No such thing as "no"

No such thing as "no" (Full Version)

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Asherscorp1 -> No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 4:27:30 PM)
My question is for slaves who have given all control to their Masters and essentially forfeited the right to say, "No" to any given command. Do you sometimes find yourself unable to obey an order, not out of willfull disobedience, but because you are simply too scared, revolted, shocked to do so? I recently was in a situation with Master in which He told me I would be punished in a way that utterly terrified me and my first reaction was to freeze still then struggle. I was not trying to be difficult and I (of course) never said, "no" or "don't" but did beg Him to change His mind. My question is, has anyone else had this experience and how did your Master handle it? Did you feel badly for not being able to obey immediately?

angelikaJ -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 4:39:07 PM)
I am in a M/s relationship and one of His first rules for me was that I will never give up the right to say "No". That is of course atypical. I should add that in some situations I know that saying No would not be without a cost. However, there have been times within our dynamic when I haven't said no but balked (or even have said no, reflexively in the moment), simply because something within a situation panicked me. And yes, as soon as I was out of panic I felt terrible. How he handled it was put is as one of the bits in getting to know me better. He did not understand right away that it was a panic thing and was initially disappointed I think with my response but quickly calmed down once he understood it for what it was.

tj444 -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 4:44:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherscorp1 My question is for slaves who have given all control to their Masters and essentially forfeited the right to say, "No" to any given command. Do you sometimes find yourself unable to obey an order, not out of willfull disobedience, but because you are simply too scared, revolted, shocked to do so? I recently was in a situation with Master in which He told me I would be punished in a way that utterly terrified me and my first reaction was to freeze still then struggle. I was not trying to be difficult and I (of course) never said, "no" or "don't" but did beg Him to change His mind. My question is, has anyone else had this experience and how did your Master handle it? Did you feel badly for not being able to obey immediately? If your Master told you to jump off a bridge to your certain death, would you? I was a slave for a while but seriously, there are limits with everyone. After that ended I came to the conclusion that I did not want to be forced to do things that pushed me past what my limits were so I wont be a slave again. When I was with him, he made me do something that was extremely painful, when I started to cry and told him that I couldnt. he told me that if i wasnt going to do as i was told that i should leave. So I left. That ended our relationship. It was probably for the best that it ended, not that it didnt deeply hurt me, but he was wrong for me and in retrospect, not as compatible as we should have been.

agirl -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 5:19:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherscorp1 My question is for slaves who have given all control to their Masters and essentially forfeited the right to say, "No" to any given command. Do you sometimes find yourself unable to obey an order, not out of willfull disobedience, but because you are simply too scared, revolted, shocked to do so? I recently was in a situation with Master in which He told me I would be punished in a way that utterly terrified me and my first reaction was to freeze still then struggle. I was not trying to be difficult and I (of course) never said, "no" or "don't" but did beg Him to change His mind. My question is, has anyone else had this experience and how did your Master handle it? Did you feel badly for not being able to obey immediately? Occasionally. But truly rarely. If I'm punished/penalized I know exactly what's going to happen and what for and why.....and that is bad enough. I'd rather get it over with, with as little fuss as possible as it's a bit futile to drag it out. I'm always scared! It hurts or is bothersome. I imagine he designed it that way? ( I REALLY wouldn't have gone down the beg him to change his mind route, though) In answer to your question....No. If I'm going to get clobbered (from experience). Any reluctance to get on with it and M swings with the direct route. ie....If I don't get where I ought, he'll help me to. He's used to me not leaping into action when I'm about to experience something horrid. No, I don't feel at all badly! It's understandable. I can say * no* until the cows come home........but the one thing that will kill our relationship DEAD............ would be me saying * NO* and MEANING it. THAT no would end us. agirl

Asherscorp1 -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 5:24:38 PM)
Lol. The begging wasn't exactly something I consciously chose, it just came out that way.

DesFIP -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 8:40:52 PM)
I'm strictly forbidden to not tell him no when necessary. He needs to know when I am physically or psychologically unable to do things. He doesn't want to demand something that would cause me to lose trust in him or that might destroy the relationship. Nor does he want me terrified or having a full blown panic attack.

littlewonder -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 10:53:02 PM)
I've begged him and even said I would do "almost anything" to not have to do something. I usually end up regretting those words and it usually ends up worse than the original thing I was supposed to do. These days I try to choose my words much more carefully with him and do my best to buck up the courage and just do what he says. Yes there are times when it scares the living hell out of me but I do it because I trust him and love him very much.

tazzygirl -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/23/2011 11:51:55 PM)
I say no... he laughs. Guess you can figure out how that ends. lol

Wolf2Bear -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/24/2011 3:47:46 PM)
I still have always retained the right to say "No" though I also have to state clear my reason for doing so. Sir still retains the right to determine if my refusal, based upon my reason, to be valid or invalid.

SorceressJ -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/24/2011 3:57:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 If your Master told you to jump off a bridge to your certain death, would you? I was a slave for a while but seriously, there are limits with everyone. After that ended I came to the conclusion that I did not want to be forced to do things that pushed me past what my limits were so I wont be a slave again. THIS. There is not another living soul on the face of the entire planet, not even the one true Soulmate with whom I am now happily partnered for life, who can possibly know me as well as I know myself. I am the one living in this body, therefore, my body is mine. "No" can, still, and will always only ever mean "no", period. Violators against this edict do so at their peril. Just sayin'.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/24/2011 3:58:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear I still have always retained the right to say "No" though I also have to state clear my reason for doing so. Sir still retains the right to determine if my refusal, based upon my reason, to be valid or invalid. This is where we are. I had to turn my back on $100 worth of wild caught salmon due to vacation expenses. Dang !!

