RE: TPE and D/s

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: TPE and D/s

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: TPE and D/s

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 6:44:44 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

So many self-labeled dominants want TPE right out of the gate.

This is something I have seen too, but hey, if they can find it, go them!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 21

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 7:03:28 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

How does TPE fit into your D/s relationship....if in fact it exists at all?

In most posts recently there is little reference to TPE as a working part of an ongoing or futute relationship so the the thought occurs;.......is it a dying concept on this path we walk?

CP

TPE is not a term that has ever resonate with me and I have never seen an expressed position that change my perspective. I am more for Total Authority Transfer (TAT). I don't see my girls without power and/or control over their actions and choices. But I do see them without independent authority. The choices they make are decisions that is delegated and guide by me. Nothing in their life is off limits to me but this doesn't equate that I will exercise authority in every aspect. Many things i do exercise my authority and much more I provide guidelines and protocals for them to follow as they make everyday decisions.

I don't know if this TPE concept is dying or not... it's not my thing and not something I pay much attention to.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 22

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 7:06:21 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

How does TPE fit into your D/s relationship....if in fact it exists at all?

In most posts recently there is little reference to TPE as a working part of an ongoing or futute relationship so the the thought occurs;.......is it a dying concept on this path we walk?

CP

I tried TPE and it didnt work out very well, and I dont want to go there with anyone again so now I am just submissive in the bedroom.

I think the TPE is misused and abused by some Dominants and after a sub has been screwed (not in the fun way) then once bitten, twice shy and perhaps they just dont want to get screwed over again. So, if that means TPE is dying, well,... perhaps that is one reason why.

< Message edited by tj444 -- 6/19/2011 7:16:44 PM >

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 23

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 7:51:54 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

This is something I have seen too, but hey, if they can find it, go them!

IF being the operative word here! My observation is that when it doesn't work out they post threads asking 'why did this happen to meeeee?'
I am not pointing blame to just the dominants, because the submissive may have agreed at first but when they realize they can't then they post threads asking 'is it right for him/her to expect XYZ?”
It would save so much angst if both parties were honest about how much they expect or can give. (Yeah, not exactly rocket science but one would think so if going by all those type threads!!!)

edited for typo

< Message edited by catize -- 6/19/2011 7:53:59 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 24

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 7:57:37 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

It would save so much angst if both parties were honest about how much they expect or can give. (Yeah, not exactly rocket science but one would think so if going by all those type threads!!!)

There are many people who lack self awareness, and to be fair, it is a process to learn how much control is just the right amount... it also comes down to the two people involved.

It is a red flag when some guy has some premapped idea of how much control I am going to give up based on some sort of fantasy tape he has running in his head, instead of exploring what is good for us as a couple. Now I am not saying it is "wrong", because people have what they want and need, but it does not work for me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 25

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 8:07:15 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

There are many people who lack self awareness, and to be fair, it is a process to learn how much control is just the right amount... it also comes down to the two people involved.

It is a red flag when some guy has some premapped idea of how much control I am going to give up based on some sort of fantasy tape he has running in his head, instead of exploring what is good for us as a couple. Now I am not saying it is "wrong", because people have what they want and need, but it does not work for me

'ZACTLY!!!!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 26

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 8:16:46 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i can agree with that -- i'm all for people having a general idea of what they are looking for, but sometimes i think the fantasy part of it has too much influence, and sometimes a relationship dies over what is simply a matter of being more flexible and working up to something.
you don't become an ultra-marathon runner overnight, yanno...

so while i would ultimately like to find a Master, i don't worry myself over the little details of how the relationship will go, and how quickly i'll give up control; without the other half of the equation, that just doesn't make sense to me. so when i see profiles that spell out a list of specifics, i just figure i'm not really compatible with that person.
julia is right to point out that many people lack self-awareness. also, sometimes there's a good deal of dissonance between what a person believes s/he wants and what s/he REALLY wants. someone may aspire to be X, but subconsciously pull the rug out from under herself.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 27

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 5:20:15 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

The reality for us is that we're married, we have a house, cars and pets in common. He works more hours than I do. That means that in real life, I sometimes have to make decisions without him. I work outside the home, which means I have to answer to someone other than him. So, while we are a D/s couple 24/7, TPE just doesn't fit into life for us.

