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I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 1:44:55 PM

Haddaway

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

Im a bit confused, I am new to this site and pretty much the scene too. I read the bit that said 'The largest BDSM community on the planet'. So I thought it would be a good idea to join. I think maybe I was a bit naive to think that that phrase meant what I thought it did which was community as in a group of people having common interests. What I mean by that is I find that the word 'community' being used here as a bit ambiguos seeing as many if not most of the Domme's (I am looking for a Domme!) that I browsed where looking for some kind of financial or material benefit in different forms be it a Pro Domme or something else, as far as my concern over the word 'Community', that involves the fact that I have little in common with these people and going by the defenition of what I stated 'Community' actually means, perhaps that that word is a tad ambiguos in its use here for me. I dont mean to offend anyone seeing as this site is obviously designed to cater for sex workers in their many forms and their clients so ultimatly I think maybe this place isnt really for me!.
    Therefor if anyone could point me in the right direction to the communities where people looking for actual freinds in the scene for whom money is not the reason they are interacting I would be very greatfull!. I notice that there are lots of sites out there for only Pro's and similar where that is the main and often only theme of the site. So there must logically be places out there that cater for people like myself!.  Anyway, I dont mean to offend anyone seeing as this site is obviosly the wrong place for me as it seems mostly for sex workers etc while I'm not looking for that so I hope not to offend and Im sorry if I have.
     If you could just point me in the right direction to where I need to be it would be much appreciated!


Thanks

Hadd.

Post #: 1

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 1:50:56 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

The community you speak of is down the street, take a left at the Steaming Log cafe. Goodbye!

............................. there are plenty of non-pros here, and FYI, just because one is a pro, does not mean they are not part of the "community". If you can't find someone to your liking here, try a munch.

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 2

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 1:51:02 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Hadd,

Welcome to CM. Indeed, it is a community.

Imagine a vibrant city of a few thousand people. Do they all share the same interests? No. Are there people you don't like there? Yes. Will you move in and immediately find your long sought after loved one? No.

There are plenty of Dommes on here not looking for clients, or paying subs. But you have to search, sift, and have patience. Good things come to those who wait.

I also will say that what is more a community are these boards. You get to know people, and if you do it well, people will contact you and say hi. I rarely received mail before I started posting, now I hear from someone once in a while.

So hop in, start chatting, do a bit of research before you post, and take nothing personally. And remember, this doesn't replace real life.

That's it. My mommying is over.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 3

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 1:56:40 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure exactly where you've been looking, but, like any other community, there are a wide variety of interests expressed through the individuals here. I would say that a small percentage of the people here are "sex workers and their clients". Another percentage are Gorean, another group explore Master/Mistress and slave relationships, and others explore the broad range that covers Dominance/submission-style relationships. Some are here to explore kinks fulfilled through BDSM scening... and what we all have in common is a desire to learn about, teach about, and talk about the topics that impact our lives -including- the non-traditional BDSM/Ds/Ms aspects.

Before making a first post that is so judgemental about the community, without really getting to know us, maybe you could spend some time on the message boards, hearing what people have to say. Not only will it give you some insight into -us-, but in expressing your opinions, it may give someone some insight into -you-... and who knows what might come of that.

Lady Zephyr

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 4

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:03:24 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Well said, Lady Z.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Post #: 5

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:06:37 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing

I'm not sure exactly where you've been looking, but, like any other community, there are a wide variety of interests expressed through the individuals here. I would say that a small percentage of the people here are "sex workers and their clients". Another percentage are Gorean, another group explore Master/Mistress and slave relationships, and others explore the broad range that covers Dominance/submission-style relationships. Some are here to explore kinks fulfilled through BDSM scening... and what we all have in common is a desire to learn about, teach about, and talk about the topics that impact our lives -including- the non-traditional BDSM/Ds/Ms aspects.

Before making a first post that is so judgemental about the community, without really getting to know us, maybe you could spend some time on the message boards, hearing what people have to say. Not only will it give you some insight into -us-, but in expressing your opinions, it may give someone some insight into -you-... and who knows what might come of that.

