybody's hard limit list. So, I'm not all about forcing the Dark side of fantasies upon anybody.

My sadistic side is a bit like a bottled up Genie. Yes, do I enjoy and love letting that Genie out of the bottle, you betcha your ass. However, it's not a must have for me. Not a deal breaker. It's an aspect that I have guarded and totally under control.

Now, when it comes to a D/s relationship itself. The D/s dynamics, this is where I tend to become more how to say, gravitate towards being Boss and wanting to be in control of shit.

Now, I would not mind exploring some of these dark side fantasies of mine with somebody, however I also want the abilitiy to shut it the fuck down if I feel it's rather much. The case in point with slutty gangbang girls. While I can wrap my mind around it, and be cool about actually doing it. It's something that I know, I'd want to be in control of. Also, I know myself that I just might want to shut it down completely. I would prefer to be with somebody that would allow me to have the control to do it or not do. As opposed to somebody who insists upon having this thier way.

I'm perfectly alright with being with somebody not into threesomes or gang bangs. There are other areas besides BDSM activities that interest me. Personality, creaitivitity and intelligence of who they are. I could take pleasure in the sight of paintings, drawings, jewlery making and endless list of things. Perhaps even pottery making. Gee, this starting to sound really Vanilla like here. Mind you this is all extremely remote and far away from anybody being a prisoner in the basement, or a mere fuck toy.

I've had mere fuck toys in the past, and it was rather hollow. I actually take delight in other things, take pleasure in other things. Which is part of where the rubber is hitting the road with me. In regards to fixations upon fetishes or whatever else. The whole prisoner fixation, the Milkcow! The ones that want to be a Human Cow. Simply not my tastes. Sort of train wrecks Role playing other things out, when one is stuck on that mode. It's not very diverse nor interesting. Kind of ummmm... Okay COW!! Master wants you to be a Puppy for the day! Master stares down at the Horrified Look in the Milk Cows eyes! The collisions of wants, desires and interests colliding! Master reaches down and removes the Bell from the Milk Cows neck. Her eyes fall to the fall, trembles with fear over what is happening. Thus the downward spiral begins.

Look mom, I just tossed out an example of something without it being an Intense DARK Twisted Fantasy!! So your lines of thinking in regards to me pushing for DARK Fantasies is not correct. Do you see or better understand where I am coming from?



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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 10:10:32 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		There's a joke in here somewhere about asking you if you've been reading a female Dominant's email.  I'm just not awake enough to make it come out funny.  Lack of caffeine might be also why I'm a bit confused on why the first few responses seemed to come out the way they did.  I think it's rather common for we female Dominants to let people know that if something isn't our kink, we're not going to cater to it.  Stuff like those wanting to be used for sex slaves, caged 24/7, and other fantasies that basically sound like a job because we're the ones doing all of the work on the kink front really don't go over well.  Take a tour of the Mistress board sometime when the guys come on and tell us about how they think they are 'serving' us because they have it all planned out in their head of how they will dress and fulfill their own fantasies about what they want to do or how they have already made all of the decisions and see how well that goes over.

I'm actually with you on this one.  That might be someone else's idea of submission, but it certainly isn't Mine.  Anybody who already has the scenarios planned out in their head isn't submitting to Me.  They are just living out their fantasies and I'm just life support for the whip.  That makes us incompatible from minute one. 

This isn't to say that people shouldn't have their own kinks and desires.  What I'm saying is if someone's already got it all figured out, they really don't need Me. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Full Control - 6/9/2011 10:17:18 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

There was a post some time ago by ResidentSadist regarding the large number of well...what amounts to swingers attracted to this lifestyle.


Would you please provide a link? (Search feature hates me.)

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
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