RE: As a submissive, should i approach you?

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 2:51:19 PM)
quote: What do you all think? A Submissive approaching first seeming desperate? Could it be the manner in which he/she approaches? I think there maybe a gender element to this, honestly... I have this cultural expectation that men do the chasing, and I do not think that changes because of being a submissive or being a dominant...

NuevaVida -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 3:11:12 PM)
People do what they're comfortable doing. While I wouldn't feel "desperate" approaching someone, that doesn't mean doing the approaching doesn't differently to someone else. That said, I don't think I've ever approached to say I was interested. It wasn't something I was ever comfortable doing.

Giermo -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 3:13:16 PM)
Interestingly enough, I was approached by all of the subs I have been with but I did initiate the sexual discourse.

SinFix -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 3:21:12 PM)
I changed my profile to read so that I would be the one to initiate anything... got tired of all the messages from j/o's that can't read or not even compatible...... I have found that it works really well for me, I can also weed out the ones just messing around or not serious pretty quickly cause the right ones have taken control of the conversations pretty quickly.... That said, when I make initial contact.. I make sure I have read his/her profile and we have things in common or wants in common... Then I usually send a brief but direct message and add a dash of wit and charm, that makes some note of something that had caught my attention to him/her in the first place....

VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 3:25:18 PM)
The problem i seem to have is, the dom's that im interested, are not interested in me. So I stopped approaching and sort of hang back now

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 3:25:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VonGlorious What do you all think? A Submissive approaching first seeming desperate? Sorry... your friend is an idiot. An s-type approaching a D-type is no more "desperate" than a D-type approaching an s-type. quote: Could it be the manner in which he/she approaches? Well... sure... the wrong "approach" from either a D-type or s-type can seem desperate. However, a simple hello and/or comment about something you like relating to said person (on either side of the slash) would hardly come off as desperate. In fact, I feel anyway, it shows confidence -- which most find very attractive!!! [:)]

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 3:27:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VonGlorious The problem i seem to have is, the dom's that im interested in, are not interested in me. So I stopped approaching and sort of hang back now Do you mind my asking WHY they stated they were not interested in you?!!

VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 3:42:52 PM)
quote: Do you mind my asking WHY they stated they were not interested in you?!! Sure i don't mind! WE just weren't compatible. Either i read their profile and would say to myself "Gosh they sound really awesome, but they aren't interesting in a someone like me because they listed x,y,z" Or i would read a profile and send them a message and they would tell me they were looking at the moment, but appreciated the inquiry. OR at a munch or events, i would approach, and start up a little conversation, and they seemed bored. I guess my lack of experience is a turn off to some, while a challenge (in a good way) to others. Lol She's not, she just gave me her opinion, and i thought it was a good point

LadyPact -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:11:54 PM)
Just like there will always be someone out there that is a good match, the same applies to someone that won't. I had a look at your profile to get a better idea of what is going on. For some folks, your age is going to be a factor. For others, the fact that you are relocating to another area soon is going to have an impact. You'd be great for someone who considers themselves a bondage top, but not somebody who enjoys inflicting pain. When it comes to writing other people here, please remember what I said in My first reply. If you're not a good match, just move on. At real life events, there are going to be folks who you have more in common with than others. Socialize with those who are interesting to talk to and are interested in talking to you.

ChasteDream -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:18:31 PM)
Having read your profile, you'd need to do the approaching, because no one's likely to approach you! I suppose as a submissive you have more latitude than a slave would, but I think 'self indulgent' would be the phrase.........what precisely are you offering to give the poor sod who takes you on?

