RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 5:38:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

Lol it's funny what you see, i didn't even see the jerks comment until just now lol.



Lol indeed, VG! You'll get there eventually, I'm sure. :-)



LillyBoPeep -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 5:40:36 PM)

it doesn't have to be spic and span, just more positive than negative, you know? it's the first impression, unless someone gets to know you from the forums. when you meet someone in person, do you introduce yourself in an outdated way? do you talk about lots of negative things like previous failed relationships? no; you put your best foot forward. ^_^ so that's what your profile has to do for you.
mine is rambly and probably a bit too long, but in general it's positive and says something about who i am and what i'm looking for. not a perfect profile by any means, but i get nice messages back sometimes. ^.^ haha



VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 5:44:14 PM)

I think im gonna do it over. It's been maybe a month since i last did it, i change a few things but i think it's time for a redo



LafayetteLady -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 5:47:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

Lol it's funny what you see, i didn't even see the jerks comment until just now lol.


@Lillybopeep you know, i never thought of it that way! gah! this is really hard, your profile has to be spic and span for anyone to pay attention to you.....


You are still young with a lot of life left to live. Since some events would be off limits to you because of your age, then perhaps taking the interim time to learn or finish your education can help make it go more quickly.

As for who should approach who, I immediately though of face to face interactions, not on the site for some reason.

To me, "approach" simply means a way of saying hello. So in person, if someone is of interest to you and you know he isn't involved with someone else (that would be bad), simply go and introduce yourself. Even standing by watching the event within ear shot, you could mention you overheard him say something and thought it would be nice to discuss it with him.

Here? That's a whole different story. Much more difficult to wade through the douchebags and wankers, lol. If you see someone of interest, nothing wrong with a polite note, saying "I noticed we are in the same area, and seem to have similar interests. Perhaps we could chat a little and see?" Mention a specific thing on the profile and hope for the best.

There is no magic formula and each person has different things which work for them. So while you wait to get old enough, you could even work on your approach on nice vanilla guys and have coffee. Make friends. Hone your "approach" skills.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 6:30:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChasteDream

...as a submissive you have more latitude than a slave would



What a total crock of shit... exactly where did you get that load of garbage from?!! [8|]






MasterSlaveLA -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 6:38:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

quote:

Do you mind my asking WHY they stated they were not interested in you?!!


Sure i don't mind! WE just weren't compatible. Either i read their profile and would say to myself "Gosh they sound really awesome, but they aren't interesting in a someone like me because they listed x,y,z" Or i would read a profile and send them a message and they would tell me they were not looking at the moment, but appreciated the inquiry. OR at a munch or events, i would approach, and start up a little conversation, and they seemed bored. I guess my lack of experience is a turn off to some, while a challenge (in a good way) to others.



Actually, I think you nailed it with your first sentence... just simple incompatibility, and really having nothing to do with either (i) your lack of experience (which is a bonus to many a Toppy type), or (ii) the fact that you approached them.  Don't ever stop going after what you want. [:)]





MistressMeltz -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 6:45:51 PM)

why not?
as long as its done in a respectful manner. how will a dominant know of your desire to serve if you dont?



Buzzzz -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 6:51:06 PM)

Most women I have been with, I have been approched by.. Guess I kinda don't like to approach Q!!



VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 6:54:54 PM)

yay! thatnk you everyone for making my first collarme post a pleasant experience lol. I'll keep all your tips in mind, and try not to freeze up or get nervous. Doms are people too.....right? Yea, yea, they are lol



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 6:56:25 PM)

I have to say it depends on the approach.

A friendly positive approach based on sharing (potential) common interests is most welcome.

An overly sexual approach or one that is totally focused on my looks is a huge turn off to me. I know I am a fine looking 57 year old female, and I'd love in all my extreme humility to take credit for it, actually it's genetics.

I far prefer to be admired for my brain.







Kaliko -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:04:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChasteDream

Having read your profile, you'd need to do the approaching, because no one's likely to approach you! I suppose as a submissive you have more latitude than a slave would, but I think 'self indulgent' would be the phrase.........what precisely are you offering to give the poor sod who takes you on?


