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new dom issues - 7/13/2011 2:11:58 AM   
deepenough11


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/12/2011
Status: offline 		I am a fairly new dom and im having troubles finding myself a sub. What would be the best way to go about finding one? Im not into extreme pain or bondage quite yet. I do enjoy control w reward, center of her attention, also them knowing what i want before i have to say it.

< Message edited by deepenough11 -- 7/13/2011 2:34:02 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 3:39:17 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Welcome to the message board side of CM.

Your issue is a common conundrum: How does a new dom get experience, when he has no experience? You can't just waltz into subsRus and pick up a starter sub.

Sooo...how would you go about finding a non-sub female? Those same skills will serve you well in this search. Get out to munches, meet some BDSM people with experience, try to find a mentor. While you search, work to be someone a wonderful sub female is looking for.


_____________________________



(in reply to deepenough11)
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RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 3:41:06 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		You don't have to be into extreme pain, or extreme bondage, to be a good dom. As for the last thing you listed I suggest calling 1-866-326-3798 as in my experience very few subs are psychic.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 3:43:20 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Hey MIP...nice to see you posting again.

Is that the psychic hotline? Or the new number for subsRus?

Curious Chatte.


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RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 3:45:40 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Hello, Chatte. It is nice to out of the hospital and back to posting Yes it is a psychic hotline good guess

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 3:47:47 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I did not know you were in the hospital, MIP. My commiserations.

Hope you are now feeling as fine as you look.

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RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 4:24:10 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Yes it is a psychic hotline good guess


I just knew that without even calling. I must be a perfect sub.

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 4:28:33 AM   
deepenough11


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/12/2011
Status: offline 		Welk tha k you all for your advice... but a physic hotline??? The dots are just not connecting... and where is munchies?

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 4:30:08 AM   
deepenough11


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/12/2011
Status: offline 		Nevermind being with out sleep in a day and a half isnt helping...

(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 4:57:24 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		So you decided against my advice about seeing if your current gf is a sub?  http://www.collarchat.com/m_3765712/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3765712

Dude, if you're willing to dump her because you're too chicken to even ASK her, how Dom is that?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 5:05:38 AM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		wow.. take that from DS !!

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_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._



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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 5:32:52 AM   
deepenough11


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/12/2011
Status: offline 		I cant find out... she is w her step dad in different state for a couple months... and im not going to dump her... im just trying to figure this whole thing out cause im not even really sure how the heck it works.

(in reply to Buzzzz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 6:08:08 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		if you're not sure how the heck it works, then what exactly got you interested in the first place? did you just hear the words and thought it "sounded neat?" what is your motivation?

and seriously man ...

GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 6:08:15 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Okay.  You're obviously talking to her over the phone.  Try telling her to do things over the phone.  Tell her you miss her face, and want her to stroke it for you.  Tell her where you want her fingertips to brush - her lips, her eyebrows, her cheeks.  Work down from there - tell her to stroke her neck.  The rest is left as an exercise for your imagination.

The idea is for her to do as you say.  And for her to get turned on by the actions themselves, and because you're the one telling her.  That's what being a Dom is all about.

Forget about her knowing what you want before you say it.  That will come later. 


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 7:00:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deepenough11

I cant find out... she is w her step dad in different state for a couple months... and im not going to dump her... im just trying to figure this whole thing out cause im not even really sure how the heck it works.

I don't mean to be offensive, but this is kind of tacky.  Does your girlfriend know that you're looking for a sub?  Since you don't plan to dump the girlfriend, does that mean the sub gets dumped when the girlfriend comes back?

Have the two of you talked about your interests in power dynamics?  If you have and this is something that she is interested in as well, you just have to make it work for your relationship.  There's nothing that says you have to do it like everybody else does it.  You do what make the two of you content in the relationship, where you happen to be in charge.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 7:08:48 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: deepenough11

I cant find out... she is w her step dad in different state for a couple months... and im not going to dump her... im just trying to figure this whole thing out cause im not even really sure how the heck it works.

I don't mean to be offensive, but this is kind of tacky.  Does your girlfriend know that you're looking for a sub?  Since you don't plan to dump the girlfriend, does that mean the sub gets dumped when the girlfriend comes back?
Which brings up the whole honesty thing......


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 8:32:17 AM   
MasterGreg43


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline 		well one thing you have to define if you are a real time Dominant or online, then you would need to join a few community in the Lifestyle, do some munches, make friends with other Dom's to use as a mentor in your journey, I would look for newbie subs that want a newbie Dom to grow together and learn together

_____________________________

Master Greg
PA Dominant King
Dominant King of Sweet Palace of Pain
Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 8:41:16 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deepenough11

I am a fairly new dom and im having troubles finding myself a sub. What would be the best way to go about finding one? Im not into extreme pain or bondage quite yet. I do enjoy control w reward, center of her attention, also them knowing what i want before i have to say it.


Sigh. What you are asking for comes with time and comes with developing a relationship.

If you find a sub who immediately makes you the center of her attention and who claims to know what you want before you have to say it, then I would be very concerned for you both.

(in reply to deepenough11)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 9:53:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		First it might help if you made up your mind as your profile says you're a sub.

Beyond that, no one can ever know what you want except maybe you. What you're asking for is a mind reader. And they don't exist.

Become someone who others are happy to give over control to. Because nobody worth being with will submit to someone who does not deserve to be the dominant in the relationship. And then be prepared to earn that deep trust and attention. Which takes not weeks, but years. And if you aren't willing to invest years in creating the relationship that fulfills both of you, don't waste her time by starting. A D/s relationship is not for people who demand instant gratification or who don't want to do the work involved. Actually no worthwhile relationship is.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: new dom issues - 7/13/2011 10:17:55 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Apparently he changed his profile since this morning. You know "after a long time of thinking."

Young dude just wants to get laid. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but he is perhaps going about it all wrong.






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Profile   Post #: 20
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