worthy of the lifestyle?

worthy of the lifestyle? (Full Version)

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Marisol -> worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 12:43:38 PM)
I am not wealthy, not even close, some days I worry how I will pay rent. To be a Mistress does one need to be well off? I can't afford hugely expensive toys, and to by constant outfits. I know this is what I want, however I can help but feel I am unworthy for this lifestyle. Has anyone else felt this way? I'm not really in to the idea of being a pro-Domme-though financial domination is a huge turn on for me-, I know I could easily fix financial issues this way, but don't want to do this. Do I need those intricate outfits, fancy toys, and whatever else to be a Mistress? I feel so clueless.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 12:53:43 PM)
Way back when, When Dinosaurs Walked The Earth and only scientists used the internet, I was a new top. I had no toys other than my body, and no fancy clothing. It was great! I accumulated things bit by bit, got to know people, and learned a lot. Now my toybag is...heavy. Even after donating about a third of it to various fundraisers. Nowadays we have the miracle of the Dollar Store! You could have a lot of fun toys for $20 and a little ingenuity. I'm not going to get into the semantic issue of dominant v. top here... but part of dominance is controlling YOURSELF. Work on yourself, study, get a job, pay your bills on time, be an EXAMPLE that others will want to follow. This does not require wealth, just a sense of personal responsibility. I am a dominant everywere, it's how I carry myself, and how I live my life. It has NOTHING to do with playing and everything to do with leadership. There are many TNG ("next generation") groups, the one near me is amazing. Hook up with other folks, explore and have FUN!!

Marisol -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:01:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Way back when, When Dinosaurs Walked The Earth and only scientists used the internet, I was a new top. I had no toys other than my body, and no fancy clothing. It was great! I accumulated things bit by bit, got to know people, and learned a lot. Now my toybag is...heavy. Even after donating about a third of it to various fundraisers. Nowadays we have the miracle of the Dollar Store! You could have a lot of fun toys for $20 and a little ingenuity. I'm not going to get into the semantic issue of dominant v. top here... but part of dominance is controlling YOURSELF. Work on yourself, study, get a job, pay your bills on time, be an EXAMPLE that others will want to follow. This does not require wealth, just a sense of personal responsibility. I am a dominant everywere, it's how I carry myself, and how I live my life. It has NOTHING to do with playing and everything to do with leadership. There are many TNG ("next generation") groups, the one near me is amazing. Hook up with other folks, explore and have FUN!! Firstly, thank you for taking the time to type a reply, I appreciate it. The idea of the dollar store is really amazing, and I will be sure to take your advice on this. I can't wait to look around and see what I can come up with. I am currently trying to get my life on track and get myself settled. I will continue to do so. You are quite correct, I cannot be a leader if I cannot take care of myself. My mother spent a lot of time telling me I cannot take care of anyone(she meant my dogs) until I can take care of myself. I haven't found any, but I know a great site that lists many groups in my area and so I will look in to these TNG groups. Though, since many of them are 19 and up, and my birthday is less than a month away it might be pointless. However, I will look. thank you very much for your reply and advice.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:08:59 PM)
Keep looking, many groups do have an age limit, but you can always make friends without actually attending stuff until you qualify. Hardware stores, and places like Lowe's... well, I will leave you to discover the joy! [:D]

siamsa24 -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:10:59 PM)
Our toy box is stocked with items from The Dollar Store, Wal-Mart and Home Depot. There are countless threads on how you can stock your toy box with items from these stores and a few websites dedicated to DIY toy and clothing making. My Husband and I are not well-off, not even close, we are considered working class, but we still manage to make our relationship work. Granted, I am not a Domme, but I think it can work both ways [:)]

littlewonder -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:13:00 PM)
If you want a relationship, no. I would think any malesub who wants a relationship also is not looking for the toys and the outfits but a confidant woman who doesn't need all the gizmos to dominate him. If you want to be a pro-domme....well, you don't need to be wealthy but the guys are paying for more than a bossy woman....they want the costumes and toys, the fantasy that they are paying for...unless you make that part of your pro-domme scheme.....if you want me to dominate you then buy me this, that, blah blah blah...an Amazon wishlist. It comes down to what do you want