Oh, I don't know. I read her profile....I quite liked it. I'm not a Dominant, no,...but I certainly didn't see anything offensive to one in her profile.

On that note, VG, I am partial to Taken In Hand relationships, as well. Though I can't claim to have looked extremely hard (I have an on-again, off-again with my current love, so none of my forays into searching have really been very serious), I have found no one...not a single man....on CollarMe that felt as I do in that regard. I didn't mention TIH specifically in my profile. Perhaps I should have. But once engaged in dialogue, it always became clear I was searching for something just a little bit different. Also, as I learned on another thread awhile back, I don't believe TIH is looked very kindly on by some people here.

I do wish that the TIH site had a personals section. I was on it - I do believe it exists. (I was viewing it, I should say. I didn't have myself listed there.) But it seemed to be cumbersome and not updated.

Anyway...good luck with that. Hopefully your experience will be better than mine in finding someone who wants a similar dynamic.

(ETA - I should say, I hope your luck is better than mine in finding someone on CM. My on-again, off-again is like me in that regard, but our living situation makes a full realization of the dynamic impossible at this time.)



LillyBoPeep -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:10:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMeltz

how will a dominant know <snip>



this is kinda why i often don't make the approach. people aren't generally "interested" in me so i guess i've just sorta come to assume that i'll be rejected. =p haha
so when i dont approach, it's usually out of fear, not necessarily what's appropriate for D or s.
i HAVE done it before as i said, and i will if i'm motivated strongly enough (like with my last relationship), but it's not terribly common.

i think i make better moves when i'm positive that the person in question is interested, which i'll know if he approaches.
but the silliness there is that i'm sure it works both ways. =p




Kaliko -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:16:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

this is kinda why i often don't make the approach. people aren't generally "interested" in me so i guess i've just sorta come to assume that i'll be rejected. =p haha




In addition to CM, I was also on a more traditional dating site. There was one man who I was rather interested in. I approached him once...we had some emails back and forth, and then he dropped me. I approached him again a couple of weeks later. He completely ignored me. I approached him one more time and completely verbally threw myself at him, taking one last stab and throwing all caution to the wind.

He deleted me.

Eh...so what? At least I gave it my best shot.



VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:17:57 PM)

Kaliko, i wish there was a personals portion of TiH as well, it would really make matter easier. Why do you think people are impartial to TiH here?



VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:24:19 PM)

I feel the same way bopeep. Out of fear of rejection, i just don't say anything at all



Kaliko -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:26:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

Kaliko, i wish there was a personals portion of TiH as well, it would really make matter easier. Why do you think people are impartial to TiH here?


Some people read the essays on the Taken In Hand site to be "better than thou" regarding people into BDSM. They feel that people who follow TIH are hiding behind religion to smack their wives around. This is my summary, in my own words, but that's the general idea. There's a thread on it somewhere. Oh, here it is. Hopefully I did the link right.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3427517/mpage_1/key_taken%252Chand/tm.htm#3427600

And,...it certainly isn't the majority of people that dislike TIH. Well, maybe it is, I don't know. It wasn't an onslaught of disgust or anything. I was just surprised that as many people had problems with it as they did.

The above are not my thoughts. TIH makes me warm and fuzzy.



Tristan -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:34:10 PM)

If you do not look and approach those of interest, you are limiting your options to those who see your profile and approach you.  You could potentially miss very good partners by not initiating contact.



VonGlorious -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:40:42 PM)

Lol wow, they think Taken in Hand is religious?? I didn't get that vibe from it at all actually.... But different views are always great nonetheless



Kaliko -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 7:58:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

Lol wow, they think Taken in Hand is religious?? I didn't get that vibe from it at all actually.... But different views are always great nonetheless



Well, though it's certainly not a requirement for a Taken In Hand relationship, religion does play a role in it for many, from what I've read.



shorty21 -> RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? (7/18/2011 8:39:52 PM)

i approached my Husband/Daddy in a vanilla tone. W/we have been married 20 months and i was collared on our wedding night. Goes to show it doesnt have to be in a BDSM setting either but make your approach respectful and endearing but not desperate....



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