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How long does one normally keep looking before giving up? - 5/16/2006 6:59:12 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I've been wondering this lately as I've never really found what I'm looking for. Maybe I set the bar too high. Maybe I forgot to set one at all. I'm not really sure.

This isn't really a complaint about not finding someone. We see enough of those here. No, this is more about curiosity for those who have been looking for awhile and who may have just given up on finding someone. Or people who remained looking forever until they found the person they were seeking.

When do you finally give up, or do you just keep looking up until the point the end credits start rolling up on the life screen?

Post #: 1

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:02:01 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Yep. As long as it takes. Besides, you never know... the very NEXT email may be from The One! And if you walk away now, you will have missed Her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
When do you finally give up, or do you just keep looking up until the point the end credits start rolling up on the life screen?

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 2

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:02:51 PM

DommeIrene2

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

good question, no answer. I'm at that point now. When you find out let me know. I have yet to find one true slave :(

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 3

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:03:09 PM

texasbutterfly

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

my experience is more than likely different from most everyone else's. i have been alone a really, really long time.

that said, i have not been looking long, but i will not give up anytime soon. i figure i can devote at least as much time looking as i have been alone so i have a really long time to find my One.

giving up is just that....giving up. i am not a quitter and i just know there is Someone out there for me, i just have to find Him....or in a perfect world, He will find me.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 4

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:03:41 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I will never give up, there is someone out there for each of us. Waiting is sometimes hard to do for any of us, but the prize is worth the wait!

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:03:50 PM

piscess

Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline

I almost gave up once, than I found a Man that I had a great few years with. I will never give up now.

piscess

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 6

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:10:54 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

We took an extended break of nearly 4 years after losing two of our mates in less than a year to illness and accident. It traumatized us to the point where we were barely any good to ourselves, much less to anyone else.

We took our time, and came back, but we came back agreeing that we weren't going to compromise everything we'd learned about ourselves and about managing a household like the one we have. We were 5 years without a servant in the house, because we stuck to our own standards and were looking for people who were looking for what we were out of the other side of this equation... then we got Sunshine and Puppy... Puppy had to take care of things in her own life that had to take priority, and Sunshine learned everything she needed to from her time in service and is still a valued member of the household... and then came Pet...

... at some point, we many have a house full again... and then have none for a while... and it's all ok. The people are what it is all about for us. Having people we can cherish, and can teach to cherish themselves, and show how much they have to offer the world.

How long do you look? You look until you don't want to any more. Then you stop until the call to start looking again becomes stronger than the call to not want to. It's not like if you stop, you can't ever start again. This whole "Looking for a Master/Mistress/Submissive Girl/Submissive Boy/Slave/Servant/Dom/Domina/Husband/Wife/Mate" thing is something you do in -addition- to your life, not -instead- of it. If it is sucking the life out of your life, create a life -first-. It's always better to be in a relationship with a person who has a life than one who is still searching for the person to create a life -for- them.

Lady Zephyr

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 5/16/2006 7:13:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 7

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:12:14 PM

DifferentSubGirl

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/24/2006
Status: offline

Well, I don't know how you would answer your own question, but for me, I don't think I'll stop looking ever. See, it's been slightly less than three years now since I first joined my kinky community. In that time I've had a total of six dates and four scenes. I figured I wasn't getting anywhere and I figured that my expectations were too high, so I tried the whole compromise thing and it *really* didn't work for me. Compromising on what I wanted almost ruined me forever, so far as finding a kinky partner, because I became significantly frustrated and depressed, which affected my self-esteem and hence my own self-confidence etc etc and it turned into a bad feedback loop. I stepped back a bit once I figured that loop out, got out of the loop, determined if I was willing to live in a compromised situation, and figured out that for me, it's the best decision to not compromise, to stick to my guns and to wait for what I want. I know it's out there somewhere, and I'm not going to disrespect myself any further by watering down things that I need so that I can have a little fun. I have learned to have fun alone.

My marriage ended in 1998. Since that time I've had sex twice, within a brief kinky fling when I was stamped with the words 'Clueless Newbie, Victimize Here' on my forehead-- so it's not just me spouting off easy words when I say that I have chosen to keep looking and not compromise. It's *not* easy to do, but for me, compromising made me feel awful, worse than being alone does, so there it was.

If it helps, I am currently chatting via IM with a local gent I met here, a dominant, who's willing to talk to me about 'the future'. So there is light at the end of the tunnel -- you don't know where or when you'll meet somebody, you just have to keep hoping that you will.

I hope you find what you're looking for. Being single isn't so bad, really. Hope this helps!

DSG

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 8

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:13:02 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
When do you finally give up, or do you just keep looking up until the point the end credits start rolling up on the life screen?

Interesting question.

What the female instructor programs into the students heads when I have adrenalized them is that they CANNOT give up or quit until the fight is over. This programs deep into their limbic system on a level which is not really accessible by cognitive reasoning.

We hear back from people years later who tell us that despite rough periods in their life or issues they are dealing with, the idea of quitting never enters their mind. The fight is not over, they cannot quit, and they dont.

