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Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 2:49:09 PM   
subcurious74


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		Would you ever let your master collar you before you play with him? He claims he wants a honeymoon type effect for after being collared. My concern isn't trust but what if we can't please each other.
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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 2:54:13 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Depends what a collar means to you.  To me it was a serious commitment.  There wouldn't be a collar until we both knew each other well, knew that we could work well together, and knew that we were compatible for the long term. 

That said, there wasn't a lot of "playing" going on in the beginning while we were getting to know each other. But I had opportunity to learn his character, and to learn the types of things he liked and wanted, and that was the priority to me.  It was 6 months or more that passed before he put a collar on me - play or no play. 

As for the honeymoon type of effect, I can't say I understand that, so I can't comment on it.  We kept our feet on the ground and tried to keep a rational perspective about things rather than get swept up in the excitement.  We were talking about creating a long term serious relationship here - we both wanted to have our eyes open while moving forward.


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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 2:54:16 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		for me - no.

I take my relationship with Master incredibly seriously. We've known each other as friends for over a year, been dating 7 months and 'physical' for about 6 months.

I would expect to be with him at least another 6 months before we consider the whole collaring thing. I feel it's a commitment to something longterm, and I know that I want to be absolutely sure about 'us' before I accept this level of commitment.




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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 2:55:05 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm going to make the assumption that you mean a conventional collar, not one that is worn during play or a collar of protection, etc.

IMO, there are a lot of ways that a couple should grow together prior to collaring, and play is one of them.  I can't imagine collaring someone without knowing if our play styles are compatible.  I also get the feeling like he has no experience and may not appreciate the depth of commitment a collar represents.

OTOH, some people get married while still virgins....




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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 2:56:26 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Don't be silly. A collar is supposed to mean something. How can it mean a damned thing if you know each other so little?

This idea is akin to "be a virgin until you get married." WTF? What if you are not sexually compatible? You have just given your word (which for me actually means something) about living the rest of your life with someone you know nothing about on a sexual level.

Now, how is that gonna work?

Would any rational person do that?

When someone has an instant need to take you off the market (own you), that speaks of gross insecurity to me. In all beginning relationships, there is an iffy time when neither of you know what you are doing.

Deal with it.


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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 2:59:05 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Don't be silly. A collar is supposed to mean something. How can it mean a damned thing if you know each other so little?



But it doesn't mean the same thing to everyone.  To you & I it means a serious commitment.  To others, perhaps not.  Maybe they both just think it would be cool & fun if she wore a collar.  The OP didn't give much info so what a collar means to them is all speculation.


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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 3:06:55 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
OTOH, some people get married while still virgins....


This was the parallel I drew as well - I don't understand it myself, but to each their own.


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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 3:07:34 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		No. I wouldn't be collared to someone I didn't know extremely well, that includes play time compatibility.
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Would you ever let your master collar you before you play with him? He claims he wants a honeymoon type effect for after being collared. My concern isn't trust but what if we can't please each other.


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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 3:18:50 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		In my case, found a boy in a bar - INSTANT click - we played privately and got to know each other for about 3 weeks.  We were going to a public play party.  I told him that I thought he should wear a protective chain and lock collar.  Explained it all to him beforehand and I knew the players would respect it.

So, we lock it on him in parking lot, having driven there separately..... play pretty heavy.  Others ask me if they can play with him.  All exactly according to the "Book."

We go into the parking lot, each of us ready to leave to go to our separate residences.  I say to him "R****, would you like to wear this collar for awhile?"  He gasps, "Yes, Sir.  Please, Sir."  Well, I was hoping that would be his answer.  I had prepared copy of the key in an envelope on which I had written, "I hope you don't need to use this."  Folded tightly and wrapped heavily in clear shipping tape.  (Two meanings, of course.  One, that he didn't get into trouble wearing it and had to remove it. Two, that he wanted it off to break our relationship.)

He drove off.  The next day, he reported that he had cried tears of joy all the way home.  "No one ever cared for me that much, Sir."  We had a more formal collaring ceremony a few weeks later.  I kind of surprised him with the ceremony since the first step was to un-lock the collar with my key.  "No, Sir.  Please leave it on, Sir."  "Trust me, boy."  He did, I took my collar from his neck and I made locking the collar (back) onto him something that we will both remember forever. Totally private ceremony, BTW.

(Sorry to report that he is not collared to me at the current time.  Might happen again, but we'll see.)

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/17/2011 3:23:34 PM >

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 3:20:15 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Would you ever let your master collar you before you play with him? He claims he wants a honeymoon type effect for after being collared. My concern isn't trust but what if we can't please each other.


Nope.


