Online Crap

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AbletonLive77 -> Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:04:18 PM)
Hey everyone, Just wondering if anyone's heard of this. Talking to this girl online for awhile, but she won't give me her home address because she lives with a friend and her name isn't on the lease. I wanted to send her something (gift, letter) but she said I can't do that because it spells out specifically on the lease that anyone receiving mail there must have their name on the lease. I've never heard of that. Wondering if anyone thought that was B.S. or if there is such a lease that designates anyone receiving mail at the place must have their name registered. Like I said, sounds like total crap to me, not sure. One other thing, she refuses to give me her place of work. She says if I called there I'd get her in trouble. We've been talking for a couple months. Phone/I.M. She knows I would never intentionally get her in trouble by now. And even if I did call there (which I never would) big deal. People get calls at work all the time. Emergency, family, etc. I'm no idiot, and I pretty much think I'm getting cut off. Curious about other opinions. Thanks everyone.

poise -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:10:38 PM)
I have no idea what the context of your relationship is, so I can't say you are being cut off. Suggest that you will send her a gift but addressed to her friend. See what the reply is there. The fact that you are upset over her not giving you her work number seems unreasonable. She says it will get her in trouble, and since you would never want her to be in trouble, drop it.

kalikshama -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:12:19 PM)
Yes, the mail thing is BS [8\|] I won't give anyone identifying info until we've met face to face. Are you two local to each other? If someone local is not willing to meet after a few months of talking, that's telling. Sounds like she wants you to be no more than her online secret.

CaHeaven -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:12:29 PM)
Maybe she's married? Or in a LTR? Or just not that interested in you other than casually? Why waste time instead of move on to someone more accessible?

AbletonLive77 -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:18:35 PM)
I don't want her work number. Just a name. She works at a country club. Wanted to see where it was, what kind of club it was. She says it's open until like 1 or 2 a.m. Most country clubs I know have bars and grills open until 11 p.m. But that just may be where I live. Not sure. She's long distance. But that hasn't stopped her from wanting to be mine. Which I think is also total BS without first meeting face to face. Just my opinion.

BitaTruble -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:25:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AbletonLive77 Hey everyone, Just wondering if anyone's heard of this. Talking to this girl online for awhile, but she won't give me her home address because she lives with a friend and her name isn't on the lease. I wanted to send her something (gift, letter) but she said I can't do that because it spells out specifically on the lease that anyone receiving mail there must have their name on the lease. I've never heard of that. Wondering if anyone thought that was B.S. or if there is such a lease that designates anyone receiving mail at the place must have their name registered. Like I said, sounds like total crap to me, not sure. One other thing, she refuses to give me her place of work. She says if I called there I'd get her in trouble. We've been talking for a couple months. Phone/I.M. She knows I would never intentionally get her in trouble by now. And even if I did call there (which I never would) big deal. People get calls at work all the time. Emergency, family, etc. I'm no idiot, and I pretty much think I'm getting cut off. Curious about other opinions. Thanks everyone. Offer to take her somewhere public.. bring the gift with you. I would not give out my personal information to a guy I had only spoken to online. As for the lease.. a building owner can put whatever they like into it and once the parties agree, that's all it requires. Meeting of the minds and all that. Now, whether or not the building owners would have the ability to actually police that part of the lease is another question. Certainly, they can't tamper with the mail or open anyone's mailbox to check. I will say this.. when we lived in MN, the building owners did not have mailbox keys. We had to take a copy of our lease to our local post office and they gave us the key, so it's entirely possible that she is telling the truth. When I worked in a clean room we were never allowed phone calls but, we all had beepers for emergency purposes. Neither of the things you have mentioned would raise a red flag for me, personally, but if she has continually put off meeting with you after a few months.. that would at least give me a pink tinge. Good luck.

