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RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/18/2006 8:52:34 AM

tbear25

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I have been looking for only a couple weeks and without 1 single reply, I too am about to give up.

wish I knew what I am doing wrong.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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Post #: 61

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/18/2006 9:09:23 AM

SinDaemon

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing

We took an extended break of nearly 4 years after losing two of our mates in less than a year to illness and accident. It traumatized us to the point where we were barely any good to ourselves, much less to anyone else.

We took our time, and came back, but we came back agreeing that we weren't going to compromise everything we'd learned about ourselves and about managing a household like the one we have. We were 5 years without a servant in the house, because we stuck to our own standards and were looking for people who were looking for what we were out of the other side of this equation... then we got Sunshine and Puppy... Puppy had to take care of things in her own life that had to take priority, and Sunshine learned everything she needed to from her time in service and is still a valued member of the household... and then came Pet...

... at some point, we many have a house full again... and then have none for a while... and it's all ok. The people are what it is all about for us. Having people we can cherish, and can teach to cherish themselves, and show how much they have to offer the world.

How long do you look? You look until you don't want to any more. Then you stop until the call to start looking again becomes stronger than the call to not want to. It's not like if you stop, you can't ever start again. This whole "Looking for a Master/Mistress/Submissive Girl/Submissive Boy/Slave/Servant/Dom/Domina/Husband/Wife/Mate" thing is something you do in -addition- to your life, not -instead- of it. If it is sucking the life out of your life, create a life -first-. It's always better to be in a relationship with a person who has a life than one who is still searching for the person to create a life -for- them.

Lady Zephyr

Very well said.

"Most men ebb and flow in wretchedness between the fear of death and the hardship of life; they are unwilling to live, and yet they do not know how to die."
-Seneca

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

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Post #: 62

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/18/2006 9:16:29 AM

angelface183

Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

tbear,

I looked at your profile, but it is pending approval and you have no photos, so right now that is a hindrance. But what are you saying in your emails to your prospective subs? (You are sending emails, right? You are not waiting for them to contact you? Some subs will seek out a Master, but many others wait to be chosen.)

You may want to read a thread started on May 14 by blake12345 called non-response. You can find it in the General BDSM forum. Sorry I am computer illiterate and do not know how to paste a link for you. You will find a bevy of answers as to why some emails get no responses.

In my first two weeks here, I had already picked up a stalker (who repeatedly created new profiles to harrass me and ask me why I kept blocking him), had about 100 guys tell me to "Kneel and await futher instruction", three guys who admitted that they were married only when I told them that they would NOT be coming to my house and they then explained why theirs was out of the question, and was contacted by a woman I had never heard of to let me know that everything that I had been told by a prospective Dom was untrue because she was under training with him. I still don't know which one was truthful and you know what, I do not care. WAY too much drama for me!

Anyway, it was actually because of the actions of another bad match that I met my Beloved. So hang in there. There are some good people on this site. Be honest with yourself as to what you want out of and what you can bring to a relationship. Proceed in your search with an open mind and a gentle heart. And when that profile is approved and you get suggestions on things to change, listen to the suggetions offered and act on those that best apply to you.

Best of Luck
angelface

(in reply to tbear25)

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Post #: 63

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/18/2006 11:16:25 PM

fun2getspanked

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

Hi Littlesarbonn,
Never give up! I am a spanking lover who found this site on advice of another spanko. (Most of my personal ads are currently on spanking only sites). You just never know when or where you might find someone, but if you do not try, you are certainly not likely to succeed. I met the love of my life on the Internet. It was almost by accident too! After a long marriage and divorce, I was back in the dating scene. I decided I was not going to settle for a Vanilla relationship again, as spanking and all that goes with it (dominance, etc) I really, really need to feel fulfilled. So I tried dating via the Internet, after not dating at all for years! What a disaster that was. All I seemed to meet at "that" time were liars. (I was an Internet dating newbie). I diligently worked at it for months, going out with people that seemed like great matches. Alas, almost all lied, about their age, being married, smoking (one guy said he was a non smoker then proceeded to smoke both cigarettes and cigars, LOL). The bulk of the photos they sent were years old, and when they showed up in person, I didn't even recognize them. In frustration, I wrote on brief post on a site I never had a personal ad on, or even posted much to. A man wrote me an email from that post that wasn't even meant to be an ad. We ended up falling in love, and Oh My God! I have never felt that way for another human being in my entire life. I have loved before, but this was something that was above that. Alas, I had some monumental losses in my life during the time I was with him (death of my Mother being one of them, after a year of watching her die a slow, painful death from cancer). The stress of my grief, pain, loss,etc, destroyed the relationship and he left me. I find myself once again searching for my kinky soulmate, and if I am lucky enough to have a great love twice in my life, I will die a happy girl. Perhaps he is here, on this site, or on another, waiting to find me, and I him? Perhaps your's is too? You won't ever know if you give up, so don't get discouraged! It can be found, but wow, is the search tough! Not for sissies, that is for sure!
Good luck to you!
Best, Spanked

