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The Submissive "In Training" - 7/4/2011 9:11:52 PM   
Amygdalin


Posts: 69
Joined: 6/28/2011
Status: offline 		To start, this is not a post questioning other peoples' preferences or taste when it comes to a certain type of lifestyle, play, kink or what have you. I know some people gravitate or like certain things just because that is their taste, and that's that. What one likes, another may hate. And that is fine with me. Variety is the spice of life.

And this is also not a question about swingers or people who just play openly. It's about those who enlist in training with one Dom, and in the meantime are looking for a full time, long term Master.

What I have never understood is the sub who enlists herself to a "trainer." And then talks/writes about it as if it's a selling point to potential Doms. As if it makes them better than a sub who has little or no experience. I am not condemning anyone for undergoing "training," but I'd like to explain why I don't understand it.

A sub's training by another means nothing to me. It only means she was trained in a way that another Dominant liked. It could potentially involve a future Master to have to "untrain" her of certain qualities he didn't like. It could prove more of a speed bump than an actual selling point.

One thing I don't understand is why a sub would want to be trained by anyone other than someone she wants to submit to and grow with long term? Knowing that her future owner will most likely be totally different than her temporary trainer, why would she expose herself to it? Is it a lack of patience for finding her true owner? Is it her self driven need to feel like she's serving someone that directs her toward the nearest person who provides her with control?

Being "trained" in this manner seems like a colder, distant way of treating a sub. There is no potential for a life long, growing relationship. It is strictly training, like attending classes at a college. No real emotional committment.

To me, nobody can train a sub/slave better than her Master himself. To be broken and taught by one may most likely lead to a failure of service, or some difficulty, in learning to serve another. It just seems like an unnecessary hardship for a sub to put herself thru.

To me, there are a couple general characteristics a sub should have. And the desire to serve, or feel fulfilled thru serving and pleasing, is probably the greatest. If she possesses that quality, and shares the same "vanilla" interests I do, then training or learning to live together is something we can do on our own at our own pace. An outside force will most likely act as nothing more than a hindrance.

It's hard enough finding someone suitable and compatible as it is. Why would anyone want to be trained by someone they didn't intend on having a long relationship with? And "training" (or perhaps a better way to describe it is learning to live together) is something that is ever evolving. What might be a strict rule now, may differ slightly 10 years down the road. Training is like learning. It's a process that has no definite end. It's not a cold, distant art. There are variables that occur in a long term relationship that would never arise in a no-committment, strictly training dynamic.

And what exactly is a "trainer" going to do? Teach her to enjoy bondage sex? Fisting? To accept rape play? Aren't these things that should be explored with someone trusted that will be there long term? Someone who has an emotional involvement and investment? For me, it's a definite and resounding yes.

Again, I'm not judging anyone for doing this, if it's what they really want and like. I just don't understand that whole process.
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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/4/2011 9:55:53 PM   
imperatrixx


Posts: 903
Joined: 3/29/2011
Status: offline 		Maybe if it's someone with no experience it shows that they are accustomed to BDSM and fetish type stuff and are actually okay with being treated a certain way instead of just fantasizing about it?

I know that for a long time I thought I was into being submissive but when it came down to it I just felt silly doing it in real life and it works better as a fantasy for me. Maybe it's credentials to say "I won't roll my eyes if you try to call me "girl" or "slave" or something."

(in reply to Amygdalin)
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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/4/2011 10:34:17 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe if it's someone with no experience it shows that they are accustomed to BDSM and fetish type stuff and are actually okay with being treated a certain way instead of just fantasizing about it?
This!

(in reply to imperatrixx)
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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/4/2011 10:39:58 PM   
tsuta


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/4/2009
Status: offline 		yeah maybe for some of those people being trained it is pretty general stuff... obeying orders.. getting an idea about how it feels, to
figure out if this is what they really want...