Lockit -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:13:58 PM)
Think of those things that you do have and focus on them as you work your way into your own... a place we all have to find one way or another. A funny thing mother's often do in trying to teach a balance or maturity we see our children progressing to, is tell them what is needed in a manner that will often make them feel less than or insecure or unable. It is an art and at moments, a parent can be overwhelmed, rushed, worried or scared for our newly adult children. I can tell you the many things my mother said I couldn't do and not one thing from that time period that I could do. lol The thing is, I didn't care. I was going to go out and do my thing whether she thought I could or not and even if it meant I had yukky roommates or ate peanut butter sandwiches for weeks, I was going to do it. That spirit was attractive to people, all sorts of people and it worked me into some pretty good situations. You will come into your own. Believe it! As you get creative in how to live life, you will also get creative on how to have fun in life! The toys will come, as well as the boys... no doubt about that!

Marisol -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:18:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: siamsa24 Our toy box is stocked with items from The Dollar Store, Wal-Mart and Home Depot. There are countless threads on how you can stock your toy box with items from these stores and a few websites dedicated to DIY toy and clothing making. My Husband and I are not well-off, not even close, we are considered working class, but we still manage to make our relationship work. Granted, I am not a Domme, but I think it can work both ways I'm glad to know that I can use creativity and go to everyday stores to stock up. I always look at bdsm stores, and get dismayed at the prices! Thank you for the reply. This gives me comfort that I can make this work, despite not being wealthy. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder If you want a relationship, no. I would think any malesub who wants a relationship also is not looking for the toys and the outfits but a confidant woman who doesn't need all the gizmos to dominate him. If you want to be a pro-domme....well, you don't need to be wealthy but the guys are paying for more than a bossy woman....they want the costumes and toys, the fantasy that they are paying for...unless you make that part of your pro-domme scheme.....if you want me to dominate you then buy me this, that, blah blah blah...an Amazon wishlist. It comes down to what do you want I'm not very interested in being a pro-domme, maybe some day, but for now, definitely not. Thank you for your reply too. I'm definitely looking to let my confidence be what makes subs want to submit, not fancy toys(not anything wrong with that for those who like this). So, I'll remind myself it's an inner growth I need more of, not more money necessarily. quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Think of those things that you do have and focus on them as you work your way into your own... a place we all have to find one way or another. A funny thing mother's often do in trying to teach a balance or maturity we see our children progressing to, is tell them what is needed in a manner that will often make them feel less than or insecure or unable. It is an art and at moments, a parent can be overwhelmed, rushed, worried or scared for our newly adult children. I can tell you the many things my mother said I couldn't do and not one thing from that time period that I could do. lol The thing is, I didn't care. I was going to go out and do my thing whether she thought I could or not and even if it meant I had yukky roommates or ate peanut butter sandwiches for weeks, I was going to do it. That spirit was attractive to people, all sorts of people and it worked me into some pretty good situations. You will come into your own. Believe it! As you get creative in how to live life, you will also get creative on how to have fun in life! The toys will come, as well as the boys... no doubt about that! This reply made me smile, a lot. You're right, our parents do that often. My mom is quick to say things that make me feel less of a person. I know i am young, so I am still learning how to live and how to make the best of things. The thing I took most from your post is I have to be resilient and not let anyone(even my mother) get me down. ps. I personally hate peanut butter sandwiches more than any other food, but your reply gave me this confidence that I'm wiling to sacrifice things and to make do with what is available just so I can push on and make more of myself. thank you

LadyConstanze -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:21:26 PM)
DIY shops are like sweet shops for kinky folks, you can get so much there and so much fun, for crops and whips you go to equestrian stores, far better quality for a fraction of the price... Clothes, well just accessorize, and when you get a corset or an outstanding piece, you build your outfit around that...

Marisol -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:26:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze DIY shops are like sweet shops for kinky folks, you can get so much there and so much fun, for crops and whips you go to equestrian stores, far better quality for a fraction of the price... Clothes, well just accessorize, and when you get a corset or an outstanding piece, you build your outfit around that... Since I live in Ohio, and we're around a LOT of farms, I am sure I can find an equestrian store, or I can always look online. I think this is a brilliant idea, especially if they are better quality. And clothes, I suppose saving up for a really killer corset I can start getting things that are cheaper to accessorize it. It's a great idea. That's much better than buying a full very expensive outfit. Being plus-size makes clothing buy tedious in the first place, and expensive.

