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question of punishment - 7/7/2011 4:29:18 PM   
Mastersbunny93


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/7/2011
Status: offline 		should i be mad if i have been awesome the whole day and i get punished for a small things that i didnt do that goes against my morals ? im new to the lifestyle so im seeking advice or opinions on my question please and thank You.
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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 4:37:46 PM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		it really depends on what the request was.

Let me guess.....send nude photos??



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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 4:45:26 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Kind of hard to say for sure, given the paucity of information, but assuming things happened exactly as you say they did, then I'd say yes, you are justified. You say you had  moral objections to whatever he asked you to do. Rather than calling for punishment, that calls for discussion.

Keep in mind, however, that I am not one of those guys who does punishment. To my mind, if he has to punish you, he's failed to properly communicate his desires. And discussing your reservations are part and parcel of that communicating of desires.

Punishment should, in my view, be the very last resort. "Do what I say or else" leads to a fear-based relationship, which is not something I would want to be part of. I think a sub should be submitting to her Dom because she wants to, not because she's afraid of what will happen to her if she doesn't.


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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 4:56:56 PM   
Mastersbunny93


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/7/2011
Status: offline 		nope not nuddies but to hang up on a freind who he dislikes i find rude

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 5:01:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Then the question really becomes does the Master have control over that or not?

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 5:33:27 PM   
hematitan


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/25/2010
Status: offline 		Really, it comes down to what you accept. If you're not okay with this, you have the right to draw a line. The caveat is that all relationships take some amount of compromise, and if there isn't a mutually satisfying agreement, that may be an issue. But your relationship works however the two of you define it. Right now, it sounds like you guys may not be on the same page. If his ideas about rules and discipline differ from yours, then that's something you need to work out.

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 5:36:29 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		what are your limits on friendships. Have you discussed this in advance? Or is this all new? and possilbe something you two need to discuss first?

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 5:44:57 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mastersbunny93

should i be mad if i have been awesome the whole day and i get punished for a small things that i didnt do that goes against my morals ? im new to the lifestyle so im seeking advice or opinions on my question please and thank You.


Have your moral beliefs been discussed prior to any agreements for punishment?
If not why not?

Why would you choose to serve someone whose beliefs were not in line with your own, if that would be a source of conflict?

Would it not be easier to serve someone whose ideals were compatible with yours?

How well did you know the person before you consented to allow him to be your master?

It says you were "raised in the lifestyle" and he is your fiance.
You are both quite young.

I think you need to be on the same page about what is and is not acceptable behavior because right now, with you being the one with experience, you could very easily play the "not fair" card every time you get into trouble.

(Btw: is "rudeness" a morals violation? And if he does not like this person did you have an agreement about whether or not you would be talking to him/her?)

The 2 of you are not on the same page.

Communicate, communicate, communicate! 

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 5:51:40 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I don't like anything about the situation.

As a Dom, I consider myself to have the right to overrule my sub's relationship with someone if I think that the relationship is not good for her.  I also have the right to push her to be closer to people if I think that the relationship is good for her.

The idea of disliking someone and permitting the relationship to continue, but on a less than polite basis, bothers me.

So why does he dislike the person?


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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 6:17:05 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		fr-

hanging up on somebody isn't a question of fucking morals, this is one of those cases where you do what the fuck you are told to do and discuss it afterwards.




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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 6:23:18 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I dunno. What did you agree to in your relationship?

In mine Master does what he wants when he wants.

Personally if you hung up on someone that is a friend of your Master's just because you find them rude is just as bad as the rude friend and NOT a minor incident in my book. Imo yup he had every right to punish you. Hell if that were Master I have a feeling he'd be doing a wholehelluvalot more than punishing me for such a move.

I'd say you're just as rude.




< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/7/2011 6:25:24 PM >

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 6:53:16 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		Here's the thing about 'acceptable,' as a concept. Acceptable literally means, capable of being accepted. If you accept it, it's acceptable. That's how acceptable works. If you don't accept it, then clearly it isn't acceptable, because you didn't accept it. Trying to have us tell you what you should do isn't really a great idea, because that is between you and your master. Personally if I say hang up, you hang up. If I say never answer their calls again, you never answer their calls again. The choices I make are for your own good, and I'm the one who gets to make them.

That said, if a sub isn't alright with that, if they don't find that acceptable, then that is their prerogative. The dynamic is what you make of it, it is what you need it to be, and that only you and your master can know.