At the same time i kinda agree with you. The point would be to find someone you're compatible with, and with whom you have a mutual
interest, and being trained  by Him/Her to fit their need. A trainer/trainee "relationship" does seem pretty cold and impersonal... even
if it got me frustrated at times when i had crushes and it wasn't returned in the way i wished, i prefer my own method of "training"..; meeting
people, experiencing things with them as playpartners... before i started experimenting in bdsm, i was already pretty sure of who i was...
I've gone out to my local community, learned more from conversations i've had with many people... i don't have the greatest self-confidence
but i've got enough to think that when i meet the guy who'll be right for me (and i right for Him), i'll be able to please him and that we'll evolve together.
At least that's what i wish for ^^;

(in reply to imperatrixx)
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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/4/2011 11:04:36 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		when I first 'discovered' the world of kink, I absolutely 100% KNEW that I was a slave. And that I hated pain.

But I decided to give it a test run with a dominant. It was sort of 'friends with kinky benefits' for some time, while I figured out exactly what I wanted out of bdsm. To my way of thinking, I didn't want to meet some wonderful Master, fall head over heels in love, then discover that actually his kinds weren't my kinks after all.

It was during this first relationship that I figured out I was more a sub than a slave (by my definitions, anyway) and that I absolutely loved pain. It was the thing that had been missing from my sex life that turned it from 'ho hum' to swinging from the chandeliers, mind-blowing multiple orgasms.

Subsequent play and FWKB relationships over the next few years helped me to experience difference aspects of bdsm and get a better idea of where I fit in.

When I first stated chatting with Master I was up-front about my experience to date. He was absolutely fine with that - for him it was good to know that not only did I say I was a masochist, but I had tried it out with a couple of people and absolutely loved it. Which is essential when you're as sadistic as he is!


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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 12:10:18 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  "In training" is a bill of goods sold to impressionable subs by would-be Doms who know they're not good enough to fuck them.

Why the fuck would I want a sub who's been inculcated with what is no doubt a bunch of absolute horseshit.   I have no patience to try and undo the damage done by some assclown who thinks subs require "training".

A sub requires an understanding of her desires and a Dom who understands her.  "Training" is fucking nonsense.


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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 12:30:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

Maybe if it's someone with no experience it shows that they are accustomed to BDSM and fetish type stuff and are actually okay with being treated a certain way instead of just fantasizing about it?
This!


Make that three.

There are a number of things that folks do enjoy learning that can help them to get their feet wet.  Maybe they are interested in what it's like to have a high protocol environment?  How about somebody new who wants to learn about leather care?  Does that person want to get involved in the local community, but isn't sure what to expect at a major event?  Do they want to experience different kinds of play, but not want to have multiple casual play partners?

Of course every Dominant is going to want things done in their own house their own way.  At the same time, why should a person have to wait to experience any kind of service or submission just because they haven't found "The One" yet?  Is their entire life supposed to be put on hold?  That's almost comparable to thinking that a person shouldn't date unless they are going to get married because the husband that she does eventually find is expecting a virgin.

While I'm at it, exactly why is it implied that someone wouldn't trust the person they were learning to serve?  I would have to think they chose that person for the arrangement for a reason.  I don't suppose it just might be possible that, the person who wants to experience these things, knows someone that they *do* trust, and that might just be why they chose them to begin with.


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(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 12:43:18 AM   
Canaille


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/17/2011
Status: offline
quote:


While I'm at it, exactly why is it implied that someone wouldn't trust the person they were learning to serve? I would have to think they chose that person for the arrangement for a reason. I don't suppose it just might be possible that, the person who wants to experience these things, knows someone that they *do* trust, and that might just be why they chose them to begin with.


This is exactly how it was for me with my mentor. My relationship with him could have easily been considered me being "in training." Yeah, there's a lot of pricks that take advantage of the inexperience of new subbie girls. I've even had them try to convince me that no serious Dom would look twice at me unless I was trained, but that's not always the situation.

My ex was a Dom, but the last few years were a complete communications breakdown. I needed to relearn the basics of being able to communicate, and while I was at it, a little less vanilla in the bedroom sounded really good. Lo and behold, here is my best friend in the world, the person that I trust most, and he's also a Dominant.

