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RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 8:57:16 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I didn't know him, and I don't know that much about meth, but I do believe that since she was living with the guy, she was in a better position to notice than anyone. I don't want to be unsympathetic, but am I wrong here? Shouldn't the wife have been the first to know?

I don't have any experience with meth, but I have had experience with friends with alcohol and coke/crack addictions, and the two manifest very differently and obviously, especially when you are living with someone.

Although she
1. Should have known
2. Should not have allowed him to remain her business partner whatever his addiction

she's hurting and I think the best thing you can do for her is suggest therapy rather than confront her.

She has a long history of putting her head in the sand and only she can pull it out.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 21

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 8:58:11 AM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue
I'm also somewhat perplexed as to how someone smoking crystal meth is somehow exponentially worse than someone being a raging alcoholic. Coz it isn't.

Yeah that was what struck me about it too. "I mean I was pretty sure the dude was putting away a couple bottles of brandy a night, but I never thought he could be some sort of addict!"

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Post #: 22

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:01:06 AM

GreedyTop

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~FR~

as a former meth user, I can say with much authority that it wasnt that hard to hide the use from those to chose not who see it, and only slightly harder to hide it from those that WOULD see it.

I hid my use by attributing my use to energy drinks, stress, ADD, and so on.

I got to the point that hiding it was pretty easy, except to folks that had prior experience with meth users, or folks that were professionally trained to spot it...

just sayin'....

edited to correct a word

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/27/2011 9:02:08 AM >

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Post #: 23

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:11:16 AM

LaTigresse

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I am sure there are a lot of people that can and prefer to ignore it. Pretend it's not there.

Here in the Midwest, where it's nearly epidemic, it stands out like a sore thumb. Because I have seen all too well, what it does to a person, I will have nothing at all to do with anyone using it.

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Post #: 24

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:25:38 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Being married to someone with an addiction of any kind is one of the most difficult things in the world to deal with. It's easy for posters on a message board to criticize how she handled it. Truth is, there is almost no good way *to* handle it.

The ex wife has to be hurt and angry and pissed off (good reasons to remember that drug addiction is not really a victim less crime). I would imagine she is very pissed off at her own self, and needs to take it out on others.

This woman lived with an addict for ten years and allowed him to destroy her life, or that's how she sees it: facing reality is not her strong suit.

Therapy, lots of....confrontation she may not be ready for.

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Post #: 25

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:33:24 AM

Iamsemisweet

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She may not be ready for confrontation, but she may need it anyway. Her own behavior is starting to affect her professional reputation. Since she is likely going to have to work for a good long time, since her retirement money is now gone, she needs to protect herself professionally.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Being married to someone with an addiction of any kind is one of the most difficult things in the world to deal with. It's easy for posters on a message board to criticize how she handled it. Truth is, there is almost no good way *to* handle it.

The ex wife has to be hurt and angry and pissed off (good reasons to remember that drug addiction is not really a victim less crime). I would imagine she is very pissed off at her own self, and needs to take it out on others.

This woman lived with an addict for ten years and allowed him to destroy her life, or that's how she sees it: facing reality is not her strong suit.

Therapy, lots of....confrontation she may not be ready for.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 26

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:34:30 AM

Iamsemisweet

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Interesting. I always thought meth users would show some definite physical symptoms, like bad skin and losing their teeth, but I guess that is a myth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

as a former meth user, I can say with much authority that it wasnt that hard to hide the use from those to chose not who see it, and only slightly harder to hide it from those that WOULD see it.

I hid my use by attributing my use to energy drinks, stress, ADD, and so on.

I got to the point that hiding it was pretty easy, except to folks that had prior experience with meth users, or folks that were professionally trained to spot it...

just sayin'....

edited to correct a word

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 27

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:37:39 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

as a former meth user, I can say with much authority that it wasnt that hard to hide the use from those to chose not who see it, and only slightly harder to hide it from those that WOULD see it.

Just curious - were you a functional or dysfunctional addict? This guy lost their retirement, business, horses, and on and on.

When my ex friend the crack addict was spiraling downhill, it was obvious with each visit. The appliances went up in smoke and then the house. His adult son went to jail for shoplifting. Etc.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 28

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:40:48 AM

GreedyTop

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I am a totally functional addict. Which is NOT to say I havent lost jobs over my addictions.. I have to go to nap now.. want more in depth convo, email me..

(as far as teeth go.. I have a full lower set of dentures, but I think that has as much to do with heredity as anything else...)

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Post #: 29

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:44:16 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Needing it and being ready to hear it are two different things. If she is not ready to hear it, all the confrontation in the world will not get through -- but it will put you on her shit list so when she is ready she won't listen to you.

If this person is your friend, I would suggest doing whatever you can to get her into counseling. Perhaps a group intervention with some other friends?