Charnegui -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/24/2011 3:58:17 PM)
My pride mostly prohibits me to say 'no'. But I have the 'right' to speak my mind afterwards and I am in whatever feeling of fear or anxiety , it won't happen again. But he's taking care of me and doing everything in a slow way, let me taste first and have a bite, and then let me decide it fits my taste.... and take me further. But then, I'm having the easy deal..... I still live on my own, having an hiding place, where I can't be touched.

Petronius -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/24/2011 10:10:14 PM)
In our culture nobody ever gives up the right to say "no." In real slave society like Imperial Rome slaves did really not have that right. So when things got really bad the people who had no right to say "no" killed those people who did. Our way is better.

Aileen1968 -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/25/2011 5:53:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 If your Master told you to jump off a bridge to your certain death, would you? I love how people always pick something so extreme as an example. The bottom of bridges are littered with the corpses of dead slaves who only have one arm because before they were told to jump, their master felt like cutting off a limb since it wasn't a limit. Seriously... I don't say no to him. Obedience is the most important aspect of our relationship. BTW...I'm in a relationship with him for many reasons. One of the top ones is that he makes great decisions in all aspects of his life. He's not a douche. He cares for me. He wouldn't ever purposefully cause me harm, either mentally or physically. So I'm not ever worried that the next words out of his mouth are going to be anything along the lines of "jump" or "go grab me that old bone saw that I have in the closet". Therefore...my answer to whatever he wants is always yes.

DesFIP -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/25/2011 6:46:39 AM)
Aileen, The Man isn't a douche either. But there are times when I'm physically not well enough to do things and he doesn't know how I'm feeling. Or when he's accidentally hit a trigger, and he won't know that he's on the verge of pushing me into a full blown anxiety attack. So I say no, and then I explain. What I'm not allowed to do is say no without explaining. Because he can't fix the problem for the future if he doesn't know what it is.

DecadentDesire -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/25/2011 7:23:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 I don't say no to him. Obedience is the most important aspect of our relationship. BTW...I'm in a relationship with him for many reasons. One of the top ones is that he makes great decisions in all aspects of his life. He's not a douche. He cares for me. He wouldn't ever purposefully cause me harm, either mentally or physically. So I'm not ever worried that the next words out of his mouth are going to be anything along the lines of "jump" or "go grab me that old bone saw that I have in the closet". Therefore...my answer to whatever he wants is always yes. Do you consider having someone with strong enough judgement that you never "need" to say "No" to to be same as forfeiting the right to say "no"?

leadership527 -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/25/2011 9:06:01 AM)
It doesn't happen this way in our relationship. Carol is forbidden to say "no". But she does provide ample feedback to commands I am contemplating or have given. Sometimes that feedback changes the command and sometimes not. In the end, if the answer is "not" then that's where her surrender comes in and she just shrugs and says, "Well I'm yours."

NuevaVida -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/25/2011 9:44:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherscorp1 My question is, has anyone else had this experience and how did your Master handle it? It has happened very rarely. I don't say no, but I've said I really didn't want to... Sometimes he just pulls back and says OK, sometimes he says I need to do it anyway, but helps me through it, and well, this just happened this morning - he was surprised and said "Interesting" and his demeanor changed (but then we're dealing with stuff that's bigger than his request was, and this morning's incident was a symptom of that). quote: Did you feel badly for not being able to obey immediately? Yes and no. I need to be true to myself and honest with him, and that means acknowledging that I'm going to have human emotions/reactions to things, and to be ok with that. He owns me, and that means owning someone who has emotional reactions and fears, and doesn't stifle them. And yet, I hate when I can't give him what he wants right away. So I beat myself up for a short time and then realize I'm human, I'm imperfect, and I'm complicated. We always talk about it later, when we've processed our thoughts, and we both learn from it and use those lessons moving forward. Once something is talked through, it becomes part of the past and we move on from it.

sexyred1 -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/25/2011 10:18:16 AM)
I am not a slave, but when I have agreed to do something once because someone told me to and it ended up being detrimental physically and emotionally, and yet they ignored the no and continued wanting to do this behavior after seeing the results, then I knew I was with someone with poor judgement and utter selfishness. I will never be with anyone ever again where this would happen.

SimplyMichael -> RE: No such thing as "no" (6/25/2011 10:35:25 AM)
If I can't trust someone to tell me NO when she needs to, how can I trust her when she says YES? People give orders all the time that can't be obeyed for a host of reasonable reasons, learning to deal with that is actually one of the steepest learning curves for most people. Its also one of the most rewarding to learn. Lots of ways to deal with your issue but the one I tell people is look at it this way. If someone freezes, it means they have an issue and that issues hasn't been solved with past partners. Here is your chance to stand head and shoulders above all she has been with before, be understanding, be constructive, help her through it and she is going to look at you in a whole new way. Be the same dick her ex partners are and well, you are likely to be though of as another of her ex partners...

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