It's not always a clueless bimbo being taken for a ride, nor is it always about learning the protocols and rituals that define a single Dominant's dynamic. Sometimes, people just need a helping hand to learn (or relearn) and they're lucky enough to have someone trustworthy to turn to. Why shit on them for it?


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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 2:50:06 AM   
Amygdalin


Posts: 69
Joined: 6/28/2011
Status: offline 		To start, I'm not taking a shit on anyone for doing it. That's the last line in my original post. I state that I just don't understand it. At best, it seems counter productive to me is all.

I happen to agree mostly with Awareness on this. I am not saying this about ALL trainers, but especially when scanning over a site like this one, it seems the odds that a Dom looking to use a girl for a time to get his jollies then ditch her is more likely than not. Especially a lot of younger girls.

quote:



Maybe if it's someone with no experience it shows that they are accustomed to BDSM and fetish type stuff and are actually okay with being treated a certain way instead of just fantasizing about it?



That's fine. But isn't that the purpose of munches and conventions? Academic learning, so to speak, and the chance to meet new people and potential partners with the same interests as yourself? And as far as not knowing what you like in terms of kink or S&M, that is something that should be explored in the dating phase. A Dom and sub pair up with the intention of a long term relationship. She wants to experiment with pain. He's a sadist. She finds out she doesn't like it, so they split. That's kind of what the "dating" thing is for. That to me is different than impersonally serving someone out just to try it on for size.

quote:


At the same time, why should a person have to wait to experience any kind of service or submission just because they haven't found "The One" yet? Is their entire life supposed to be put on hold? That's almost comparable to thinking that a person shouldn't date unless they are going to get married because the husband that she does eventually find is expecting a virgin.


Absolutely not. Dating to me is the same in a vanilla capacity as it is in a bdsm one. There are certain human constants you're never going to be able to escape no matter how you live or what you believe. Trying on different shoes until you find that metaphorical perfect fit is one of them. BUT, do it for the right reasons and with the right intent.

I fully expect my future girl to have things she has learned I won't like. I fully expect her not to be a virgin and to be very imperfect. That's life. I'm just as imperfect. Let's say she was with 5 different guys who each taught her something I wanted her to "unlearn." It's okay to me as long as she was with those 5 guys with the intent of establishing something long term. Maybe each of those relationships ended due to things out of her control, but to me, intent is the key here. She wasn't with them to serve for the sake of serving.

You can easily take this coin and flip it. Take me as a dominant. I don't currently have a girl. There are times not having that element, that bond in my life hurts like hell. Not having the physical precense or the growing mental dynamic. It can feel very empty, but I'm not going to go out and find a "rent-a-sub" to train the way I like until I find someone worth my while. It just sounds a bit like selling out to me. Or not having patience. Plus, personally, I could never do something as personal as training another if the entire time I knew in the back of my mind I didn't want to keep her around forever. Again, it might not work out in the end, but intent is paramount.

So sure, go out and get your feet wet. Attend events, especially those that have forms of public displays and hands on learning if you need it. But to take on a full time trainer, as though he were your Dom is something completely different to me. Especially if there is a sexual element added to the relationship. That might not be the case with all "training" but that is something very personal to each of us and should only be shared with someone you trust implicitly. And if you're willing to trust another person that much, why not make a go of it with them as your potential long term?

< Message edited by Amygdalin -- 7/5/2011 2:57:32 AM >

(in reply to Canaille)
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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 3:41:01 AM   
imperatrixx


Posts: 903
Joined: 3/29/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Amygdalin

That's fine. But isn't that the purpose of munches and conventions? Academic learning, so to speak, and the chance to meet new people and potential partners with the same interests as yourself? And as far as not knowing what you like in terms of kink or S&M, that is something that should be explored in the dating phase. A Dom and sub pair up with the intention of a long term relationship. She wants to experiment with pain. He's a sadist. She finds out she doesn't like it, so they split. That's kind of what the "dating" thing is for. That to me is different than impersonally serving someone out just to try it on for size.