Lockit -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:28:01 PM)
I found thrift stores to be amazing for treasure hunting for clothing and many other things. My best spatula... wicked lil thing was from the dollar store. Ping pong paddles can be padded or not and then there are belts and chairs and soft and rough stuff. Rabbit fur is amazing and so can sandpaper be! Don't forget the rubbing alcohol... for that make him dance sandpaper, rubbing alcohol spanking! hehe I admit, that changed my life! Just shop with a bit of an evil eye and your treasures will find you.

LadyConstanze -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:41:19 PM)
Black is always good for clothes, maybe a bit of red, a belt with big metal loops or something like that, look for slightly Goth things they've often got a BDSM feel to them, if you don't have a corset, a very wide strechy belt, then certain colour combinations work too, black and purple, black and red, black and electric blue or deep blue... If something makes you feel more powerful and dominant, wear it, after all it's about you. And don't forget to buy a bunch of clothes pegs, tons of fun can be had with them and they cost very little... Btw in the UK most farm shops have a tack shop attached, the stuff there is about half the price of what they charge in BDSM shops....

BitaTruble -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:50:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Marisol I am not wealthy, not even close, some days I worry how I will pay rent. To be a Mistress does one need to be well off? I can't afford hugely expensive toys, and to by constant outfits. I know this is what I want, however I can help but feel I am unworthy for this lifestyle. Has anyone else felt this way? I'm not really in to the idea of being a pro-Domme-though financial domination is a huge turn on for me-, I know I could easily fix financial issues this way, but don't want to do this. Do I need those intricate outfits, fancy toys, and whatever else to be a Mistress? I feel so clueless. Blindfold the bottom.. that takes care of the clothing issue. Ice cubes (free), 5 gal paint stir stick from your local hardware store (free) and an evil mind (free) and you are good to go. If you find a bottom who wants the trappings have 'him/her' provide them and if things don't work out, give them those things and move on with no hard feelings. Most of all.. have some fun. Good luck.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 1:56:03 PM)
FR I've had some of my very best kinky sex not wearing very many clothes. Just sayin'. [8D] Another vote for the pound shop(/dollar store, if you insist) here. Plus, the stationary shop: rubber bands! Lots and lots of OUCHOUCHOUCHSTINGY little buggers for not much money. Fetlife has some groups you might want to glance through: http://fetlife.com/search/groups?q=budget Enjoy! This shit doesn't have to be expensive to be fun. :-)

LadyHibiscus -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 2:07:29 PM)
OMG the Farm & Fleet!!

Hillwilliam -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 2:19:37 PM)
Discount catalogues are great too. I got a big box of spring loaded clamps from ABC Distributing several years ago in sizes from 1" to 6". Those buggers are FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. Well, for me they are. The person Im using em on maybe not so much. To the OP. I read your profile. You are a young Domme but you are asking questions and willing to listen. That is a rarity and a HUGE plus. Welcome to the site.

DarkSteven -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 3:05:14 PM)
Marisol, let me ask you a question - what is it in you that makes you want to be a Domme? There are two polar opposites - the lifestyle Domme who wants a relationship in which she's in charge, with a little kinky play - and the pro Domme who has a million dollar equipped dungeon, forty years of experience, and numerous outfits. And everything in between. Where you fit on the spectrum will determine where you want to go.

siamsa24 -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 3:10:59 PM)
I got my corsets from Fredrick's of Hollywood for about $15 each. They were plain, but had straps (a must for me) so I was able to accessorize to my heart's content!

Madame4a -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 3:20:34 PM)
All I need are my hands... its nice to occasionally have some rope.. but using stockings and scarves is very hot... my boy tells me I'm hot no matter what I where... and I recall an evening that lasted for many hours and it started with me in my pink skull pjs... shrug nope.. unless you're going to charge for it... you're probably fine... and slowly and carefully, if you want those things, with some work, you might acquire them

LadyPact -> RE: worthy of the lifestyle? (7/29/2011 3:57:25 PM)
A little creativity will show most people that they have enough "toys" already in their own house that if they aren't in the position to buy more, there really isn't any need. I do happen to have about ten grand worth of toys, costumes, furniture, equipment, and supplies. You don't think it was like that from day one, do you?

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