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Former Flames - 6/19/2011 1:34:19 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I have been contacted about reconnecting this week by three former flames.  Men I dated but were not people who I wanted to know better.  One of them, I ignored as I have the last ten times he has contacted me; one of them I sent a terse no thank you; and one of them I had a short conversation with before he disappeared into the wind again.  In other words, once again, the relationships did not work out, just like every other time someone from the past has resurfaced. 
So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead?  Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life?


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 1:38:11 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead? Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life?

Don't worry about it..move on. How would anyone know but them..ask them if you can..if not, follow my first words.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 1:47:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		OP, I'm kind of curious why you start so many threads regarding contacts.  It seems to be a real sticking point with you.  That's not a personal attack.  It's just that I wonder why you are so focused on it.

Reasons that old play partners/subs that didn't work out have contacted Me.

Relationship advice. 

Looking for guidelines on how to run a high protocol dinner.

Good old friendly conversation.  (i.e. I saw that you moved, have you talked to so and so lately, etc.)

References.

Events in certain areas/have I attended event X.

Point is, not every email from a 'past' anything has to necessarily mean that the person is still interested in a dynamic or play partner situation.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 2:05:37 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		They just want another chance to fuck...period.

Why do you keep responding and getting back together with them? That's the question I would be concerned about.




_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 2:15:15 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I don't have an answer for that, LadyPact  I hope I am not coming across as obsessed or something.  It might, I suppose, be because I am interested in etiquette and protocols.  That's just me. 

I have had many of my exes contact me for professional advice, and I am more than happy to help, at my usual hourly rate.  That isn't what I am talking about.  I am talking about "let's reconnect." type emails.  I honestly don't understand it, because it is not something I would ever, ever do. 


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 2:19:05 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

They just want another chance to fuck...period.

Why do you keep responding and getting back together with them? That's the question I would be concerned about.





I didn't say I did get back together with them, let alone fuck.  That would be crazy.  In fact, I said I didn't.  So, I am not too concerned about that question.  In general though, I think you are right.  They are just horny.  Figures. 


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 2:22:11 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  Christ.  So "Ask A Master" has officially become the "whine about miscellaneous shit" forum.  That explains a lot.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 4:37:32 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		or maybe just another chance at something that didn't work out for reasons beyond either's control.

there's one old flame i'd like to reconnect with. jodie foster, she was the first girl i had sex with, and she had one sweeeeet little cunt on her.

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 5:16:52 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead?  Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life?


There was never a serious relationship in which I was involved that the men did not come back, sometimes years later (20 years for my ex hubby) and ask for another chance with me.

I think there are many reasons for this, but a big one is feeling melancholy about the past... over romanticizing a past relationship.

I have tried to hook up again, it only worked out if the relationship hadn't been over a good long time... like a couple of months.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 5:47:37 PM   
aromanholiday


Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline 		I am occasionally contacted by the "ones that got away." Or the ones that I couldn't be involved with because I was owned but they liked me from afar, so maybe I was the one that got away. (shrug) They've contacted me when they've realized I'm single again. I think this sort of person is just curious about possibilities: what might have been, and whether it could be made to work now.

Aside from a very strange fellow I knew in my 20s who sent me email out of the blue a few years ago, I've not been contacted by people from older relationships.

_____________________________

"Isn't it odd how we misunderstand the hidden unity of kindness and cruelty?"

My profile is not turned off. It is broken and I am too lazy to make a new one.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 5:56:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		i only have one from my past who still contacts me. i think it's because he's hoping i've gone insane and will play with him. i have no other clue why he bothers. all the others are either dead or smart enough to know better.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to aromanholiday)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 6:06:41 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My ex owner, ex husband, and the two men I briefly went out with after those relationships, all contacted me again, sometimes numerous times. Ex husband couldn't let go, ex owner wanted to see if I'd still respond to him, and the two other guys wanted to fuck around again.  The ex husband I threatened to get a restraining order on (he was actually stalking and harassing me) and the ex owner I just blocked from my world - blocked on email (both personal and CM) and just stopped answering any call that was either his number or a number I didn't recognize.

I don't contact folks from past relationships.

I have a girlfriend, though, who constantly goes back and contacts guys she's gone out with but who ended it with her.  I've asked her why she'd want to reach out to someone who made it clear didn't want to be with her, and she's never really answered it.  I think she remains hopeful that maybe they''ll suddenly want to give it another try with her.

It's one thing if the relationship ends amicably and everyone remains friends.  If not, goodness there is no point in hanging on to the past.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 7:07:44 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		I have an ex boyfriend who will contact me again every now and again -- a few years ago I realized that it always coincidentally happened when another girl had broken up with him, or he wasn't having good luck getting into a relationship, period.
people generally have selfish reasons for reasserting themselves in your life. He does it to stroke his ego and feel good about himself, not necessarily caring what might happen to my feelings.
this last time, i told him that we are on very different roads; there's no way we'd ever really work together. i've gotten a few small, casual messages from him, but nothing major in the last few weeks. i figure he got the point. 



_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 7:18:11 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I have been contacted about reconnecting this week by three former flames.  Men I dated but were not people who I wanted to know better.  One of them, I ignored as I have the last ten times he has contacted me; one of them I sent a terse no thank you; and one of them I had a short conversation with before he disappeared into the wind again.  In other words, once again, the relationships did not work out, just like every other time someone from the past has resurfaced. 
So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead?  Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life?


1. Are you the best they ever had?

2. Have the years been kind or unkind to their appearances?

Serious questions.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 8:06:08 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		1. I don't ask their reasoning

2. I have only met with one former flame from many years before, who recontacted me, and he looked great! I never agree to see the others, so I don't know what they look like.
The more recent contacts are not from a long time ago, they are from within the last year or even less. And when I was cleaning horse stalls today, I figured out the solution. I just need to be much more definite that I never want to talk again in my breakup note/speech. Problem solved.

Anyway
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I have been contacted about reconnecting this week by three former flames.  Men I dated but were not people who I wanted to know better.  One of them, I ignored as I have the last ten times he has contacted me; one of them I sent a terse no thank you; and one of them I had a short conversation with before he disappeared into the wind again.  In other words, once again, the relationships did not work out, just like every other time someone from the past has resurfaced. 
So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead?  Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life?


1. Are you the best they ever had?

2. Have the years been kind or unkind to their appearances?

Serious questions.


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 8:16:31 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Every guy I had a serious thing with or even a short term thing with, has resurfaced at one time or another.

In one case, the guy was asking to make amends and try again; I said no.

In other cases they wanted to hook up because what we had was hot as hell and they of course, could not find anyone else who does what I do.

Sometimes I said yes, if in the mood and other times no, if I was in a relationship.

I am never surprised when old flames resurface. I chalk it off to having fond memories and reaching out to see if I feel the same or if I had a memory lapse.

I, on the other hand, would never contact an old flame. I like to move forward.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 8:19:11 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		They are former for a reason; they are no longer 'hot' for me so I ignore them. I do not wonder why, I just smile and block.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 10:23:06 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		Personally, I think they might be lonely or looking for someone who might understand them to talk to. Of course this is a very nice way of saying, someone to call and dump all their sh*t on.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Former Flames - 6/19/2011 10:28:49 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

Personally, I think they might be lonely or looking for someone who might understand them to talk to. Of course this is a very nice way of saying, someone to call and dump all their sh*t on.


E-FUCKING-XACTLY. ^.~


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Former Flames - 6/20/2011 4:21:18 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Kana's rule of thumb-Never make your Ex your next.
I like making new mistakes, not remaking old ones.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 20
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