Lady Zephyr

......

.....hopefully now that you have read a few responses, you will be found!..Tempting

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

Post #: 6

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:08:48 PM

Elizabeth7777

Posts: 27
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Haddaway
that involves the fact that I have little in common with these people and going by the defenition of what I stated 'Community' actually means, perhaps that that word is a tad ambiguos in its use here for me. I dont mean to offend anyone seeing as this site is obviously designed to cater for sex workers in their many forms and their clients so ultimatly I think maybe this place isnt really for me!.
Therefor if anyone could point me in the right direction to the communities where people looking for actual freinds in the scene for whom money is not the reason they are interacting I would be very greatfull!.

Hmmm, coupla thoughts come to mind....one of them is, if you want to have friends, you have to be one first. In any online community, friends are made by first spending some time to get the lay of the land, and then putting some of yourself out there.

I'm new here,too. Today I ran into a couple of people (on the message board) who seem to like books as much as I do, and that was today's little thrill. Had a conversation the other day about American Idol, and as soon as I can start a 24 fan club here, why, it'll be heaven. (Damn, there I go with my Jack Bauer obsession again.)

I didn't pay anybody to have these conversations.

If you're serious about making friends, you could put a little elbow grease into it and put something of yourself in your profile to start. Introduce yourself in the intro forum, maybe find a thread or two to contribute conversation to....

Now, where's Benji?

Elizabeth

_____________________________

~ show a little faith, there's magic in the night ~

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 7

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:08:49 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

Welcome to Collarme and the forums.

Communities are not always formed of people with common interests, goals, or even ways of obtaining what they want. I live in a community. I may have some basic things in common with my neighbors, however; we have allot of differences as well. If we were all exactly the same or even extremely similar I for one would be rather bored and rather irritated. Why? I like being different. I like doing things outside the box so to speak and well if everyone did things the way I did them well I wouldn't be different now would I?

Now in taking time to get to know those in my community I have come to know several who are similar to me in many ways. We have become friends. No that didn't happen over night. In fact it took over a year. *laughs* They thought I was pretty strange for along time. *shrugs*

My point is this. If we simply said well they are "different than me" or "well since that toothless lady walking on rt 40 is hooking the women from this neighborhood are all hookers." I would have missed out.

Now I will admit in my neighborhood there are some who make money with sex. However, not every woman who walks down my street is a "working girl".

That being said. Yes, there are "pros" on CM who expect tribute. However, not everyone sells their services or expects tribute. Now if you simply say well your all on the same forum so EVERYONE here must do it then you are going to loose out. Not only may you loose out but you are showing yourself to be naive in my eyes and very judgmental of others.

If you want to meet people. Take a breath look at the big picture, take time and get involved in the boards ect. in doing so I think you will see that "pros" are a not the majority on the CM.

I wish you luck.

Blessed Be,
Phoenix's Nika

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 5/14/2006 2:14:23 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 8

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:10:03 PM

Haddaway

Posts: 12
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

The community you speak of is down the street, take a left at the Steaming Log cafe. Goodbye!

............................. there are plenty of non-pros here, and FYI, just because one is a pro, does not mean they are not part of the "community". If you can't find someone to your liking here, try a munch.

Well as I said I didnt mean to offend anyone and I think you might have taken it the wrong way. I was only looking for advice on where to go to find likeminded people . I dont think your steaming log cafe comment was very nice. I am not here to impinge on sex workers rights to use sites that are designed to promote their business like this one and that is why I tried to say that this place probably isnt really for someone like myself who is not looking for that! and that I have probably made a bit of a mistake coming here. That is why I am asking if anyone can direct me to the SM equivalent of other conventional dating sites which are designed for people looking for the same things I am. Infact I did notice a few non-Pro women but most of what I saw was Pro ones. I hoped that in saying that I thought I was in the wrong place would let you know that I am the one at fualt hence I am not trying to blame anything on anyone but myself for being in the wrong place and asking for advice on the right place!