_____________________________

OsideGirl,

I suspect yours is a classic example of why it is seen so little these days. Thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 28

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 5:22:14 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Personally my relationships tend to mix it with a 50's style role reversal, were the woman is the one wearing the pants(sometimes literally hehe)
I generally like doing all the cooking and cleaning(except laundry) and kneeling for my better when she gets home from a long day of work.

Back2

But is there TPE in your household?

CP

(in reply to Back2theFuture)

Post #: 29

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 5:51:21 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i think that sometimes the term TOTAL Power Exchange is taken far too literally. and that is possibly an internet thing based on some sort of fantasy idea. reality is that TPE can and does exist even when people dont identify with the term so much.

it just takes two people driving in the same direction to achieve it.

reality is that we all have responsibilities outside of the relationships we're in and unless we're talking about micromanagement, reality dictates that we must all go at life with some level of autonomy to get through the day.

the way that i see TPE is that within the relationship im in, within its parameters and between the two of us the guy has the authority to call the shots and has the final say. the moment you start messing with that, especially in Ms you lose the authority base and the thread that holds it together.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 30

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 5:56:17 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

that's a great point, lally2 -- perhaps, then, it seems like "TPE" is waning because many of us are having more and more experience with online people who live in their fantasies, and this new "experience" of what TPE means to people is part of what is driving people away from identifying with the term anymore?

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 31

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 7:12:44 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

TPE in my opinion is a faulty term... exchanged for what?
and anybody trying to achieve total power over another or trying to give total power to another are attempting to live a very strange and unrealistic life in my opinion.

at the same time it is obvious that anybody trying to achieve a LONG term relationship with somebody often HAS to compromise, adapt, give and take.
So there always is an exchange of power going on, it flows both ways though!
-in my opinion-

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 32

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 8:14:48 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

TPE, like the sub/slave things and IE is an endless whirlpool of hyperbole. I don't know whether Carol is a "slave", we do "TPE", or she's internally enslaved. What I do know is that I tell her to do stuff and she reliably does without either of us wondering about limits.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 33

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 8:56:15 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He can make any decision he chooses to. But that doesn't mean he's required to.
So is CP saying that because The Man doesn't choose to micromanage, he isn't a true dominant? Which is what his assertion suggests.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 34

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 12:17:36 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I guess if one knew Master and I well they might call us TPE. I've personally never used the term. For us I simply run everything by him. He has the last word on absolutely everything and pretty much anything that I wanna do he makes the choice on whether I can or not, right down to if I can use the restroom or not. Now when we're not together I know the rules that he has set and I live by those rules, I know what he approves of and what he doesn't and if I'm not sure I don't do it until I can get a chance to ask him. If I can't reach him or he's busy then I use my best judgment and hope like hell I made the correct decision.

It works for us and it's how we thrive together.

littlewonder,

yes indeed it does appear to work for you both regardless of what it is called. See if you can find a way to can it and sell it via the net.
Thanks for your thoughts

CP

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 35

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 12:20:11 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

NuevaVida,

Well authority works for me! Thanks

CP

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 36

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 12:28:49 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

He can make any decision he chooses to. But that doesn't mean he's required to.
So is CP saying that because The Man doesn't choose to micromanage, he isn't a true dominant? Which is what his assertion suggests.

Des,

I cannot for the life of me figure out how you can arrive at the above observation based on what I wrote. The level of dominance is not addressed at all any more than the level of submission.

CP

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 37

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 12:32:45 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

You never answered my question....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 38

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 12:40:23 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

TPE is not a term that has ever resonate with me and I have never seen an expressed position that change my perspective. I am more for Total Authority Transfer (TAT).

after some consideration i am of the opinion that our dynamic would best be described as Man Is Master Of The House (MIMOTH)
(not to be confused with Mammoth which is an extinct hairy elephant)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 39

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/20/2011 6:18:29 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I've done it before, and no doubt I'll do it again:

TPE?

I have no shame

Demand,

So I can assume that it is a casual concept for you!!!!

CP

(in reply to popularDemand)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: TPE and D/s

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109