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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/10/2011 3:26:57 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		I learned myself to convince me of being able to do things.....
I do have fear for letters... coz they're bringing bad news mostly. I have said to myself (for a fortnight) that I can do this.... I really can open them, sort them out and face my problems.....

And after those 2 weeks, I did do it.... I opened them, put them in order and faced all there was.... now I'm proud of myself for doing it.
Today is another day.... I will be doing the things I had to do a year ago.

Think positive.... you can do lots more then and you will be doing them eventually and be proud of yourself. Think positive, I will think with you and send this positive energy towards you.

huggss
C


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RE: Leave lizi to her own healing process! - 6/10/2011 5:21:08 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		I'll go with the fun idea here. A Family ride is only meant for everyone to ENJOY themselves!

Have you thought of picking up a cheapish cruiser bike? To me, compared to a mountain bike, it seems less threatening. Riding down the street on a pretty cruiser bike with your hair in the wind, a nice little thumb bell....you just CANT be unhappy on a cruiser.

Thats my idea anyway.

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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/10/2011 6:04:46 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Lizi, i haven't read the whole thread but is there a reason you can't tell him of your fears, wants and desires with regard to riding a bike?  Maybe, he can do this with you and in turn it will create a pleasant, fun, and grins and waggles my eyebrows desirable memories to if not replace than perhaps dull the painful ones?

Maybe you two can invest in a bike for two and go for a ride together, or create a fun game with um eehmmmm exciting rewards etc. 

Maybe he thinks you are farther in getting back to it than you are so he doesn't realize what he suggested is causing you a lot of anxiety.  Maybe your ride can be the tail end of his ride, i.e., he goes for his ride and then at the end, he stops by and picks you up on your bike and you two go as far as you are able.

Maybe i am wrong, but you don't need to do this by yourself.   Let him come along on your journey back to riding bikes.  Sometimes its easier to face fears when you have someone else to share the burden of your anxiety.

Good luck.  angel

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RE: Leave lizi to her own healing process! - 6/10/2011 6:20:03 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

I'll go with the fun idea here. A Family ride is only meant for everyone to ENJOY themselves!

Have you thought of picking up a cheapish cruiser bike? To me, compared to a mountain bike, it seems less threatening. Riding down the street on a pretty cruiser bike with your hair in the wind, a nice little thumb bell....you just CANT be unhappy on a cruiser.

Thats my idea anyway.

Don't forget about the basket on front with plastic flowers woven into it.

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RE: Leave lizi to her own healing process! - 6/10/2011 6:32:38 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		My basket is on the rear wheel rack, on a lark I found ribbons that match the pinstripes on my bike, so I wove those into the basket =)



< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 6/10/2011 6:33:28 AM >

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RE: Leave lizi to her own healing process! - 6/10/2011 6:34:57 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		niiiiiice

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Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/10/2011 7:15:29 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I did find some peace yesterday and actually slept for a while last night, but the demons are back today and I just want to drive my head into a wall. It helped to post here yesterday so I'm trying it again today. Thanks for being here and for offering suggestions. I feel like I'm going crazy, I dont like being so off-balance. I have handled it thus far by just avoiding the bike, it's definitely the ride that's bringing on the craziness. Fuck me, I can't stand this.

I have thought of getting a cruiser at some point if I just can't face getting on my own almost new expensive road bike in the future. I guess I was trying to see if I could save the money, but in the end it's not worth the anxiety so I'll spend it if I need to.

Prior to yesterday he was doing his ride and I was doing mine...they're different routes since his is 40 miles and mine is 8. He said last night that he's coming with me on mine and then doing his so I won't be alone. On one hand I'm grateful for the loving support and on the other I almost feel like I don't want him to be there with me so I can do it exactly as I want and stop for whatever random reason occurs to me. I dont know that I want to explain whatever crazy thing I might do to someone else, but part of me is clutching onto the support angle. I have no idea. I think what I'll do is just be glad I have another option and see how things play out tomorrow.

Just an explanation for those who have never done a formal ride or seen one...its usually an event put on as a fundraiser and it's similar to a marathon. Some organization puts together different routes, gets the support together to help the riders and then there's some kind of food and/or entertainment after. There are anywhere from hundreds to thousands of riders all starting on the routes together- the riders get sheets with directions on it and the routes are generally marked with spray paint on the roads as well. It's  not really a race but most people are rather competitive and treat it that way.

When I said I'd do it I knew I'd be alone because our routes would be different. He wasn't leaving me to do it alone out of being heartless, he's just already signed up for his event and will be in another category. If he does do mine and then his it'll take forever and he'll be riding another hour. He also lost his cell phone just recently and I hated the thought of being on my route with no way to reach him if I needed to. He bought a phone last night expressly so I'd calm down a little about this whole thing. Either way...if I ask him to join me or not I do have a way to contact him now.

