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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 10:39:48 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just a mention.  You folks do know who "CrappyDom" really is, don't you?


That was Michael's original nic wasn't it?


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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 10:46:31 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Let's just say that M suggesting he'd like a coffee while I'm half way through practising a banjo piece does NOT mean the same as *Righto, coffee, upstairs......Are you still here?*.

One means * when you're done*  and the other means * Get your scrawny arse going NOW*.



Maybe you need the barking... we don't.  Here's an example of how it works here:

Example 1:  "When you're done with [fill in blank], I need a [fill in blank], please." -- Done at one's convenience.

Example 2:  "I need a [fill in blank], please." -- Done immediately.


Simple.



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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 10:47:23 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA


I really don't understand where the confusion is for you two?!!  I mean... what's the difference if he's being "serious" or "laid back" -- i.e., if you belong to him, then it's simple... HE SAYS, YOU DO. Period.  He shouldn't have to take a "serious" stance with you for anything.

Now, from a sexual/use/service standpoint?  He can simply say something like "Good Girl", or kiss you, or whatever to let you know he's finished using you, and that you're now free to do as you please.

(shrugs)




In that case he can ALSO let her know when he's *ready* to *use* and when she's *free to do as she pleases*.



Sure... but I do think there's a difference between mere words (as one could say the same of using someone's name, for example), but I feel mere words are a far cry from putting on one's "serious" face and/or "serious" tone as a crutch for alleged dominance.  'Round these parts (i.e., our home), it doesn't matter... whatever is said/stated is followed. Period.




And what you recognise in your world is what suits you both. Obviously some of us long term couples have our own little cues which fit quite nicely. As I said....impetus. What works for you doesn't mean a crutch or *alleged* dominance for anyone else.

Do, means do, it doesn't always mean *do NOW*......but maybe M has been allegedly owning me for years. :)

agirl


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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 10:48:33 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
I wish the mods would make my ice cream cone name CrappyDom...



Put in the request.



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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 10:49:47 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
...being a "CrappyDom" what the hell do I know anyway?



I don't know... if you're a "Crappy Dom", then that's between you and yours to sort out.




I wish the mods would make my ice cream cone name CrappyDom because the right people would get it and the rest wouldn't have a clue.


That would take all of the fun out of it Micheal.


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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 10:52:49 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
And what you recognise in your world is what suits you both.


It does.

quote:


Obviously some of us long term couples have our own little cues which fit quite nicely.


Whatever blows your hair back.  I've seen enough of your posts/commentary to know you two are very obviously quite happy together.



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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 11:13:59 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA


I really don't understand where the confusion is for you two?!!  I mean... what's the difference if he's being "serious" or "laid back" -- i.e., if you belong to him, then it's simple... HE SAYS, YOU DO. Period.  He shouldn't have to take a "serious" stance with you for anything.

Now, from a sexual/use/service standpoint?  He can simply say something like "Good Girl", or kiss you, or whatever to let you know he's finished using you, and that you're now free to do as you please.

(shrugs)




In that case he can ALSO let her know when he's *ready* to *use* and when she's *free to do as she pleases*.



Sure... but I do think there's a difference between mere words (as one could say the same of using someone's name, for example), but I feel mere words are a far cry from putting on one's "serious" face and/or "serious" tone as a crutch for alleged dominance.  'Round these parts (i.e., our home), it doesn't matter... whatever is said/stated is followed. Period.




Does it matter? M doesn't use *mere words*....he uses words and meaningfully so......and with that his body language changes because his impetus has changed.

No-one thus far has suggested that *serious tone or serious face* is the be all and end all of their communication but it looks like you were determined to read it that way, despite how well they described it.

agirl






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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 11:17:07 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
And what you recognise in your world is what suits you both.


It does.

quote:


Obviously some of us long term couples have our own little cues which fit quite nicely.


Whatever blows your hair back.  I've seen enough of your posts/commentary to know you two are very obviously quite happy together.




Yerp, can't be denied. Not sure what that has to do with the discussion though.

agirl


< Message edited by agirl -- 7/10/2011 11:18:32 AM >

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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 11:21:20 AM   
orchid77


Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
Status: offline 		Come now OP...your Master should TELL YOU. You both should be talking, talking, talking and talking. You cannot be expected to fulfill a role if you are not aware what it may be. If your master should expect you to have some magical indication that you need to be submissive then it isn't really a D/s relationship is it? It is something else. I would like to recommend a book to you both called The Loving Dominant. It is real good and may be helpful in both of your D/s walks. And both of you should read it- not just him because it says dominant.