Saying "they find out they don't have the same kink so they split" is a lot easier to type than breaking up with a partner you're literally falling in love with over a kink. I personally think the foundation of the relationship rests on the people, not on the kink...so it might not be so easy to just say "oh I don't like foot worship after all...so I guess we have to break up." Especially if you're a take it slow type of person, who has sex after a few months instead of after a few days. There's more emotional investment.

Using an impersonal "trainer" to discover your kinks is sort of like using a vibrator to discover your orgasms. You can focus on yourself and what you like without things getting emotional or basing your likes off of just liking the guy.

For me at least the stakes are raised in a relationship...it's less about whether I like the activity and more about whether I like the guy...and liking the guy and wanting things to work out can just prolong the breakup when it turns out you really aren't into the same things and can't find a compromise.

Like, it's easy to tell yourself "I'm not really into spanking at all" when it's an impersonal "trainer" spanking you...if it's a guy you're falling in love with it's more like you tell yourself "it's okay I guess" because you don't want to lose the guy.

I think if you're looking at it as a way to "get laid" or get a "rent a sub" it will have a different meaning but I think it's pretty healthy to figure out what you want in a relationship before you fall in love with someone who wants things you absolutely don't want...especially if the relationship started with you thinking that they were things you did want.

quote:

I'm not going to go out and find a "rent-a-sub" to train the way I like until I find someone worth my while.


That's actually an interesting way to look at it...to me I think that the "training" is fine for both sides of the coin...not to just find someone to meet your kinks, that's what a play partner/fuck buddy is for, but to learn. Like, training for a dom would be like...let's say you have a fantasy about getting a rim job...and you masturbate to this fantasy, and you can't wait to find a girl who is really into that. But you have this training relationship, and you train this other girl to do it, and you realize...you kind of hate it. It's slimy and makes you feel like you want to poop.

It's easier to tell your training sub "don't do that" than to tell the girl you've been dating for months, who you like, who you know gets super fucking turned on by it, "oh I never want to do that again sorry I said I was into that at the start of our relationship but I guess I was wrong about it." Especially if the two of you are already starting to fall in love.

A training relationship is a good way to explore your role, and your kink. It can offer more than a play partner because you can try out things like micromanagement, or certain protocols, and enforce them. If you had a high protocol, micromanaged training relationship, when you put on your profile that you're looking for that, you know you're actually looking for that, instead of just thinking you want that and having some poor girl reply then find out 3 months later that you don't have the discipline to maintain it and you don't really want that relationship style after all.

So then what do you do? Stay with the girl you love...and ask her to give up her kink? Break up with the girl you love over a kink? Either way can be messy, and there's nothing wrong with messy, I never had a "training relationship" all mine were just trial and error...but a training relationship does offer an alternative and I think if you are actually curious about the value there you should stop looking at it as just a substitute way to get your rocks off and try to see how people's individual self discovery can benefit from that type of arrangement.

quote:

And if you're willing to trust another person that much, why not make a go of it with them as your potential long term?


Well if you're actually interested in possible reasons...

The trainer is poly and you don't want that in your long term partner.
The trainer is an honest, trustworthy person who simply has no interest in ever being in a committed relationship.
The trainer wants a high protocol 24/7 TPE for his LTR, and the sub is a bottom interested in being "trained" as a ponygirl, which the trainer is also very into.
They disagree about whether to have children.
They disagree about whether they believe in the institution of marriage.
They have great kink chemistry but no romantic attraction.

et cetera. :)

< Message edited by imperatrixx -- 7/5/2011 4:04:35 AM >

(in reply to Amygdalin)
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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 6:30:23 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think it is a leftover from Castle Realm

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/5/2011 6:31:42 AM >

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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 7:07:20 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think it is a leftover from Castle Realm


LOL, this is what I was thinking, or the early BDSM chat room days. "Masters" would have rooms with mystical, mythical sounding names which were "safe havens" for the lil subbies in training. Being "trained" by a certain master was like getting your fly-up wings, it made you "worthy". And a big part of your "training" consisted of being able to type out a really bang-up scenario about wearing silky dresses and bells around your tiny ankles while you knelt on furs and served drinks in metal chalices on trays. Hell, back then, you had to kneel and ask permission to enter the damn chat room....even though you were already in it.

