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DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 4:45:44 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Are some of you simply looking for a MAN.

As in being assertive, knowing what he wants, getting what he wants, and taking the lead in the bedroom? Getting this confused with what this lifestyle can offer in total?

Not really wanting a dom but simply A MAN IN CHARGE?

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

Post #: 1

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 4:51:32 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I'm not looking for anyone, but if I was, it would be a Master who is also a man.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 2

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 4:52:34 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

BUT are some looking for a MAN , but not a dom?

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 3

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 4:58:09 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

If I was just looking for a man, and not a Dom/Master, I wouldnt even be on this site. Men "In Charge" are everywhere...

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 4

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:15:17 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

BUT are some looking for a MAN , but not a dom?

Truly, I don't think you can discount anything, dogobedience. There are always going to be people who 'think' what they want isn't actually what they want. It's not being dishonest or anything. I think it's really confusion and the 'fantasy' of what they believe BDSM actually entails. So, I would say that if they are 'here', they are not looking for a man in charge, they are looking for a Master or Top, but it's because they don't really understand the differences between the two and wouldn't be able to deal with a Master in their life. A man in charge is just that.. a man in charge.. where as a Master is an owner and most people who don't have experience aren't going to think about the fact that a Master really wants to own them.

This is, of course, based on my own perception of what being a Master entails! YMMV

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 5

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:25:25 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I admit when I found my Dom, I was basically looking for a MAN. I wanted someone strong and in control of himself and therefore would be able to handle me. I was tired of being the leader and wanted to give up the reins to someone qualified. I was attracted to my Joe and his strong personality before I found out how deep his interest in D/s went. I had dabbled in D/s myself, but had never seriously thought about having a Dom. I'm now a changed woman from the one I was a year ago. I embrace being a submissive and I love having a Dom. I love the play we do, the obedience that is expected of me, and the freedom I now have living this lifestyle. He is my Master and he does own me.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:28:28 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

i too found my Master in a search for a Man in Control....

Looks like i picked good for once

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 7

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:31:48 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

BUT are some looking for a MAN , but not a dom?

Truly, I don't think you can discount anything, dogobedience. There are always going to be people who 'think' what they want isn't actually what they want. It's not being dishonest or anything. I think it's really confusion and the 'fantasy' of what they believe BDSM actually entails. So, I would say that if they are 'here', they are not looking for a man in charge, they are looking for a Master or Top, but it's because they don't really understand the differences between the two and wouldn't be able to deal with a Master in their life. A man in charge is just that.. a man in charge.. where as a Master is an owner and most people who don't have experience aren't going to think about the fact that a Master really wants to own them.

This is, of course, based on my own perception of what being a Master entails! YMMV

Celeste

I think you made several good points, Celeste. If you are the Celeste I think you are, you usually do. That being said, I think dogobedience also has a valid point, whether he has run into these submissives or not.

I too have dealt with submissives who, when it came down to it, wanted someone to 'take care of things' but that meant in a financial way and it was O.K. in the bedroom too. I've dealt with submissives who wanted someone to 'be in control' but who, when they found out that sometimes that meant being made to do things that they did not like to do...whether for the pleasure of the dominant, making the dominant's life easier, the betterment of the relationship, or the changing of the submissive's behavior to better suit the dominant's wishes...they 'began to question their submission' or 'whether or not they had the right dominant'. (I know there are dominants out there who just want to 'command' someone into sexual service or who want a 'built-in maid with privileges' but dominants like that are not what are under consideration here). Some of them had made an honest misassessment of where and what they were and wanted out of life and some of them knew exactly what they were 'playing at'.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 8

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:36:24 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Good replies.
I seek advise, I study, to help find what I NEED.
I hope it helps others also.

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 9

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:41:48 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

For me, I want a Dominant Man, not either/or, both. I'm currently involved and so far I believe I've found just that. I hope I made sense. I know what I mean, just not sure how to convey my meaning.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 10

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:47:51 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

ok I have a question and please dont take this the wrong way because it is NOT meant as an insult merely a viewpoint.....

But is it possible that maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of people because your threads could be looked at as whining?

That in no way implies that you would be or are a whiner but after restating the same thing over and over but wording it differently then while in the same breath insulting a prospecitve submissive by saying she is tainted because she fell for an online Dom or even worse stupid for it. You cant help who you love you're not supposed to, but sometimes you do get lucky enough to find someone who loves you back. I just dont see a point to insulting and further limiting the responses you may get.

A lifestyle Dominant IMHO oozes Dominance from who he is, what he says, how he interacts with people and so on. Its not based in the years he has under his belt in a lifestyle, it is his ability to control himself, lead and also care for another human being. He sees people as humans and he takes the time to get to know them, make sure they are comfortable with him, then and only then does he begin to take her down a road to finding satisfaction within his arms, and giving her the peace and comfort of knowing all things encompassed in her life are found within him.

Again I'm not trying to sling poo, just maybe offer up a reason as to why things mey not be going so smoothly as you would like.

