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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 8:35:15 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
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quote:

Yes. If you can't live without your kink, you're a slave to it. I find it - at the very least - counter-intuitive for an alleged dominant to be a slave to their kink.


For me, the term "vanilla" (as stated in the OP) doesn't have anything to do with kink or the lack thereof. There can be vanilla relationships with all kinds of kink in the bedroom.

For me, a "vanilla" relationship is one without the power exchange; it just usually goes handcuff in handcuff with kinky sex...thank God.

Although I'd hate to live without the kink, I suppose I could. However, the "kink" helps me to remember my place as a submissive and, therefore, reinforces the roles between me and my partner.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 9:52:27 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Yep. I've had yummy vanilla phases that lasted for years.

OP: Lotsa people have D/s relationships that don't include kink. Just look for a vanilla girl who likes a controlling partner. If you can live happily without the kink, then you may be quite compatible with a partner who likes to be led and controlled outside of the bedroom, but isn't sexually kinky.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 9:54:00 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I would like to find a girl is alittle vanilla with a twist.Sort of like a vanilla swirl!!I have been in vanilla relationships and d/s relationships.I realized one or the other for me isn't what I seek.Rather,I would like to find a Domme who also happens to have a vanilla side to her as well.I know thats not easy but if I am going to be in a relationship,it might as well be with someone I can relate to on all levels.Otherwise,why put myself in any relationship that would just wind up costing me heartache in the long run?

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 11:05:41 PM   
DecadentDesire


Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline 		If you mean vanilla in the sense of a relationship based on equal authority, then no. I could not be in one and would rather be single then be in one.

If you mean vanilla in the sense of the absence of kinky sex, then yes. It's as trivial as my XBox360 and not why I am here.


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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 11:14:07 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		MP and I have very little kink with each other.  We have an equal relationship and look like most other vanilla folks when we interact with each other.  The closest we come to it is the fact that we ride to munches, play parties, an events together or we might co-top if the opportunity arises.  We're very much in love with each other and either one of us could walk away from kink if that is what we decided to do.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 11:15:47 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I've had many relationships that did not involve pain play, and all failed because I was unfulfilled sexually. I refuse to stay in a relationship that gives me zero sexual satisfaction, no matter how much I loved my partner. Eventually my frustration turned into anger and resentment towards my partner, which was so unfair.

In fact I thought I was frigid until I discovered I was a masochist. I gave up on non-kinky relationships years before I discovered what I needed to have good sex, and I will never go back.

When it comes to D/s, I find that it's something I prefer, but I could do without it as long as my partner was generally alpha. But s&m is essential - no pain, no relationship.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 11:36:04 PM   
AneNoz


Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		Such is not an option for myself, the indulgence of my nature requires the practice of sado-masochism.

Be at peace
Aneka

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)
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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/26/2011 11:43:15 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
Depends how one defines "vanilla"?!!

Many, in my opinion, incorrectly refer those who've never been involved in this dynamic as "vanilla".  To me, that is NOT vanilla... that is merely one who's not been exposed to (or has experience with) this dynamic.  Thus, for me, I define vanilla as a person who, when given exposure and opportunity to the Power Exchange Dynamic, is both (i) not interested, and (ii) would reject a willing partner.

So to answer the question:

* YES, if I loved the person and they were open to experimentation.

* NO, if the person rejected me (thinking my interests "sick"), despite how I felt about them.




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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 12:55:35 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself



When it comes to D/s, I find that it's something I prefer, but I could do without it as long as my partner was generally alpha. But s&m is essential - no pain, no relationship.


I had a vanilla relationship where the guy was a pain, would that count?

In my personal relationship with my partner, the D/s has no place, wouldn't work, if I had that in a relationship, I'd just walk all over the guy, because who would stop me, stubborn enough as it is, if nobody would tell me to stop and reconsider, it would be a disaster.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 1:03:33 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze



I had a vanilla relationship where the guy was a pain, would that count?







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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 7:26:06 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Yes.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 7:32:46 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I can see myself in a passionate relationship.  How that passion manifests is where some of the fun is for me...

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 9:17:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Certainly I could. In fact ours appears that way 99.99% of the time. We have divided responsibilities, we talk out problems. But he is naturally a leader while I am naturally a follower.

I like play but it isn't essential for me to enjoy sex. If it was, I'd rarely ever have enjoyable sex. We have kids at home and little time for play. Sex we have more often as it doesn't take as long.


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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 9:20:14 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		No.  I can't see myself in any relationship at this point, other than with the Mister. 

I automatically submit to the intimate partner in my life, it's just in my nature to do so.  I would not thrive with a person who did not want this.  We would both likely end up resentful of the circumstances.


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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 9:27:22 AM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		I'm with MSLA, it depends on how you define a kink relationship.

I'm not 24/7 kink and that kind of relationship wouldn't work for me.   This said, I've been in LTRs where there was NO kink and it left me with a very unfulfilled need.

Part of love and relationships is meeting each others needs, I need both vanilla and kink in a relationship or its not going to work long term.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 9:31:55 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I could survive a vanilla relationship, but I would not thrive in one, so.. no.

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/27/2011 9:36:47 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, but not for long.  Not that I'd leave or end the relationship.  Any relationship that I've been in, since I discovered kink, just naturally evolves into a kinky one.  But, even if it didn't - yes, I believe that I could be happy in a non-kinky relationship.  I'm doubtful that there's such a thing as a truly vanilla relationship, but meh...

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 6/27/2011 9:39:06 AM >

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RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/28/2011 7:06:53 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Well, I can't see myself not being in a relationship with my dear wonderful Dom, so no.

Besides that.... I think I could manage an equal dynamic outside of the bedroom (I mean, we're pretty easy-going and basically no-protocol as it is). But I find vanilla sex boring as hell - I need at least a D/s dynamic in the bedroom to be sexually fulfilled. And I'd rather not be in a sexually unfulfilling relationship. I've done it before, and I won't do it again.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/28/2011 7:30:20 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		I consider myself to be a BDSM/vanilla switch.  By that, I mean that I go back and forth between the two.  I happen to be in a "vanilla" relationship right now.

To me, the relationship is my feelings for my partner, and the things that we do in-between the sex or kink.  Sex and/or kink are just fun activities, IMO.  They are not the core of a relationship.

So while I enjoy D/s, I can live without it.  In fact, my D/s relationships tend to be rather vanilla.  I'm not one of those people who is in "kink mode" 24/7.  I don't wear a collar or butt plug or chastity device when I go to work, run errands, do chores, etc.  But I realize that some people do remain in "kink mode" pretty consistently.  For them, my type of relationship might be unbearable.

Ninety percent of the time in my relationships is spent doing very vanilla things.  The kink is the icing, it's not the cake.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Can you see yourself in a vanilla relationship? - 6/28/2011 9:39:53 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have a hard time seeing myself in ANY relationship right now.

Do I need kink or D/s in my primary relationship? No. But I am a perv, and a sadist, and a dominant, and all those things are just part of me.

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