But, to each his own.

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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 7:33:48 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

  "In training" is a bill of goods sold to impressionable subs by would-be Doms who know they're not good enough to fuck them.

This. "Training" is frequently used as an euphemism for "I want to tie you up, spank you and have sex. Since I'm not capable of having a real relationship, I call it training and I'll get pussy."

Most of these guys couldn't house break a dog.


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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 7:58:43 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
Training.

Enough said.

chia* (the pet)





Attachment (1)

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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 9:07:45 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I read your post quickly and this caught my eye:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amygdalin
And what exactly is a "trainer" going to do? Teach her to enjoy bondage sex? Fisting? To accept rape play? Aren't these things that should be explored with someone trusted that will be there long term? Someone who has an emotional involvement and investment?


I doubt I EVER got into a relationship that started out as "this is going to be long term".
When I date, or even when I am looking at someone for possible kink, I don't peg someone is the "one".

I am not a casual person either. I just don't understand why people have to be evaulated as IT or not worthy. Looking at it from that POV, I can see why someone might wish to be trained because maybe they want some experience but don't feel the need for committment until they are ready. Maybe they want to see if the hype is all it is cracked up to be. Maybe they want to see if it is as exciting as their imagination. I suspect there are lots more reasons for wanting to be trained.

I just used to call it getting to know someone

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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 9:44:32 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline 		Training takes a commitment and level of trust unavailable outside of close trusted relationships with sub or Dom. This training includes more than some of the contrite examples outlined in earlier posts. Submissive training can focus on protocol, obedience, safe BDSM practices and in the case of M/s relationships especially a program to better themselves as needed.

I see no reason why subs cannot train subs if one of them knows the BDSM safe practices and controls and can motivate the other submissive thru peer pressure if nothing else to improve themselves thereby leading to a more desireable and attractive submissive to her future Dom.

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RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 12:26:07 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Amygdalin
That's fine. But isn't that the purpose of munches and conventions? Academic learning, so to speak, and the chance to meet new people and potential partners with the same interests as yourself? And as far as not knowing what you like in terms of kink or S&M, that is something that should be explored in the dating phase. A Dom and sub pair up with the intention of a long term relationship. She wants to experiment with pain. He's a sadist. She finds out she doesn't like it, so they split. That's kind of what the "dating" thing is for. That to me is different than impersonally serving someone out just to try it on for size.

Yes, that is what munches and such are for.  Now, what if that munch is only once a month and somebody lives in an area that there isn't a lot of activity?  They might only get to be at the demo that happens every other month or the play party that doesn't always have a high attendance.  Even then, that's not going to do much in the 'service' area that someone might want to experience.  Most submissives who actually do want to experience what it is like to serve someone aren't going to get that at a munch, unless a group is specifically planning an event with that in mind.  A high number of demos are play oriented, which is great for education, but it doesn't necessarily mean that a bottom is going to get to try them out when the presentation is finished.

quote:

Absolutely not. Dating to me is the same in a vanilla capacity as it is in a bdsm one. There are certain human constants you're never going to be able to escape no matter how you live or what you believe. Trying on different shoes until you find that metaphorical perfect fit is one of them. BUT, do it for the right reasons and with the right intent.

