RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more?

RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (Full Version)

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NuevaVida -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/21/2011 9:31:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW so that I can stop calling him, "the man/boy" I'm dating, or my boyfriend at my age. Goodness, no kidding, eh? I'm 45 years old, referring to this 52 year old man in my life as "my boyfriend" (to my family, work, etc.). It feels silly. I like what Carrie Bradshaw said in the first Sex In the City movie - she called Big "My Man Friend." Sometimes I call the Mister that....or I just refer to him as "The Mister" [;)] But I do understand what you mean about those who want God to bless their union. For me personally, I think I could ask his blessing without the addition of a marriage license. But that's where I'm at today. Anything could change, eh?

Terrah -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/21/2011 9:31:40 PM)
Hello I find this subject of great interest. At first I thought marriage was for those who loved one another and wanted to have a commitment to each other for life. Yes I still believe that, but it's not enough to just say it, or just live it in that context. I have been married 4 times now. My first marriage was to a man who was much like my dad in some ways. He was controlling or pretended to be so, and drank like a fish.. blah Second marriage was nearly the same, but I lived with him for 3 years first to make sure our relationship was solid.. wasn't. In less than 2 years of being married it was on the rocks due to abuse. Third marriage was for companionship, compatibility, for love, and security. He was a much different man than the first two, I think I would have stayed with him forever if he didn't live in another country. I moved to that country and found myself missing the US so much I wanted to move back, I didn't like it. In the end he didn't wish to live in the US, so we broke it off. Heart breaking as it was, I understood it. My fourth is a wonderful man most likely my last. He is my soul mate, my hearts desire, my deepest and most profound love, but also my companion, teacher, spiritual guide, provider, man of my dreams. He and I lived together for 6 years before marrying, but that was due to more his way than mine. We got married after we experienced deep spiritual growth together, our trust issues were put aside, we grew more mature with one another, and we experienced a deep understanding of one another and our own differences not so important as the love and compassion and deep understanding of one another. I know now more than anything else how much I depend on him, and how much he depends upon me. We married at our church in front of our brothers and sisters during the Sunday meeting. Only a few knew what was to happen that day as we wished to share our commitment in life with not only our God, but our fellow church family whom we loved a great deal. Marriage to us is about God and His will for us to be together as husband and wife. We know deep in our hearts that is what was meant to be. Ever faithful together we grow in God's love and will stay together because it is God's wish for us to remain together forever. Some may say this is all bunk, but if you do not have a deep faith in what God tells you, and live for and for that matter adhere to his word, then sadly I believe beyond a shadow of doubt you are on the wrong path. God doesn't agree with same sex marriages, nor a poly relationship where one is not faithful and serving another person equally, it is only through the love a man and woman can have together.. sorry but I truly believe this and have unwavering faith that is the way it's supposed to be. I have faith and understanding that Jesus saved us all when he died on the cross.. NOT trying to steal the answer to the question, but to make this perfectly clear that faith in not only God and his laws, but each other has made our relationship deep, and forever clear on our path together. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is not a business deal, nor is it something for people to try to tear down or destroy with lack of faith. Sometimes the path one walks down leads them in places they never expected to be or find themselves on. That is the power of your fate, be it good or bad the way God guides you whether you believe that or not. Simple enough. Thanks

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/21/2011 9:43:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Terrah Hello Marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is not a business deal, nor is it something for people to try to tear down or destroy with lack of faith. Sometimes the path one walks down leads them in places they never expected to be or find themselves on. That is the power of your fate, be it good or bad the way God guides you whether you believe that or not. Simple enough. Thanks That's a beautiful post/thought. I especially like this last part quoted. I have had bad situations, but I witness a good marriage in my home, growing up, so would never denigrate it. M