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 9

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:14:38 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth7777

Now, where's Benji?

benji's here, just not sure why.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Elizabeth7777)

Post #: 10

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:18:45 PM

Elizabeth7777

Posts: 27
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth7777

Now, where's Benji?

benji's here, just not sure why.

Yours,

benji

Ahhh, my bad. You had posted while I was composing. I should have trusted you'd be "marking the spot" quickly.

:)

Elizabeth

_____________________________

~ show a little faith, there's magic in the night ~

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 11

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 2:22:14 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Haddaway

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

The community you speak of is down the street, take a left at the Steaming Log cafe. Goodbye!

............................. there are plenty of non-pros here, and FYI, just because one is a pro, does not mean they are not part of the "community". If you can't find someone to your liking here, try a munch.

Well as I said I didnt mean to offend anyone and I think you might have taken it the wrong way. I was only looking for advice on where to go to find likeminded people . I dont think your steaming log cafe comment was very nice. I am not here to impinge on sex workers rights to use sites that are designed to promote their business like this one and that is why I tried to say that this place probably isnt really for someone like myself who is not looking for that! and that I have probably made a bit of a mistake coming here. That is why I am asking if anyone can direct me to the SM equivalent of other conventional dating sites which are designed for people looking for the same things I am. Infact I did notice a few non-Pro women but most of what I saw was Pro ones. I hoped that in saying that I thought I was in the wrong place would let you know that I am the one at fualt hence I am not trying to blame anything on anyone but myself for being in the wrong place and asking for advice on the right place!

You did not offend me. My initial sentence was me being funny, or "funny", depending on one's sense of humor. My serious answer was to seek a munch local to you. You live in London.... I would imagine there are a number of groups there to check out.

Level

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 12

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 3:32:03 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Haddaway

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

The community you speak of is down the street, take a left at the Steaming Log cafe. Goodbye!

............................. there are plenty of non-pros here, and FYI, just because one is a pro, does not mean they are not part of the "community". If you can't find someone to your liking here, try a munch.

Well as I said I didnt mean to offend anyone and I think you might have taken it the wrong way. I was only looking for advice on where to go to find likeminded people . I dont think your steaming log cafe comment was very nice. I am not here to impinge on sex workers rights to use sites that are designed to promote their business like this one and that is why I tried to say that this place probably isnt really for someone like myself who is not looking for that! and that I have probably made a bit of a mistake coming here. That is why I am asking if anyone can direct me to the SM equivalent of other conventional dating sites which are designed for people looking for the same things I am. Infact I did notice a few non-Pro women but most of what I saw was Pro ones. I hoped that in saying that I thought I was in the wrong place would let you know that I am the one at fualt hence I am not trying to blame anything on anyone but myself for being in the wrong place and asking for advice on the right place!

There are plenty of likeminded people here, but I can tell you that on any of the other BDSM related sites, you will find just as many and probably lots of the same dommes that you've seen here. There isn't a site that I know of that prohibits the financial and pro-dommes from posting. Like it or not, they're part of the community.

What you're basically doing with this post, is calling everyone on the site a pro...
and we all definitely do not fit that label.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 13

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 3:50:48 PM

foxnotinsox

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

....as far as my concern over the word 'Community', that involves the fact that I have little in common with these people and going by the defenition of what I stated 'Community' actually means, perhaps that that word is a tad ambiguos in its use here for me. I dont mean to offend anyone seeing as this site is obviously designed to cater for sex workers in their many forms and their clients so ultimatly I think maybe this place isnt really for me!

I beg your pardon, but just because there are some pro-Dommes on the site does not mean that everybody here is a sex worker .. and to lump everybody together because of a few sour hits (in your perception) is completely unfair.

Now that being said, perhaps you should rethink your meaning of *community*. Because really, how much in common do you have with your neighbours? And if you don't like somebody or some people, does that mean you move out? That's silly .. you would never find a home as there will always be somebody with whom you do not get along. Period.