LillyBoPeep -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:19:10 PM)
have you already moved? if you have, you can take the mention of moving soon off your profile (your location info says you're in the location you planned to move to). that might be causing some confusion, or it makes them think you don't pay attention to your profile. like LP said, the age could be a problem for some -- what type of guy are you interested in? if you're looking for someone closer to your age, are you checking out TNG groups in your area? if you're looking for an older man, he might see the age as being "out of bounds" for him. if you write to someone who's profile describes a situation that's very different from what yours describes, he may not understand why you're contacting him, or he may feel that you'd never be a good fit, so he just doesn't respond. also, take away mentions of your negative experience here; like how you "keep coming back," or mentioning your previous failed relationship. it's kinda like a job interview -- explain why you're a good person to consider, don't show that you've been there, done that, and got the crappy t-shirt. =p If your profile reads positively, you're likely to get more responses. good luck. ^_^

VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:20:07 PM)
@LadyPact Yes i understand some of the recent changes will be a factor, but i've been here a year, and i had the same issues. Maybe i'm not communicating exactly what im looking for, but i've done that, and was told im trying to control the relationship and should tone it down a bit. Yea, my life story so far, my age keeping me from a lot of things. But im hoping that someone will try and see past that, and understand im interested in the lifestyle, not age or anything. Though it's hard to go to certian munches and clube due to my age. I figured that waiting a few years would be a good idea, but i really missed the lifestyle.... At this point, i try and get involved in discussions, and (what little) events that i can.

LadyPact -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:27:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VonGlorious @LadyPact Yes i understand some of the recent changes will be a factor, but i've been here a year, and i had the same issues. Maybe i'm not communicating exactly what im looking for, but i've done that, and was told im trying to control the relationship and should tone it down a bit. Yea, my life story so far, my age keeping me from a lot of things. But im hoping that someone will try and see past that, and understand im interested in the lifestyle, not age or anything. Though it's hard to go to certian munches and clube due to my age. I figured that waiting a few years would be a good idea, but i really missed the lifestyle.... At this point, i try and get involved in discussions, and (what little) events that i can. If you are now where your profile says that you are, yes, there are a number of events and munches that you can not attend. That's going to be one of the hang ups. Somebody who enjoys going to the club, for example, isn't going to find you to be a good fit because you can't attend most things there as well as not being able to attend the major conventions in town. (I lived in the area a few years back, so I'm pretty familiar with how much is 21 and up.) I'd suggest doing your best to continue going to the TNG group that is in town. If I remember correctly, there is also a munch group in one of the suburbs that is 18+ as well.

juliaoceania -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:29:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChasteDream Having read your profile, you'd need to do the approaching, because no one's likely to approach you! I suppose as a submissive you have more latitude than a slave would, but I think 'self indulgent' would be the phrase.........what precisely are you offering to give the poor sod who takes you on? Don't worry, no right headed 19 yr old would want you to "take them on"[8\|] You are excessively full of yourself.... as if submissives do not have the right to state what they want. I read her profile, there was nothing wrong with it for her age group... perhaps it has been too long for you to remember what it is to be young

PeonForHer -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:34:42 PM)
I've never had problem approaching a femdom of great quality, VonGlorious, and suggesting to her that I am so impressed by her that I would look favourably on her sending me a Tribute.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:38:07 PM)
Darling! So you have an Amazon wishlist?

Palliata -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 4:41:07 PM)
I vastly prefer being approached, both online and in real life. I would say it probably boils down to a 90/10 split because I find that a dominant approaching a submissive creates a distasteful dynamic from the start. There's an interesting discussion of this issue http://www.collarchat.com/m_3564781/mpage_1/tm.htm there

PeonForHer -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 5:11:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Darling! So you have an Amazon wishlist? Yes I do, Lady Hib. An Amazon with a really good, wiggly arse. I'm very partial to wiggly arses.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 5:13:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Darling! So you have an Amazon wishlist? Yes I do, Lady Hib. An Amazon with a really good, wiggly arse. I'm very partial to wiggly arses. I shall leave Sunshinemiss to offer her reviw of my assets. I am off to find a box to stand on!

VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 5:32:04 PM)
Lol it's funny what you see, i didn't even see the jerks comment until just now lol. @Lillybopeep you know, i never thought of it that way! gah! this is really hard, your profile has to be spic and span for anyone to pay attention to you.....

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