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RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/15/2011 6:47:57 AM

lash310

Posts: 11
Joined: 3/27/2011
Status: offline

dude, seriously - find a munch in your local area and go meet some folks for real...not even looking to play, but just to meet and talk. The more experience you have hanging and socializing with kinky freaks in real life, the easier it will be to handle yourself in a relationship (online or rl).

(in reply to SashaSteel)

Post #: 21

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/15/2011 7:01:19 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

It wouldn't have gotten to "months and months" with me. But then my standards are pretty high. Lack of contact? No pictures? No phone chat? No meeting in real life? No me.

Why do you believe it's OK to be treated that way?

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to kinkquest)

Post #: 22

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/15/2011 7:04:02 AM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkquest

I am not sure how to handle the situation I am in. I had a short-lived online D/s relationship with a Domme. I ended it because she would not reveal herself on camera after months and months of talking to her and so that made me question whether she was actually female.

Offer her money.

If she accepts then you know she is female.

(in reply to kinkquest)

Post #: 23

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/15/2011 7:18:32 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I've said it before, I'll say it again: reciprocal levels of commitment are crucial in the early stages of a relationship.

Please don't mistaken level of commitment with actually committing, you don't do that until you trust the person to be honest and kind to you. What is does mean is that you express the same level of commitment to the relationship as the other party. Examples: If they don't contact you on a regular basis, you don't contact them on a regular basis. If they have very little time for you, you have very little time for them. If they don't appear to be interested in you as a person (and just want sex), then express no interest in them (I'll leave the sex part up to you).

Relationships are supposed to be mutual. Having an initial mutual interest in getting to know one another is very important, and most especially in the beginning, since most likely that mutual interest will not improve.

BTW: If someone wants more than you are willing to give, in other words wants to know everything about you overnight, question this. If someone is too eager to message, phone, cam, meet, they come across as desperate.

When YOU are too eager to message, phone, cam, meet, have sex, whatever, you come across as desperate.

There is nothing wrong with feeling a great connection and wanting to know someone. Just keep those commitment levels as equal as possible until you are fairly sure the two of you are on the same page.

Just my advice this morning, YMMV.

_____________________________

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 24

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/15/2011 7:30:09 AM

DecadentDesire

Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

It wouldn't have gotten to "months and months" with me. But then my standards are pretty high. Lack of contact? No pictures? No phone chat? No meeting in real life? No me.

Why do you believe it's OK to be treated that way?

If I don't see pictures and move off Collarme.com to IM within the first week, I'm pretty much done. After that, my timelines are pretty much phone within the week after that and a meeting after the first month.

There is simply too much bullshit with the Internet and even if you are talking with a serious, genuine human being, you can invest months of back and forth only to realize there is no physical chemistry when you meet in the flesh.

The idea of going months with only text-based communication as a basis for the "relationship" is inconceivable.

There is simply no reason for it. I avoid web cam, because of the issue of recording, but even then, it's not that big of a deal if you stick to light conversation and keeping your clothes on. If someone is uncomfortable with giving out their phone number, Google Voice solves that (though it's usually a good idea to let someone know you are using it so they aren't wondering why someone who claims to live in New York is calling from an Alaska area code hehe). If someone isn't comfortable with giving their pictures out to Internet strangers, they shouldn't be using the Internet as medium to meet people in the first place.

< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/15/2011 7:34:35 AM >

_____________________________

I was once a Rabbit, driven Mad, by the Decadence of his Desires...

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 25

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/15/2011 8:43:59 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Yes, you should move on.

I guess I don't understand the appeal of a relationship that is completely on line.

This.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 26

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/17/2011 3:21:10 PM

slavemoth

Posts: 23
Joined: 7/5/2011
From: u.k
Status: offline

I would have moved on along time ago,alarm bells are ringing at the fact she is unwilling to verify she actually exists

_____________________________

slavemoth x

(in reply to kinkquest)

Post #: 27

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 7/17/2011 11:00:12 PM

AngelControlsU

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/8/2009
From: Minneapolis, MN
Status: offline

I have had this problem many times (well certainly not the exact problem ad I would never waist weeks let alone months talking to someone who will not verify who they are) with females not being able to cam or phone verify, I have heard all kinds of excuses from "I live with a very strict aunt and she does not allow me to own a cell phone" (even though she claims to be 21) to "I want you to get to know me as a person first before I got on cam for you" and the usual "I do not have one" or "it is not working" to which I always reply "I have a few extras, I would gladly send you one" They never want me too, I have even offered to buy one for them off of an Amazon wish list so that would not have to give me their home address and still not one has taken me up on the offer.

So because of those experiences I have a rule, it may not be fair but I would rather be unfair then waist time talking to some wanker getting his jolly’s off of making me think he is a woman.

This is my rule when dealing with any females off of CM:

Messages back and forth on collar me for up to a week (with or with out seeing pics on the site)

If after a week of CM messages we both still want to communicate I offer to cam verify myself and ask for the same.