If you're looking for Xanadu, it ain't here. But what is here are many people and personalities, and if you open yourself up to the possibilities (and be patient!) then perhaps you can find your utopia...

_____________________________

oxox,foX
Veni vidi veni

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 14

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 4:00:32 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Ok so you've been here a month, thats not even a drip in the bucket of life. Might I suggest you start by filling out your profile? You've been here almost a month and it says "Will update sometime later" . When is sometime later? You shouldn't expect a lot of interaction and response with what is basically a blank sheet. Your profile is an intorduction to those looking and also ones who you may write. I know several who dismiss an email from one with an empty profile and certainly no one is going to find a blank space interesting enough to write to. There are many females here who are not pros. Spend some time in the forums and you will see many intersting involved people, not to mention learning a few things. I am sure in a city such as London you can go out and find much of what you want to interact with.
Chill, relax, have fun.

K

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 15

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 4:08:34 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

*Looks at the smoldering embers and pulls off his boots*

Ah... not a blazing fire but warms the toes nicely.

Haddaway you might want to call a mulligan and delete this profile or at least play on the random stupidity boards to bury this post from your profile.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to foxnotinsox)

Post #: 16

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 4:10:41 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Haddaway you might want to call a mulligan and delete this profile or at least play on the random stupidity boards to bury this post from your profile.

OOOOOH! Random stupidity!

Race ya there!

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 17

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 4:29:07 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I don't think I've talked to one Pro-Dom/me on this site..I am pretty ignorant though..and maybe it has something to do with the fact that that isnt what I'm looking for here, I come here to exchange information..and thats what I get...doesnt matter to me at all if the person is pro or not, if what they say is relevant to the conversation at hand thats all that matters...this forum is for sharing information..that common goal is what makes it a community.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 18

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 4:42:57 PM

mitsu

Posts: 67
Joined: 9/7/2005
From: New York
Status: offline

I just did a quick search on Collarme for female dominants age 20-35 who seek male subs in London, and Haddaway's right. Most of them are pros seeking clients. Haddaway, if I were you, I'd stick to the forums here and get involved in meetings, parties, etc. in your area. I don't know much of anything about the scene in London, but I'm sure there are plenty of resources. You might also want to update your profile so that those who ARE interested in a non-professional relationship have incentive to learn more about you.

_____________________________

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists - that is why they invented hell.
Bertrand Russell

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 19

RE: I think Im a bit lost here! - 5/14/2006 4:46:04 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Haddaway

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

The community you speak of is down the street, take a left at the Steaming Log cafe. Goodbye!

............................. there are plenty of non-pros here, and FYI, just because one is a pro, does not mean they are not part of the "community". If you can't find someone to your liking here, try a munch.

Well as I said I didnt mean to offend anyone and I think you might have taken it the wrong way. I was only looking for advice on where to go to find likeminded people . I dont think your steaming log cafe comment was very nice. I am not here to impinge on sex workers rights to use sites that are designed to promote their business like this one and that is why I tried to say that this place probably isnt really for someone like myself who is not looking for that! and that I have probably made a bit of a mistake coming here. That is why I am asking if anyone can direct me to the SM equivalent of other conventional dating sites which are designed for people looking for the same things I am. Infact I did notice a few non-Pro women but most of what I saw was Pro ones. I hoped that in saying that I thought I was in the wrong place would let you know that I am the one at fualt hence I am not trying to blame anything on anyone but myself for being in the wrong place and asking for advice on the right place!

Sweety I hate to burst your little pre assumed and frankly ignorant point of view but NO ONE that has replied to you here is a pro. I have no clue of what exactly you think that it is we do but Match.com is down the corner good luck finding a preppy that will tie you up...hope he doesn't hurt you or leave you there because he's inexperienced.

Before you continue your search you might learn a little bit about what you're looking for because you've just done the equivalent of walking into a black church in a white sheet and saying christians suck and where can I find someone that's not like "you people".

(in reply to Haddaway)

Post #: 20

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