The problem with this is you are assuming your reasons are "right" where others are "wrong".  Wanting to learn or experience something is never a bad intent.  Not everybody knows this is the kind of life that they want to live from the moment they start out.  Some do, and at the same time know that they want to start in small ways to begin to experience it without having to jump into the deep end.  Others very specifically want to have a situation where they *won't* have the romantic element included so they can evaluate their feelings without confusion on the matter.

quote:

I fully expect my future girl to have things she has learned I won't like. I fully expect her not to be a virgin and to be very imperfect. That's life. I'm just as imperfect. Let's say she was with 5 different guys who each taught her something I wanted her to "unlearn." It's okay to me as long as she was with those 5 guys with the intent of establishing something long term. Maybe each of those relationships ended due to things out of her control, but to me, intent is the key here. She wasn't with them to serve for the sake of serving.

Which is fine, for you.  That goes right back to different people wanting to try situations for multiple reasons.  Not everybody dates with the intention of finding a spouse.  Some people date for fun, for company, to go to new restaurants once a week while not wanting to go alone, so on, and so on.

quote:

You can easily take this coin and flip it. Take me as a dominant. I don't currently have a girl. There are times not having that element, that bond in my life hurts like hell. Not having the physical precense or the growing mental dynamic. It can feel very empty, but I'm not going to go out and find a "rent-a-sub" to train the way I like until I find someone worth my while. It just sounds a bit like selling out to me. Or not having patience. Plus, personally, I could never do something as personal as training another if the entire time I knew in the back of my mind I didn't want to keep her around forever. Again, it might not work out in the end, but intent is paramount.

I'm not trying to rob you of your position on that.  I'm just asking you to look at other positions that might be different.  Where you're saying that it is "selling out" for you, I'm saying people are living and experiencing, rather than waiting. 

quote:

So sure, go out and get your feet wet. Attend events, especially those that have forms of public displays and hands on learning if you need it. But to take on a full time trainer, as though he were your Dom is something completely different to me. Especially if there is a sexual element added to the relationship. That might not be the case with all "training" but that is something very personal to each of us and should only be shared with someone you trust implicitly. And if you're willing to trust another person that much, why not make a go of it with them as your potential long term?

Because not everyone is in it for the long term.  Some people going to those events to get their feet wet want to know that they will be there with someone who they will be able to do the hands on portion with.  They want someone who is more than just a casual play partner, where their opportunities might be hit or miss.  Not a 'maybe I'll play if this person happens to be there' but have an arrangement where they *know* that is who will be attending with them.

Let's remember something else as well.  Not every Dominant that a submissive would like to learn from is willing at all times to take on an additional submissive.  That Dominant might still be the best person locally to learn certain things from.  The submissive might only want a monogamous relationship, but the Dominant they want to learn from might be poly, and therefore not a good long term match.  Both parties might be the same gender, so there won't be a full D/s dynamic on a sexual level, but the service, play, and control elements that they both want are able to be fulfilled. 

I could go on with possible examples for pages of why some folks might want to specifically do this.  Instead, I'll just say that there is never just one way to do anything.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Amygdalin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 1:09:44 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*adores LadyP*

(as if thats news)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 4:15:05 PM   
Amygdalin


Posts: 69
Joined: 6/28/2011
Status: offline
quote:


I could go on with possible examples for pages of why some folks might want to specifically do this. Instead, I'll just say that there is never just one way to do anything.



That I will definitely agree with you about. Like I said, I'm not saying anyone else is wrong for doing it or accusing anyone. I just didn't really understand the purpose. I guess, like everything it comes down to personal preference.

quote:


The problem with this is you are assuming your reasons are "right" where others are "wrong".


I definitely wasn't trying to come off that way. Just trying to share my view. Like I wrote in my original post at the very end, I said I wasn't judging anyone for doing it. I just didn't understand the process, or goal of it. To be trained by someone who had no intention of bonding with you long term. I was trying to see some views coming from the other end of my own.

quote:


Yes, that is what munches and such are for. Now, what if that munch is only once a month and somebody lives in an area that there isn't a lot of activity?


This is me. To get to any munch, I typically have to drive 2 hours one way. And many are for fetishes I don't get into, so they aren't really worth going to for me. Again, maybe this is just me personally, but I still don't see it as an excuse to settle for anything other than what I want. But you are right about not everyone wanting the same things.

quote:


"Training" is frequently used as an euphemism for "I want to tie you up, spank you and have sex. Since I'm not capable of having a real relationship, I call it training and I'll get pussy."

