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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 1:23:08 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I'm with ML on this..

little corespondence, let it go..

and ongoing correspondence,  "I'd go for the being honest approach, you could simply say "Having seen your pic, I'm really sorry, but there's no chemistry". If you really can't face that, then the next best thing would be to say "I'm sorry, but I've met someone else" - still a lie but you're not prolonging things."

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Tristan)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 1:45:03 AM   
Softsexysub


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Get to know them as a friend and let them know that is what you want from them .. Friendship. comes In every size.
Just because they arent your bed mate type doesnt mean they cant be your friend type.

(in reply to Tristan)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 2:10:34 AM   
Softsexysub


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Im not a Master but a human. Ha Ha ask a human should be the catagory.

(in reply to Softsexysub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 3:21:08 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

What is the best way to handle this scenario?  Someone you have been corresponding with sends you a picture of themselves, and you decide they are not what your are looking for physically.  Call me shallow, but I am not attracted to obese or unkempt, for example We want what we want, right?  In any case, is it best to send a polite "no thank you, but you seem like a really nice person", or just not contact them again and block their incoming emails? 
I have been on both sides of this scenario, and it is very awkward.  I know which I prefer when I send a picture and the other person isn't interested, but how do other people handle it?  



Tell em cow sex is a hard limit for you. :-)


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 5:16:49 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Softsexysub

Get to know them as a friend and let them know that is what you want from them .. Friendship. comes In every size.
Just because they arent your bed mate type doesnt mean they cant be your friend type.


that's generally how i approach people here anyway. they're interesting and i think they'd be cool to talk to. if something comes from that, then that's what happens, but it takes a lot of the pressure off both sides, at least i think so.
i don't want a guy thinking i'm writing him because i think he might be my next super specialtabulous guy-4-life!, when sometimes i'm just writing to say "hello, you seem neat."
and then appearance doesn't so much matter; i'm friends with lots of people i don't find sexually attractive, but the friendship is what matters. and if i can't be friends with a guy, i'm not going to sleep with or sub to him, anyway.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to Softsexysub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 6:37:03 AM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

What is the best way to handle this scenario?  Someone you have been corresponding with sends you a picture of themselves, and you decide they are not what your are looking for physically.  Call me shallow, but I am not attracted to obese or unkempt, for example We want what we want, right?  In any case, is it best to send a polite "no thank you, but you seem like a really nice person", or just not contact them again and block their incoming emails? 
I have been on both sides of this scenario, and it is very awkward.  I know which I prefer when I send a picture and the other person isn't interested, but how do other people handle it?  



I give them the good old, "Unread, Deleted" treatment.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 7:00:14 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


As an aside... Did you work in the construction industry at all. It's just that your worn and wrinkly old hands seem to have taken a proper fucking beating over the years, are you really 52?

You'll be relieved to know that you'd never have this kind of problem with me, unless you get a hand-lift.

Sorry about the last two paras... it was a kind of experiment on my part. How did you feel?


I see your point. I don't feel that bad, but I am pretty thick skinned, as you can tell from my farmer hands. Maybe honesty is the best policy.
Still, it doesn't always work. What I said last time this happened was that I am extremely physically active, and didn't feel like we were a good match. The next email I got was explaining how a 5'10, 300 lb man really could hike and horseback ride. Rriigghhtt. Then I deleted and blocked.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 12:02:56 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I was waiting for someone to bring up the block method.  I mean, if you've seen the pic, decided that you're not interested based on the physical appearance but the problem arises that they keep sending messages, that's pretty much what the block button is for.  There's a great hover feature on this site that allows you to read the first part of messages without even opening them.  If somebody keeps contacting you after you've determined that you're not interested, delete the crap unread.  It's simple, it works, and you're not put in a position of changing your standards of honesty for the sake of somebody you've never met.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 12:50:40 PM   
AlwaysLisa


Posts: 1088
Joined: 10/6/2006
From: Washington State
Status: offline 		Perhaps, putting what you want in your profile, would avoid any hurt feelings later down the road after you started talking/emailing.