If they do not want to and start coming up with excuses, I offer to send or buy a cam, still no verification then it's "Hit the Road JACK!" Nice try DUDE! Better luck next time MAN!

I understand issues with cam recording and what not but I never ask for nudity or even naughty play only to verify with a quick fully clothed "hello, how do you do" I have even been willing to accept phone verification (although that still worries me because I have heard some guys sound pretty damn feminine) and I can not think any excuse one could use for not being able to have a phone conversation with someone they claim to want to meet and pursue any type of relationship.

Maybe my views on this are different from the OP's views because it sounds like he is ok with online romances (I am not looking for online, I am in search of real life relationships only) but sadly from my experiences I believe there are quite a few males out there posing as Female subs (and most likely Dominants as well) and if I were him I would protect myself from that, one should be tricked or lied to.

_____________________________

~Goddess Angel~
Female Supremacist
Searching for a worthy s to My D
AngelControlsyou.com

(in reply to slavemoth)

Post #: 28

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/1/2011 8:13:05 PM

freebounds

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hi Kink,
The faster you let your inner voice ring true, the faster you will clear things away that are keeping you from your true love. And, hey, join the club, anyone who puts their heart out there is risking hurt. Just keep your eye on where you want to be.

All the Best,
free

(in reply to kinkquest)

Post #: 29

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/1/2011 8:17:31 PM

freebounds

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hi Angel,

I am a newbie female sub - my pic is on my profile. You say that there are men posing as female subs. Why do they do such a thing? I don't get it.

freebounds

(in reply to AngelControlsU)

Post #: 30

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/1/2011 8:20:23 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

to get other female subs to chat with and talk about sex with etc...just to lure women in by appearing to be like minded females. Happens a lot. Careful.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to freebounds)

Post #: 31

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/3/2011 11:47:55 PM

freebounds

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Thanks Aynne,

It seems bizarre to me. I would talk to males about sex... they would not need to pretend to be female. What a waste of breath to go through life as someone other than yourself!

Again, thanks for the "heads up." I will try to be careful.

free

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 32

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/3/2011 11:50:41 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

If you know what town she lives in, you have to move there.

_____________________________

(in reply to SashaSteel)

Post #: 33

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/4/2011 10:49:28 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkquest

I am not sure how to handle the situation I am in. I had a short-lived online D/s relationship with a Domme. I ended it because she would not reveal herself on camera after months and months of talking to her and so that made me question whether she was actually female.

Offer her money.

If she accepts then you know she is female.

And I guess you are still wondering why nobody is willing to meet you? Must be the amazing high regard you hold women in, they tend to smell it when a guy is nothing but a women hating whiner who wants his jollies off for free.

To the OP: Some people don't cam, which is fine, but then asking the other person to cam - not OK

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to rulemylife)

Post #: 34

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/4/2011 6:22:46 PM

kdsusa7894

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/19/2010
Status: offline

My orignal advice still seems to be solid, end it, or just walk away as she has. ***Off topic- HannahLynHeather, love your posts, lol.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val To Aqua- Thanks!
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever...

(in reply to SashaSteel)

Post #: 35

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 8/18/2011 1:07:35 AM

Emmasubgirl

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

I have thought about this a lot coz i use to cam but i dont now. I did cam when i was single, and before i found out that the other person can record whatever they can see and circulate it on the net. I would have thought that a mask or something like that would help, or to chat normally face to face but to have a different cam session when / if doing other stuff.

"If" a person is looking for an online relationship, i would expect to cam with them. I personally dont want such a relationship as I dont want to be disloyal to my real life bf, so I dont cam. BUT, I tell this to people straight away on the first chat and in my profile.

(in reply to SashaSteel)

Post #: 36

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 9/9/2011 10:16:11 PM

jennylandis

Posts: 56
Joined: 5/1/2010
Status: offline

i would say - find a person in real life, there is too much BS online

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http://www.ctoutlet.com - my kinky online store - latex/fetish/masks
http://www.jennystgirls.com - my xxx site
http://www.vintageshemales.com - vintage tgirls

transgirl in California

(in reply to SashaSteel)

Post #: 37

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 9/10/2011 12:30:41 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkquest

what would you do in my situation?

Well, gee... let's see... I suppose you have two options here -- either grow the fuck up (the better option, in my opinion), or...

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to kinkquest)

Post #: 38

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 9/10/2011 12:38:14 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

You want a serious relationship not a textual flirt. She (or he? lol) clearly doesn't want to move on to something serious, obviously you have different agendas... go find someone who wants to be serious with you not play internet games. Likewise, stop playing internet games with them if that's not what you want.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 39

RE: what would you do in my situation? - 9/11/2011 5:17:58 PM

mketom

Posts: 23
Joined: 8/3/2008
Status: offline

I have been a Dom male in San Diego . I have my photo on my Bio . So Any one can see What I look like Some people don't post a photo at first But will send a photo onec both partiesd feel conforable with each other Since this has not happen in your case. Yes move on with sone one you feel confroable with and will share a photo even if its in priavte with just yuo Good Hunting Tom

(in reply to SashaSteel)

Post #: 40

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