One of the precepts in Zen is that "What you seek you will not find." There are a bunch of ways to look at this koan. Perhaps a person who is seeking X and not finding it really is not looking for X, or perhaps they will not recognize X when they find it.

One of my own thoughts on this is that what you look for will always be in the last place you look for it.

Im not sure this is helpful. I dont really look. I live my life and meet people and when it seems appropriate to meet somebody or ask them out, I do so.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 9

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:15:33 PM

MochaMistress

Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline

I have been looking for years and still havent found the one yet. I have periods of time where I just dont actively look, just go along with the flow and see who appears on the horizon. Have I set the bar too high? I will answer NO. If I wanted to just settle I could do that in the vanilla world. I'm sure what I need will come to me in due time.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 10

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:28:51 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

Lady Zephyr ,

You are very wise and I have enjoyed reading your posts and getting your input, thank you for sharing and I look forward to seeing your posts!

~RS~

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 11

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:32:51 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear littlesarbonn, Ladies and Gentlemen;

This is a question which is very individual.

For me, I am selective and I do have an interruption to my lifestyle; now sole care giver to an elderly parent who is newly widowed.

I keep my eyes and ears open but, I really have not sought as if I was needy. I have plenty of those who volunteer to be my submissive/slave for a day or session at the club however; that is not the same thing. In between searching for slaves, I have kept active in the scene. I mostly mentor and I have given presentations to area clubs. I was then requested to become a member of the faculty for a local M/s training academy; to which I still am in that capacity. (Will be involved May 18-21).

Some of the other posts have given good advice as well. Mine would be, it is very easy to look inside and become discouraged. Look out and see how you can assist the BDSM community. Help is always needed. See if your favorite areas may be of worth, as to give instruction and or mentoring. If you pass CPR and a dungeon Master and or dungeon monitor class, it is so much appreciated having somebody inactive to take jobs like that up. Sometimes, people will help you find someone you can enjoy as well.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 12

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:33:06 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Without having read any complete responses, I'll post mine:

It depends on how badly you want it.

I want a cookie right now (I really do) but I don't really care, so I gave up a while ago. If it came up and bit me in the ass, sure I'd eat it, but that's only fair. Eye for an eye, ass for a cookie, as it says in the bible.

I know I will never be able to have a vanilla relationship. I know I need to submit to be happy. If I give up this, I give up on true happiness. So I will never give up.

Other people may find themselves somewhere in between. But I think many others find themselves in a similar situation to mine. (not necessarily the cookie part)

So find out how important it is to YOU, and then think about whether you want to give up.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to MochaMistress)

Post #: 13

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:34:45 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

littlesarbonn,

There's nothing wrong with looking as long as you remember to live while you're doing it. It took 14 years before Himself and I found one another, but during that time, we both met people, had some fun, played a lot and when the time was right, we discovered each other and both had a lot to offer in terms of life and BDSM experience. It happens when it happens. You can't force it or make it happen. Keep improving yourself and making yourself ready.. but life is moments, so don't forget to enjoy them while you have them.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 14

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:40:43 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I'll eat that cookie for you Benji!

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 15

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:47:44 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It took me quite a few years before I found my slave/wife here on Collarme. I met up with a few women along the way, but the relationships didn't last. I enjoyed myself, but I knew when I met my slave that she was the right one for me.
I did do some periodic examinations of my expectations to make sure I wasn't looking for the impossible, but I knew quite a few years ago that I didn't want a vanilla relationship.
That meant that my choices would be less and make the search harder. But I would have to say, I am happy I kept looking.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 16

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:48:40 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

I'll eat that cookie for you Benji!

I would love to share, but it hasn't yet bit me in the ass. Apparently, cookies don't like the taste of ass.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 17

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:50:23 PM

vanillacreme

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

Like you Benji, I believe it all depends on how badly you need it/desire it/want it/crave it/(insert any other word here).

I am an insanely busy woman, and know I need to submit in an ongoing relationship with Another. However, at this point in my life, when things are so critical and hectic for me, those priorities have to come first.

I do submit to another on occasion, to release the built up tension and allow me to just be me for the time. I suppose it would be my "drug" of choice...not the sex, or the ass beatings...the service itself.

Will I ever stop searching and hope by chance someone comes along just for me?

Absolutely not.

Will I actively seek more when I am not busy 70 plus hours a week?

Yep!

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 18

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:55:01 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

*gives benji a cookie* lol and cuddle a lolli

(in reply to vanillacreme)

Post #: 19

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/16/2006 7:57:07 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I too at times feel TIRED...I weary of the e-mails,the endless first contacts,the disappointments,the inner searching of reality vs fantasy on my part..I think why am I doing this to myself?..I have a good life..many friends..good family..rewarding job..why do I continue this endless search for my mate?.........because,the hope has not died out..there still is a wee flame that pushes me to continue...to stop would be like admitting failure, to stop would be me admitting that there is something inherently wrong with me that I cannot "connect" with another.To stop may cause me to never start again...be well...Tempting

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 20

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