< Message edited by orchid77 -- 7/10/2011 11:24:00 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 11:22:46 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stclaircouple

When I am serious I have my slave put on a small leather anklet with bells on it. The jingle reminds her that I am in control and I am serious.

She chose to be the submissive in the relationship, why would she need to be reminded that you're in control?



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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 12:13:42 PM   
DecadentDesire


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Joined: 6/18/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Does it matter? M doesn't use *mere words*....he uses words and meaningfully so......and with that his body language changes because his impetus has changed.

No-one thus far has suggested that *serious tone or serious face* is the be all and end all of their communication but it looks like you were determined to read it that way, despite how well they described it.

agirl



I won't sweat too much about it. When people take issue with this notion, it's really just a personal insecurity thing. Any suggestion at all that dominance is something in flux triggers a defensive reaction that blinds people from the real point of these kind of discussions.

For example, let's change the context and change the statement of "People naturally use different vocal tones and language patterns to express dominance in different contexts and situations" to "People naturally use different vocal tones and language patterns to express anger in different contexts and situations". In light of that statement, no one would make a cry of "OMG! Your alleged anger is contrived!".

Well, that's because no gets all touchy about their "anger", but people sure as hell get touchy about their "dominance". Some might argument that "anger" is an emotion and "dominance" is part of the personality. Well, either way, it's still part of the human psyche and those parts have to be expressed.

We use different vocal tones, body language and language structure to express a whole host of thoughts and feelings ranging from impatience to sadness to anger to rage to happiness to arousal. These expressions change based on the situation and context. An aroused man might become sexually aggressive with his wife in private to show clearly he wants sex, but in a public context, he might loosen his tie, massage his wine glass and inject words with sexual undertones into the conversation in order to subtely let her know it's time to head home and start making babies.

Just because he has two different expressions of the same thing for two different situations doesn't mean his arousal is contrived. In fact, the fact that we change our expressions based on the situation and need is an elementary lesson in any Communication 101 book.

And in light of that, I don't really see how it's that big of a stretch to think that people with dominant personalities can have different expressions of authority that are tailored to fit the situation and need without their dominance being "alleged", "contrived" or "artifical". Different expressions does not equate to the underlying part of personality that defines us as "dominant" not really being there.

Hell, drill instructors in the military have mastered the art of using different vocal tones and speech patterns to trigger a reaction of "GET MOVING! GET TO ATTENTION!" in their trainees. I wonder how they would take to the notion that their dominance is contrived and they are using a crutch. They would probably laugh, because they realize the expression is a tool for a means to an end and aren't struggling with some insecurity of "Am I really a twue dominant?" that seems to run rampant on message boards like this.

In fact, I find anyone who go as far to call another's personal expression of dominance a "crutch" to be someone small and lacking in character.

But hey....

YMMV




< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/10/2011 12:20:12 PM >

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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 12:32:54 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Does it matter? M doesn't use *mere words*....he uses words and meaningfully so......and with that his body language changes because his impetus has changed.


Does it matter?  For you, no... for me, yes.  Do you think everyone needs to share your view and your dynamic?!!  No, they don't.  So your need to present your dynamic is moot.  I find what many do to be contrived and that many use the "serious" deamanor addressed in the OP as a crutch.  That's my opinion... it's also my opinion that you and yours and anyone else are free to lead your lives in the manner you choose -- and I'm free to think it contrived.  You seem to have a great deal of problem understanding that just because someone doesn't share your view, that it's not a judgement of another's.  I think asparagus is fucking disgusting... if you don't, that's not a judgement of your liking asparagus, just that I find it fucking dusgusting -- your need to internalize it beyond that is based in either insecurity, or a senseless need to argue another's preferences.

quote:


No-one thus far has suggested that *serious tone or serious face* is the be all and end all...



Once again, like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target.  I could care less if anyone thinks it the "be all and end all", I find the whole "serious" shit in voice, tone, face, or whatever contrived -- something several in this thread do.

Examples:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
My tone of voice changes...




quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
...she'll see it in my eyes and hear it in my tone of voice.




quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire
...there is a change in my vocal tones and speech patterns




quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
...some of us can "contrive" the tones and resononce in our voices...




I find the above contrived.  If you and others don't, then good for you -- I don't need to share your views, and don't.  If it upsets you so that not everyone is going to share your views, then that's your failing.




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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 12:39:49 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
And what you recognise in your world is what suits you both.


