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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 2:14:23 AM

ranja

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always get them to send another picture first, and then decide

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 5:29:36 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I just have to chime in here. I have learned that very few people actually look like their pics. Some look better, some look worse. Until you meet the entire personality, rejecting someone on the basis of a pic alone is premature--unless someone is morbidly obese or just pathetically ugly.

Some people are more photogenic than others, and some have good photographers take their pic. I think I look great in my pics (humble soul that I am), do you really think I look like *that* all the time?

I think you have to see how someone moves, how they smile, how they look at you, before you make chemistry judgments. But, JMO, YMMV.

This. How many times have you looked at pics of friends and family and thought omg she is so gorgeous, that pic does not do her justice, or shit! that angle hides Cousin It's third eyeball so well, he is very photogenic to be such a butt ugly mofo.

As for chemistry, I would never base chemistry on a pic. I need to be sitting and looking in to your eyes as we talk.

I never spend more than a week or so chatting with someone, before asking to meet for coffee or something anyhow. I am not going to invest energy in to getting to know a font. To me, it just makes no sense.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 10:37:58 AM

HannahLynHeather

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its fucking simple, you write back "holy fucking christ! pass me the barf bag!"

not really, but admit it, that's what you'd like to say

i guess just hand them some sugarcoated bullshit about not seeing any compatibility. i figure if they're that fugly they know it, so they'll figure it out. no need to rub their fucking faces in it. let them walk away with a little dignity, let them save face (though given the premise of the thread, they may not want to)

hannah lynn

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 11:16:40 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I just have to chime in here. I have learned that very few people actually look like their pics. Some look better, some look worse.

I recall when the Mister first sent his picture, I thought hey not bad, but not much more than that. Then we met in person. Took one look at him walking up to me with that smile on his face and omg drool drool.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 11:31:43 AM

gungadin09

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Do you know how many job interviews i've been to where they politely told me i wasn't what they were looking for, without giving a reason why? Do you know how many times they've told me that without even looking at my resume? And then there are the ones who tell me to my face that they don't hire women, or white people. And as much as i hate hearing it, i have to respect the person who will say that to my FACE instead of making up some bullshit excuse, and leaving me to speculate about what the real reason is.

You're not interested because of how they look? You are certainly entitled. Just say so. There's a way to do it without being cruel.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 11:44:15 AM

SimplyMichael

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[Awaiting Godhood]

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 12:06:56 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

What is the best way to handle this scenario? Someone you have been corresponding with sends you a picture of themselves, and you decide they are not what your are looking for physically. Call me shallow, but I am not attracted to obese or unkempt, for example We want what we want, right? In any case, is it best to send a polite "no thank you, but you seem like a really nice person", or just not contact them again and block their incoming emails?
I have been on both sides of this scenario, and it is very awkward. I know which I prefer when I send a picture and the other person isn't interested, but how do other people handle it?

First, ask for a second picture. A lot of times people don't realize their pictures aren't that inviting and it could even be the pic isn't representative of the reality.

Explain that you did not get any initial flutter from the first one but that you are open to a second attempt with the understanding that it may or may not lead to a change of heart and that everyone deserves to have someone who has a genuine attraction for them and you're not sure that you'll have that.

Then take a look at the second pic. If it's still not doing it for you, then simply say so.. that you have the same sort of non-reaction to a second pic wish the person well. If they are mature, they will thank you for the time and effort and if they are not, consider that you dodged a bullet. Win-win and you get to be classy, considerate and honest.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 12:30:51 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
I just have to chime in here. I have learned that very few people actually look like their pics. Some look better, some look worse.

I think this is a very astute point.

Looking at this from my standpoint as a semi-serious hobbiest photographer MOST photos of people are snapshots and look significantly worse than in real life. There's a million technical reasons for this but it can be summed up as saying "the camera is not very flattering by default". Conversely, without any post processing at all, I can take a photo of Carol that drops 20 years off her age and 15lbs from her weight.

As you say, someone too far outside the lines can be easily told no matter what sort of photograph it is. But beyond that it's probably wise to be careful about judging someone's looks from what is probably a snapshot.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 1:09:11 PM

LaTigresse

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Yes, and some people actually put up a photo that they feel is less than flattering as opposed to their best shots.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 4:55:57 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Yes, and some people actually put up a photo that they feel is less than flattering as opposed to their best shots.

Heh, yeah, I've done this. When I was bigger and my self esteem lower I've posted pics on another site that were not my best. I figured that if anyone liked them then they'd be happier when we met. At the time I found it hard to take rejection so in my backwards way I was trying to eliminate that.

If you're looking for basics though most pics will do to let you know someone's general body size and range of attractiveness (to you). If someone doesn't seem to be what I am generally attracted to and I like their personality, I will still meet them instead of not so I can see what they're like in person, because I have certainly been fooled before by pictures. I figure finding someone is work, I need to do the footwork and be sure rather than take the easy way out and reject on the basis of a picture. Unless it's clear that there is no way that person will be able to change enough from what you're seeing OP, which is the type of thing I think you're talking about more than just a bad picture. Then I vote for letting them know instead of just disappearing.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/15/2011 6:13:50 PM

JstAnotherSub

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Also, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. When friends and I go out, the dude that makes me turn my head will make them go ewwwwwwwwwwwww. And vice versa.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 12:39:48 AM

KiGirl

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NEVER leave a girl hanging. Can't speak for others, but most times, if I'm ignored by a guy, the reason I make up in my head is a thousand times worse than whatever their issue was. Don't do the silent treatment. A little rejection beats uncertainty.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 5:42:29 AM

Hillwilliam

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 6:42:09 AM

Iamsemisweet

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Now if there was only a way to screen for being ugly on the inside.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 6:50:51 AM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KiGirl

NEVER leave a girl hanging. Can't speak for others, but most times, if I'm ignored by a guy, the reason I make up in my head is a thousand times worse than whatever their issue was. Don't do the silent treatment. A little rejection beats uncertainty.

that's true =p if you're not interested, just say so.
no need to be mean about it, but you just have to say it.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 9:21:34 AM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Now if there was only a way to screen for being ugly on the inside.

There is: instinct/gut feeling ;)

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 9:22:51 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Now if there was only a way to screen for being ugly on the inside.

There is: instinct/gut feeling ;)

Yup. And contrary to some people's belief's........according to another thread......it works FABULOUSLY.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 9:25:24 AM

GreedyTop

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*scritches the fuzzybutts.. extra apples for Maj*

:)

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 11:25:29 AM

Iamsemisweet

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Yes, I always trust my gut, but I like to give people a chance too. Which means I have spent some time with some people that weren't worth the time. Oh well. Too bad it isn't as easy as looking at a picture.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/16/2011 12:49:30 PM

Mainman661

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As someone who's been on both ends of this, it's very awkward.
However, seeing as how I've gotten a "my roommate is here" or "I just had an emergency" or some other excuse and never heard from again, it's furiously maddening to be lied to. I can handle a "Honestly, I don't think will work." I won't even ask why if I got that.

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