Most of these guys couldn't house break a dog.


Again, this is what I think. I'm not saying I'm 100% right for everyone everywhere. In life, there are absolutes, but most of the time we live in a giant grey area. I think each needs their own personal justification for what they do, and I just can't find mine in a situation like this. That's all.

quote:


But you have this training relationship, and you train this other girl to do it, and you realize...you kind of hate it. It's slimy and makes you feel like you want to poop.

It's easier to tell your training sub "don't do that" than to tell the girl you've been dating for months, who you like, who you know gets super fucking turned on by it, "oh I never want to do that again sorry I said I was into that at the start of our relationship but I guess I was wrong about it." Especially if the two of you are already starting to fall in love.


First off, pooping feels pretty damn good. Getting rid of all that waste. Opening up that stomach room to devour another hamburger or what have you.

NOW THAT THAT'S out of the way, I would find other aspects of a relationship harder to deal with than an unshared fetish. Personally, I am not in this for any fetish. Those are more a kind of bonus. If I enjoyed something my future lifetime partner didn't, and I knew it would cause a lot of trouble to the point of losing her, I could very easily go without it and die just as happy. Kink isn't really what fuels my want of a relationship or bond. Sex isn't even the main point. It's really important, but not the axis by which I turn. Try having sex with someone you don't really care about, then with someone you are crazy for (on more than a "you're hot" level). The mental aspect, spiritual aspect, or what have you adds an indescribable web of levels.

To me, if two people are willing to break up because of a certain fetish, they really didn't have much going for them in the first place. Not much beyond being play partners anyway.

Being male, and knowing a lot of other men, I know a little about their thought processess. And I think a lot (not all) offering to train are looking for no strings attached sex and service that they can end at any time or at the end of a contract.

This site and its profiles can be very robotic and inhuman at times. I'll see a girl giving a run down of everything she's done. I've been trained in "whatever" for X years under the guidance of Master Generic. It makes me feel like I'm reading a classified add or eyeing up products in a store. "Look, that one has the cool twisty knobs and it's voice activated. Let's get that one!"

Anyway, thanks Lady P for a bit of a different view. It may not be something for me, but I can at least see a little bit about what you're saying and why a sub might want to do this.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Submissive "In Training" - 7/5/2011 4:46:36 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Amygdalin

".....One thing I don't understand is why a sub would want to be trained by anyone other than someone she wants to submit to and grow with long term? Knowing that her future owner will most likely be totally different than her temporary trainer, why would she expose herself to it? Is it a lack of patience for finding her true owner? Is it her self driven need to feel like she's serving someone that directs her toward the nearest person who provides her with control?"



Often that seems to be the case yet I also want to offer up another aspect for consideration. Much depends on the sub having clear and concise goals when they seek some sort of training, which I view training in a variety of formats and not just for the trainer's benefit.

Five years ago, I left a master who by all accounts was not suited for me, I also know that I was partially at fault because I jumped into a dynamic I was ill equipped to transition into relatively smoothly. After returning back to my home country of Canada, I spent a year avoiding anything related to kink in order to process my experience and deal with issues. I rejoined my local community of kinksters and attended events, munches, and many social events. Often a few of my dominant friends will ask if I would mind being in service to them for a few hours or they want a sub/bottom to play with, to which I accepted. Indirectly, I am still being trained though not in the classic sense we think of. They still teach me the nuances of being in service to another, I still learn all the mental aspects of being a sub to another albeit on a short term basis. Even when I have volunteered to be a demo bottom, I am training myself, with help, where my physical and mental limits are regarding different types of play. That I never got when I was a collared slave. As it turned out, one of these doms whom I acted as a temp sub for them is now my Sir, the nitty gritty training has only begun since it will be geared very specific between him and myself. 


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Amygdalin)
Profile   Post #: 20
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