Sigh, I'm rambling...I'll go try to get something productive done.


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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/10/2011 7:21:31 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*hugs* Lizi..

do what is RIGHT for you..

I hope it goes well for you..but for heavens sake, like Lance said.. dont beat yourself up if it doesnt go exactly as you envision!!

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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/10/2011 11:11:43 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Ok...I'm leaving. and probably won't be back here till Monday. 
I asked him to bring me a dirty tshirt of his so I could hold it and bury my face in the smell on the way there in the morning. Even though he'll be sitting next to me driving I just want something to hold. I told him to make sure it wasn't something he cared about too much as it was probably going to be full of snot by the end of the car ride.

Whatever happens is fine. Really. Yes, I'm still trying to push myself, it's what I do. I'm going to accept whatever I want to do gracefully and just remember that I have a lot of choices - which ever one I pick is the right one no matter what it happens to be. 

Thanks to everone for their support. It was very kind and really did help me find my way through some of this. If I knew it would have helped so much I'd have done it sooner  
I'll be back to say how things went...

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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/10/2011 11:14:24 AM   
IceDemeter


Posts: 84
Status: offline 		Good luck, have fun, and be incredibly proud of yourself no matter what you end up deciding tomorrow! You've already taken some really tough first steps, so don't forget to give yourself credit for that already.

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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/10/2011 12:47:26 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I'll be thinking of you, lizi.

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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/13/2011 7:57:42 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Hey there...update time.
Yeah. I did it. When we got to the ride site early Saturday morning they said my ride was to start later than the others, so he went on his ride and practically killed himself getting back in time so he could do my ride with me. I was fine getting to the trail and once we started on the trail it was instant panic and tears and sobs. For one thing, the stupid trail was a carbon copy of the one I crashed on, so as soon as we came around the bend to start I felt the memory of that day hammer my conciousness but then I started riding. Albeit with tears and snot dripping down my face in a constant stream. There were only about 20 of us on that ride - I tried to get it under control whenever we were around the kiddies, didn't want to scare them if I didn't have to.  He stayed behind me as I went verrrrry slooooowly down the hills and crept across the wooden bridges. He kept up a constant stream of encouragement.

Here's the thing...I expected that if I got on the bike and did the ride I'd feel something lift off my shoulders and hopefully go away. I did know from many of the posts here that things don't go as you expect, but my past personal experience has been that if I face something difficult, I do find some positive meaning when I go ahead and do that thing. I thought there would be some excitement or triumph afterward, but it didn't happen that way. There was no laying aside of the burden, no feeling of accomplishment, no closure to that event in my life. So afterwards I just felt kind of anticlimatic and unsure of what was to come next.

I know that if he weren't there I'd have bailed when I saw the start of the trail - looking at it felt like an assault on my senses. Both of us were a bit unprepared for the constant stream of sobbing that accompanied all of the 8 miles with small lulls here and there. I just really thought if I managed to do it then I could pick up things again as they were before, but the whole thing took a constant effort on my part to face things and keep going.

All in all I'm not sorry I went, it's just not the happy ending I hoped for. Then I was thinking on Sunday that who know really...maybe there is something that will come about. What if I try it again and things go swimmingly...or not. It's too soon to tell what the eventual outcome is probably. His ride on Sunday was at the exact time/place/ride that I crashed last year. I accompanied him there and waited for him with my book while he rode. I expected to be apprehensive or perhaps upset being there again - I haven't been there since the accident - but there was nothing. I felt nothing. It was a beautiful day and I was quite happy sitting under a tree. So I do count that as a positive step that being back there on Sunday during an exact replication of the crash event was enjoyable instead of traumatic.

Beside the odd intensity and nonexistant positive outcome from my ride, the weekend as a whole was wonderful. We had a great time with everything else we did. The weather held up, we met lots of friendly smiling people everywhere, we heard some good music and we ate some amazing food. We both have very fond memories of this time spent together. In the end, I guess that's all I can ask for and I'll just try to keep an open mind about what to do with my fears in the future and hopefully how to get rid of them at some point.

I hope I'm not being obnoxious by saying thank you once again to everyone for the kind words and support. I'm not kidding when I say that the days leading up to this weekend were hell, and the offerings of encouragement that were given so freely helped me immensely in putting one foot in front of the other. Plus afterwards when things didn't go as I'd envisioned with my reaction and the residual lingering of my fears, I was able to take some comfort in remembering from my interaction here that it's hard to anticipate how things will go and what the eventual outcome will be. So...more peace of mind and all from you all here. Thank you for being there...hugs.

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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/13/2011 8:02:27 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		But, you did it!  No matter what, that is an awesome thing.  Congrats!

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RE: How do you conquer your fears? - 6/13/2011 8:47:24 AM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Hey can you do me a favour if you know any hardcore bicycle pals?

Use the sidewalk.


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