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ORIGINAL: coookie
Do you think that in order to have a 24/7 power exchange dynamic relationship that the couple has to live together?

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama
I'd like to hear from /s business owners like *** Rochsub *** - do you feel like a 24/7 dynamic is possible when you are the authority figure for the majority of your waking hours?

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

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ORIGINAL: coookie

Do you think that in order to have a 24/7 power exchange dynamic relationship that the couple has to live together?

Yeah, I do.  It's hard to put into words... but it's just different when you're living together -- which has nothing to do with BDSM, as it's the same on the vanilla side of the fence.

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

While I am arguing that an employer is an "impediment to the exercise of the owner's power," I wasn't otherwise bringing leaving the house into the equation - not sure how you are.

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

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ORIGINAL: coookie

Do you think that in order to have a 24/7 power exchange dynamic relationship that the couple has to live together?

Yeah, I do.  It's hard to put into words... but it's just different when you're living together -- which has nothing to do with BDSM, as it's the same on the vanilla side of the fence.

You said that you DO believe that in order to have a 24/7 dynamic, that the couple(s) need to live together.

Why?

I know you said that it's hard to put into words, but... what makes it different, FOR YOU between physically being in the same house and being separated?

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

While I am arguing that an employer is an "impediment to the exercise of the owner's power," I wasn't otherwise bringing leaving the house into the equation - not sure how you are.

Yes, but no. I have a career because it is what Master wishes. He expects me to go to work and do well. Part of that involves following the directives of others, part of that is being someone in control.If he loaned me to another Dom, it wouldn't cease being his directive. If he asked me to Domme another sub, it wouldn't cease being his directive.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Master and I don't live together but I still consider us 24/7 since he is always the dominant one and I the submissive one and no matter what he says I do it....always. We only live a few miles from one another and he has a key and comes and goes as he pleases.

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ORIGINAL: youcanchoose
I think that the TPE 24/7 is primarily a mental thing (neither of you leave your head spaces), so location is not important.

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ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
By that logic, every time he or you left the house to go to work or shop, the 24/7 would cease.

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As stated earlier, it's "different" for the same reasons it's "different" for any couple -- be they of the BDSM or Vanilla ilk. Here's my shot at an explanation... when apart, each (on other side of the slash) still has a certain barrier of sorts they can retreat to, as well as a certain level of consequence, for lack of a better word.

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

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As stated earlier, it's "different" for the same reasons it's "different" for any couple -- be they of the BDSM or Vanilla ilk. Here's my shot at an explanation... when apart, each (on other side of the slash) still has a certain barrier of sorts they can retreat to, as well as a certain level of consequence, for lack of a better word.

Did you mean LACK of consequence? This was my experience when in a long distance relationship.

I just went around in a big happy fantasy bubble, heeding that which I wanted to heed and ignoring all the red flags. Then I moved in with him, reality intruded, and first M/s dissolved and eventually D/s as well.

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As stated earlier, it's "different" for the same reasons it's "different" for any couple -- be they of the BDSM or Vanilla ilk.  Here's my shot at an explanation... when apart, each (on other side of the slash) still has a certain barrier of sorts they can retreat to, as well as a certain level of consequence, for lack of a better word.

What I mean is... I've found, when you live together, there's simply no hiding from each other -- if you're having a bad day, are miffed about something (or miffed at the other person), there's no place to retreat to. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE!!!  That buffer of a separate place is gone... and the two of you are FORCED to try to sort out any issues.  Moreover, the consquences are greater.  When living apart, if you change your mind... you just begin your search for another.  But when living together, such a decision carries a TON of consequences... from finding a new residence, to finanical concerns, to who gets/keeps what, and so forth.

Again, I see it as no different from any couple, in any dynamic/relationship.  When things are sunshine and roses, it's easy... but when that fucker called "life" enters the picture, things can get complicated.  I know of several, for example, that skipped their way into a 24/7, live-in, M/s dynamic, only to later find it was MUCH harder than they anticipated.  Some survived, some didn't -- yet all initially thought it a "dream come true" at first. 

Living together, under any dynamic, is just different... and often the reason why most do so prior to getting married.  It's a mental/emotional thing... the other person is ALWAYS there!!!  Mind you, I'm certainly not advocating NOT living together... to the contrary, I think it's the only way people (be they of dominant or submissive persuasion) can truly know if they're compatible -- but it's not for the weak.  It takes work, commitment, patience, understanding, humility, and million other little you can't possibly consider ahead of time.  And when it's bad... holy fuck, it's REALLY bad -- but when it's good, dammit if isn't absolute bliss!!!

When actually living together, there are just certain bonds that the two can build (or break) that I don't feel are possible without having done so.  Again, it's just difficult to truly explain.

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Well... lack of serious consequence if not living together -- much easier to move on if one hasn't turned their life upside down and all. Oh, and I'm very sorry to learn of your recent experience. That sucks.

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I'm probably the odd person out on this one because I see power as what is available to turn over to another human being. Without question, some people have more power that they are able to give than others. Employment is one area that demonstrates this. Family situations are another. Some slaves have other areas of responsibility rather than just to a Master or Mistress that they just can't abdicate. In that sense, it's really not the slave's power to give. Just the same as any competent M knows that there are powers greater than they are that really are higher up on the authority chain.

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA


What I mean is... I've found, when you live together, there's simply no hiding from each other -- if you're having a bad day, are miffed about something (or miffed at the other person), there's no place to retreat to. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE!!!  That buffer of a separate place is gone... and the two of you are FORCED to try to sort out any issues.  Moreover, the consquences are greater.  When living apart, if you change your mind... you just begin your search for another.  But when living together, such a decision carries a TON of consequences... from finding a new residence, to finanical concerns, to who gets/keeps what, and so forth.

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ORIGINAL: coookie

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA


What I mean is... I've found, when you live together, there's simply no hiding from each other -- if you're having a bad day, are miffed about something (or miffed at the other person), there's no place to retreat to. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE!!!  That buffer of a separate place is gone... and the two of you are FORCED to try to sort out any issues.  Moreover, the consequences are greater.  When living apart, if you change your mind... you just begin your search for another.  But when living together, such a decision carries a TON of consequences... from finding a new residence, to finanical concerns, to who gets/keeps what, and so forth.

I can absolutely see your point here, especially about hiding places though i am not sure that i agree that there is a greater level of commitment from people just because they live together. I have known people who bounce from place to place with different partners and others who have maintained separate homes but remained very committed to each other. Those may not be the norm however.

Great points in general raised.

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama
I'd like to hear from /s business owners like *** Rochsub *** - do you feel like a 24/7 dynamic is possible when you are the authority figure for the majority of your waking hours?

In my mind this seems nuts. So Carol owns a business? Doesn't that just mean that I own Carol who owns a business? If Carol were bossing other people around all day how would that change whether or not I could boss her around -- including business areas were I so inclined?

What I really think though is that people build a sense of "total" and/or "ownership" based upon whatever characteristics are important to them. I've seen things all over the map. There is no rhyme or reason to it that I can discern. I know what makes me personally feel like I own Carol but that'd be a fascinating thread -- to see how other people describe that same thing.

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ORIGINAL: coookie

Perhaps though the biggest consequence is the end of the relationship. For some people that consequence of ending the relationship and of packing their bag has little repercussions whereas to some though they have no bag to pack the consequence is much greater so i believe that commitment is interwoven into that.

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ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA


Living together, under any dynamic, is just different...