It does.

quote:


Obviously some of us long term couples have our own little cues which fit quite nicely.


Whatever blows your hair back.  I've seen enough of your posts/commentary to know you two are very obviously quite happy together.




Yerp, can't be denied. Not sure what that has to do with the discussion though.

agirl



it means what you and yours do ain't for everyone, but as long as you're happy, so be it.  We don't subscribe to your type of dynamic.  We don't need to modulate between "serious" and "non-serious"... in this house, what's stated is done -- without the need to a change in vocal tone, inflection, or some contrived serious/non-serious demeanor.  When something is urgent, it's explained as urgent.  Gee... what a difficult concept... normal communication. GASP!!!



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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 1:56:25 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Does it matter? M doesn't use *mere words*....he uses words and meaningfully so......and with that his body language changes because his impetus has changed.


Does it matter?  For you, no... for me, yes.  Do you think everyone needs to share your view and your dynamic?!!  No, they don't.  So your need to present your dynamic is moot.  I find what many do to be contrived and that many use the "serious" deamanor addressed in the OP as a crutch.  That's my opinion... it's also my opinion that you and yours and anyone else are free to lead your lives in the manner you choose -- and I'm free to think it contrived.  You seem to have a great deal of problem understanding that just because someone doesn't share your view, that it's not a judgement of another's.  I think asparagus is fucking disgusting... if you don't, that's not a judgement of your liking asparagus, just that I find it fucking dusgusting -- your need to internalize it beyond that is based in either insecurity, or a senseless need to argue another's preferences.

quote:


No-one thus far has suggested that *serious tone or serious face* is the be all and end all...



Once again, like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target.  I could care less if anyone thinks it the "be all and end all", I find the whole "serious" shit in voice, tone, face, or whatever contrived -- something several in this thread do.

Examples:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
My tone of voice changes...




quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
...she'll see it in my eyes and hear it in my tone of voice.




quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire
...there is a change in my vocal tones and speech patterns




quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
...some of us can "contrive" the tones and resononce in our voices...




I find the above contrived.  If you and others don't, then good for you -- I don't need to share your views, and don't.  If it upsets you so that not everyone is going to share your views, then that's your failing.





I don't expect anyone to share my views but I'm not trying convince anyone of them, so you can rest up there.

If you can't understand that people have different ways of communicating without it being *contrived* then you are missing the mark by a far wider trajectory.

These things might well be contrived if your bloke was that way but with others, it isn't. It's the genuine manner in which they interact.

By the way, I didn't suggest in anything I said, that I was barked at. You've trotted down your own rabbit-hole there.

You do what you do by stating it, we don't need to ,specifically, as we have clearly developed others ways of understanding each other.

Frankly your view of some of this contrivance is just plain silly and myopic.

agirl


< Message edited by agirl -- 7/10/2011 1:57:36 PM >

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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 4:24:45 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
I don't expect anyone to share my views...



Good... so stop arguing mine.

The OP asked, "If you are a sub when can you tell when your Master has switched from serious to laid back... thank you very much for your thoughts". 

Thus, I shared my thoughts... that the whole "serious" thing is both (i) contrived, and (ii) pointless -- if she belongs to him, then WHAT HE SAYS, SHE DOES. Period.  He shouldn't have to take a "serious" demeanor with her for anything. I find those that use some change in "tone", "speech pattern", "mode", or whatever, comical, contrived and beyond silly -- you don't.  Viva la differance!!!




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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 4:29:28 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just a mention.  You folks do know who "CrappyDom" really is, don't you?


That was Michael's original nic wasn't it?




Yes

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 4:32:13 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You folks do know who "CrappyDom" really is, don't you?



Charlie Sheen?!!




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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 4:36:00 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I find the above contrived.  If you and others don't, then good for you -- I don't need to share your views, and don't. 


You sound like a novice to any sort of long term relationship, much less a D/s one. Anyone that has had relationships with other people knows communication takes place on multiple levels, including facial expression, tone of voice, body language, and lastly, words.... the way things are said is at least as important as the words that are said. You can call this "contrived", I call it human communication...



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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 4:42:53 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

You sound like a novice to any sort of long term relationship...



I'm not... and you're wrong -- yet again.




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RE: serious question - 7/10/2011 5:01:39 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
I wish the mods would make my ice cream cone name CrappyDom because the right people would get it and the rest wouldn't have a clue.

I wonder if this will be a case of "careful what you wish for".
Those mods sure work fast on catering to your wishes!

< Message edited by poise -- 7/10/2011 5:02:06 PM >

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