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

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Post #: 64

RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/18/2006 11:29:46 PM

fun2getspanked

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tbear25

I have been looking for only a couple weeks and without 1 single reply, I too am about to give up. wish I knew what I am doing wrong.

Hey tbear,
As a woman looking at personal ads, I have a couple thoughts on your profile and why I would not answer it. One is obviously the photo or lack of. Words can only do so much, people want to see the person behind the words. I know that all personal ad sites, whether kinky or vanilla, basically tell you that ads with photos get WAY more attention than those that do not. I am much more likely to email someone if they have a photo and I find them interesting, or attractive, or to say it candidly "my type".
The other thing that is missing in your profile is text. You only have a couple of lines of text, and you say very little. Woman want to know who you are, what you are about. Describe yourself, the man, to us. Give us a visual with your words, does that make sense? Who are you, what do you like about the scene, what are you looking for, and what will you bring to the relationship, experience, etc. What are some of your other interests?
I hope this helps, and don't give up. Keep tweaking your profile until things start happening :)
Best,
Spanked
(who is still trying to get my own photos approved by the moderators, LOL They keep rejecting them, gggrrrrr!!!)

(in reply to tbear25)

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RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/19/2006 5:10:00 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

i will never *give up* because i cannot predict the future. However, i am alone atm, and work hard to make my life as peaceful, contented and otherwise satisying as i can. For no matter the Man, i will still need a *whole* life..and do not see myself as sitting on a shelf, awaiting His arrival.

candystripper

(in reply to fun2getspanked)

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RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/19/2006 5:14:46 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Waiting

feastie
January 28, 2003
all rights reserved

she waits, sometimes impatiently
tugging softly at the hem of the Universe
asking softly...is it my turn yet?
and is silenced for a while longer
by Universe's lack of answer
to her small question
is she perhaps ungrateful?
has she yet to pay some due?
she closes her eyes and wills herself to be still
to remember her virtues
forget her flaws
but waiting is so difficult
it weighs far more than one would think
she's tired and wants to throw her bundle
to the floor
but her soft tugs and questions
remain unanswered
except for a sighing gentle breeze
whispering.....wait

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to candystripper)

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RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/19/2006 6:28:37 AM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

This thread is depressing. I've got to think that too many people are too suspicious and it works against everybody. Why can't a guy like LS find somebody when so many are looking for exactly him? Something needs fixing, but I have no clue how to do it. In my short time ITL (in the lifestyle) I have meet several that something could have worked out, if my circumstances were different. I am in a difficult position with my life to actually do a 24/7 type thing. Yet it appears in a matter of a few months I will be there. (Knock on wood.)

The mantra "do not settle" is a good thing. Yet I think (maybe) people are using that to justify the search for somebody perfect. The fact is in ANY relationship there will be a degree of settling or compromise. What's most important should not be settled, lesser issues must be.
Littlesarbonn, you have said on other occasions you refuse to search or put yourself out there. Your making a difficult task almost impossible with that. That is something you need to compromise and become aggressive with your approach. I personally hold you up as an example of what a good male sub should be. You need to get out there and show your stuff, show why your better than the masses of wannabees and wankers.

(in reply to feastie)

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RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/19/2006 6:50:28 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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Too true. I've never met so many suspicious people as I have in the life style. It is somewhat depressing and I'm not even looking.

(in reply to TeeGO)

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RE: How long does one normally keep looking before givi... - 5/19/2006 8:18:06 AM

honeygirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
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I would say that you would give up when/if you decide that the person/requirements you have in mind is not something you want any more.

If you still desire that future relationship, you just keep trying. If you find that you are not getting the response you are looking for, you might ask a friend about the effectiveness of your approach, look in other venues, or maybe expand/modify some of your criteria.

I find it useful to continue doing what makes me happy. Sometimes, if you're too caught up in finding that perfect match, you might lose sight of the fact that, in my opinion, someone else cannot make you happy or satisfied or whole.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

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Post #: 70