In my mind this person has a serious issue with facing reality, a one time confrontation is not going to fix that.

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Post #: 30

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:44:35 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I always thought meth users would show some definite physical symptoms, like bad skin and losing their teeth,

Interested to hear from actual users. Here's what methhelponline has to say:

http://www.methhelponline.com/

The most disturbing sign of meth addiction is the classic meth-user look of a wounded face and a collapsed jaw. Because Meth is a super Sudafed, it dries out the skin completely. Addicts begin to believe they are suffering from “meth lice”. This leads to frantic scratching of the face using fingernails – a process generally known as picking. Picking can lead to serious self-inflicted wounds, especially in the face. Another physical sign is rotten teeth and a collapsing jaw. Meth dries out the gum completely and leads to the grinding of the teeth and the jaw collapsing inward. Other physical symptoms include a flushed appearance, severe weightloss, boundless energy, deep sleep and excessive sweating.

On an emotional level, the effects of a meth addiction can be equally visible and devastating. Some of the emotional signs of meth abuse include irresponsibility, child neglect, and crime (to pay for the drug). A single puff of meth can keep a user high for 24 hours, unlike cocaine or heroin which only last for a couple of hours. For someone on the mend or looking to sustain the habit, this can lead to serious bouts of violence, paranoid schizophrenia and suicidal tendencies. (continued...)

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 31

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:52:40 AM

GreedyTop

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that is crap.

I have always been slender.

I got more compliments on my looks while using that I ever did before or after.

I never once suffered from 'meth lice'

most of those supposed signs never applied to me, or most of the other methys I knew.

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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 32

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:52:40 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Interesting. I always thought meth users would show some definite physical symptoms, like bad skin and losing their teeth, but I guess that is a myth.

I think it depends on how much you take and what kind of stuff, meth seems to be quite popular with a lot of gym bunnies, in a former gym there were a bunch of people I strongly suspect they were on meth, as they had pretty bad skin and seriously rotting teeth and they were always scratching themselves, I think it has to do with the blood vessels being constricted. The people were also extremely aggressive, I first thought it was roid rage (bad skin and aggression from taking too much steroids) and just changed gyms because it made me uncomfy, if you just asked them if they're done with a machine and they acted like you challenged them to a duel or mortally insulted them, not too long ago one of them died from heart failure that was most likely due to drug abuse...

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Post #: 33

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 9:54:53 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I had no experience of addicts or their symptoms and behaviors until I was involved with one. Yes, she should have seen something was WRONG, but not necessarily made the connection to the meth.

It's a bad situation for all concerned.

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Post #: 34

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 10:19:55 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

most of those supposed signs never applied to me, or most of the other methys I knew.

I'd edited my post to add this chart of stages, but my change didn't stick:

http://www.mappsd.org/Signs%20&%20Symptoms.htm

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 35

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 10:25:48 AM

pahunkboy

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What a bunch of BS!

Meth heads stay awake for days on end... then they crash for sleep. They can stay up for over a week. How can you be married and not notice that? Booze is different.

She is either lying or incredible dumb. (sorry)

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Post #: 36

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 10:34:22 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

What a bunch of BS!

Meth heads stay awake for days on end... then they crash for sleep. They can stay up for over a week. How can you be married and not notice that? Booze is different.

She is either lying or incredible dumb. (sorry)

Have you considered that she might have thought he's an alcoholic (though why that didn't bother her is beyond me) and they possibly didn't even share the same bedroom and that he might not have started out to be an addict but in the beginning possibly used it only a few times, she got used to him having an erratic schedule and things just happened...

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Post #: 37

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 10:36:52 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

that is crap.

I have always been slender.

I got more compliments on my looks while using that I ever did before or after.

I never once suffered from 'meth lice'

most of those supposed signs never applied to me, or most of the other methys I knew.

Greedy.......... please do not take this as an attack.......because it so isn't.

I've seen A LOT of meth users.....your admission of having been one does not surprise me one iota. I've always suspected as much. The physical signs of meth usage are not necessarily ugly. But they are there. As are the behavioural signs.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 38

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 10:42:52 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Greedy has first hand experience, so I trust what she says about her condition. Remember, she said she was a "totally functional addict."

Not all drug users get immediately hooked and then revert to drooling pathetic worms with all the symptoms of full blown addiction.

It's far more likely the addict will be able to at least appear quite functional, often for years.

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Post #: 39

RE: Married to a meth head - 7/27/2011 10:47:09 AM

LaTigresse

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Exactly. My father was a functioning alcoholic for decades. Never missed work.......was actually one of the most valuable employees. On the flip side my ex.......cannot even manage to keep any sort of job and it nearly dead because of his addictions.

There are no clear rule books to this shit.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 40

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