IrishMist -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:29:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AbletonLive77 Hey everyone, Just wondering if anyone's heard of this. Talking to this girl online for awhile, but she won't give me her home address because she lives with a friend and her name isn't on the lease. I wanted to send her something (gift, letter) but she said I can't do that because it spells out specifically on the lease that anyone receiving mail there must have their name on the lease. I've never heard of that. Wondering if anyone thought that was B.S. or if there is such a lease that designates anyone receiving mail at the place must have their name registered. Like I said, sounds like total crap to me, not sure. One other thing, she refuses to give me her place of work. She says if I called there I'd get her in trouble. We've been talking for a couple months. Phone/I.M. She knows I would never intentionally get her in trouble by now. And even if I did call there (which I never would) big deal. People get calls at work all the time. Emergency, family, etc. I'm no idiot, and I pretty much think I'm getting cut off. Curious about other opinions. Thanks everyone. You are 34 years old. Use the head with the brain for a minute and think about it.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:35:15 PM)
The whole online thing is different. People are distrustful, and often with good reason. If you are serious, the way to counteract that is to be trustful, and go for the long haul. This means with everything you have done so far, be trustful, both online and with phone, everything above board. If you have done that, then you need to arrange a real life meet. Please realize a female may not want to give you personal information (like where she works) before a real life meet. Make this on her turf, where she wants to meet, in public, and as non-threatening as she/you can make it. Coffee or lunch is good. Anything she asks you to do to make her more comfortable, do. I would not write her off unless she can't make the meet. If she is not ready to meet, I'd ask why and be ready to listen. But frankly, I'd be prepared to look at other possibilities if she is not ready to meet. You can't establish trust if someone won't let you.

Lockit -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:42:54 PM)
With landlords getting screwed left and right by people housing far more than should be there, I can see someone going that far to assure it is harder for them to do so. If this is the case, she wouldn't want to be causing any trouble with her friend or to lose her place. You haven't met and you want to know where she works, but she should know by now that you wouldn't do anything to hurt her? Well... does she know you are here talking about her? Maybe neither of you really trusts one another and you can't expect her to trust you if you don't trust her. Maybe she is feeling it is best to meet you face to face. Maybe she is playing you. Maybe you want to send her something to get that information to prove something to youself. Maybe you want her work address because you would then have a way to hurt her if you needed to, after all you are telling on her here. Maybe you really feel she is off when saying she wants to be yours without having met and maybe you don't. Maybe you want her to be yours and are pushy when it comes to wanting information about her that she isn't yet ready to give and that scares her a bit, but still wants to continue to know you. Maybe you are already ready to spy on her and check her out and maybe this isn't the brightest thing either of you have ever done. Maybe a lot of things. One thing is for sure. We have your side... filled with she, she, this and that. What's her story? Somehow at your age, if you come here to figure it out, I kind of get the feeling there might be more to the story. Maybe you want to impress us and kind of beat her up a little. Who the hell knows and who the hell cares? Figure it out... you can't expect us to. How the hell would we know?

AbletonLive77 -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:44:25 PM)
One other thing. This country club job is something she just got during the nights. She works as a secretary in a nursing home 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. Then half a day Saturday. Then she waitresses during the night. She says it's a country club and she's getting paid 15 dollars an hour plus tips. I've also never heard of that. Most waitresses I've known make minimum wage and basically make all their money on tips. That's why tips are so important. 15 bucks and hour is almost a living wage. Not quite, but close. And a lot more than most waitresses I know. That's another reason I wanted to know where she worked. Wanted to look it up and find out what kind of place it was.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:47:26 PM)
Nothing I can add, OP but try to meet her.

frazzle -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:55:02 PM)
Having been paid the equivellent of $20 an hour to waitress at certain venues, she could be telling the truth. (I am talking serving food, drinks, fully clothed, no extras and it was 20 years ago). As to giving her home address and place of work to someone shes never met. Common sense. She hasnt met you, until then, are you who you claim to be?? She has no idea. Does she have all your details?? If yes, why? You dont know she is as claimed. Arrange to meet, if she refuses, then cut your losses and move on.

BitaTruble -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 7:56:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AbletonLive77 One other thing. This country club job is something she just got during the nights. She works as a secretary in a nursing home 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. Then half a day Saturday. Then she waitresses during the night. She says it's a country club and she's getting paid 15 dollars an hour plus tips. I've also never heard of that. Most waitresses I've known make minimum wage and basically make all their money on tips. That's why tips are so important. 15 bucks and hour is almost a living wage. Not quite, but close. And a lot more than most waitresses I know. That's another reason I wanted to know where she worked. Wanted to look it up and find out what kind of place it was. I just did a quick google search and found several country clubs who pay servers between $15 and $30 dollars an hour. AbletoLive77, it really sounds as if you have already made up your mind about this woman. No one here is in your shoes and can't really tell you what you should do or validate or invalidate your suspicions. What I would tell you is that you have a reason for feeling like you do and to ask yourself .. is it really worth your time and effort with this woman given how you are currently feeling. Do you want to give her the benefit of the doubt? If so, then do it. If not.. move on. You don't have a ton of options here after all.

DesFIP -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 8:15:09 PM)
There is no way I would give someone I hadn't met my real name and home address. That's a red flag if I've ever seen one. For all she knows you could be a rapist or a stalker. If you want to send her a gift safely, she can set up a wish list on amazon using a screen name and they'll forward it to her, while protecting her privacy. But why send a gift instead of meeting? Meet for coffee instead, wear a carnation in your lapel so she can identify you. Only after you've met and decided to go forward in exploring a relationship should personal info be exchanged.