I've seen lots of profiles, that state up front, no smokers, drug users or overweight need apply.   People can't hold things against you if your up front from the beginning.

I'm assuming your talking about meeting someone through a forum such as CM, since if you were at a bar, you would pretty much know the instant they approached your table!


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Just an old flower child, trying to survive in today's chaos and confusion.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 12:53:21 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		"Thanks very much for your time and interest. I've decided to focus my time on other areas of my life right now. Best of luck to you in your search."

Then don't respond to future emails.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 2:33:21 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I hate hurting people's feelings, but there is no easy way out of it. Giving them false hope is cruel, letting them know you aren't attracted to them isn't nice but it doesn't waste any more of their time. Several people have given great examples of ways to do it, RedMagic's is right above me and is stellar.

I just hate it when the prospect keeps coming back to try to convince you or plays the card where they notice that you're still coming to the site regularly so you must in fact be looking after all, etc, and why aren't they a prospect? It's almost as though they want to be told upfront you think they're hideous. It used to get under my skin when people totally ignored me and keep persisting in their pursuit, or tried to shame me into going out with them. Yes, I can use the block button, but every time I do the psychic toll it takes on me to get to that point is considerable. I guess it's just part of what you have to accept as the negative part of looking for a partner or you don't look.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 4:08:44 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I know what you are saying lizi.  The fact is, there isn't an easy way to address this without being hurtful, but I guess that is just the way it is.  

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 4:24:22 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I just have to chime in here. I have learned that very few people actually look like their pics. Some look better, some look worse. Until you meet the entire personality, rejecting someone on the basis of a pic alone is premature--unless someone is morbidly obese or just pathetically ugly.

Some people are more photogenic than others, and some have good photographers take their pic. I think I look great in my pics (humble soul that I am), do you really think I look like *that* all the time?

I think you have to see how someone moves, how they smile, how they look at you, before you make chemistry judgments. But, JMO, YMMV.


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(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 4:26:38 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		you have a very good point. the type of guys i generally find most attractive tend to be more attractive in person than in photos. and sometimes appearance stops mattering, or your perception of appearance changes, when you have really strong feelings for someone. 

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 7:33:04 PM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		I am a person who takes absolutely God-awful terrible pictures.  Honestly.  And the last few times I've sent one to a person, well, one guy suddenly had to go clean his house, and the other one ran an errand and never came back.  Therefore, I hate to send pics, because I do look better in person.  However, for whatever reason, men demand the pics.  So be it.

I'd have to side with just saying there's no real chemistry, and hope that's a good enough answer.  I know what the disappearing act after seeing a pic means, so hopefully, that answer is good enough.  Unfortunately, the old hit to the self esteem smarts, especially when I knew it would happen.

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to Tristan)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 10:14:23 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Well, I am not that photogenic myself. And I should emphasize that when I talk about appearance, I mean something different than a nice face. I really am very active, and if someone is not in shape, they can't keep up with me. And I go to a lot of professional events, and someone who only shaves once a week is going to look out of place. I really don't care if someone is bald or short or other traits that are strictly cosmetic.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to soul2share)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 11:06:50 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		And for the record, I think your hand is lovely.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 11:13:23 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Why thank you ml, I know what you were getting at and no problem

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 1:24:48 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I think that is good advice, littlewonder, although it is still awkward.  If you immediately respond with "we are not compatible" after they send a picture, they are for sure going to know it is because you didn't like their appearance.  I hate hurting people's feelings, and I was hoping there was a graceful way to do this.


Disappearing and not contacting them at all is easier for you, but hurtful to the other person.

If you don't want to hurt the person's feelings, just tell them the truth. It may sting a little bit, but as long as you temper the truth with a little compassion, it's best to just tell them the truth quickly so everyone can get on with their lives.



_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 1:25:59 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Better to hear an ugly truth than a pretty lie...........

at least, thats what I believe.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 40
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