Fetters4U -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/21/2011 9:44:59 PM)
I have pretty good feel about marriage. I was in a stable relationship for 33 years and married for 27 of them. We had careers not children. Unfortunately, my wife died last year. For me marriage is two things: a spiritual contract and a legal contract. Spiritually, I don't think my marriage brought us any closer together or forced us apart. However, it did please the heck out of our parents and relatives. It probably had an influence on us staying together during the rough patches that all relationships have. As a legal contract, marriage has advantages and disadvantages according to the situation. Since almost 60% of marriages do end up in divorce, it is best to prepare a strong prenup while you both still like each other. Whether you get married or not, it is best to have certain legal documents, like a durable power of attorney, an advanced medical directive, wills, living trusts, etc. In a two career family it is financially beneficial to stay single. You get a better break on the taxes this way. Care has to be taken in a common-law state so that you do not become married by accident. If may become beneficial to get married after one partner has retired. In a one career family there are huge tax breaks for marriage and children, and providing health care becomes easy. Any relationship with children will probably be one career for at least part of the time. Marriage provides many next-of-kin and pension benefits that are unavailable without marriage. Later in life health and Medicare issues may override pension issues and make single life desirable. My advice would be this, if you love and care for your partner(s), have a ceremony of some sort for family and friends where you make a spiritual commitment. Treat marriage as a legal arrangement only, in combination with other necessary documents. Marry based not on love but on financial gain; divorce for the same reasons. Civil marriage is cheap and so is an amicable divorce. Every time there is a significant change in your life, re-examine your options and act accordingly. Be totally cold and unemotional about this; use the system to your benefit. In a poly arrangement, it is beneficial to marry the homemaker not the moneymaker, regardless of seniority or emotional commitment. It is best that the highest money maker be the one married. If same sex marriage is available and appropriate, use it. As long as you keep the spiritual and the legal aspects separate, no one gets offended, and everyone benefits. If the estate is large, wives and children are allowed to inherit much more money before taxation cuts in. Living trusts are an excellent way to avoid taxation. If you cannot be married, in some cases legal adoption can greatly reduce death taxes. The laws are slightly different in every state. A small amount of money spent on lawyers and accountants can reap huge benefits down the road.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/21/2011 9:50:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida This isn't about me; I'm just interested in how others view the concept of marriage. I've heard some people claim it's just a piece of paper, and they don't need it to make a commitment to their partner. I've heard some people say it makes the commitment and/or bond to each other stronger. I've heard some people say it's too problematic to partake in, because it makes breaking up so much more difficult and complicated. I've heard some people say it's the marriage vows that kept them together, during the really rough times. So what say you? I also wonder, regarding same-sex-marriage and the laws against it, what same-sex partners feel about marriage, and their inability to partake in it? Do you feel this limits your ability to commit to each other the way you'd like to, or is there no impact to your emotional relationship by remaining unwed? Or for the poly folks, does the inability to marry more than one of your partners feel limiting, or is there no impact to your emotional relationships by remaining unwed? (Please do not make this a debate about same sex marriage or polygamy - I'm simply interested in the views of people with regard to their own partner(s), or partner(s) to be. Thank you!) It is a huge commitment to me. I was married for 18 years...almost half of my life. I would love to be married again. I loved being married. If Shorey ever asked me, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. I'd also be just as happy being with him forever, but not married.

TreasureKY -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 4:58:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW so that I can stop calling him, "the man/boy" I'm dating, or my boyfriend at my age. Goodness, no kidding, eh? I'm 45 years old, referring to this 52 year old man in my life as "my boyfriend" (to my family, work, etc.). It feels silly. Add me to this list! I was absolutely delighted to be able to stop the fumbling around with what to call Firm. It did feel silly to call this grown man my "boyfriend". I tried referring to him as my "significant other" (that got confused with referring to my same-sex lover) and as my "partner" (as we work together, that was mistaken as a business relationship only). It was a relief when I was finally able to refer to him as my "Fiancé"... though it usually always prompted a "Congratulations! When are you getting married?" conversation. My "Husband" feels just perfect. [:)]

MsKittyValentine -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 5:25:09 AM)
God, I do hope it is more than a piece of paper. I have been waiting for nearly five years to wed my darling sub Paul.