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 8:19:53 PM)
~FR~ I can see her not wanting you to call her at work. Most employers DO frown on employees getting personal calls at work while they're on the payroll, unless it truly IS an emergency. As for the landlord/lease thing....well, I'm only allowed to have the same person stay overnight for fourteen nights annually before I'm breaking my lease. AND no one that isn't on my lease is supposed to get mail here, or I'm breaking my lease...because my landlord will then assume that the person is living here, which as I said before is breaking my lease. Breaking my lease = homelessness. I can see why she's not complying with your wants. How about offering to meet her in a public place for a date and bring the gift to her at that time. Or maybe, if she's truly interested in you, she could spring for a Post Office Box, so you could safely send her mail and other items. Of course, there's always the chance that (1)she's married or in a relationship already and you're her dirty little secret, (2)she's just not THAT into you and she's leading you on, (3)that she's telling the truth, (4)that she's lying, or (5)that she doesn't trust an internet stranger..... Who knows? You can't really expect a bunch of strangers on a message board to figure that out. As for me, I would not give some online stranger I'd been IMing for a coupla months my place of employment or my address either. I can't figure out why you don't really know anything about her yet and you've been talking/IMing for a couple months already. Oh yeah, I forgot. SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. ~Hisprettybaby~

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 8:21:33 PM)
No, the mail thing isn't BS. If a person can prove occupency at a residence, with mail that was delivered to that address - then the landlord has to go through an eviction process to get that person out. A letter post dated in her name to that address can be used as one means to prove occupency. Of course, it is unlikely that the landlord would know she received mail, and the law is there to protect the occupent from unlawful evictions so the girls concerns are a bit unfounded. You are very dismissive of her wishes - by saying "of course I wouldn't call her but if I did call her, so what?" Well, she said she'd get into trouble. I wouldn't trust you with my personal info either - if I knew you were that dismissive of my personal livelihood and wishes. In one short post you have greatly impugned this girls integrity with no real justification for it other than she isn't giving you what you want, when you want it. I'd say she has good reason for not trusting you enough yet to give you her personal info. If you are questinging so much of what she tells you and going to the extent of researching whether what she says is "true" and posting about her on the boards after only talking to her on the phone for two months - I'd say you are at best a bit obsessive.

AbletonLive77 -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 8:31:57 PM)
Here's something kind of funny. Was talking to her tonight a little when she was waitressing. She says she can't talk much because she's working, which I completely understand. But, she's been talking to me here and there for the past few nights while at work. I told her I'd put her friend's name on the package to bypass the lease. I asked for the apartment address, she wouldn't give it because she says it's her friends apartment and won't give it out. She says she has a PO box where she gets her mail. That's cool. I asked for her PO box. A couple minutes later I get a message from her phone, but not from her. It's from her boss apparently. He types, quote," Danica will get her phone back when she is done!" I asked who it was speaking. He says "Her boss." I say I've heard of employees getting things confiscated, but isn't it wrong to use their things? Like a phone? Isn't that against policy or something? He says "She's right here its wrong for her to get paid for not working. That's called stealing. Have a good night she can talk when she isn't at work." Now, I work. I have a job. I have breaks. I get lunch. No one goes to work for 8 hours and is gung ho the entire time. There is down time. Has anyone ever heard of a boss taking their employee's phone, then using it while they are right there to write to someone? That sounds kind of bizarre to me. Curious if anyone else has experienced anything like this. And like I said, been talking to her while she is waitressing for the past few nights. I just now ask for her PO and she happens to get in trouble then? Ok...

frazzle -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 8:35:54 PM)
Realy doesnt matter what we think. If you already think she's lying, then cut your losses.

DarkSteven -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 8:41:09 PM)
OP, you're just frustrated. Work out jointly with her what you want - her to relocate, you to relocate, or it to stay long distance - and then how to get there. Good luck.

Lockit -> RE: Online Crap (6/23/2011 8:43:48 PM)
Dude... you are obsessive. You are really wrapped up tight in all this, very invested and it is she that wants to belong to you? I'm thinking this goes both ways. Handle your business. Stop making it ours. This is drama double fold and you are really adding to the mix. No way am I going to crucify her when you are contributing. You aren't hearing half of what people are saying to you and you asked them. You are venting, coming off as a victim and its rather pathetic. Go breath, take a walk, do something... that doesn't involve her or this.

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