~RS~

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 11

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:50:05 PM

talibahh

Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline

hello dogobedience...

i thought long and hard when i wrote my profile about what i was looking for/expecting. i specifically sought a Master and stated not a Dom or a switch or a wannabe. Why? Because i am a slave and to me the collar and Ownership is HUGE! i need to belong and submit to my Master. i have had plenty of offers from Doms to "play", but this is not what i sought. To me a Master is so much more than "a man in charge"... He is my Owner, (amongst other things). So for me... no... i am not/did not seek simply a "man in charge".

smiles...
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 12

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:52:01 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

My question to all of you is this, are not some sub men "men in charge".. they do not seek to be in charge in their personal or sexual lives, but they can be in charge in other ways... How many fortune 500 CEOs are actually sub men? How many sub women are expected to be in control most of the time in their lives? I do not think being "in charge" equates with domness or submissiveness necessarily.. except when it comes to the dynamic between two people (or more if they are poly...smiles). Some subs are in charge most of the time, and some dom/mes are too... Maybe I misunderstood the OP though? (that happens sometimes...lol)

I seek more than someone that knows what they want, I think many submissive men know what they want and are not shy about getting it. I seek someone I can have a power exchange with and has those qualities.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/15/2006 5:54:00 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 13

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:54:06 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Reflectivesoul, It is replies like yours that offer me greater knowledge in my quest to complete my family TY!

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to talibahh)

Post #: 14

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 5:54:17 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Well, I've had a man in charge, a dom and an owner. While I agree for the most part with what you've said CreativeDom, I wonder if some of the submissives you're talking about began to question themselves and what they wanted BECAUSE of the doms they picked. Yes, many times we have to do things we don't particulaly want, but it's always "easier" when one understands why. As we all know, there are doms who simply will not tolerate any questions. And for one who may be confused to begin with, a dom like that may very well get her to wondering if she is, in fact, submissive. I'm not one who believes that if one is submissive, she is submissive to all doms, but that's just me.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 15

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 6:01:02 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the public and private replies.
I do okay by most standards in finding and meetings girls here. BUT I am still seeking the one that offers what I HAVE TO OFFER IN RETURN. Hence my interest in, and sometimes questionable, threads.

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 16

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 6:02:05 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My question to all of you is this, are not some sub men "men in charge".. they do not seek to be in charge in their personal or sexual lives, but they can be in charge in other ways... How many fortune 500 CEOs are actually sub men? How many sub women are expected to be in control most of the time in their lives? I do not think being "in charge" equates with domness or submissiveness necessarily.. except when it comes to the dynamic between two people (or more if they are poly...smiles). Some subs are in charge most of the time, and some dom/mes are too... Maybe I misunderstood the OP though? (that happens sometimes...lol)

I seek more than someone that knows what they want, I think many submissive men know what they want and are not shy about getting it. I seek someone I can have a power exchange with and has those qualities.

I know and am friends with a few sub men and they are definitely "in charge" in many aspects of their lives such as work. They just choose to submit fully in their relationships. They are strong, steady, wonderful men who happen to also be submissive. I have to agree that in charge doesn't strictly equate to being a Dominant. I see that in my submissive male friends.

For me, as I said, I need a Man who is Dominant. I need to be able to submit as well as have all the other aspects of a relationship...or maybe I'm just greedy and want it all. I've paid my dues in bad relationships. I think I deserve a good one, the right one.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 6:05:48 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I applaud you Sarah, and it sounds like you are assertive in knowing what you want (as I am too) and that does not make you a dominant sort...smiles.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 18

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 6:13:32 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I applaud you Sarah, and it sounds like you are assertive in knowing what you want (as I am too) and that does not make you a dominant sort...smiles.

grin.......thanks and no it definitely doesn't make me dominant sort, though some don't agree lol. It took a lot of soul searching and deep thinking and reading and meeting people face to face into WIITWD for me to finally start understanding what I want and need and who and what I am. Once I got to that point, I focused on it and yes I am assertive in stating it and sticking to it. I am continuing to grow and evolve, but the basics are the same.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 19

RE: DOM vs MAN - 5/15/2006 6:18:02 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
I'm not one who believes that if one is submissive, she is submissive to all doms, but that's just me.

bandit,

I think you've hit the nail on the head. Just because someone is a submissive and may put forth a submissive tendency does not mean that he or she is going to offer full submission to just anyone. The D/s isnt supposed to be about Me Tarzan you jane, except between the individual Dom and the individual submissive.

I mean sheesh if the way of it were every submissive was giving to every Dominant, people wouldnt have complaints of not being able to find that "one" who will make us complete. ( or in poly the few ) Nor would there be such wonderful D/s couples out there sharing insight into their lives and what has made their years together grow and bloom into something that will be a lifelong partnership.

I think it is too often now-a-days that people dont want to invest in the time it really takes to get to know someone else, they slap on a label and expect that poof their relationships will just fall into their laps..... be relaistic here please.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience
Reflectivesoul, It is replies like yours that offer me greater knowledge in my quest to complete my family TY!

Somehow I just dont think the reply was given the proper understanding that it should have been IMHO. But at any rate atleast its there and thanks for noticing the post....

~RS~

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 20

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