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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 3:31:38 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

In my case, found a boy in a bar - INSTANT click - we played privately and got to know each other for about 3 weeks.  We were going to a public play party.  I told him that I thought he should wear a protective chain and lock collar.  Explained it all to him beforehand and I knew the players would respect it.

So, we lock it on him in parking lot, having driven there separately..... play pretty heavy.  Others ask me if they can play with him.  All exactly according to the "Book."

We go into the parking lot, each of us ready to leave to go to our separate residences.  I say to him "R****, would you like to wear this collar for awhile?"  He gasps, "Yes, Sir.  Please, Sir."  Well, I was hoping that would be his answer.  I had prepared copy of the key in an envelope on which I had written, "I hope you don't need to use this."  Folded tightly and wrapped heavily in clear shipping tape.  (Two meanings, of course.  One, that he didn't get into trouble wearing it and had to remove it. Two, that he wanted it off to break our relationship.)

He drove off.  The next day, he reported that he had cried tears of joy all the way home.  "No one ever cared for me that much, Sir."  We had a more formal collaring ceremony a few weeks later.  I kind of surprised him with the ceremony since the first step was to un-lock the collar with my key.  "No, Sir.  Please leave it on, Sir."  "Trust me, boy."  He did, I took my collar from his neck and I made locking the collar (back) onto him something that we will both remember forever. Totally private ceremony, BTW.

(Sorry to report that he is not collared to me at the current time.  Might happen again, but we'll see.)


Wonderful story and one I really enjoyed. But you did not collar him prior to playing.

Yes, you did put a commitment out there early on in the hopes he would be agreeable. Sometimes in life, the right thing to do is to break all the rules.

But what the OP is suggesting, sounds wrong to be on so many levels.




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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 4:08:37 PM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Would you ever let your master collar you before you play with him? He claims he wants a honeymoon type effect for after being collared. My concern isn't trust but what if we can't please each other.

No. I would not. BEFORE Daddy collared me, we got to know each other on a personal vanilla level, found out how we clicked in our relationship, how we clicked sexually, what our relationship dreams and goals are....so many things. AFTER that, he collared me. Guess what. There was still that so-called "honeymoon-type effect" from being collared. The excitement, the rush, all the giddiness. It was STILL there. I would highly recommend getting to know someone before being collared by them. But, then again, it depends on what a collar means to the people involved. To Daddy and I it means a commitment that we both intend to be life-long.

~Hisprettybaby~

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 4:10:33 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Pardon me while I sit here and observe for a bit. This is a very interesting subject and I look forward to seeing different viewpoints, and may even chime in later as well. :)

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 4:58:13 PM   
subcurious74


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for your imput your view is the same as mine and his as well that collaring is a lifelong commitment. Which is why I question why first. We have talked online and texting recently we both found out we have a mutual friend who was my former dom. He wants him to train me before this .

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 5:00:24 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Look- this one is really easy ... if he sucks in bed, get up and throw the collar in the garbage can on your way out the door.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 5:03:43 PM   
subcurious74


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		I guess if I took commitment that lightly I could do that and this wouldn't be bothering me

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 5:17:53 PM   
SharedLife


Posts: 17
Joined: 7/15/2011
Status: offline 		I think the previous reply was lighthearted :) But for me no I would never collar someone I didnt feel a deep commitment for -and I would hope no one would accept one from me unless they reciprocated that

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 5:22:36 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		Your new Dom wants your former Dom to train you? What's up with that? Your Dom should want to train you himself so you learn
what he wants you to do and how he wants it done.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 5:49:45 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Thanks for your imput your view is the same as mine and his as well that collaring is a lifelong commitment. Which is why I question why first. We have talked online and texting recently we both found out we have a mutual friend who was my former dom. He wants him to train me before this .


ooooooo I didnt even see this ! Let me get this straight -

So you are considering a life long commitment to someone who you talk to online, and text with.

You are considering a life long commitment with someone you have never physically touched, smelled, seen, (and I'm thinking ... heard) or if we really want to get KINKY ... tasted.

You want to be collared in a life long commitment with some guy who wants you to be "trained" by your fomer dom. How the hell does that work?

My advice to you: have him cyber collar you, make sure you have your life long commitment firmly in place, and make sure that your fomer dom takes great instruction from your cyber dom on how he wants you trained. You go girl !!! Aint D/s great!

< Message edited by JanahX -- 7/17/2011 5:50:49 PM >

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 5:52:04 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Thanks for your imput your view is the same as mine and his as well that collaring is a lifelong commitment. Which is why I question why first. We have talked online and texting recently we both found out we have a mutual friend who was my former dom. He wants him to train me before this .


Didn't your former dom already "train" you, and gee, for whatever reason that didn't work out. Sounds odd to me.

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