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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 11:38:38 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline 		Tam is scared. At one time she lost it all and started the long climb out of a financial and emotional black hole to somewhere better, somewhere she knew not so she had no way to get there. Over the years she sought a better place with men who used her and quickly left and strangly enough a better place on such a cold cruel place as CM and was at one time reduced to the point of living on CM. Now, after climbing so much higher and making progress in many areas she has lost something she held very dear again, a cornerstone to her life and so she suffers the emotional toil such loss brings to us all. We have all been there, all of us been there to the point of collapse and more. Tam is there again now and she is worried to the point of going over the edge at times. She reaches for her rock and finds it moved. She tries to build herself up and steady herself at home, at school and with those on CM who will help and need it so she is almost forced to return to a place where she is not very welcome and that is a special hell. Some of you have been there. Some of you will be there. She has my love, my concern and my support. I ask you to support her in this journey we all have taken and focus on tam and help her as best you can.

Arturas

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 11:41:16 AM   
imperatrixx


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Joined: 3/29/2011
Status: offline 		I would hope that you reach out and help her get on her feet, you've been in her life and her children's life for years and you can still be a good friend and a "rock" in her life without being her romantic partner.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 11:43:27 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline 		Always. She is not abandoned. She is never alone.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 11:46:53 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		well, THAT would be a nice change...

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 11:48:07 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		My question to you is, are you willing to give up the macho Dominant bullshit and change? Because this four-day slave training (to give an example) just makes us roll our eyes and make it hard to take anything you write seriously.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:05:13 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Arturas,

Again, I have no doubt that you care about her.

Admission here: I struggle with housekeeping.
My Master was more than aware of this when we met and during the time leading up to his becoming my Master.

He did not arrange for impossible tasks that I would fail.
Instead, he began by helping me to break down tasks into manageable bites. He focuses on the big picture. If I have a particular struggle, we problem solve, and I know I am not in a vaccuum.
It isn't necessarily fun for him to decide to get on his hands and knees and scrub, but he has never asked me to do something that he is unwilling to do himself. That is leadership. And he takes a special pride in my efforts towards darkness banishment and taming chaos.

The effort he has put in has shown me he knows I am worth it. Actions, not words.
I appreciate his efforts and then push forth on the next task, because that is the best way I have of showing him grattitude.

Right nowI have been struggling with the aches and malaise of Lyme disease and he is being lenient with the things he usually expect to be done... and I appreciate that too. And I still put forth effort to banish darkness and NOT let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Good intentions and poor execution does not make you a bad person. It means you did the best you could with what you had.
Counseling will give you the opportunity to do more with better tools.
If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.
Don't you deserve more?

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 7/12/2011 12:06:56 PM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:07:41 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		angelika, I just have to say, I hope to be as kind as you in my next life. You are amazing!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:09:10 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		me too.. but I dont expect it to happen for myself..


lol

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:11:50 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.


This reminds me of the quote: insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:12:39 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		how appropriate!!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:12:39 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

ok anyone interested, I have never and will never put my kids last in anything. We have and will do without alot of things, probably for a good while..... my kids are stable, though extremely stubborn and hates doing any kind of work, which really aggravates me cause i did have a major high standard work ethic, and i just dont get them.... but i promise if my kids could tell ya, they dont want any other mom in the world, that they are very lucky and spoiled.

The main reason just so yanno with Art and i, is that when we moved in together, our relationship changed so drastically, he had to share me with the kids ALOT, he saw the hidden im in so much pain that i could kill you side, we never went out and did anything together, and then he never wanted to raise anymore kids, and mine as i said are stubborn, they saw that, even though he spoiled them as well, and they used it to tear at every angle, it was too much for him to handle. My depression got so bad i started doing things like spending money alot and that caused major havic....... so the mutually love is still there, but we have fought so much and said and did so much that well it could never work. Its rather disturbing..... i am have certainly come to the conslusion that i/we (the kids and i) are better off on our own. We (again kids and i)carry so much baggage no one can survive us. We've been through too much together.


It's mostly you that is the problem in this thing. Think about how many problems would be solved if you would stop spoiling your kids and discipline them and impart your high work ethic onto them.

The house would be clean and you would be free to do other things. Your stress would be significantly less and your kids would be better off in the long run. Even if you get your own place, what has changed? Your kids will still dirty the new house. You will still be cleaning it all. And it will still cause you to be in pain. Now without art's daughter and boyfriend to blame.



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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:13:18 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Angelika, sorry about the Lyme disease.  That is a tough one.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:15:27 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks... it is better today: less achy.  I caught it early from the rash and symptoms began the night I started taking the antibiotics.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:17:15 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

how appropriate!!


here's another one: If you aren't a part of the solution you're part of the problem.


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:17:27 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		My brother got Lymes back when he was doing wildlife recovery. The way he found out was he woke up with Bells palsy one morning and thought he had had a stroke during the night.

It has been close to 20 years now, and he was fine after the drugs. Hang in there!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:21:37 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

how appropriate!!


here's another one: If you aren't a part of the solution you're part of the problem.



many others have offered solutions... all I see is excuses and lip service given to those.

since I have no dog in this hunt, I am certainly NOT part of the problem.. tammy made her bed..and given her history, I am not going to apologize for beig less than optimistic about her 'apparent' redemption.

if she changes (about a -50 in 1million, given her history), I'll be among the first to applaud her..

I aint holding my breath.

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polysnortatious
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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:21:59 PM   
kalikshama


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Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imperatrixx

I would hope that you reach out and help her get on her feet, you've been in her life and her children's life for years and you can still be a good friend and a "rock" in her life without being her romantic partner.


Yes, years after my ex D and I stopped being romantic I cat-sat frequently for his I'm-embarrassed-to-say-how-many cats, one of whom needed insulin injections, and when I moved out of state he drove my car 1,500 miles to my new place.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:25:14 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		Actually by continuously posting about how she has been in the past you are part of the problem. It's hard enough to try to change without people continuously throwing your past in your face.

Think about that for a while.


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And there's a smile when the pain comes
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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:34:17 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I have.. and if she wasnt behaving the same now, I wouldnt be so skeptical.. but this is a repeating pattern Zephy,  this is SAME OLD SAME OLD.. 

vows to change, protestations that "oh! I will be good now!! I'll change!!  I'll never do this again!!!"....  and in no time, she repeats the pattern. "Woe is me!  I have it SO hard, and I cant get anything done because .. (fill in the blanks)"..

there IS such a thing as passive enabling.. and I wont have anything more to do with it..

it's worn itself out even faster than my .50 welcome mat.. (which fell apart after the first hard rain)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 819
RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:39:21 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		Then if it bothers you so much why not stay away? Like I've written before, I keep the drama out of my life as much as possible, I certainly don't go looking for it. Surely there are threads that won't expose you to it.

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And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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Profile   Post #: 820
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