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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 7:26:12 PM   
Canaille


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/17/2011
Status: offline 		For me, that would depend on the level of control that I offered. Also the circumstances of the friendship and the order to hang up.

If he had a previous claim to your attention and you sat there chattering on the phone to someone that you know he dislikes, then yes. You were out of line. It's just plain rude to talk on the phone when you're supposed to be spending time with someone live.

One thing that I do entering any potential relationship is draw lines in the sand. I say in the sand, because they can be scratched out and moved that way. There are lines chiseled in stone, as well, that are never open for discussion. (These are big things, such as my daughter's needs will always come before their wants.) One of the lines in the sand is my friendships. The friendships that I have are grandfathered in, period. If someone is rude to him and he doesn't like them, well, I'll keep them separated. I'll even talk to the friend, because I don't tolerate the people I care about being shits to the people I care about. But on the same note, I'm not giving my friendships up because there's someone new in my life.

Long story short, I think you both need to draw some lines so you can figure out where the middle ground between them is.


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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 7:51:58 PM   
Mastersbunny93


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/7/2011
Status: offline 		sorry if i offended any of Y/you and ty A/all for your advice i just need to work on communication ty so much Y/you have helped more then you know

(in reply to Canaille)
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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 8:10:12 PM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline 		I would have to somewhat agree with DarkSteven. What I agree with is a Dom/Domme's right to 'influence' their sub's other relationships at least to a point. I believe that it would be necessary for the Dom/Domme to talk with their sub and explain why they see problems with a certain person or how a person may benefit before exerting that influence.

As far as the punishing for not hanging up goes, I would suppose that depends on what was agreed upon between you. If you have the "Do as I say or else" type relationship, then I'm afraid you left yourself open to punishment. If this was not an area previously covered in your discussions then I would agree that you have a right to be upset.

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)
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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 8:13:18 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Most the people out here are incapable of making any type of sound decision. I will tell my sub when to blink, breathe and poop. Since she is a lady there will obviously be no need for pooping.

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 8:21:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Most the people out here are incapable of making any type of sound decision. I will tell my sub when to blink, breathe and poop. Since she is a lady there will obviously be no need for pooping.

Doesn't poop?  You might want to take a pass on the anal sex then. 



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 8:23:19 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Personally if you hung up on someone that is a friend of your Master's just because you find them rude


littlewonder, her Master told her to hang up on a friend because her Master disliked him. That is what she considered rude.  Evidently, she refused and got punished for it.

I'm torn.  He has a right to expect that she should obey him, but to me it seemed childish for him to do that.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 8:23:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Why would he tell you to just hang up? Why couldn't you say "Oops, look at the time. Talk to you tomorrow I hope. Have to go now. Bye". Or some such polite ending.

However if he has the right to isolate you from friends and family is something the two of you must discuss. However punishing someone when they disagree with it is rarely effective in changing the behavior. It is however very effective in causing resentment and distance between the two of you.

Much better for him to tell you of his concerns about your friendship with this one person and you think it over. Does he dislike her because she goes out drinking a lot and wants you to go along? Or because she disapproves of him ordering you around rudely in public? The first is a lot more sensible than the second. If he's caused your friends to dislike him, then the solution is not to prevent you from having friends. But instead in changing his behavior so he isn't universally viewed as a mannerless ass.

However you always have the right to refuse. He might decide that either you take punishments you disagree with or the relationship ends. You equally have the right to insist that things be discussed thoroughly or the relationship ends.


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RE: question of punishment - 7/7/2011 8:44:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Personally if you hung up on someone that is a friend of your Master's just because you find them rude


littlewonder, her Master told her to hang up on a friend because her Master disliked him. That is what she considered rude.  Evidently, she refused and got punished for it.

I'm torn.  He has a right to expect that she should obey him, but to me it seemed childish for him to do that.



Ah..sorry. That's what i get for responding when I'm exhausted. My apologies.

Imo if she was told to hang up and she agreed to obey her Master at all times then she should have hung up but with an explanation to the other party that she had to go due to other priorities.

Was her Master out of line? Personally I would say no if it was me in her place because I trust my Master's decisions. That's why I'm with him. If he felt I should not be speaking to someone because he felt they were rude and not good for me then so be it.

So it comes down to...what did you agree to?


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Nothing has changed
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