Charnegui -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 6:01:23 AM)
Well married or not in Holland it is pretty much the same. All the laws made for married couples apply just the same as the non-married, with or without an agreement, lesbian or gay or whatever you are. Over here I call him my Man, in daily life he is my Love and my friend. But I never called my former husband my husband or my man ;) So marriage in Holland is just for those who wants to believe in this fairytale of white dresses, armed knights and roses forever. (Yeah, I once was such a believer) So the paperpiece is just a thing of mind, not to get anymore benefits of it, as it was in my days, when I got married. I do not want to be married again ever... but that is an opinion, not a judgement of those who desires too be.

GreedyTop -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 6:03:34 AM)
one of things I liked about Holland! well, and the tulips! LOL (which reminds me.. I need to do some research.. I'd like to start growing them!)

heartcream -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 11:00:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lockedaway Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Re-read the post. The topic that you have in bold face is regarding pensions, not consortium or society or housekeeping services, etc. It is ONLY regarding pensions. As far as my posts being off topic and the suggestion that I start a thread about divorce, the thread is about marriage and whether it is merely a piece of paper. It is not. It is a contract that has some of the most calamitous consequences a person may ever face. It doesnt matter the woman WAS working!

NuevaVida -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 11:46:34 AM)
LOL we moved beyond that, heartcream, he left the thread, and we got back on the topic of marriage, not divorce settlements. [;)]

NuevaVida -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 11:48:16 AM)
Aileen your post had such a happy feel to it. Made me smile. [:)]

RemoteUser -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 6:30:55 PM)
It's an ideal - on paper.

slaveluci -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 7:15:53 PM)
Growing up, I never had any desire to marry or have children. But.....I met my first husband to be in the spring of 1995 and we married in July 1996. I loved him with all my heart and was blind to his faults because I thought I could change him. Ahahahaha....madness[8D] The marriage lasted 11 years and he spent alot of it in prison. I married him for love but it ended up being a practical thing too because, as so many others have mentioned, being a spouse offers privileges that being a girlfriend/fiancee does not as far as legal rights and, in his case, visitation, etc. We had been physically separated for 4 years when I met Master, my current husband. My ex and I had both been incarcerated in 2002 and, when I got out and returned home to my family, my contact with him was limited due to lack of finances for travel, phone calls, etc. What I thought would never happen did when we began to grow apart and I met someone I wanted to date (not Master). I began the torturous process of beginning to live without him and began dating this other man. That didn't work out terrifically but I had established myself enough to begin to move on. I found this site, ended up being contacted by Master and, eventually, we met and began our relationship. Nearly a year and a half later, my divorce became final. In May 2007, Master and I married in a small ceremony back in my hometown in WV in front of my family and dear friends at my Mom's church. I loved Master and would have been content to live together and never tie the knot. He desired that we did and I certainly didn't have any objections. I just didn't feel it was a necessity. It was a great night and I've never regretted marrying my closest friend. As others have said, it's more than just a piece of paper to me and the fact that He wanted to marry me demonstrated a level of commitment on His part that seemed deeper than if He just wanted me to live with Him indefinitely. I didn't need it but I'm glad He did [:)] luci

NuevaVida -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 7:59:00 PM)
Ah yes, the old "I can change him" frame of mind. I think we've all gone through that at some point in our lives (and if not, congratulations to those who didn't have to learn that lesson the hard way!) That's awesome how things worked out for you, luci, and that you felt his level of commitment in such a way. Thank you for sharing your story. [:)]

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Marriage - just a piece of paper or something more? (6/22/2011 8:15:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Ah yes, the old "I can change him" frame of mind. I think we've all gone through that at some point in our lives (and if not, congratulations to those who didn't have to learn that lesson the hard way!) I had the opposite problem. The men were perfectly servile, and agreeable, before marriage. They changed, or wanted me to take that role, after the marriage. Needless to say, the ensuing power struggles never ended, so the marriages had to, in my view. For these reasons, I would prefer to avoid marriage, since it is the #1 reason for divorce. I'll never bear ill feelings about marriage itself, because my first experience with it, was very positive. My first experience with it, was watching my parents as a couple. I hoped for the same. M

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